We Thank You.





The Archive


Here, you'll find audio, video, pictures, and more -- all from myriad different eras of the show's history.



Daily Episodes of The Rick Emerson Show v8.0

To listen directly from this window: Simply click the date of the show you wish to hear.

To download as an MP3: Right-click (or control-click for Mac), and save to your computer.


The Rick Emerson Show is also available via iTunes:

iTunes

Or copy and paste this URL into your favorite podcasting tool:
http://emerson.tegian
zone.com/rss_store/podcast.xml



A note regarding RES subscriptions:

As The Rick Emerson Show ends its run, ENN will continue, providing technical and number-crunching services for Funemployment Radio, who are transitioning to a subscription-based broadcast (similar to that of the RES.) Current Rick Emerson Show listeners will be grandfathered in, with no need to change or update their info; your RES subscription data will automatically migrate to FER.

If you're a current Rick Emerson Show listener and don't want your subscription to transfer to Funemployment Radio, simply log in to your PayPal account and click "cancel" on your RES subscription. Otherwise, your info will move under the FER umbrella without your having to lift a virtual finger.


  • Friday, January 27th, 2012: The Rick Emerson Show finale

  • Thursday, January 26th, 2012

  • Special Episode: The Rick Emerson Retirement FAQ

  • Wednesday, January 25th, 2012

  • Tuesday, January 24th, 2012

  • Monday, January 23rd, 2012

  • Friday, January 20th, 2012

  • Thursday, January 19th, 2012

  • Wednesday, January 18th, 2012

  • Tuesday, January 17th, 2012

    Legion of News

    Romney. Gingrich and Santorum slag on each other … Turkish press calls Perry and idiot … Wikipedia to go dark to protest SOPA … Hey, there’s snow! … A man wants to keep his pig … Tea Party doesn’t like Romney … SCIENCE:  Bacteria could slow down aging, dolphins washing ashore, bacteria-based microphone … Barber dares robber to shoot him … Iran offers to send toy drone to U.S. …Saudi offer oil … ENTERTAINMENT:  Plummer, Streep and Gervais at Golden Globes, Teen Mom 2 star arrested again ….

    Rick Emerson Show

    • Eric D. Snider sits in, and helps Dawn read news.
    • Top of the Show:  Rick has a fun fact about the bassoon, a question about horseradish, and needs “aha” advice. Also: Dawn and Eric bet n whether Peter O’Toole is ded, and Eric’s going to Sundance.
    • Kim Jong-Il’s other son says catty things about his half-brother, and Kindsay Lohan has another probation hearing.
    • SNUFF WATCH:  Byron Donzis, crazy inventor, 79.
    • Zappos has their security breached, and … there’s a story about a woodchipper accident!
    • GEEK WATCH:  X-O Manowar returns, if you even know who that is.
    • Jwish guy spray-paints swastikas on old ladies’ houses.
    • CLOWN WATCH:  Mexican TV clown Platanito apologizes for his unfortunate joke.
    • TOP FIVE:  The top five Billboard hits for February 11, 1978.

  • Monday, January 16th, 2012

  • Friday, January 13th, 2012

    Legion of News

    Girls arrested for MAX beating ... Obama wants to streamline agencies ... There may be snow this weekend ... Shooting at lumber mill ... Rand Paul floated as possible VP candidate ... SCIENCE:  Orange juice fungus, birds flying faster, virus from baboon meat ... Drunk guy gets stuck in vent at hookah lounge ... Finch couple blocked from naming child “Daemon” ... ENTERTAINMENT: Locklear hospitalized, Gervais to host Golden Globes, Muhammed Ali birthday, Colbert signs over PAC ....

    Rick Emerson Show

    • Top of the show:  How big is a rasher of bacon, the things we learn from Bugs Bunny, Rick recounts a visit to the psych ward, and Dawn isn’t Rick’s secretary. Then we talk about books, because we’re intellectuals.
    • Justified is coming back, Wednesday 13 will be here, and Kristi Turnquist has great personal style.
    • Cops remove 82 dogs from Indiana home.
    • GEEK WATCH: First Dark Knight screenings already selling out.
    • Big Jim Willig arrives to talk about doing comedy for veterans, and to yell at Rick about Batman.
    • HUMOR ME: COMEDY 101 – The Onion

  • Thursday, January 12th, 2012

    Legion of News

    A teen is punched in the face in the Rose Quarter ... Ross Island Bridge closure makes reader mad ... Poll shows people think there are rich people and poor people ... Driver sentenced for running over bicyclist while texting ... Gingrich says some stuff ... Mormons believer they’re misunderstood ... Woman drives wrong way on freeway ... SCIENCE:  Space probe about to crash, more reasons for bees dying, tiny frogs found ... Mississippi judge blocks Barbour pardons ... Canadians want free booze for hobos ... Planes almost collide ... Whole Foods recalls mislabeled crab soup ... ENTERTAINMENT:  Jay-Z baby on Billboard chart, captain Underpants returns, memoirs about Lil Wayne and MTV ... Iranian scientist killed by car bomb ... Santorum speaks....


    Rick Emerson Show

    Top of the show:  There is no store called “Closed Encounters,” eggs -- good or bad?, the evolution of Rick’s water bottles, stickers and branding.

    Pharmacist punches robber in the face.

    PENIS WATCH: Tattoo gives man permanent erection.

    Mexican medics drop heart in way to transplant, and a man probably wasn’t trapped in a car wash for 36 hours.

    CANNIBAL WATCH: Drunk man threatens to eat cops, their families, and their dogs.

    Rick encounters Mormons on his porch again.

    CORPSE WATCH:  Video shows soldiers urinating on Afghan corpses.

    GREATEST SONGS EVER MADE:  A standout song by a band that stood out in a sea of alternative rock.



  • Wednesday, January 11th, 2012

  • Tuesday, January 10th, 2012

    Legion of News

    Teen dies after collapsing during basketball practice ... Teacher fakes daughter’s death to get toe off ... N Hampshire primary news ... Washington lawyer files anti-gay marriage initiative ... SCIENCE: Girls and computers, nicotine patches, NASA notebook dispute, horned snake ... Man punched in courtroom ...  Cow escapes slaughterhouse ... ENTERTAINMENT: Court considers curse words on TV, Kim Novak’s pissed, ABC pres confused by transgender anger ....

    Rick Emerson Show


    • Top of the show:  Rick brings in a copy of Thugs, and the Women Who Love Them, and we talk about Ron Jeremy’ Duke Nukem parody, porn bloopers, and playing Skyrim. also, Ham-Fisted Radio is back, Rick talks to other people in the building, and we enjoy a reading from Thugs.
    • A bunch of bug bombs explode, a man assaults a cop with a stuffed monkey, and news from the Detroit Auto Show.
    • HICK WATCH:  Illinois passes “road kill law.”
    • Girl Scouts debut a phone app and a new cookie, which is really an old cookie.
    • CLERGY WATCH:  The Vatican takes cardinal biographies from Wikipedia.

  • Monday, January 9th, 2012

    Legion of News

    Rabbits for cooking class stolen ... Church evacuated after bear spray goes off ... Bend man arrested for car Arsons ... Woman stabbed over Kindle ... Ron Paul has big plans ... Attacks on Romney start ... Santorum compares homosexuals to polygamists ... SCI:  Hawking turns 70, begging sharks, snowy owl sightings ... Zopitty-boo-bop arrested ... Indians aren’t really werewolves ... Man has lunch stolen ... ENTERTAINMENT: Beyonce and Jay-Z have baby, DGA Nominations, Sinise to raise money for veteran, Snoop Dogg arrested ... woman’s bungee cord snaps over Zambesi River ....

    Rick Emerson Show

    • Top of the show:  Rick bit the inside of mouth, the weather vs. perceived temperature, embarrassing purchases late at night, and men having to keep distracting thoughts out of their heads. Also: we talk a lot about hand soap and toothbrushes, and Rick’s Christmas tree is nearing death.
    • Aaron Duran arrives to discuss Rick’s lack of knowledge of Hellboy, Buffy season 9, and characters that go on long after they shouldn’t.
    • WEEK IN GEEK:  The Consumer Electronics Show starts, and we’re getting “ultra-HD” televisions, whether we should watch movies on Blu-ray, buying multiple copies of movies, The Dark Knight Remixed, and Nolan remixing Bane’s dialogue. Also: Cummerbund Bandersnatch to have two roles in The Hobbit, and a major Dungeons & Dragons announcement.
    • We talk about the awesome Scarface bedding set. And then we go off about Brian De Palma and get nothing else done.

  • Friday, January 6th, 2012

  • Thursday, January 5th, 2012

    Legion of News

    Mail thieves sentenced ... Adams says debates too expensive for Portland ... Romney’s Mormon faith not a big deal ... Beaverton band teacher accused of sex abuse ... Portland park budget cuts ... Firefighters run away from snakes ... PayPal head hired by Yahoo ... American teenager deported to Colombia ... SCIENCE: Dogs can read eye movements, Columbus brought us syphilis, older women like sex, bee zombies ... Santorum thinks everyone on welfare is black ... Dumped pig carcasses wash down stream ... Illegal butt doctor had many clients ... ENTERTAINMENT: Renner Thailand bar fight, Deschanel divorce, Twilight musical ....

    Rick Emerson Show

    • TOP OF THE SHOW:  O-mazing Grace, Pedobear, and Chris Hanson -- also, Pedobear visits the Cotton Bowl, unfortunate names, Dawn has a new wallet, and Rick has a lot to say about spare change.
    • Young man asks 911 for permission to shoot intruder, and a man flashes audience at the Chipmunk movie.
    • HICK WATCH: Man arrested for selling roadside moonshine.
    • Man uses iPhone to get saved from the woods.
    • GEEK WATCH: Kopimism becomes an official Swedish religion, the Volt is (not) recalled because of batteries that catch on fire, and that Sherlock guy is cast in the next Star Trek movie.

  • Wednesday, January 4th, 2012

    Legion of News

    Lake Oswego family found ... Iowa caucus wraps up ... Oil prices up because of aircraft carrier standoff ... SCIENCE: Hacker satellites, new species found in Antarctica hot springs, more women having twins, spider worms ... Oregon Humane Society sees record adoptions in 2011 ... PETA wants to memorialize dead cows ... ENTERTAINMENT:  Cannon has kidney failure, Jackman to play Houdini, Christian group prays for George Michael’s death, Alec Baldwin grocery ads back on ....

    Rick Emerson Show

    • TOP OF THE SHOW:  Rick plays that damn Starbucks song, we discuss the miracle of dialysis machines, Rick goes all ADHD regarding a crumb on the table, Dawn is locked out of the house, and Rick’s never heard of Temple Grandin.
    • A billionaire businessman is poisoned by cat meat stew, and Obama appoints a guy.
    • PENIS WATCH: Botched operations lead to penectomy, which leads to Dawn reading the phrase “little baby hole.”
    • Mexico’s Grand Warlock predicts Obama will lose, and a man who tells cops he only had two drinks has a $140 bar receipt in his pocket.
    • GREATEST SONGS EVER MADE:  Iggy Pop’s “Gimme Danger.”

  • Tuesday, January 3rd, 2012

    Legion of News

    Lake Oswego family missing ... Somebody throws golf balls at cars ... Iowa caucus stuff ... Ducks beat Badgers ... SCIENCE:  NASA moon survey, earthquakes caused by waste water, GPS SHOES ... Pepsi defends against mouse in soda ... Saudi Arabia lingerie store law ... Bonnie & Clyde guns up for sale ... Arsons in NY may be hate crimes ... ENTERTAINMENT: Cee LO changes Lennon lyrics, Linda Lovelace film, new Bonnie Raiit album, Fox cancels So You Think You Can Dance results show ....


    Rick Emerson Show

    • TOP OF THE SHOW:  When did we start referencing Venn diagrams? NORAD -- what does it mean? Why the overlap of BDSM and Renaissance Faire/sci-fi convention people?  And Rick's car is saved from towing by a benevolent text message.
    • Dawn learns two horrifying new medical terms. Plus -- TV shows that are utterly predictable (Lara watches White Collar).
    • Police officer makes child cry when he comes to her house to collect overdue library books.
    • Elton John wants Justin Timberlake to play him in Rocket Man. Plus: Rick rhapsodizes about VH1’s “Classic Albums.”
    • Powerball prices go up!
    •  GEEK WATCH:  Steve Jobs action figure, and a guy pays $16,000 for an in-game sword.

  • Monday, January 2nd, 2012

    Today: A slightly-truncated Legion of News, followed by a special announcement regarding The Rick Emerson Show.


    Legion of News

    Park ranger killed in Mt. Rainer ... Not rum would bomb Iran ... Man with “railroad” tattoo killed by train ... Body, pot grow found in house fire ... Blackbirds killed by fireworks ... Lots of arson in L.A. ... SCIENCE:  Hawking wants tech support, ADHD drug shortage, Apple hydrogen batteries, beer drinkers cause more traffic deaths ... Ron Paul still running ... Guests locked out of Marriott at midnight ... Cops looked for Dapper Dan bandit ... Mom passes out at amusement park ... ENTERTAINMENT: Lohan has a guest,  Clarkson’s Paul endorsement increases record sales, Jackman breaks Broadway records ... Old couple to divorce after 77 years ... Illinois senator floats National Anthem bill ....


    Rick Emerson Show

    • TOP OF THE SHOW:  Rick makes an important announcement, Sarah X. Dylan and Greg Nibler visit and weigh in, and Dawn is awesome.
    • The Mayan calendar starts over, and we’re not all going to die. Also: the Mt. rainier gunman found face down in the snow, Romney compares Obama to Marie Antoinette, syringes found at Walmart, and Powerball prices are going up.
    • SNUFF WATCH: Bob Anderson, fencer and fight choreographer, 89.
    • Aaron Duran stops by to discuss how Dawn’s tea is hot, and Rick has a camera in his garden. Also, the uses of the iPhone front-facing camera, Lara wants to play D&D, and all the weird food that Lara brought home.
    • WEEK IN GEEK: It’s the 40th anniversary of Dungeons & Dragons, and the original Dukes of Hazzard car is up for auction.

  • Friday, December 30th, 2011

    FYI: as of now, each day's Legion of News & Rick Emerson Show files are joined together into one MP3; no need to download both shows separately.

  • Thursday, December 29th, 2011

    FYI: as of now, each day's Legion of News & Rick Emerson Show files are joined together into one MP3; no need to download both shows separately.

    Legion of News

    Dancers shut down two Portland bridges ... Oregon football player saves a guy’s life ... Newspaper calls Ron Paul “dangerous) ... Occupy protestors not approved for Rose Parade ... Kim Jong-un officially named new Supreme Leader ... BBC names panda one of their Women of the Year ... SCIENCE:  Corn-eating worms develop   resistance, Japanese wifi vending machines, faceless fish ... Man dies after Internet-arranged sparring match ... No more topless breakfasts in Montreal ... ENTERTAINMENT: Not really Cheetah, Bill Maher enrages Christians, leaked Madonna song, most pirated movies of 2011 ....

    Rick Emerson Show

    • TOP OF THE SHOW:  iPad talk, a listener has connectivity problems, Lara is amazing and has low expectations for Rick, and we both shower at night.
    • Also: Dawn sets up the Xbox, Rick talks about playing Plants vs. Zombies, choosing gamer tags, and Rick recommends accessories.
    • Rick’s alerted about an odd Zombie Economics banner ad placement, then he plays old “Xbox Files” audio and shares tales of the Boobie Doctor.
    • Bachman’s campaign manager bails out, and doctors are being sued for not warning about addictive medications.
    • GEEK WATCH: Google is the top web destination, sci-fi brothel in the works, Apple tablet news, and Verizon’s sticking you with a new service fee.

  • Wednesday, December 28th, 2011

    FYI: as of now, each day's Legion of News & Rick Emerson Show files are joined together into one MP3; no need to download both shows separately.

    Legion of News

    Three fires in Portland ... Sears to close stores ... Florida seeks gator trappers ... Ron Paul still strong in Iowa ... Gun sales up in December ...  SCIENCE: Car seat recognizes owner, planet like Earth, porpoises back in San Francisco ... Man shoots self to get painkillers ... Perry adjusts abortion stance, says Obama needs to throw more parades .. ENTERTAINMENT:  Brand/Perry marriage in trouble, Sinead O’Connor divorcing, actors are science idiots ...

    Rick Emerson Show

    • TOP OF THE SHOW:  Google Narwhal picks up a Croatian woman in Paris, Rick tries to print a story, Dawn gets angry at Fry’s, and Rick is becoming senile. Also, Patrick’s responsible for no show yesterday.
    • Kerra calls to invite everyone to a listener get-together on Friday, and tells us about her poop calendar.
    • A listener explains why the combination of Legion of News and RES in one file is ruining her life, a woman is killed by flying deer parts, and a Neil Diamond song leads to an awkward encounter with Caroline Kennedy.
    • GEEK WATCH: A lot more IOS and Android devices are turned on this Christmas, and Apple televisions are on the way.
    • Man fights off bikini muggers with his crutches. also, women fake injuries to collect bucks.
    • SNUFF WATCH:  Cheetah, co-star of Tarzan films, 80.
    • Man beats up bar patrons with cow bone.
    • TOP FIVE:  The top five songs from June 8th, 1985


  • Tuesday, December 27th, 2011

    FYI: as of now, each day's Legion of News & Rick Emerson Show files are joined together into one MP3; no need to download both shows separately.

    Rick Emerson Show

    Regrettably, Patrick's visit to the studio was a little ill-advised. It's nothing major, but he went a little wonky; Dawn took him home to recover. We'll return on Wednesday; apologies for the inconvenience.


  • Monday, December 26th, 2011

    FYI: as of now, each day's Legion of News & Rick Emerson Show files are joined together into one MP3; no need to download both shows separately.

    Legion of News

    Portland composting makes North Plains stinky ... Seven killed in shooting ... Gingrich and Perry not on Virginia primary ballot ... Clerk stabbed at Plaid Pantry ... Men shoot out windows with BB guns ... Guy tells us that people be shopping ... Man attempts to shoplift at Walmart during Cop Night ... SCIENCE: Pigeons do math, ancient seal found, France may pay to remove breast implants, scary giant shrimp ... Stabbing at Pork ’n Beans ... Oregon wants to sell unused execution drugs ... ENTERTAINMENT: McConaughey engaged, weekend wrap up ....

    Rick Emerson Show


    • TOP OF THE SHOW:  Complaints about both shows on one file, Yahoo won’t let Dawn read her mail, Rick gets a fancy dental device (so we spend too long talking about toothbrushes), and we both spent Christmas playing video games.
    • Aaron Duran arrives, and we talk about houses full of mold, the importance of smell, black men smelling good, and how to buy cologne.
    • WEEK IN GEEK: A rocket blows up over a Siberian man’s house, Hulk sell drugs, and a new Danny Trejo movie. also, we love Charles S. Dutton.
    • GEEK WATCH:  Geeks change their names to become Super Geeks.
    • JOY OF CHRISTMAS:  One sad Christmas story, one funny. Also: Checking IDs when paying with credit cards.


  • Friday, December 23rd, 2011

    FYI: as of now, each day's Legion of News & Rick Emerson Show files are joined together into one MP3; no need to download both shows separately.

    Legion of News

    Underage girls lead cops on car chase ... GOP caves on tax extension ... Man awakens from coma before his organs are harvested ... Bush the Elder backs Romney ... Man tells cop his “gun is digging into his hip” ... Denver cuts back on snow plows ... SCIENCE:  Pill coatings may be bad for you, Earth has two moons ... Man sues pharmacy for damage from stolen pills ... Cat found 2,000 miles from home ... Girl survives 10 days trapped in car ... ENTERTAINMENT: Lambert arrested, Louis C.K. makes money on his concert download, Sheen's wife to go to court ....


    Rick Emerson Show


    • TOP OF THE SHOW:  Dawn sympathizes with Mr. Potter, and and Rick goes on a tangent about The Hobbit; also, a listener calls to break Rick’s heart, and we need to get things done before Christmas weekend.
    • A man punches three people in the face after being booed by other patrons, and Fort Lauderdale provides one-way bus tickets for homeless people.
    • JOY OF CHRISTMAS:  Girl is shot when she misuses a Christmas tree.
    • Big Jim Willig shows up after being stuck in traffic, which can make your heart explode, and Jim’s year of sobriety is almost up.
    • HICK WATCH: South Carolina man throws bowling ball at woman’s head.
    • Man arrested when he attempts to return stolen underwear.
    • HUMOR ME: COMEDY 101 -- Calvin and Hobbes.

  • Thursday, December 22nd, 2011

    FYI: as of now, each day's Legion of News & Rick Emerson Show files are joined together into one MP3; no need to download both shows separately.

    Legion of News

    Wood Village drug ring busted ... GOP still fighting over payroll cuts ... Portland approves homeless car camping ... Competency hearing for Rainer chief shooter ... Man throws hot soup at his wife ... Soccer player accused of racial slur ... SCIENCE:  journal retracts study, Siri doesn’t understand people with accents, tires made from sugar ... Town celebrates Festivus ... Politician apologizes for remarks about First Lady’s butt . ENTERTAINMENT: Rihanna’s “ghetto ass”, Colbert offers to pay for primary, George Michael out of hospital ....

    Rick Emerson Show

    • TOP OF THE SHOW:  Behind the Christmas is 10 years old, and a listener buys a new computer just so she won’t miss it; Rick knows what he wants for Christmas, and he’s not getting it; Rick shops for his dogs; and Dawn is angry about a bad sentence.
    • $50,000 in margarine still missing after theft, a man threatens to blow up his house, and it’s the busiest day of the year for FedEx.
    • JOY OF CHRISTMAS: Home destroyed by Christmas tree fire.
    • Cheryl makes us all listen to a terrible Christmas song, after a long wait for MySpace to buffer.
    • SNUFF WATCH:  Character actor and dialect coach Robert Easton, 81.
    • Rick reads the horrible secrets of a Reddit user, and a woman smuggles cocaine in her boobs.

  • Wednesday, December 21st, 2011

    FYI: as of now, each day's Legion of News & Rick Emerson Show files are joined together into one MP3; no need to download both shows separately.

    Legion of News

    Romney says Gingrich is a wilting flower ... Sex assault on PSU campus ... Pot-bellied dig found in Portland park ... Ron Paul doing well in Iowa ... SCIENCE:  Bird flu scare, Earth-sized planets, Sony sued over not toting people sue, heads evolved first ... Cocaine found on majority of UK changing tables ... Two-headed baby born in Brazil ... Winter starts today ... ENTERTAINMENT: Chaz Bono breakup, Michael Douglas' crazy kid, James Franco at Yale, Rebecca Black video most popular of 2011 ....

    Rick Emerson Show


    • TOP OF THE SHOW:  Rick bought oil for his furnace, and he's sad that it's not snowing; Dawn has an iPad; there's no light in the bathroom; and there's something odd going on with the ENN control board.
    • A prankster uses newtgingrich.com to redirect visitors to less-than-flattering Gingrich information.
    • Housing was even worse last year than everyone thought, a woman on drugs hallucinates a break-in, and Swedes steal a lot of Christmas trees. And we go on a tangent about Trent Reznor's Girl With the Dragon Tattoo soundtrack.
    • PENIS WATCH: A Jamaican rapist is convicted based on his last victim getting all bite-y and whatnot.
    • Penguins poop on people visiting pandas; Dawn saw the season finale of Boss.
    • TASER WATCH: Woman tased after brandishing a butcher knife at cops.

  • Tuesday, December 20th, 2011

    FYI: as of now, each day's Legion of News & Rick Emerson Show files are joined together into one MP3; no need to download both shows separately.

  • Monday, December 19th, 2011

    FYI: as of now, each day's Legion of News & Rick Emerson Show files are joined together into one MP3; no need to download both shows separately.

  • Friday, December 16th, 2011

    FYI: as of now, each day's Legion of News & Rick Emerson Show files are joined together into one MP3; no need to download both shows separately.

  • Thursday, December 15th, 2011

    FYI: as of now, each day's Legion of News & Rick Emerson Show files are joined together into one MP3; no need to download both shows separately.

  • Wednesday, December 14th, 2011

    FYI: as of now, each day's Legion of News & Rick Emerson Show files are joined together into one MP3; no need to download both shows separately.

  • Tuesday, December 13th, 2011

    FYI: as of now, each day's Legion of News & Rick Emerson Show files are joined together into one MP3; no need to download both shows separately.

    Legion of News:

    ....Bodies identified in burned house … Sandusky waives preliminary trial … Police boot Occupy protestors … Shoplifter chops off security guard’s ear … Gingrich doesn’t want to sling mud, he says … Homeless man uses found credit card for pedicure … Target turns down student shopping group … Federal panel calls for national cell-phone ban … U.S. asks for downed drone back … SCIENCE:  Great Pyramid, NASA’s radio station, giant plane to launch people into space, Higgs Boson spotted (maybe) …  Facebook launches suicide-prevention feature … TSA agent accidentally fires gun in carry-on … Mail early, says FedEx … ENTERTAINMENT:  Lohan says she should have listened, Lowe’s pulls ads from show about Muslims, Clinton’s news debut, Richard Hatch out of jail
    ....

    Rick Emerson Show:

    • Top of the Show:   We talk about socks! Also, Rick’s dental dilemma, Patrick’s Evil Kidney, and whether Christmas trees should have tinsel or garlands.
    • Trucker sentenced after meth-fueled, kinky accidental death of prostitute fiancée.
    • JOY OF CHRISTMAS:  Santa feeds date-rape drug to teenager at Berlin Christmas fair.
    • A murderer has his conviction overturned because a juror was tweeting.  Also, Dawn finally finished The Wire, we talk about the weirdness of American Horror Story, and a listener wonders how we felt about Omar’s demise. 
    • CORPSE WATCH:  Italian “quiz show king” is finally found, in a coffin in a ditch.
    • British feminists stage a “muff march” to protest vaginal cosmetic surgery, that Dio Christmas song is awful, and Scottie Pippin wants you to know that he still has lots of money.  
  • Monday, December 12th, 2011

    FYI: as of now, each day's Legion of News & Rick Emerson Show files are joined together into one MP3; no need to download both shows separately.

    Legion of News:

    ....Occupy protestors shut down Portland terminals …. Mitt Romney challenges Rick Perry to a bet, Gingrich is slammed for cheating on his wife, and more Iowa debate hijinks … Protests in Russia … Driver hits cop car, flees to cemetery … Man missing after falling from Christmas Ship … SCIENCE:  Blinding laser, empathetic rats, scooters saving snakebite victims, scared birds breed less … Canby man dies when box explodes … Michele Bachmann is still crazy … 100 snakes found in hotel  … Man prints fake obit to get time off work … Noriega sent to prison … ENTERTAINMENT:  American Airlines punishes Baldwin, Smallville star starts prison sentence, Mr. Beefcake says he was never gay with Hulk Hogan, stolen Pearl Jam guitar found without autographs … Drugged-up man tears up house looking for girlfriend in walls....


    Rick Emerson Show:

    • Top of the Show:   The return of Dawn Taylor! Pens and other promotional items, the “Smillow™” and the trip to Christmas Mountain Trees. Also:  Patrick’s heart thing, and Dawn brings Rick a gift.
    • WEEK IN GEEK:  Aaron Duran talks Modern Warfare 3, eight-minute Dark Knight prologue, Kung Fu Theater at the Hollywood Theatre.
    • Dawn finds a book at the hospital, leading to the discovery of an entire literary genre.
    • TEACHER WATCH: Woman re-arrested for breaking restraining order, with unpleasant mugshot.
    • Another hunter is shot by his dog.
    • PENIS WATCH:  Man dies after getting ill-advised (and illegal) silicone injections.
    • We discuss the season finales of Boss and Sons of Anarchy.


  • Friday, December 9th, 2011

    FYI: as of now, each day's Legion of News & Rick Emerson Show files are joined together into one MP3; no need to download both shows separately.

  • Thursday, December 8th, 2011

    FYI: as of now, each day's Legion of News & Rick Emerson Show files are joined together into one MP3; no need to download both shows separately.

    Todd Werhoven is once again in for Dawn Taylor; today, we get to yesterday's Top Five, we discover that the new KoRn album is –amazingly– not very good, and we hear a variety of unintelligible news clips.


  • Wednesday, December 7th, 2011

    FYI: as of now, each day's Legion of News & Rick Emerson Show files are joined together into one MP3; no need to download both shows separately.

    Todd Werhoven sits in for Dawn Taylor; we discuss Sons of Anarchy, there's a double Snuff Watch, and the longest build-up to an ultimately-postponed Top Five EVER.


  • Tuesday, December 6th, 2011

    FYI: as of now, each day's Legion of News & Rick Emerson Show files are joined together into one MP3; no need to download both shows separately.

    An unavoidable snarl in schedules has resulted in an encore broadcast today; apologies for all the recent suck. We return live on 12/07.

  • Monday, December 5th, 2011

    FYI: as of now, each day's Legion of News & Rick Emerson Show files are joined together into one MP3; no need to download both shows separately.

    Todd Werhoven sits in for Dawn Taylor; we discuss "dental violence", Super Bowl Halftime Shows, and skulls. Plus: Aaron Duran presents the Week in Geek.



  • Friday, December 2nd, 2011

    Big Jim Willig fills in for Dawn Taylor, helping to make your life more bearable. Today:

    • Another installment of Humor Me: Comedy 101
    • A double Geek Watch
    • Lots and LOTS of cologne talk. Also: styptic pencils!

  • Thursday, December 1st, 2011

    Todd "The Corpse" Werkhoven continues to lend a hand, filling in for Dawn Taylor. Today:

    • Another installment of Rick Emerson's Joy of Xmas
    • A double Geek Watch
    • Damn...it looks like all of our Michael Keaton talk has been filled with inaccuracy
    • Todd's cavalcade of feel-bad news

  • Wednesday, November 30th, 2011

    Todd "The Corpse" Werkhoven continues to lend a hand, filling in for Dawn Taylor. Today:

    • The inaugural edition of Rick Emerson's Joy of Xmas
    • A double Geek Watch
    • Still more Michael Keaton discussion
    • What the hell is Todd eating?

  • Tuesday, November 29th, 2011

    Todd "The Corpse" Werkhoven continues to lend a hand, filling in for Dawn Taylor. Today:

    • Geek Watch
    • Way too much discussion of Michael Keaton
    • Who the hell was in the movie Bad Girls?
    • A Snuff Watch, a long-distance dedication, and a sad farewell

  • Monday, November 28th, 2011

    Our good friend Todd Werkhoven fills in for Dawn Taylor as we begin a brand new week. Today:

    • We talk about the mid-season finale for Walking Dead
    • Aaron Duran has another Week in Geek
    • A Geek Watch covers the new Apple/MSFT TV wars
    • And more...!

  • Friday, November 25th, 2011

    Nothing says "the day after Thanksgiving" like a carefully-selected batch of leftovers. Enjoy this collection of material from the archives, and join us Monday, when we return with a brand-new show....

  • Thursday, November 24th, 2011

    Today, on Rick Emerson's Cavalcade of Thanksgiving Reruns: maestros Paul & Storm, Breaking Bad's Betsy Brandt, Sons of Anarchy's Kenny Johnson and more...


  • Wednesday, November 23rd, 2011

    • Top of the Show:   Rick’s sinuses act up and Dawn hangs out at OHSU, Rick has an adventure at the mall and watches Sons of Anarchy.
    • GEEK WATCH:  Custom car company builds life-sized Mario Karts.
    • Man burns himself with turkey grease, and Bill Shatner tells you about turkey-fryer safety.
    • SNUFF WATCH:  Science fiction author Anne McCaffrey, 85.
    • Obama pardons turkey.
    • HICK WATCH:  Man is suspended from job for refusing to wear “666” sticker.

  • Tuesday, November 22nd, 2011

    Dawn's husband, Patrick, is under the knife today, getting his permanent Sith Lord bio-suit* implanted, and my voice has gone a bit wonky, so we're rolling a best-of today. We should be back tomorrow. Thanks for bearing with us.


    *Dialysis thingy.


  • Monday, November 21st, 2011

    • Top of the Show:   Rick didn’t feel well this weekend, and Dawn was sleepy. Then we talk about back pain, which is fascinating. Also: Lara goes out for the evening, and idiot guys ask for her Facebook info, and Dawn saw The Muppets.
    • WEEK IN GEEK:  Aaron Duran talks about the alien head found in Peru, shares Dark Knight Rises news, Vancouver’s store I Like Comics has an anniversary sale.
    • Rick recommends America in Primetime, and it’s weird seeing older actors in stuff. And Dawn talks about coming to the end of The Wire.
    • SNUFF WATCH:  Mark Hall, creator of Dangermouse, 75.
    • The gay penguins may choose to go straight, the Penn State investifgation continues, and Paterno has cancer.
    • Listener Jeff Futzer sends us a massive package, and Rick has more than enough Kranky for awhile.

  • Friday, November 18th, 2011

  • Thursday, November 17th, 2011

  • Tuesday, November 15th, 2011

    • Top of show:  Jaime Kirk, AKA Master Dingo of PDXYar, sits in for Rick and indulges Dawn in a discussion of learning "how to bounce" and why pajama pants are inappropriate in public.
    • Macy's in Atlanta snaps their Christmas tree in half, and the NBA can't get their millionaires to agree.
    • GEEK WATCH:  Happy 10th Birthday, Xbox!
    • Mad Men may end with an 84-year-old Don Draper, and a man finds a dead bird in his salad.
    • PENIS WATCH:  Qaddafi was an even bigger freak than we suspected.
    • Two German women are arrested for making "crush" videos and harming mice; Dawn and Jaime talk fetish, CSI, furries, and Jaime's tacky hat.
    • CORPSE WATCH: A girl is trapped in a car for 42 hours with her dead father, survives on Pop Tarts.
    • Bill O'Reilly says attacks on his inaccurate Lincoln book are just slams by his enemies.
    • Jaime shares his non-existant Top Five, since he didn't actually do one, and shares some weird things that happened to him while being a pirate.


    Monday, November 14th, 2011

    • Top of show:  Rick's still gone, and Eric D. Snider's almost late because of the post office, Dawn had too many choices this weekend, and Eric was annoyed that the local news made him miss Saturday Night Live .
    • Eric discusses Jack and Jill , which was terrible, and then shares the view of critic Armand White, who is a knucklehead.
    • Sarah X. Dylan and Greg Nibler stop in to talk about the big Funemployment Radio live launch today
    • A cookie thief is caught when she sleeps in the wrong bed, the gay penguins will be reunited.
    • CORPSE WATCH:  A Russian woman has an alien corpse in her freezer. Also: A motorcyclist hits a deer, then his friends steal his bike.
    • Somebody steals a great -- awesome, even -- horned owl.
    • The most convoluted story ever, involving bats, machetes and hand grenades.


    Friday, November 11th, 2011

    • Jim tells us the story of Sleepaway Camp , and Dawn gives him cake.
    • Occupy Wall Street camp is the perfect breeding ground for disease. Also: Jim tries to guess his girlfriend's birthday gift, but she outsmarts him, and we decide that UP should only be watched when you;re feeling exceptionally cheerful.
    • Anchor Beer sued by Sam Adams (the beer, not the mayor), and a newly adopted dog runs off a burglar.
    • Jim gets weird around his birthday, and a guy admits to swinging a cat by its tale.
    • HUMOR ME: COMEDY 101 -- We rave about the Coen Brothers


  • Thursday, November 10th, 2011

    • Top of the Show:   Big Jim and Dawn don't know who's in charge, and Dawn wonders about a KFC sign because she needs glasses.
    • Prince of Wales is now beloved by cows, and Mario Batali likesn Wall Street bankers .
    • to Hitler and Stalin.
    • Comedian Dwight Slade visits, to talk about his upcoming show.
    • Jim gets anothershot at being an extra on Grimm, and we talk about screenplay ideas starring usually minor characters.
    • PENIS WATCH:  Lewd comment regarding penis leads to discovery of a frozen cougar; a college streaker falls on his penis during a football game.
    • A man sues over a cold buffet breakfast, and the Greeks say they's found the Ark of the Covenant.

  • Wednesday, November 9th, 2011

    • Top of the Show:  Legion of News goes wonky -- but it's not our fault! And Big Jim talks about The Whitest Kids You Know. Also: How a lube presentation almost got Jim fired from the porn store.
    • Washington votes for privatization of liquor sales.
    • SNUFF WATCH:  Bil Keane, creator of Family Circus
    • Dan Clark and Jaime Kirk of PDXYar talk about the Swashbuckler's Ball.
    • TASER WATCH:  Houston cop fights with cop ex-boyfriend, gets tased.
    • Brett Ratner steps down from the Oscars because of his douchiness.
    • GEEK WATCH:  Man threatens to blow up Best Buy because they sold out of Modern Warfare 3.

  • Tuesday, November 8th, 2011

    • Top of the Show:   Big Jim Willig watches a documentary on arm wrestling and is inspired, while Dawn drank whiskey and wished she'd lived in a town like on Friday Night Lights.
    • SNUFF WATCH:  Second Emerson vacation victim --  Heavyweight champ Joe Frazier.
    • A creepy pastor gives out fetus dolls on Halloween; some people are upset by this.
    • PENIS WATCH:  A journalist gets a circumcision to get story, and restaurant employees serve vegetables after sticking them down their pants.
    • BREAKING NEWS:  Third Emerson vacation victim -- Rapper Heavy D.
    • A threesome goes wrong, what with the man beating his girlfriend with a television.
    • Jim tells the story of his installation of a sex swing at the porn store. Also: Jim likes the food ginger, but not ginger people.
    • Two guys are arrested for stealing one of the dead lions in Ohio, and Jim ownes a scary mannequin.
  • Monday, November 7th, 2011

    • Top of the Show:   Big Jim Willig sits in for Rick, and brings donuts ... and Patrick ate them all. Also, we discuss the highly controversial "paper or plastic: issue, and Jim tries to write a novel but is shamed by his girlfriend. Plus: Oprah smells like "money and amazingness!"
    • TASER WATCH:  Eight arrested in dogpile at trailer park.
    • A woman tries to keep her boyfriend from overdosing, gets punched for the trouble, then finds out they were just Flintstones vitamins, and our American overlords tell us not to worry about the national "test" of our TVs and telephones.
    • Aaron Duran arrives, tells us about introducing Dan Clarke to actual sangria, the kid-friendlt marketing of malt beverages, and we try to remember whether Peter O’Toole was in Supergirl (he was.)
    • WEEK IN GEEK:  Ridley Scott’s ill-conceived Blade Runner sequel, and your voice could be in The Dark Knight.
    • PENIS WATCH:  Sex with animals could give you cancer of the willy.
    • CORPSE WATCH: A Russian man digs up bodies and turns them into dolls.
    • TOP FIVE:  Aaron’s Top Five Mexican Serial Killers.


  • Friday, November 4th, 2011

    • Top of the Show:   We discuss the finer points of drinking scotch, and no one knows who wrote that damn Kingston Trio song.  Also, Rick needs his “flying pills,” and look at pictures of where Rick’s probably going. Plus, Dawn talks about her coffee habit and extra shot thingies, and if Rick can bring drugs back across the border.
    • Big Jim Willig arrives, so we can talk about private-eye TV shows, mocking others for reading, and all the different jungle diseases that Rick might catch.
    • Dippin’ Dots files for bankruptcy, and Rick’s warty-handed sister tortured him.
    • SNUFF WATCH:  Guitarist Cory Moot of GWAR, 34.
    • A Florida woman tells cops to arrest her mailbox because she took Xanax.
    • HUMOR ME: COMEDY 101 – The Smothers Brothers
  • Thursday, November 3rd, 2011

    Top of the Show:   We talk Flesh Gordon and youthful porn adventures, as well as the Emerson Vacation Dead Pool.
    Listener Jim brings in his winning “Death Squash” geek-o-lantern, and talks about its creation. Also: Dawn’s weird sleep schedule, having dogs on the bed, and we don’t know how to do the Heimlich.
    Rick plays the audio from a T-Mobile commercial, that sounds naughty, and we try to decipher the lyrics to a Bob Dylan song.
    GEEK WATCH:  Seattle “superhero” Phoenix Jones loses his day job.
    Don Henley raps, and Rick dreams about Howard Hesseman.
    TASER WATCH:  Man goes absolutely nuts in a gym, and gets tased to death.

  • Wednesday, November 2nd, 2011

  • Tuesday, November 1st, 2011

    • Top of the Show:   Why Huffington Post rubs us the wrong way, and the good and bad about Michael Moore, Also: Dawn finally saw the new Beavis and Butt-head (and found it very funny.)
    • Rick has trouble opening things, and the Occupy movement’s sort on dark faces.
    • TASER WATCH:  Portland man goes crazy with hacksaw, police give him what-for.
    • A fellow beats up his girlfriend for interrupting hos sleep with her loud sex toy, and doctors see a face in an ultrasound of a testicle.
    • HICK WATCH:  Kid with knife chases squirrel, man with baseball bat begs to differ. Plus: A skin cake! A delicious cake that looks like it’s made from human skin but is really all delicious cake!

  • Monday, October 31st, 2011

    • Top of the Show:   Rick talks about Ray Bradbury’s Halloween Tree and Dandelion Wine, and Dawn reveals that she once found herself in Bradbury’s house. Also: Why Rick didn’t sleep last night, Dawn went to a huge party while Rick went to a “harvest dinner,” and Rick was on AM Northwest.
    • Breaking news: The Magic Castle is on fire!
    • Aaron Duran joins us to talk about the Buttsecks Owl, and how he’s still recovering from a Sarah X. Dylan party.
    • Mitt Romney doesn’t believe in climate change any more, an Australian finds braised koala on the menu in China, Obama doesn’t care about the GOP nominations.
    • PENIS WATCH:  Sound waves might cure impotence – or might be “like hitting your penis with a hammer.”
    • Geek-o-Lantern winners! Walking Dead recap!

  • Friday, October 28th, 2011

    • Top of the Show:  Geek-o-Lantern contest is extended, a listener shares how much he loved Fright Town, and there’s a cuddle party in the Pearl.
    • WEEK IN GEEK:  Aaron Duran talks about his signing with Mike Russell, EC Comics’ reissues, and Halloween events this weekend.
    • Big Jim Willig visits, and discusses the ever-burning coal tar in Centralia, WA and radioactive wolves. Also: Rick doesn’t know what a PIP-Boy is, and we talk about crazy people’s “ideas of reference.”
    • CORPSE WATCH:  Girl climbs inside dead horse, takes pictures, and upsets people.
    • Two experts testify in the Conrad Murray trial, and a girl is found hanging by a noose at a haunted house attraction.
    • HUMOR ME: COMEDY 101 – Elvira, Mistress of the Dark

  • Thursday, October 27th, 2011

  • Wednesday, October 26th, 2011

    • Top of the Show:  Rick is unimpressed with season one of The X-Files, and references Electric Dreams and DeadtimeStories.
    • Uh-oh! We’re kicked off the air for a few minutes by a power surge!
    • Dawn asks for suggestions re: Halloween costumes, and a man firebombs Taco bell because he’s dissatisfied with his chalupas.
    • CLOWN WATCH:  Israel is on the cutting edge of Medical Clowning, and a presumed victim of John Wayne Gacy is found to still be alive.
    • A couple have icky sex on a city bus, and a professor is banned from McDonald’s for writing about the dirty playgrounds.
    • What’s happening in Seumas’ world? It involves a hot chick and Google+!

  • Tuesday, October 25th, 2011

    • Top of the show:  Rick is happy that Beavis and Butthead are mocking Jersey Shore, discusses his Halloween costumer preparations – and dumb “sexy” costumes – then talks about his audition. Plus: A discussion of good horror movies, and bad horror documentaries, and Dawn recommends Winnie the Pooh.
    • A listener asks for advice – if you know you’re being fired on Friday, should you go into work drunk?
    • A giant Lego man washes ashore in Florida, and a recent “shark attack” story is more proof that news outlets don’t verify sources.
    • MICHAEL JACKSON:  The Conrad Murray case winds down.
    • 60 Elvises leave hotel when fore alarm goes off.
    • NAZI WATCH:  The American Nazi Party supports Occupy Wall Street.
    • Walking Dead recap:  It’s … just not as good as it should be.  On the other hand, Dawn recommends Homeland on Showtime.

  • Monday, October 24th, 2011

    • Top of the show:  Big Jim Willig fills in for Rick, and talks to Dawn about Trick r Treat, his love of Halloween, and some favorite horror movies. Also: Jim performs at the Cannabis Café (and finds that stoners are nice hecklers), and attended the porn-clerk appreciation party at Ground Kontrol.
    • An axe-wielding man may have been crazy, and Joe Biden says something. And Jim describes a bizarre toy that has appeared in the porn store. Then we discuss putting together our own “real doll.”
    • JOB WATCH:  Christmas is coming, and seasonal hiring begins.
    • A fired waiter pulls a fire alarm and douses everything with chemicals, and we remember our food service jobs.
    • Dawn quizzes Jim on horror movie taglines, and we talk about what makes a horror movie scary. Also: A zany prankster gets a face full of buckshot after making animal noises in te woods.
    • CORPSE WATCH:  It’s the classic story – man dies, family empties his storage locker, finds the body of his girlfriend that went missing 27 years ago.
    • HICK WATCH:  A woman is bitten by an otter in a trailer park.

  • Friday, October 21st, 2011

    • Top of the show:   Bathroom filth and toilet-seat covers, and Rick’s story about cleaning a truck stop bathroom; Dawn is going to eat beef stew and corn bread, and watch Frankenstein. Also: People are killing themselves like crazy.
    • RELIGIOUS NUTCASE:  Harold Camping has disappeared!
    • Dave Helfrey from Frighttown talks about monsters, mayhem, gorillas with chainsaws, and horror films.
    • CORPSE WATCH:  Qaddafi’s body’s in a shopping center freezer.
    • HUMOR ME: COEDY 101 – Big Jim Willig talks about Office Space and King of the Hill creator Mike Judge.

  • Thursday, October 20th, 2011

  • Wednesday, October 19th, 2011

    • Top of the show:  Thomas Gill thinks we’re dumb, Dawn reads old movie reviews for fun and bemoans the lack of smart film criticism. We also talk about Outlaw Vern, Die Hard, listener Kami’s awesome gifts, Rick’s choice of Cyndi Lauper songs, the greatness of Sunset Boulevard, and the relative merits of The X-Files.
    • GEEK WATCH:  Friday’s iPhone launch was huge, and Steve Wozniak was fist in line.
    • Robber’s mom drives getaway truck; we discuss horror movie trailers, and Joe Biden pushes jobs act.
    • TASER WATCH: Guy shoots State Trooper in face with BB gun.
    • HICK WATCH:  Man covers himself in cooking oil and indecently proposes to young girls.

  • Tuesday, October 18th, 2011

    • Top of the show:  Pedobear should be co-host, things are tight and need loosening, Rick is unfamiliar with “Hard Gay,” and a cane question.
    • Stepfather battles teen daughter in medieval fight as punishment.
    • PENIS WATCH:  Man has 100-pound testicles, and would like to fix that.
    • Visit Las Vegas, and learn about nuclear energy!
    • A listener from Copenhagen calls to request a Neil Young song, and Robert Downey, Jr. does a thing (it involves Mel Gibson.)
    • CORPSE WATCH:  Man volunteers to be mummified after death.
    • Walking Dead notes from Cheryl – stuff we didn’t notice.

  • Monday, October 17th, 2011

  • Friday, October 14th, 2011

    FYI – iTunes mixup w/ 10/14's RES is fixed now. If you DLd the ep. prior to 10am today, you'll get a second 10/14 show. (Delete the first one.)

    • Top of the show:  Everyone needs a universal number and maybe a chip, Rick decorates for Halloween and scares Philo, there’s a crazy man who knows Rick by his license plate number, and we discuss Tapatio Doritos and flavors of cake.
    • Big Jim Willig talks about Darth Vader and Cylon toasters, the smell of the zoo, and names for possible food products.
    • Indianapolis’ superintendent of schools calls kids “blind, crippled, and crazy.” Then, of course, we remember the relative hotness of our own teachers.
    • SNUFF WATCH:  “Taz” DiGregorio, 67, of the Charlie Daniels Band
    • Comedian Kristine Levine joins us to reminisce about working with Jim and Rick at CBS Radio, and talks about doing that comedy thing.
    • HUMOR ME: COMEDY 101 – Billy West

  • Thursday, October 13th, 2011

    • Top of the show: Dawn wants to know how she’s supposed to say “dot com,” we learn how to make vodka-soaked gummi bears, and Dawn talks about the joy of being a woman. Also: Sen. Scott Brown plagiarizes Elizabeth Dole.
    • HICK WATCH:  Woman arrested after fight over barbecue. Plus: Harrisburg, PA files for bankruptcy.
    • Dan Heneckow of Powells Books and Café Unknown.com talks about Portland’s flood of 1894, and the city’s racy past – plus creepy urban legends, and whether they’re true.
    • SNUFF WATCH:  Dennis Ritchie, creator of C and Unix programming languages, 70.

  • Wednesday, October 12th, 2011

    • Top of the show: Rick cleaned up his hard drive, and killed a lot of flies while waiting for iTunes update, Dawn’s learning to felt and made a tentacle, and Rick can’t remember the names of his childhood dogs.
    • HICK WATCH:  Tennessee Republican who authored law allowing guns in bars is arrested for drinking and driving … with a gun in the car.
    • White noise sounds! We’ve got ‘em!
    • PENIS WATCH:  Man who should have been watching goats falls into grass-cutting machine.
    • A guy thinks he’s “died and gone to heaven” when he finds an unattended beer truck. Also: We look at our Geek-o-Lantern Contest prizes from Think Geek – and they’re awesome.
    • GEEK WATCH:  Louisville, KY hosts zombie walk through the woods – followed by s’mores!
    • America’s banks are still in trouble, and you can buy George Washington’s own booze.

  • Tuesday, October 11th, 2011

    • Top of the show: Throat clearing, House, Jaws, and the Geek-o-lantern contest. Also: Rick got a weird phone call, Dawn is horrible to Patrick, and Rick has a fight with his bank.
    • Underwear bomber on trial, we look for words to fight world hunger, and explore the difference between “sizzurp” and “grape drank.”
    • TASER WATCH:  Two women, a stabbing, and a Target store. That’s all anyone knows.
    • Father arrested for taking his child’s picture at the mall.
    • TOP FIVE:  The top five TV shows that Dawn once enjoyed, but stopped watching.


  • Monday, October 10th, 2011

    • Top of the show:  It’s “Rick’s dog wears sweaters” weather, and we discuss Halloween costumes for dogs. Also: How would a tripod walk? Dawn hauled wood and cooked meals this weekend, while Sarah’s birthday made Rick feel old.
    • WEEK IN GEEK:  Aaron Duran discusses id Software founder John Carmac’s $5,000 offer to amateur rocket designers, the new season of The Walking Dead, and the second-issue release party of La Brujeria and Mike Russell’s Sabre-tooth Vampire (Oct. 21 at Bridge City Comics.)
    • Mormonism is called a “cult” at a GOP political rally.
    • GEEK WATCH:  Kansas hardware chain offers “zombie preparedness.” Plus: The country’s laziest city holds a sedentary parade.
    • SNUFF WATCH:  Al Davis, 82, and bassist Mikey Welsh, 40. And a cop stops a gunman by jamming his finger in the rigger guard.
    • PENIS WATCH:  Man gets stabby and then slice-y. Also he’s “a former seaman.”
    • Breaking Bad recap:  Holy mother of god, it’s the effing season finale.

  • Friday, October 7th, 2011

    • Top of the show:  We sort of explain the “Taco Duran” meme, Steve Jobs is still dead, and Lara’s back from Baltimore with talks of bizarre food combinations. Also: Domino Sugar doesn’t sell merchandise, and Dawn talks about a scary Jack in the Box birger.
    • Big Jim Willig arrives in a tie, and Rick’s perplexed. Also, he’s going to be on TV!  And a drunk man punches a cop after going crazy in a Catholic retirement home.
    • CLOWN WATCH:  A clown robs a grocery store. Like, a full-on clown. Big shoes and everything.
    • It’s a segment on burgers and pizza, in whish we talk for what seems like a week about burgers and, yes, pizza.
    • GEEK WATCH:  That new iPhone personal assistant has a naughty name in Japanese.
    • HUMOR ME: COMEDY 101 – Rowan Atkinson

  • Thursday, October 6th, 2011

    • Steve Jobs has died, and we talk about him for a very long time.
    • Listener “Hoyt” comes in to talk about doing tech support for an unnamed smartphone and gaming console – we learn what it’s like to do tech support, what sort of training it takes, and how crazy the customers make the tech support guys.
    • MONKEY WATCH:  A woman makes a movie for chimps, starring humans dressed as chimps, and then films the chimps watching the chimp movie.

  • Wednesday, October 5th, 2011

    • Top of the show:  Rick didn’t watch Sons of Anarchy because he was sorting chips, and eating cream cheese that he found in his glove compartment. Dawn played Settlers of Catan with Patrick, and didn’t watch Dexter. Also: We reveal what we think of people who still think Dexter is good.
    • Plus: Rick got a flat tire, and Dawn may be a racist. Then, two people are hospitalized after entering a curry-eating contest.
    • NAZI WATCH:  Elderly Nazis are going to pay for their crimes.
    • Justin Stanley of Uprise Books Project talks about getting banned books into the hands of young readers.
    • An Alabama Oktoberfest finally gets beer, and a bear is tracked after he steals a birthday cake.

  • Tuesday, October 4th, 2011

    • Top of the show:  Rick bought Rage, but needs to upgrade. Also: Nerd anger, we don’t care about Boardwalk Empire, Dawn saw Real Steel, and the Zune is no more.
    • Disney films will be released in 3D over the next few years, and why you should go to a theater with high-quality sound and projection.
    • Hank Williams, Jr. compares Obama to Hitler, while Fox and Friends are befuddled.
    • GEEK WATCH: The big Apple iPhone announcement. Also: How do you use your planner?
    • PETA puts up pro-shark billboard.
    • GEEK WATCH REVISITED: Leonard Nimoy says he’s done his last convention.
    • RELIGIOUS NUTCASE WATCH:  Guy at church gouges out his own eyes.


  • Monday, October 3rd, 2011


  • Friday, September 30th, 2011

    • Top of the show: Rick is annoyed with Seumas, who sent him a picture of something truly horrible, and so Dawn looks at it, too. And it’s horrible.
    • Big Jim Willig stops by, talks to Rick about last week’s ear gunkiness, and we establish that “candling” is nonsense. Also, we talk about drinking at work, and play audio from an interview with the West Memphis 3.
    • GEEK WATC H:  A grown man beats up a teenager who “kills” him online.
    • SNUFF WATCH:  Sylvia Robinson, founder of Sugar Hill Records and half of Mickey & Sylvia, 76
    • HUMOR ME: COMEDY 101 – “Weird Al” Yankovic

  • Thursday, September 29th, 2011

    • Top of the show:   Dawn gets a cool T-shirt, Rick is hates at the post office, and Dawn talks about her cat. Also: Rick’s switching from paper planning to phone/computer planning, and it’s fascinating.
    • We discuss weight loss, calorie-burning at night, and other things we don’t understand, and Rick wakes up to a disturbing message on his phone, which leads him to explain that Reddit is a terrible, frightening thing. Also, a chick thinks she’s a vampire/werewolf.
    • PENIS WATCH:  A man sends penis pumps to diabetics, then charges Medicare for medical equipment.
    • We talk about crazy chicks and the ASnne Rice Beauty books, and Dawn explains “pony play” to Rick, sort of. Also: The ATF doesn’t want gun stores to sell weapons to potheads, even if it’s legal.
    • TASER WATCH: Do not drive your SUV into a schoolbus, then trip over your own feet while running away.
    • Sons of Anarchy recap:  Bobby has a point – delivering a big truck full of drugs from one place to another is dealing, really.

  • Wednesday, September 28th, 2011

    • Top of the show:   Why Bill Murray did Garfield, the life-changing joys of TiVo, Rick saw Contagion, and we don’t know much about autism. Also: Dawn made Bisquick quiche, and Rick ate a lot of biscuits. And a hunter shoots himself in the foot with a crossbow.
    • MONKEY WATCH: Monkey on the loose in Florida!
    • Rick shares an adorable hedgehog story, and is challenged to eat a large amount of Taco Bell products. Plus, Facebook now has its own PAC.
    • GEEK WATCH:  Foo Fighters to play at BlizzCon 2011.
    • Rick plays a Metallica/Lou Reed collaboration, and Dawn has a weird dream.
    • CHENEY WATCH:  Canada protestors want Cheney tried as a war criminal. Plus, a man shoots his friend in the face after mistaking him for a bear.

  • Tuesday, September 27th, 2011

    • Top of the show:   We like Christopher McDonald, but not so much Adam Sandler or Jim Carrey. Plus, unreasoning hatred of some artists, Dawn thanks people for the great birthday, and Rick isn’t easily irritated anymore, or so he says.
    • Boardwalk Empire recap: Rick rediscovers the word “stroke book” thanks to Dawn, and we talk about why we can’t seem to love this show as much as we’d like.
    • An pointy-headed ice cream mascot is mistaken for a KKK member.
    • PENIS WATCH:  Three words: DIY sex change. Then we talk about horrible slicing accidents.
    • Actor Chris McDonald calls in, and he’s wonderful.

  • Monday, September 26th, 2011

    Top of the show:   It’s Dawn’s birthday! Listeners Jeff and Rigel bring gifts, and we talk about Breaking Bad (which we watched) and Boardwalk Empire (which we didn’t yet).  Also: Rick went to urgent care for his ear, and had to remove his pants.

    WEEK IN GEEK:  Aaron Duran talks about this Saturday’s Geek in the City Poker Invitational, the HA.P. Lovecraft Festival at the Hollywood Theater, and Tommy Wiseau’s game reviews.

    Todd the Corpse visits, and brings Dawn a gift, Rangichan calls with wishes, and Melody and Tim sing a song! Then Dawn plays some horrible restaurant birthday songs, courtesy of Todd.

    SNUFF WATCH:  Arch West, the man who invented Doritos, 91. And Dawn opens a gift from listener Peta.

    Breaking Bad recap: Holy crap. Seriously … holy crap.


  • Friday, September 23rd, 2011

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]


    • Top of the show:   Rick’s not here, probably because of earwigs, or a Quatto.  Big Jim Willig’s here, though, and we hope to conjure MST3K the same way he did Kids in the Hall. Also, Jim talks about last week’s plumbing debacle.
    • Speedo wants bisexual blogger to stop using their name for porn, Facebook debuts more irritating stuff, and Texas won’t be granting special last meals to death-row convicts anymore.
    • PENIS WATCH:  German doctors see a rise in penile implants.
    • A woman unloads 11 rounds at – and misses – an opossum. And a man writes a memoir about his carnal relationship with a dolphin, which leads to Dawn talking about “boytaurs,” which naturally leads to a reading of boytaur fan fiction. Plus: Students want to free Banana Man.
    • HUMOR ME: COMEDY 101:  Mystery Science Theater 3000

  • Thursday, September 22nd, 2011

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]


  • Wednesday, September 21st, 2011

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]


    • Top of the show:   Rick listened to the Breaking Bad podcast, and we talk about To Live and Die in L.A., Rick’s rewatching Studio 60, and somehow we get on the subject of Joe Esterhasz.
    • Dawn watches The Playboy Club, and notices that the lead character is so totally not Don Draper. Plus: It’s nosebleed season!
    • PENIS WATCH:  Man uses his tiny penis to seduce underage runaways.
    • CORPSE WATCH:  35 corpses dumped under a Mexican overpass.
    • Sons of Anarchy recap:  Clay is losing it, Unser and Gemma are swell, and you can call him Kozik, but he still acts like Lem.

  • Tuesday, September 20th, 2011

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]


    • Top of the show:   Rick’s battery has too much power, Dawn takes a survey, Rick wakes up with Philo’s toy, and Rick talks about Prince and Facebook.
    • Todd the Corpse will join Dawn for Geek Trivia, and Rick makes Dawn watch a video of five guys humping an ottoman, which leads to a discussion of the consequences of renting your house out for porn, and the idea of straight men having gay sex.
    • A suspected rapist testifies that he has multiple personalities –and there’s some stuff about dogs and aliens in there, too.
    • We discover (after everyone else in the world) the video about using one’s EBT card, and prove once again how white we are.
    • A gang of transvestites go on a thieving spree, stealing (of course) fabric, feathers, and lace gloves. Also: A smoke alarm goes off and cops find a paint can in an oven, Gears of War 3 is released today (Ice T is cool), and West Hollywood bans fur sales.

  • Monday, September 19th, 2011

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]


    • Top of the show:   No Ryan White today, but Aaron Duran will be in the studio! Dawn mixes up her Bill Carters, we recall the Geek in the City awards, and talk about Dawn’s phone. Also, Rick tells us about his microphone.
    • GEEK WATCH: It’s the anniversary of the invention of the emoticon. Then, Aaron teaches Rick how to make ASCII boobs.
    • WEEK IN GEEK:  The Retro Gaming Expo is this weekend. And Americans love Hillary Clinton.
    • HICK WATCH: Drunk woman howls like a dog, not Ozzy Osbourne. Plus, a man’s girlfriend and his mom get in a fistfight, inside his van.
    • Breaking Bad recap:  OMG, The worm has turned.

  • Friday, September 16th, 2011

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]


    • Top of the show:   we talk about different types of tape, and we discuss the necessity (or not) of unions.
    • CORPSE WATCH:  Guys go all Weekend at Bernie’s with dead friend.
    • A Marine receives the medal of Honor, and has a beer with Obama; Rick recommends the Krakauer book Where Men Win Glory. Plus: Perry disses Romney’s health plan.
    • TASER WATCH: Cops tase man with prosthetic leg. Also: Movies that open this weekend.
    • Big Jim Willig calls in about plumbing woes. And: A fight over dancing leads to punching.
    • GEEK WATCH:  News Sony ToS says you can’t sue Sony. Plus, lesbian burglars pass over house with lion, and Nielsen says there are fewer house with TV.
    • Dawn’s phone has a small accident.

  • Thursday, September 15th, 2011

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]


    • Top of the show:   Dave Atell seems like a good guy, Dawn saw Straw Dogs and got pointless promotional items, and Rick recalls a painful screening.
    • Bees attack and kill a huge hog, GOP takes issue with Bachmann equating vaccines with retardation, and a man gets in a fight and bites off another guy’s eyebrow.
    • JOB WATCH:  Washington jobs up, unemployment still bad.
    • A rabbit gives its life to save an ungrateful human, and people don’t know how to strap kids into cars.
    • GEEK WATCH:  We talk for a very long time about the Dyson Air Multiplier with heat, fans, a vacuum cleaners.
    • More information about Scarlett Johansson’s boobs.

  • Wednesday, September 14th, 2011

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]


    • Top of the show:   Human Centipede, Dawn’s birthday is coming (and Rick will forget it), husband’s are nicer when unemployed, Dawn’s going to see Straw Dogs, and we love James Woods.
    • Rick visited Alpha Broadcasting, and is glad he doesn’t work there. Also: Various forms of gambling, retail is up slightly, and a child kidnapper runs for school board.
    • CANNIBAL WATCH:  Crazy Christians believe that Rick Perry’s prayer meeting solved the curse of the cannibal Indians.
    • Scarlett Johanssen’s boobs, danw and Rick try the Sharpie “liquid pencil,” Rick needs to scan and fax things.
    • CORPSE WATCH:  Man asks neighbors if he can dump a dead body in their trash.
    • Sons of Anarchy recap:  We love this show, which is why we wish it didn’t have problems.

  • Tuesday, September 13th, 2011

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]


  • Monday, September 12th, 2011

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]


    • Top of the show:   Rick plans to talk about Mexicans, will be going to Mexico himself, and found a Breaking Bad podcast with Vince Gilligan. Also: Rick has a suggestion regarding Star Trek, and we wonder what a “akimbo” means.
    • Dawn is obsessed with The Wire, and we wank over season four.,
    • WEEK IN GEEK:  Aaron Duran discusses Slowpoke Rodriguez, the Boo Yah Awards (this Saturday), the Buffy Season 9 signing at Things From Another World (Hollywood, this Wednesday), and game developers getting huge tax breaks.
    • Oregonian music editor Ryan White talks Musicfest NW, and how it’s important to wear earplugs. Also: Boston cops on the lookout for guys with rented trucks moving stuff.
    • CLOWN WATCH:  Beaverton bus driver/clown accused of being pervy. Plus, Pennsylvania police solve a tough floating-doughnuts case.
    • Rick has to dispose of a dead cat, and Ryan talks about Willy Vlautin and the new Richmond Fontaine album.
    • Taco Bell presents “Doritos Locos Tacos” – tacos with shells made from Doritos.
    • SNUFF WATCH:  Cliff Robertson, 88.

  • Friday, September 9th, 2011

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]


    • Top of the show:  Big Jim Willig is here, sitting in for Rick! Dawn saw Attack the Block, and Jim judged Full Contact Karaoke.
    • Ben & Jerry’s to make “Schweddy Balls” ice cream, a vampire woman tries to eat a man in a wheelchair, and we discuss what smart vampires would do, if they were real.
    • PENIS WATCH:  Aussie pranksters draw a penis on Google Street View camera lens.
    • The new TV show Grimm films in Portland, and we discuss people who are famous for no good reason, and horrible reality television.
    • A man is found in charred underwear after his vodka still blows up, a zoo tiger kills her mate, men like pretty ladies.
    • CORPSE WATCH:  Finally, a Florida funeral home installs one of those liquefaction systems for corpses! Also: Florida to get a national elephant breeding center.
    • HUMOR ME: COMEDY 101 – The Kids in the Hall

  • Thursday, September 8th, 2011

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]


  • Wednesday, September 7th, 2011

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]


    • Top of the show:  Terms for male parts, a radio station that assaults you, Left 4 Dead voices, Glee chick does a black-eye photo shoot. Also: Dawn saw Contagion, and Sons of Anarchy
    • A man kills his friend for not helping to save his dog from a monkey.
    • PENIS WATCH:  Man wouldn’t have been arrested for cocaine possession if he hadn’t exposed himself.
    • 65-year-old gets boob job, and Rick asks a “Walk This Way” question.
    • GEEK WATCH:  Dragon Con is big, and strange, and loud.
    • Drunk man stuffs ribs down his pants, for the second time.
    • TASER WATCH:  Cop fires taser, taser malfunctions, cop is bitten and tased. Plus: a relentlessly awful Adam Sandler trailer.
    • Sons of Anarchy recap
    • True Blood recap

  • Tuesday, September 6th, 2011

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]


  • Monday, September 5th, 2011

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]


    Enjoy this installment of The Best of The Rick Emerson Show!

    • A listener thinks that the Godfather Part II theme sounds like “samurai music,” Rick talks about the Dungeons & Dragons cartoon, and we answer the etiquette question, “Do you unfriend a deceased acquaintance on Facebook?”
    • Chat Roulette makes money off naked men, Dawn got an email from a listener who’s a furry, listener Noah calls from New York (thus christening this version of the show) to explain that the Dungeon Master was Venger’s father. Also: Rick tells a story that he said he wasn’t going to tell today, and Dawn tells a story that she swore she’d never tell ever.
    • CORPSE WATCH: Guy tries to rob McDonald’s of food, with shotgun.
    • GREATEST SONGS EVER MADE:  Get ready to shake your rump.
    • Cattle ranchers hog-tie thief, and leave him pantsless in the snow. Plus: Internet etiquette, moderation, responding in anger, hate mail, and getting past trolling.
    • SNUFF WATCH:  David Nelson, dead at 74.
    • Brett Favre’s sister busted for making meth – also, R-rated movies, and we love the movie Jaws a whole lot.
    • TOP FIVE:  Rick’s Top Five Songs About Drinking, in honor of the anniversary of the Volstead Act.

  • Rick plays the new Everclear song, which is a cover, and which is absolutely dreadful.
  • Friday, September 2nd, 2011

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]


    • Top of the show:   Dawn watches Covert Affairs, and has weird taste in women. Also: What does “lanky” mean?
    • Hooray! Job growth in the U.S. stagnates! Oh, wait. This is bad.
    • Big Jim Willig is here, so all is right with the world.
    • TASER WATCH:  Cop tases mentally ill man who doesn’t fight back, and the whole thing ends up on YouTube.
    • A truck overturns in San Jose, which means free marijuana for everyone. Then a listener asks for advice on how to stay sober, so we talk about drugs (and not doing them) for a long time.
    • GEEK WATCH:  AMC announces a reality show about Kevin Smith’s comic book store. Also: Rick makes us all sad by telling us about Die Hard 5.
    • HUMOR ME: COMEDY 101 – Tina Fey

  • Thursday, September 1st, 2011

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]


    • Top of the show:  Google +, LinkedIn and other rhings that we’re now required to join, and computer things that no longer exist.
    • Man gets trapped in woods, cuts off his toes. Plus, more wanking about Netscape.
    • TASER WATCH: Man calls cops on himself for parking in handicapped spot, gets angry and tased. Plus, he cries in his mugshot.
    • Dawn thinks September is the best month of the year, and explains why. And a girl is bitten by a bat at Walmart.
    • GEEK WATCH:  Sony to release a rather spectacular home-theater-for-your-face.
    • Marks & Spencer send a customer a drawing of a dinosaur as compensation, a woman buys a wooden iPad in a parking lot, and a Swedish man is arrested for shooting at UFOs.
    • Finally: Our long-anticipated (not really) discussion of The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo.

  • Wednesday, August 31st, 2011

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]


    • Top of the show:  Dawn changes out of her hobo pants, and we discuss the smell of the ENN studio’s bathroom. Also: Sometimes the cables go wonky, and Bath & Body Works sells great (and awful) smelling stuff.
    • A man sets a trailer on fire and decapitates himself in front of his ex-wife. Plus: We like Keith David more than David Keith, action figures of unlikely celebrities, and getting a medical marijuana card.
    • Max still gets things off the counter, and has to take medicine for his heart – except that he won’t take the damn pills.
    • HICK WATCH:  A streaker at a NASCAR race also has a raccoon in his car.

  • Tuesday, August 30th, 2011

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]


    • Top of the show: Rick clears his throat, and we ponder the “30 days hath September” poem. Also: Listner e-mail brings a Rolling Stones pun, and Rick recounts his epic battle with a wasp.
    • A Fox reporter does a remote covered in “sea foam,” which is really raw sewage. And Obama says that the government with really, truly, help folks after Hurricane Irene, no seriously, he means it.
    • CLOWN WATCH:  A clown is arrested for drunkenly driving a golf cart, except he isn’t a clown, he’s just dressed badly.
    • An x-ray shows the aftermath of a pruning-shears accident, and we meet Steven Cross, World’s Worst Father.
    • True Blood recap:  Post-sex guilt, demon-headed witch boys, the return of Eric’s memory, and a genuinely well-crafted slice of familial bonding. And Dawn’s back watching The Wire, finally.

  • Monday, August 29th, 2011

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]


    • Top of the show: Listener gifts (Eye-wash cup! Caramel corn! Books on Japanese culture!), and we talk about the weekend’s Gathering of the Rickalos.
    • WEEK IN GEEK:  Aaron Duran talks about the Georgio Moroder Metropolis coming out on Blu-ray, the new DC titles hitting the shelves, and this weekend’s Portland Pirate Festival.
    • Oregonian music editor Ryan White talks to us about movie-montage songs, how there was a time when Lara wouldn’t watch movies with horses or accents, and then he watches helplessly as we talk about Scarface for a really long time. Also: He tells us about new music from Wild Flag, Blind Pilot, and Blitzen Trapper. Plus, he went to see the Decemberists, and discusses the loathing of audience member yelling “Freebird.”
    • CORPSE WATCH:  Rick says this may be the most horrible story ever read on the show. It feature maggots. Lots and lots of maggots.

  • Friday, August 26th, 2011

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]


  • Thursday, August 25th, 2011

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]

    • Top of the show:   Rick wants to create an emoticon with a monocle, and Steve Jobs steps down from Apple.
    • Oregonian Pop Culture reporter Kristi Turnquist joins us to talk about the new TV season, the bad acting on True Blood, whether The Playboy Club will be any good, fairy tale shows, incentive programs, and how we should expect lots of doctors, lawyers and dot-com billionaires this season.
    • A woman, nail polish remover, and a cigarette lighter. Also: Zippo lighters and women who smoke.
    • MICHAEL JACKSON WATCH:  MJ had a secret art studio, and planned a monument to himself.

  • Wednesday, August 24th, 2011

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]

    • It's another exciting installment of The Best of The Rick Emerson Show!

  • Tuesday, August 23rd, 2011

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]


    • Top of the show:   Rick ate too much pasta, and he explains the Acme Super Juicerator. Also, a woman tries to sell her five-year-old.
    • CLERGY WATCH:  Drunk priest stumbles, slurs and falls down during baptism.
    • SNUFF WATCH: Singer-songwriter Nickolas Ashford, 69.
    • A city hall shuts down over suspicious package, which turns out to be a box of light bulbs.
    • GEEK WATCH:  Thanks to “assortative mating,” nerds may have higher chances of autism.
    • True Blood recap: Monster boxes, vampire three-ways, an cuddly baby skeletons.
    • Jegging and pajama jeans – a primer. Also, unnecessary brain surgery, two men are found sleeping in caskets,and  a New Jersey baseball team holds a MADD fundraiser on beer pong night.
    • PENIS WATCH: A fellow fondles himself in the kid’s section at the library. Plus: Men, underwear, and why you should wear some.....

  • Monday, August 22nd, 2011

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]


    • Top of the show:   New words in the dictionary, Dawn sees Tommy Boy, and we
      wonder why Chris Rock is in such bad movies.
    • WEEK IN GEEK:  Aaron Duran discusses Halloween costumes, the Geek in the City
      listener event/Boo-Yah Awards, OMSI’s video game exhibit, and Apple product
      rumors.
    • Oregonian music editor Ryan White talks about moving to a different desk at
      work, men’s magazines, and how everything is influenced by Maxim. Also: Hit
      counters on websites, the upcoming Decemberists show, and the strangeness of
      Lemmy.
    • DARWIN WATCH:  Fire, gopher holes, death.
    • Portland named America’s “most promiscuous” city.
    • SNUFF WATCH:  Songwriter Jerry Lieber, 78.
    • Portland to move to every-other-week trash pickup.
    • Breaking Bad recap: Walt is dangerous, but not the way he thinks that he is.

  • Friday, August 19th, 2011

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]


  • Thursday, August 18th, 2011

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]


    • Top of the show:   Liberace, and how do people not know that some celebrities are gay? Plus: Portugal. The Man send doughnuts to Chicago police as a thank you, and an enormous snake shows up in somebody’s yard.
    • GEEK WATCH: Game developer challenges rival to settle lawsuit via Quake 3 frag competition.
    • Patrick has food poisoning – damn those grapes! Followed by a great deal of delicious food talk.
    • Breaking news: Two members of the West Memphis Three to be released.
    • “Extreme couponer” arrested for stealing newspapers.
    • PENIS WATCH: Doctor on trial for amputating patient’s penis without permission.
    • RELIGIOUS NUTCASE WATCH:  Jihadists threaten David Letterman for joke about dead leader.

  • Wednesday, August 17th, 2011

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]


    • Top of the show:  Dawn is bleary, and hasn’t eaten. Also: Cellphones used to be
      really big and expensive, and we have no idea what blood plasma is, or what they
      do with it.
    • Amoebas are eating people’s brains, and a cow gets its head stuck in a ladder.
    • GEEK WATCH:  Star Trek attraction in Jordan … which leads to far too much talk
      about the color of uniforms.
    • Man lures girls into his apartment with chocolate, licks one of them on the
      lips. Plus: Rick goes to a yuppie restaurant, and uses a Groupon.
    • Town shuts down fountain so that Phish fans don’t muck it up, and a man is
      arrested after refusing to give his ex her underwear back.
    • PENIS WATCH: Remember that South African pastor with the “invisible penis?” His
      family has cursed the villagers who set him on fire.
    • Kelly Clarke of Willamette Week calls to talk about “food incubators,” the
      Carolina Chocolate Drops, and the Fright Night remake (it’s good!)
    • Gunman sits in tower in Oklahoma with a gun for six days, and this it the first
      we’ve heard about it.

  • Tuesday, August 16th, 2011

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]


    • ....Top of the show:  Patrick’s discovered Dawn’s iced tea, Lara brusies easily, and all the things that are giving us cancer.
    • WEEK IN GEEK: Aaron Duran talks singing robot heads, DARPA’s audit, and Kirby vs. Marvel
    • Rule of Law: How many cookies/how much beverage must be left for your spouse.
    • We interview Betsy Brandt! Of Breaking Bad! And she’s delightful.
    • CLERGY WATCH:  Anti-drug pastor found dead in a hotel room, covered in drugs.
    • Also: a man crashes his truck into a Waffle House to try and kill his waitress wife.
    • TASER WATCH:  Teen stabs grandma and great-grandma with sword, cops get tase-y on him.....

  • Monday, August 15th, 2011

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]


    • Top of the show:  Dawn has a huge Arnold Palmer, Rick wonder who posed for the Mrs. Butterworth bottle, we discuss spit takes, liquid shooting out of the nose, and talk way too much about vomit. Also:  Rick guesses the plot of the new CW shows.
    • Oregonian music editior Ryan White talks about Portugal. The Man getting some of their gear back, artists who are more famous because they died, the new Jay-Z/Kanye West album, and the expense of sampling.
    • Dawn shares information about the new Conan movie, and an 85-year-old Spanish duchess gives away her money to her kids, gets engaged, and OH MY GOD SHE’S SCARY LOOKING.
    • GEEK WATCH:  Jeff Bezos wants to sell you airbags for your phone!
    • Breaking Bad recap:  Walter is further emasculated, Gus makes Jesse a hero, and the screws tighten further.
    • TOP FIVE:  Ryan White shares the top five songs he heard relentlessly when he was growing up.

  • Friday, August 12th, 2011

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]


    • Top of the show:  Baconfest, Bloody Marys, Hamburger Helper, and HamBeens. Also: Vegetable Thins. Also: VegOMatic. Also: Egg-shaped meat.
    • Jenny Heironymous calls to talk about the Friends of the Rick Emerson Show/Gathering of the Rickkalos picnic on August 27.
    • Big Jim Willig talks about the Poison-Motley Crue-New York Dolls concert at the Clark County Fair. Plus: Teen girl fight club!
    • RELIGIOUS NUTCASE WATCH:  Tennessee sheriffs believe prayer is responsible for meth busts.
    • SNUFF WATCH: Warrant singer Jani Lane, 47.
    • HUMOR ME: COMEDY 101 – Jerry Seinfeld

  • Thursday, August 11th, 2011

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]


    • Top of the show:  Rick is tense, and apologizes to Dawn for his expansive profanity between shows. Also, he hates MS Word, called an ex-girlfriend the “C” word, and can only watch the highest quality programming now that he has a giant TV.
    • Jaws is still amazing, and Dawn needs to rewatch Rounders.
    • A man is arrested for popping his zits outside McDonalds, and the underage prostituteaccusing Lawrence Taylor speaks.
    • TASER WATCH: Tasing and stabbing at church.
    • Sony lose 1.5 million CDs in London warehouse fire, and a woman gets a year in jail for blowing pot smoke at her 13-year-old ADHD son.
    • Rick sees a kid in a helmnet, and tries to get his shopping cart upstairs at Fred Meyer, and chooses not to mock a child in a helmet.
    • PENIS WATCH:  A man is helplessly aroused by Wal-mart.

  • Wednesday, August 10th, 2011

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]


    • Top of the show:  How long do unused MySpace pages exist? Remembering names and passwords for Facebook, and Adams/Adama – best typo ever.
    • Willamette Week editor Aaron Mesh tells us about the new Finder glossy magazine that tells everyone everything they need to Know about Portland.
    • GEEK WATCH: Portland goes Sim City, and there’s sad zombie news.
    • What Rick’s watching on his giant TV, and Tiger Woods is back wielding a club (if you know what we mean.)
    • PENIS/CORPSE WATCH:  “You got your fake penis in my medical cadaver!” “You got your medical cadaver all over my fake penis!”
    • Real estate developer scare off tenants with thousands of scorpions.


  • Tuesday, August 9th, 2011

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]


    • Top of the show:  When did people start adding “man” and “bro” to everything? Kristi Turquist is fashionable, Patrick’s new nighttime blood-cleaning, Zombie Gunship for iPhone, and Rick’s new TV is huge.
    • Despite the high mortality rate of Kennewick High School alumni, one woman says she wasn’t actually murdered. Also:  Whole Foods caves to right-wing pressure and won’t promote Ramadan.
    • CLERGY WATCH: Statute of limitations may save youth pastor from being charged for covering girls in honey, then videotaping them while they shower.
    • “Uncontacted” Amazonian tribe may have vanished because of drug dealers.
    • CANNIBAL WATCH: Man fights with friend, then slices of a tasty steak. Plus: A discussion of space-age bachelor pad music.
    • True Blood recap: Soft-core Sookie sex, vampire self-bondage, and rotting in a pink coffin.
    • Rick makes Dawn guess songs from their weird instrumental covers.


  • Monday, August 8th, 2011

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]


    • Top of the show:  Dawn drains his sinuses, and buys drapes at Goodwill. Rick announces an exciting guest for next week, and reprises his Leverage role as International News Reporter.
    • WEEK IN GEEK:  Aaron Duran talks about the Gary Gygax Memorial in Wisconsin, a loony Star Wars MMO player, Hollywood Theater offers 48-Hour Film Festival again, Domino’s brings back the Noid, and Anne Hathaway/Catwoman backlash.
    • Oregonian music editor Ryan White talks about the theft of Portugal. The Man’s equipment van, and his Pick-a-Thon experience.
    • PENIS WATCH: Man tucks girlfriend’s gun in waistband and, well, you know.
    • A boy gets shot in the head with an arrow, and a crazy Star Wars: Galaxies girl is crazy. Plus, Dawn gives an update on the Ham-Fisted Radio site redesign.
    • GEEK WATCH:  Bryan Cranston in talks to join World War Z.
    • Breaking Bad recap:  Dead-man karaoke, car wash scripts and road trips to the desert

  • Friday, August 5th, 2011

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]


  • Thursday, August 4th, 2011

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]


    • Top of the show:  Our Burgerville hangovers don’t stop Rick from easting five slices of pizza, motivation via punishment, feeding our dogs human food, and a listener asks what the hell there is to do in Pasco.
    • Ham-Fisted Radio’s website is down temporarily, and we bemoan the stupid things that happen because of stupid credit cards. Also: Comcast e-mail and Clear internet.
    • TASER WATCH: Father and son punching, tasing, and arrest.
    • GEEK WATCH:  AMC is screwing over Breaking Bad and Walking Dead because of all the money they throw at Mad Men. Also: Olivia Wilde is a coat-hanger.
    • Rick plays a portion of yesterday’s Funemployment Radio in which Greg and Sarah are challenged to voice creepy dolls. And Starbucks in New York City are discouraging patrons from plugging in their laptops.
    • SNUFF WATCH:  Bubba Smith, 66.
    • JOB WATCH:  OMG, we may be headed for a recession!

  • Wednesday, August 3rd, 2011

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]


    Mmmm....Burgerville.

  • Tuesday, August 2nd, 2011

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]


    • Top of the show:  What do they use to sweeten toothpaste, poop talk, the mystery of belly buttons and umbilical cords, Greg’s open sores and bug spray, and mothers torturing children with antiseptic.
    • NAZI WATCH: Portraits of Hitler’s parents for sale.
    • Jonny Marbles is sentenced, the government fails to fund the FAA, and Rick wants to know where his new headphones are. Plus: The amazing Kirby vacuum, and Casey Anthony’s being sent back to Florida for check fraud.
    • PENIS WATCH:  Creepy old man makes his housecleaner touch his junk.
    • True Blood recap:  Dawn almost gives up, what with the boring witches and the rape-y Spanish Inquisition vampires.
    • TOP FIVE:  The first five videos played when MTV first aired 30 years ago this week.

  • Monday, August 1st, 2011

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]


    • Top of the show: Patrick should have Bluetooth installed in his body, Facebook
      friends try to decipher the English language, and Dawn saw Captain America.
    • A Swedish woman is arrested for sheltering a hedgehog.
    • WEEK IN GEEK:  Aaron Duran tells us about the Batman carjacker, a Serenity/Dr.
      Horrible
      double feature, D.B. Cooper news, and how to shoot your loved ones into
      the sky.
    • Oregonian music editor Ryan White discusses the new Richmond Fontaine release,
      a Muppet tribute album, this weekend’s Pick-a-Thon, and the Shins show at Doug
      Fir next week.
    • Dawn reads an angry reader e-mail. Also: Chupacabra sightings are on the rise on
      Siberia.
    • Portland SlutWalk – how good of a name is that, anyway?
    • GEEK WATCH:  Surprising no one, HBO execs say they can’t promise the entire Game
      of Thrones
      book series will make it to air.
    • Breaking Bad recap:  Horrible house parties, petty theft, car wash negotiations,
      and the indignity of closed-circuit TV cameras.

  • Friday, July 29th, 2011

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]


    • We thank subscribers for sticking with us – you are amazing, and your loyalty baffles us.
    • Dawn took Xanax, and found it … okay. Rick runs out to get his VISO fix, and we talk about drugs for way too long.
    • Big Jim Willig stops by to discuss his workout regimen, a horrible audio clip that Rick inflicts on everyone, Indigo Girls, and why it’s okay to mock fat people. Plus: A woman survives the Oslo bombing, even though she has a spike in her head.
    • TASER WATCH: A radio-controlled helicopter of death, and cops tase a fellow after the Brewer’s Festival.
    • Woman dies – accidentally – after getting back-room buttock surgery, we talk about the similarities between food and sex, and Kielan calls to share some of his dating horror. This leads us to discuss bad pictures of ourselves, of others, and damn people who tag Facebook photos.
    • A man with creepy face tattoos is arrested for his fifth DUI.
    • HUMOR ME: COMEDY 101 – Jeff Foxworthy

  • Thursday, July 28th, 2011

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]


    • Are smoke signals like Morse code? Also: Deleting voice mails, USA Today will never go away, Rick goes to the Willamette Week party.
    • Alex Trebek chases down a burglar! Plus, Dawn watches So You think You Can Dance but missed Lady Gaga crying, and a cops look for a newborn baby while her mom auditions at a strip club.
    • CORPSE WATCH: Man thought dead and refrigerated for 21 hours. Also: Elton John’s costumes, and Rick’s carry-on tips. Plus, a man is accused by a crazy lady of being a pervert, but he’s not.
    • GEEK WATCH:  Designer of Stormtrooper helmet beats Lucasfilm in a lawsuit. And a listener asks if they should attend their high school reunion.
    • HICK WATCH: Aggressive driving in West Virginia increases after NASCAR races.

  • Wednesday, July 27th, 2011

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]


    • Dawn and Rick argue about styluses, and discuss the aesthetics of hobo shopping carts, and selling their great ideas like Rick Dees does.
    • Also: A Wal-mart customer is asked to put a shirt on because she’s kind of freaking everyone out.
    • Willamette Week’s Aaron Mesh calls to talk about the paper’s Best of Portland issue.
    • CORPSE WATCH: A man lives with his dead girlfriend (and a lot of air fresheners) for two months.
    • U.S.-born teen guilty of beheading Mexican gang members, and scientists say they’re on the way to a universal flu vaccine.
    • Cops fired for partying on the job, and a study finds that “sexting” is widespread among college students.

  • Tuesday, July 26th, 2011

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]


    • Rick is thrilled with a horrible photo of James Brolin’s son, and realizes that the National Enquirer is expensive. We also talk about returning underwear to the store, the Old Navy shopping experience, Bob’s Burgers, whether Rise of the Planet of the Apes will be horrible, and the Angry Whopper. Plus: Dawn has an encounter with a cool old man.
    • Blockbuster and Walmart compete to nab dissatisfied Netflix customers.
    • SNUFF WATCH:  Character actor G.D. Spradlin, 90.
    • We thank people for gifts! Booze, pens, and zombies!
    • A man operates on himself with a butter knife, Lane Bryant mannequins are hot, and clothing sizes don’t make sense.
    • PENIS WATCH: Melbourne fire officials ask that you please refrain from putting metal rings on your member.
    • Grandmother beats naked intruder with baseball bat.
    • GREATEST SONGS EVER MADE:  Mick Jagger puts you in your place … sexily.

  • Monday, July 25th, 2011

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]


    • Dawn’s dog has a strange sense of humor, we talk about the “27 Club,” Dawn may or may not have posted a picture of her lady parts on Facebook, and Rick watches reality TV all weekend.
    • WEEK IN GEEK: Rhys Ifans gets in a fight at Comic-Con, Hollywood Theater offers John Woo double feature.
    • Ryan White talks about how Kenny Chesney is the new Jimmy Buffet, Rick shares an odd Vegas experience, and we discuss the oddness of tribute bands and impersonators. Also: Fishermen catch 650-pound shark.
    • TASER WATCH: Three naked men and 10 tabs of acid. What could go wrong?
    • Is Rich Little dead or alive? Plus, Amy Winehouse, Jim Morrison, and whether one can die romantically any more.
    • Breaking Bad recap – everyone unravels in their own way.
    • True Blood recap – ten pounds of crazy in a five-pound sack.

  • Friday, July 22nd, 2011

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]


    We're joined by Mr. Todd Werkhoven, holding it down for the absent Dawn Taylor.

  • Thursday, July 21st, 2011

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]


    A truly fantastic show, on which we're joined by Mr. Eric D. Snider, ably filling in for the absent Dawn Taylor.

  • Wednesday, July 20th, 2011

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]


    • Top of the show:  Things that are fun-scary at amusement parks, and things that are just bad-scary, plus why Rick doesn’t ride roller-coasters.
    • Man goes on bungee ride to overcome fear of heights, but instead gets stuck and terrified.
    • CLERGY WATCH:  Philadelphia archbishop resigns.
    • Santas compete at World Santa Congress.
    • JOB WATCH:  Oregon unemployment stays basically the same.
    • Oregonian columnist Anna Griffin prepares for her year at Harvard, why baby-boomers are “The Lamest Generation, the 2030 bike plan and why “bike-friendly” is racist, and re-watching Battlestar Galactica.
    • GEEK WATCH:  Magical 15,000 square foot South Park pavilion at Comic-Con.
    • JACKSON WATCH:  Rich guy buys Thriller jacket, uses it to raise money for cancer kids.
    • Rick challenges Dawn and Anna to explain why they don’t celebrate public breast-feeding.
    • TOP FIVE:  Top Five Musicians Who Went to Harvard

  • Tuesday, July 19th, 2011

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]


    • Top of the show: The many ways you can reach us, how to profit from the return of Jesus, Rick once had a witch cast a spell on a public official, does WebTV still exist? and Rick rents a car before he goes to In-N-Out burger. Also: we create an urban myth from scratch, and engage in wonky tablet/app talk.
    • A woman grows a nipple on the bottom of her foot, and ICANN offers new domain names.
    • A listener questions what our deal is with Mormons, Rick questions the TSA rules regarding his hair products, and a woman is eaten by a lion.
    • TASER WATCH: Man resists arrest because he wants to know what it’s like to be tased. Plus: A woman fight because a three-year-old gets ahold of their gun, then unsurprisingly also have loads of meth lying around.
    • PENIS WATCH:  Couple awarded $4.6 million in botched-circumcision lawsuit. Also: What’s with the popularity of transsexual porn.
    • WEEK IN GEEK:  Avengers movie, Sony teams with Microsoft, and the Geek in the City Poker Invitational.

  • Monday, July 18th, 2011

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]


  • Friday, July 15th, 2011

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]


  • Thursday, July 14th, 2011

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]


    • Top of the show:  300, Patrick’s first dialysis, Breaking Bad comes back Sunday. Also, our dependence on/love of technology, and inanimate objects we fetishize.
    • Scott Dally may not love us any more, why do credit cards expire? And inappropriate, strange “Autotune the News” submissions.
    • Judge declares a mistrial in the Roger Clemens case, and Kielan’s dating mishaps lead to a discussion of various dating sites.
    • TASER WATCH:  A man keeps stabbing his ex even after he’s tased.
    • A mailman stops delivering mail because he doesn’t like a Chihuahua, and “manorexia” is on the rise.
    • PENIS WATCH:  Man has his friend give him tattoo; man realizes friend has tattooed a penis on his back.

  • Wednesday, July 13th, 2011

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]


    • Rick won’t loan Dawn a pen, and he contends that news doesn’t have to be new.
    • NY clerk
    • PENIS WATCH:  Woman cuts off husband’s penis and throws it in the garbage disposal.
    • Rick reads an e-mail from a listener who wants to know if he’s an inhuman monster. And we discuss whether Cagney & Lacey were hot.
    • Sister Wives family challenges anti-polygamy laws.
    • Willamette Week’s Kelly Clarke calls to discuss the horrors of durian fruit, the new (and last) Harry Potter film, a book from Bill Plympton, Music Fest Northwest
    • Man cuts off toes with lawnmower, dog eats them, and he dies.
    • Happy Days cast members sue for proceeds from slot machines, and a restaurant bans children.
    • Bill Gates wants to help the world’s toilet problems, “petworking” sites and Max’s love of jumping into boxes. Also, stupid things hat pets do.
    • AND: A man runs out of a porn store “engulfed in flames.”

  • Tuesday, July 12th, 2011

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]


    • Top of the show: We wonder what’s on USA Network, anyway, Dawn finishes Sports Night, we talk Palahniuk, Roald Dahl, kids’ books made into movies that outrage us, and early Superman scripts. Also: An update on Patrick’s dialysis, and that damn George R.R. Martin book is finally out, and a listener gave Patrick some Amazon money to get it.
    • Charlotte Church caught with her panties down, and a town makes the world’s largest Spam sandwich.
    • CORPSE WATCH: Twin brothers live with Mom’s corpse for three months.
    • Anti-gay Alabama attorney general turns out to be a big ol’ homosexual.
    • SNUFF WATCH:  Sherwood Schwartz, creator of The Brady Bunch and Gilligan’s Island.
    • NAZI WATCH: Neo-Nazi taunts black boxer and gets punched; Hitler gave blow-up dolls to soldiers.
    • True Blood recap: “You killed my fairy godmother!”
    • Principal hypnotizes students, they kill themselves, he’s told to knock it off. Also: Rick doesn’t believe in hypnosis.

  • Monday, July 11th, 2011

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]


  • Friday, July 8th, 2011

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]


    • Dawn teases a horrible stiry, and we talk about terrible videos people have sprung on us, Rick makes an impulse buy, and Dawn updates on Patrick’s medical stuff.
    • Big Jim Willig arrives, and tells us why he has black tape on his headphones.
    • Dawn reads an awful story about a woman, a dog, and anaphylaxis, which leads to way too much discussion of bestiality.
    • A creepy Albany man sends creepy text messages to (not actually) a 13-year-old, and NASA launches the last shuttle.
    • NAZI WATCH: Hitler’s hometown rescinds his citizenship.
    • Rick’s going to judge a burger contest! So we talk about Burgerville, and other burger places that we enjoy. Also: Trek in the Park is this weekend!
    • HUMOR ME: COMEDY 101 – John Ritter

  • Thursday, July 7th, 2011

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]


    • Dawn has a new Bluetooth device! Also: Hybrid cars, and things that people do so others will think they’re eco-conscious, plus a question regarding the clubbing of baby seals.
    • Album sales are up, Dawn makes a noise, a discussion of how hit records are made, and NASA isn’t going to Mars any time soon.
    • CLOWN WATCH:  Charlie Sheen to appear at the Gathering of the Juggalos.
    • A teenager kills a Scottish man because he thinks he’s a zombie, a small horse is found on a golf course, Rick buys shoes at Goodwill, and we love Chuck Taylors. (INSERT LONG SEGMENT TALKING ABOUT SHOES HERE.)
    • Ohio allows concealed guns in bars, and everyone hates people who drive Hummers.
    • GREATEST SONGS EVER MADE:  A brilliant song that didn’t make it to the album, but found its audience eventually.
    • Listener Jordan visits the studio!

  • Wednesday, July 6th, 2011

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]


    • Insane, late-night e-mails from Todd the Corpse, an app to help you talk to dead relatives, Yakof Smirnoff, and Rick makes Dawn guess with whom he video-conferenced.
    • Oregonian columnist Anna Griffin joins us to discuss folks blowing off fingers with fireworks, the “Pitiful Princess” strip club, sex clubs, and then Anna wishes she’d brought more actual news to talk about.
    • A grandmother hoses down a kid for eating too much bacon. Also: Voodoo Gumbo potato chips, pub cheese vs, Easy Cheese vs. Velveeta.
    • JOB WATCH: Unemployment benefits to go up. Plus, U.N. says women’s rights still need work.
    • TASER WATCH:  Tampa officers fight over key, one gets shot, both are stupid.

  • Tuesday, July 5th, 2011

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]


    • Dawn and Rick celebrate Independence Day with peanut butter and honey, and Aaron Sorkin. Also: Rick goes to the Tin Shed, Dawn goes to Fat City Café.
    • Big Jim Willig joins in to talk about great restaurant ideas, memories of What’s Happening? and a woman smuggles her husband out of prison in a suitcase.
    • DARWIN AWARD:  A diver drowns, and an anti-helmet biker cracks his skull.
    • Dawn plays a new game called “Hillbilly or meth addict?” and Justin Timberlake buys MySpace. Also: Google’s new social network, and we want to make out with Justin Timberlake. We also want powdered whiskey.
    • True Blood recap:  Dawn makes it sound so much more clever and nuanced than it really is.

  • Monday, July 4th, 2011

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]


    • Hola, mi amigos–we'll be back on Tuesday with a brand-new bushel of whatnot; in the meantime, enjoy this trip back through Time's Portal...to a land of mystery and wonder...a time filled with magic, majesty, and men named F-Matt Peterson.

  • Friday, July 1st, 2011

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]


    • It’s not a crazy Thursday – it’s a crazy Friday! Also:  Names, and changing them, and living with strange ones.
    • Dawn’s finally figured out that she’ll almost never get to the news she teases!
    • Andy the Man Who Was Formerly Home-Schooled brings us cinnamon rolls, which is awesome. Plus: Keith Richards reads his own autobiography.
    • Big Jim Willig joins us, a little more slender and peeved that we tempted him with cinnamon rolls. Rick talks about radio station “listener food,” and visiting listeners at home.
    • HUMOR ME: COMEDY 101 – Robin Williams

  • Thursday, June 30th, 2011

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]


    • Top of the show:  Ordering and using checks, banking and phone apps, Dawn’s time at OHSU because of Patrick’s damn kidneys, and her spirit guide gives her a pen.
    • Tuesday had “dude energy, and we discuss Dan Baird, the Georgil Satellites, and Hank Williams, Jr.’s "Fax Me a Beer."
    • Rick provides an update on Lara’s attempts to find a date for her friend, arcane Mormon dating rituals, and why Kielan is like nachos.
    • “Mayors Against Illegal Guns” say that folks shouldn’t be able to seel them to each other; how legal are full-auto weapons, anyway?
    • PENIS WATCH: British nurse provides legal, but stupid, back-alley enlargements.
    • RELIGIOUS NUTCASE WATCH:  Kudzu Jesus!

  • Wednesday, June 29th, 2011

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]


  • Tuesday, June 28th, 2011

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]


  • Monday, June 27th, 2011

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]


    • Top of the show:  Blackstar and the animated Pac-Man, and Dawn watched True Blood for some reason.
    • California won’t be banning video games, and apparently junk food ads make kids want junk food.
    • WEEK IN GEEK:  Aaron Duran talks about the California video game law, whether Shakespeare smoked weed, and Daniel Craig marrying Rachel Weisz.
    • Max Brumm challenges us to a softball game, and Lara wants to fix her friend up with Kielan.
    • DEMOCRACY ON THE MARCH:  Michelle Bachmann announces her candidacy, and confuses John Wayne with John Wayne Gacy.
    • CORPSE WATCH:  Woman has husband’s body exhumes after he was buried with the wrong teeth.
    • True Blood recap – Glowing fruit, Gary Cole, witchy boyfriends and cage-fighting.

  • Friday, June 24th, 2011

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]


    • Top of the show:  A virtual Japanese pop star, a rape-y man gets his tongue bitten off, and G. Gordon Liddy’s self-defense advice. Also: Sinuses are weird. And Philo’s afraid of flies.
    • Big Jim Willig stops by to talk about weight management and motivation.
    • An unknown Brazilian tribe is discovered, and a douche pilot talks trash while his mic is still on.
    • PENIS WATCH:  Soccer player gets red card for penis piercing, and Dawn knows what to do when civilization collapses.
    • We want a website where we can see Bruce Lee fight a bear, and Rick shares a story about an unusual show pitch.
    • HUMOR ME: COMEDY 101 – Madeline Kahn.

  • Thursday, June 23rd, 2011

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]


    • Topics: Dawn’s hand smells like meat., holding doors for ladies, doing the courtesy wave in traffic, and driving behaviors that make us crazy. Also, we learn the term “j-honk,” and we don’t know how motion sensors work. Plus, Dawn has a new gadget for her iPhone.
    • Woman takes BDSM relationship too far, like with a shotgun. And we talk about compelling documentaries, because we’re all smart and stuff.
    • Teacher wants his job back after being fired for sleeping with a student. Who wasn’t his student, doesn’t live in the same county, and was over 18.
    • Teenager breaks iPhone, makes it explode, hilarity ensues.
    • TOP FIVE:  Weird Al Yankovic’s top five style parodies.

  • Wednesday, June 22nd, 2011

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]


    • We discuss Dawn’s hair, Rick wonders what henna and kohl are, and we make lame observations about gender roles. Also, we have trouble remembering birthdays, and Dawn isn’t a smoker anymore.
    • Songs from Al Yankovic’s new album!
    • Anna Griffin joins us to talk about how awful the Lloyd Center is, recall fond memories of record stores, and reveals herself to be a “word nerd.”  Also: Listening to Pandora and Grooveshark, and taping stuff on VHS so you can have it forever.
    • Twin Peaks – it was awesome, but Rick shouldn’t bother to go back and watch it, because the second season blew.
    • Anna Griffin’s son likes snakes; Anna Griffin does not.  Also: Anna talked to Max Brumm!

  • Tuesday, June 21st, 2011 - Happy anniversary!

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]


  • Rick goes over his notes for today’s guests, and tries to guage how much he can embarrass Dawn. Also: Rick still hasn’t bought a nosetrimmer, he shares something he overheard at Plaid Pantry, and relates his awesome experience at the Apple Store.
  • Kevin Bell of Oregon Ice Works talks about today’s “Sliding Scale Scoop Day” to benefit Children’s Cancer Association.
  • It’s the one-year anniversary of the show! Plus, Rick dealt with a hot chick at a makeup counter and had to use his super-human powers of maintaining eye contact.
  • A man robs a bank with anthrax. No, wait, it was poop.
  • GEEK WATCH:  A  man kills his mom’s boyfriend with his medieval battleax.
  • The Killing finale – critics are big spoiled babies.
  • CLOWN WATCH:  Off-duty cop, dressed as a clown, shoots and kills and idiot who tries to rob him.
  • Naked man flees police with cocaine hanging out of his butt.

  • Monday, June 20th, 2011

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]


    • We’re angry at The Killing, and our spouses refuse to accept when we don’t answer the phone. Also: nose hair trimmers, getting your eyebrows groomed, Rick has an issue with his iPhone, and Dawn had an unexpected mishap on the way to work.
    • WEEK IN GEEK:  Aaron Duran talks Boilerplate event at TFAW, the death of Spider-man, HBO pulls in massive ratings for Game of Thrones.
    • Oregonian music editor Ryan White stops my to talk about male facial hair and Clarence Clemons. Also, a garbage man finds a snake in a KFC trash bin.
    • RELIGIOUS NUTCASE WATCH:  A rabbinical court orders the stoning of a dog, because it’s a reincarnated lawyer.
    • SNUFF WATCH:  Jackass performer Ryan Dunn, and the Big Man, Clarence Clemons.
    • Rick and Ryan agree to watch Treme and The Wire, respectively.
    • The Killing recap:  Dawn’s mad, Rick’s resigned, we think Bennet’s wife should have recognized Stan … and now we wait.

  • Friday, June 17th, 2011

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]

    • Dawn discovers a new grocery store and eats lamb; Rick spent the night cleaning out his hard drive. Also, we make guesses as to the murderer will be in Sunday’s finale of The Killing. Then Dawn changes her guess.
    • Big Jim Willig discusses the ensmallening of his Ghostbusters shirt, and we talk about things that don’t make fat people look better.
    • CLOWN WATCH:  Hungarian protestors dress as clowns and march on parliament.
    • Dawn plays a Father’s Day song from a Warner Brothers cartoon, and we talk about the weirdness of Bugs Bunny and Foghorn Leghorn.
    • HUMOR ME: COMEDY 101 – Ed O’Neill

  • Thursday, June 16th, 2011

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]

    • Dawn keeps secrets, Greg and Sarah interviewed Paul Mooney, Rick solved mysteries, and Dawn found more odd stuff in her new home. Also, Greg and Sarah locked themselves on the roof again, and Rick needs to shave.
    • New York legislators hammer out gay-marriage details, a woman is arrested for damaging her boyfriend’s testicles, and experts find that college students like to drink and sleep.
    • HICK WATCH: Trailer park man with gun and sword punches mom in face.
    • Breaking news:  Metallica teams up with a mystery artist for a new project.
    • CORPSE WATCH:  Man stashes grandma in a closet.
    • Aaron Cronan, creator or Cognition: The Robot Uprise, talks about his new comic.
    • A Japanese man films little girls’ spit, and a sheriff’s deputy shoots himself in the leg.


  • Wednesday, June 15th, 2011

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]


  • It’s Seumas’ birthday! Also: LulzSec is flooding Magnets.com with calls (and World of Warvraft and the FBI), and we talk about the Motel 6 experience.
  • Breaking news: Ammonia leak and evacuation at Alpenrose Dairy!
  • Dawn plays – and wins! – Geek trivia, and Rick uncovers the most horrible radio station on earth.
  • Aaron Mesh of Willamette Week calls to talk Tree of Life and the Stumptown Coffee sale.
  • We hear from an AC/DC cover band and learn the phrase “tight as a clam.”
  • TASER WATCH:  Man tasered for not turning down loud music.
  • Dawn feels bad for Steven Seaweed,  old man with fake breasts is found, Russian customs seize smuggled elf lips and bear paws, and we shop for mammoth parts.
  • PENIS WATCH:  African man’s girlfriend gets snippy.
  • TOP FIVE:  Billboard hits for September 10, 1977 – when Seumas’ parents might have been doing it.

  • Tuesday, June 14th, 2011

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]


    • We call LulzSec and listen to their message; Dawn eats pub cheese and does laundry, Rick reads Keith Richards’ book, and we talk a whole lot about The Killing.
    • GEEK WATCH: New words in the Oxford English Dictionary.
    • Woman uses Facebook to catch creepy husband, and a Utah station refuses to air The Playboy Club TV series.
    • HICK WATCH:  “Druggy buddies,” a broken windshield wiper, and a baseball bat. Oh, and marijuana.
    • Boehner will play golf, a woman steals a lot of meat, and someone takes grandma’s ashes to Goodwill.
    • Dawn wats to wear wigs, Gene Simmons and Shannon Tweed seem pissy on Today, and Burger King Japan markets spam burgers to women.
    • PENIS WATCH: Woman awarded largest sexual harassment payout ever after being hit in the head with a penis.
    • TOP FIVE:  The top five Billboard hits from December 8, 1973.

  • Monday, June 13th, 2011

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]


    • Top of the show:  Dawn eats salad, the name “Showpony” is a like a thing that isn’t like another thing, The Killing ruined Rick’s sleep, and Dawn discovers some oss things about her new rental.
    • WEEK IN GEEK:  Aaron Duran tells us about an Emmanuelle film showing at the Hollywood, Superman won’t be such a nice guy in the new DC reboot, and the new superhero is a racist construct.
    • Rick is menaced by squirrels, we revisit Jurassic Park and Michael Crichton.
    • GEEK WATCH: Superman gets a new outfit, and a British county is unprepared for zombies.
    • SNUFF WATCH:  Jeanne Bice, of QVC’s “Quacker Factory,” 71.
    • The Killing recap:  OMG it’s the guy we were sure it couldn’t be because it was too obvious!

  • Friday, June 10th, 2011

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]


    • Someone calls and hangs up, ruining the entire show.  Well, not really, but it does get us to talking about Skype.  Also: Vancouver’s anti-pit bull legislation, and dog DNA tests.
    • Pasting your kid’s face on a naked woman’s body is creepy, but not child porn,  says an appeals court.
    • TASER WATCH:  A cop uses a taser to get a cow to go back home. Then uses it again. And again.
    • Big Jim Willig stops in, and agrees that Wal-mart is a fine place to shop, McDonald’s food tastes good, and the inevitable talk about electrical sex toys and self-pleasuring devices. Plus, memories of MTV programming.
    • SNUFF WATCH:  Mietek Pemper, the guy who typed Schindler’s list, 91.
    • HUMOR ME: COMEDY 101 – The brilliance of John Candy

  • Thursday, June 9th, 2011

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]


    • Top of the show:  Richard Dreyfuss reads the Apple terms of service agreement, Dawn moved (and is already annoying the guy downstairs), and dog behavior. Yes, we talk about our dogs. Also: Rick watched the godawful Twilight: Breaking Dawn trailer, and Newt Gingrich’s staff quits.
    • Man cuts up ex’s clothes and pees on her computer, a woman goes nuts and buys clothes for random Mexican women.
    • CLOWN WATCH:  Woman arrested for robbing a bank while dressed as a clown.
    • Women warned about glass staircase in courthouse, and an IT guy rigs ladies’ computers so he can watch them shower.
    • Rick shares his (partly nekkid, hippy-trippy) isolation/floatation tank experience.

  • Wednesday, June 8th, 2011

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]


  • Tuesday, June 7th, 2011

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]


    • Listener Leo writes in about how we almost made him giggle at a funeral. Also:  “Amazing Grace” scares Cheryl’s cat, how to recall/unsend an email, complaints about MS Word, the upcoming Wii U, and Dawn’s still trying to move. Oh, and two people die in a freak bear collision.
    • GEEK WATCH:  You can now get a PhD ion manga studies!
    • A traveling evangelist is arrested for pepper-spraying a cop, Rep. Weiner may have providing PR help to a porn star, old folks get very lost on their way home from a family gathering, and the German chancellor’s honored, even though they won’t help us in Libya.
    • Rick’s reading Keith Richards’ book while listening to Johnny Depd read Keith Richards’ book.
    • TASER WATCH:  A suicidal woman drives around very slowly before being tasered and jailed.
    • Rick reconsiders the KISS Kruise, and plays some Peter Carlin sound bites.

  • Monday, June 6th, 2011

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]


    • Rep. Weiner admits that it was, indeed, his weiner, while journalists prove yet again that they have no shame.
    • WEEK IN GEEK:  Aaron Duran tells us about “Halo 2,” DC Comics’ reboot of everything back to Issue 1, the Playstation game giveaway, and Steve Wozniak says that “the robots have already won.”
    • RELIGIOUS NUTCASE WATCH:  Man swims to the Statue of Liberty because God told him to.
    • Sarah Palin explains Paul Revere, and her followers change Wikipedia to support her version, the head of IMF swears he wasn’t rape-y with that hotel maid, a pant-sless off-duty cop chases a neighbor kid, and a woman grabs a guy’s butt.
    • SNUFF WATCH:  Disneyland Golden Horseshoe Revue stars Wally Boag, 90, and Betty Taylor, 91, die within days of each other.
    • Bouncy house horror!
    • The Killing recap -- Linden’s dumbass kid goes missing.

  • Friday, June 3rd, 2011

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]


  • Thursday, June 2nd, 2011

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]


    • Dawn is happy to be Showpony, and we need to call a vacation from being outraged over mispronunciations. Also: We miss cover art, Philo’s still scared of everything, more Blake Lively chat, and Dawn had a cat-poop emergency in the middle of the night.
    • Kielan King comes in to talk about his epic musical sci-fi project, The Star Pilot’s Lament.
    • CORPSE WATCH:  Woman checks into motel, it smalls “hella bad.” Plus, more Blake Lively boob talk.
    • Fox attacks five people, lured with bunny noises.
    • MONKEY WATCH:  South African residents burn talking monkey with.
    • Kielan talks about whether it matters where a musician is based, and why he likes it in super-white Portland.
    • TOP FIVE:  Kielan rhapsodizes about his top five favorite star pilots.

  • Wednesday, June 1st, 2011

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]


    • Taser Monkey! “Code Monkey!” And Blake Lively’s got boobs. Also: Rick wonders where periods go, again.
    • Discuss: How long can you be gone from a store and still return to tell them they shortchanged you? Also: New dessert idea – “penis in a cloud.”
    • Hotels to install panic button to protect maids from rape-y guests. And Rick is doing the sensory-deprivation thing this weekend. Plus, doing nothing on vacations and Rick is unimpressed by Loch Ness.
    • New remix of Coulton’s “Code Monkey.”
    • MONKEY WATCH: Monkey escapes Kansas City Zoo. Plus, Glenn Beck gets into the publishing game.
    • PENIS WATCH: 1) A lady cuts one off, and 2) A congressman isn’t sure if a photo is of his.

  • Tuesday, May 31st, 2011

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]


    • Rick’s narcissism keeps him from seeing things on Facebook that aren’t about him. Also: Zombie Economics offends a listener’s boss, and Stumptown Coffee may be sold.
    • A urinating man falls down, has to be rescued. And Dawn has blue nails, Rick hates the term “sheeple,” and hundreds of people embrace his Twitter comments about restaurant websites that use PDFs of menus.
    • Dawn talks about Game of Thrones (at least as much as she understands of it), and a listener tells us he watched The Wire and tried Pub Cheese because of us. Another listener offers us a chance to watch British TV on the sly. Plus, Sarah Palin in the Lady Gaga of politics.
    • CORPSE WATCH:  Harold Camping says that on Oct. 21, bodies will be flung from graves. Ick.
    • Songs that sound like other songs, and a shoplifter is mowed down by a car after stealing lotion and soap.  Also, Rick has an encounter with a Hawaiian man who wants eight dollars.
    • Conversational flow moves us from Mike Ness to Tom Waits to Warren Zevon to Patti Smith’s book Just Kids.
    • HICK WATCH:  There’s some stabbin’ in the mud pit at the Redneck Games.
    • TASER WATCH:  A fellow wields a sword on Vancouver’s SkyTrain.

  • Monday, May 30th, 2011

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]

    • Top of the show:  Egg creams, Zod vs. ZOG, Sex Wax, and Joe Mantagna. Also: Dawn saw I Am Number Four, and thought it was kind of awful.
    • WEEK IN GEEK: Aaron Duran calls to tells us about the Superman II midnight movie, Legolas in The Hobbit, and a website hack that claims Tupac and Biggie are living in New Zealand.
    • A discussion of Lady Gaga, why more artists don’t copy Madonna, and the weirdness of the song “I Am My Hair.” Also, forgiving people who don’t know that everything is a knock-off of something else, master music vs. non-mastered music, and Rick listens to the soundtrack to L.A. Noire.
    • Swine flu vaccines cause narcolepsy, the KKK faces down Westboro Baptist Church.
    • PENIS WATCH:  Canadian Tory candidate says “hackers” posted his penis picture to his Twitter account.
    • Joe Mantagna hosts Memorial Day concert, and Warren Zevon was nuts, in a lovable way.
    • Rick makes several quick observations, and we recap The Killing -- also, we anticipate The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo.

  • Friday, May 27th, 2011

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]

    Top of the show: Sigfried is odd, and has a very nice home. Also, Dawn’s not moving and OMG there’s a KISS Kruise!

    Big Jim Willig stops by to talk about the rain outside, driving on slippery streets, and Rick’s bad driving when he was a teenager.

    CLOWN WATCH: “Aggressive clown” yells at woman on train. Plus: We make further plans for the Emerson News Network Scary Clown.

    A conversation about dollar store bargains leads into a news story about a woman biting bags of jerky.

    HUMOR ME: COMEDY 101 -- Dennis Miller.

    Sigfried Seeliger pops in to discuss the Zombie Film Festival at the Hollywood Theater.


  • Thursday, May 26th, 2011

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]

    • There’s a new radio station in Portland, and it sounds kind of stupid. Also: Dawn’s stressed, and Oprah did her last episode.
    • PENIS WATCH:  North African man burned to death after seducing women with his magical penis.
    • TV trays = white trash, but heated floors are awesome. Plus, chat about the Skymall catalog, and stories about staying in fancy hotels.
    • GEEK WATCH:  Chinese prisoners are punishing people by making them play World of Warcraft.
    • Cloverfield, The Host, Super 8 -- monster movies and viral marketing. Plus: Portal -- is it worth it?
    • HICK WATCH:  Trailer park fight features machete vs. cinder blocks.
    • Facebook founder Mark Zuckerberg kills his own meat.

  • Wednesday, May 25th, 2011

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]

  • Tuesday, May 24th, 2011

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]

    • We start with: Season seven of House sucked, AND it was 23 episodes long! Also: Knowing famous people on  Twitter and Facebook, Accidentally inviting everyone in your address book to something, and how to be interesting on Twitter.
    • Our good friend Anna Griffin is a fellow! In the journalistic, going-to-Harvard sense.
    • Oprah tapes final episodes, and the behaviors of billionaires like Gates and Buffett.
    • RELIGIOUS NUTCASE WATCH:  Hasidic Jews firebomb lawyer’s house for not worshiping a local synagogue. Plus: Do you say the “@” in front of a Twitter name?
    • DARWIN WATCH:  Doomsday followers off themselves in anticipation of Armageddon.
    • machine.
    • Couple start shooting inside house, kill washing machine. And a man becomes enraged when he can’t get a chicken leg, exposes himself.
    • House recap -- There are some crazy, crazy House fans on the Internet, and the season finale was terrible, terrible, terrible.

  • Monday, May 23rd, 2011

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]

    • Top of the show: What was that stuff they sprinkled on playground vomit when we were kids? Also: Welcome new listeners, Dawn has itchy feet, Byron Beck has no sense of personal space, and Dawn lost all the music on her iPod.
    • Rick talks about Friday’s Roger Clyne show at Dante’s, where he met listeners and the sweatiest man alive.
    • WEEK IN GEEK:  New Dark Knight viral marketing includes first look at Bane, Hobo with a Shotgun at the Hollywood Theater, and May of the Dead events -- ‘Zombie Game Day’ on Saturday at Guardian Games, and Zombie Film Festival on Sunday at the Hollywood.

    • Dawn’s dog ate a half pound of butter; Rick watched Twilight: Eclipse, and we discuss all the ways the Twilight universe could be better.
    • Oregonian music editor Ryan White talks about the ridiculosity of Lady Gaga, and why more artists don’t just go balls out, bat-poop crazy.
    • OBAMA WATCH:  You can get an official birth certificate T-shirt!
    • SNUFF WATCH:  Joseph Brook, writer of “You Light Up My Life,” 73.
    • Ryan has an upcoming piece on Sally Ford in the O.
    • The Killing recap:  Most. Disturbing. Ending. Ever.
    • Top Five songs that were once embraced unironically, but now make us cringe (inspired by “You Light Up My Life.”)

  • Friday, May 20th, 2011

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]

    • We start with jokes that maybe too soon, but remake them anyway. Also, Dawn got a massage and acupuncture, and didn't shave her legs.
    • Househusband Dave calls to say he wants chocolate, and Rick enjoyed the days when he was a kept man.
    • Rick cleans up his house at the last minute and seeks a place to dump an old toilet seat. And people who talked about Lost sounded like they had Alzheimer's.
    • Big Jim Willig drops in, and we talk World of Warcraft, Nell, and the menu at Applebees.
    • SNUFF WATCH: 'Macho Man' Randy Savage, 58. Plus: Extra bonus wrasslin' talk! And a guy falls asleep in other people's houses after filling his pockets with Drakkar Noir and sausages.
    • HUMOR ME: COMEDY 101--Steve Martin

  • Thursday, May 19th, 2011

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]

    • We kick off with Sid & Marty Krofft talk, we compare flavors of Laughing Cow
      cheese, Dawn is starting her chocolate business back up, and we bemoan the
      sweet, addictive deliciousness of Trader Joe’s pub cheese.  Also: Oklahoma teens
      are setting themselves on fire for fun.
    • HICK WATCH: Two Broward County geniuses steal 30 pounds of chicken nuggets.
    • CORPSE WATCH: Crematory owners stacks up extra bodies in the Arizona sun. Plus:
      White House puts kibosh on staged photos.
    • CLERGY WATCH:  Catholic Church says that sexual abuse is all because of those
      dirty, dirty hippies.
    • The CDC uses zombies to educate the public. Genius! Also: Rick blows his nose,
      and Dawn grosses him out by talking about her sinus infection.
    • Rick plays awesome themes from Krofft shows, and a horrible Banana Splits song.

  • Wednesday, May 18th, 2011

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]

    • Seumas calls in with breaking geek news. Also, Todd the Corpse recommends “spill porn” for our niche videos, Dawn gets her new laptop, and she can’t meet Meat Loaf because he’s in New York.
    • One guy steals guitars and sells them for too little, another guy steals boots and wear them to work.
    • CORPSE WATCH: Man finds corpse, finishes yardwork before calling cops.
    • Willamette Week screen editor Aaron Mesh calls in to talk about turning 30, the WW “Devour Guide,” and his hatred of Hobo with a Shotgun.
    • Sarah X. Dylan calls in to find out why people are saying she should be licking Xbox controllers.
    • Dawn gets Rick’s input on a vexing question from Geek Trivia, and we discuss Kindle formatting

  • Tuesday, May 17th, 2011

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]

  • Monday, May 16th, 2011

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]

  • Friday, May 13th, 2011

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]

    • Big Jim Willig joins us!
    • First up: Friday the 13th movies, Dawn’s tired of being made of meat, and Rick gives us an overview of his reading/signing for Zombie Economics.
    • Jim talks to us about movies on VHS (Crossroads! Basket Case!) and memories of video stores.
    • A woman shoots an intruder nine times, Rick meets a guy with a knife at Plaid Pantry, and Oregon’s speed limit may go to 75.
    • CANNIBAL WATCH:  Man answers cannibal’s ad, discovers the guy actually wants to eat people.
    • PENIS WATCH:  Circumcision. Infection. Enshortening.
    • We read e-mails from listeners, and a story about a theief who “suffers injuries in a fall” after tangling with Marines.
    • HUMOR ME: COMEDY 101 – Rodney Dangerfield.


  • Thursday, May 12th, 2011

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]

    • It’s Thursday, so things go squirrelly right from the start. This is how it always is: Feeling Bieber on Skype, Rick doesn’t like Mountain Dew, and “Space Wind” is a soda and a deodorant! Also: Rick had to compete with a toxic chemical cloud for air time.
    • A man leaps to his death from the tallest building in Dubai. Also: A Craigslist ad gets us talking about the Rapture, and Rick tells a sad story about not getting his hamster blessed.
    • CLOWN WATCH:  Oklahoma is unfamiliar with Juggalos, apparently. With bonus mugshot goodness.
    • Patrick Warburton’s nutcase Christian mom hates Family Guy even though her son’s on the show and she’s never seen it
    • NAZI WATCH:  An actual Nazi is convicted for actual Nazi warcrimes. Also, you’ll now know what Mexican Hitler would sound like.
    • We try to figure out terminal velocity, because we’re obessed with spatter patterns and dead bodies and creepy, creepy things.
    • PENIS WATCH:  Drummer Steven Adler recalls being “devastated” by the massive torpedo that is in Steven Tyler’s pants.

  • Wednesday, May 11th, 2011

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]

  • Tuesday, May 10th, 2011

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]

  • Monday, May 9th, 2011

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]

    • Ryan White and Aaron Duran are both sick, but Aaron calls anyway. Geeky and phlegmy! Plus: Dawn and Rick would like to avoid the plague, and Dawn saw Thor.
    • WEEK IN GEEK:  Germans mistakenly use a Klingon insignia on TV, and a town bans coin-op vodeo games.
    • Dawn got a massage, and Rick wants to go in a sensory deprivation tank.
    • SNUFF WATCH:  Three deaths – Actresses Dana Wynter and Sada Thompson, and musician John Walker.
    • PepsiCo unveils a vending machine/social networking thingie with which you can purchase ‘Random Acts of Refreshment.” No, we’re not making this up.
    • The Killing recap:  What the hell is in the freezer?

  • Friday, May 6th, 2011

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]

  • Thursday, May 5th, 2011

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]

    • Top of the show: Should we add a logger to the show? Digital stuff that looks low-tech, what we love and hate about CG effects, “Old Spice – Smell Like
    • Daddy,” and memories of our grandmother’s houses. Also, dreadful perfumes and colognes, and other things that smell good.
    • We remember Reader’s Digest, and a guy threatens to jump off the Ross Island Bridge.
    • Justified recap:  It was the season finale? Now what do we do on Wednesday nights?

  • Wednesday, May 4th, 2011

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]

    • Rick and Dawn have a tiff, then discuss inappropriate itching and body odor.
    • A tanker train catches fire on Highway 30, and there are cheap tacos on Cinco de Mayo!
    • Dawn goes to Geek Trivia, and asks Rick some of the night’s questions.
    • Talk about T-shirts goes on waaaay too long. And an ex-Playmate is found mummified.
    • TASER WATCH: Naked, bloody man found in woman’s house eating raw chicken.
    • Should bin Laden death pictures be released? Also, some people are morans. Many of them are on the Internet.
    • Rick plays samples from strange, awful KISS albums.

  • Tuesday, May 3rd, 2011 (NOTE: today's program contains explicit language)

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]

    The Best of The Rick Emerson Show

    Today (May 3rd, 2011) marks the release of Zombie Economics: A Guide to Personal Finance, and Rick is spending most of the morning and afternoon pimping and whoring like nobody's business. Things return to a relative kind of normal on Wednesday the 4th. Until then, enjoy one of the most-requested shows of the past year: a visit from Peter Carlin.

    +++

    Our good friend Peter Carlin (columnist for The Oregonian) joins us for what turns into a three-plus-hour discussion of KISS, Paula Abdul, sex clubs, KUFO, and his upcoming book on Bruce Spingsteen. I don't think I'm overstating things when I say that it's a standout show by any measure. (Really, it's worth it just to hear his story of interviewing Gene Simmons on a golf course.)

    As you might have seen above, it's also one of the rare programs that contains profanity -- nearly all of it from Peter. Unsurprisingly. Listen accordingly.


  • Monday, May 2nd, 2011

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]


    • Special guest:  Oregonian music editor Ryan White!
    • Top of the show:  Where is Ocean Shores, Washington? Also, TV shows that make
    • you crazy when you have to wait a week, Star Blazers news, second-hand Royal
    • Wedding viewing, Dawn goes to pirate trivia and talks to tech support.
    • WEEK IN GEEK:  Aaron Duran talks about the guy who tweeted the Osama attack,
    • Netflix requests for Navy SEALS explode, robot apocalypse news, and Superman
    • renounces his citizenship.
    • Terrible fashion trends – pointy shoes, maxi dresses, and more.
    • Where are people from Star Search now? OMG – Rick’s never heard Sam Harris sing
    • “Over the Rainbow!”
    • SNUFF WATCH:  Osama bin Laden’s dead, finally. Also: A dealer sells pot cupcakes
    • to high school students.
    • Ryan geeks out about Raphael Saadiq, and other fabulous new bits of musical
    • awesomeness.
    • TASER WATCH: Kid tased for wearing baggy pants.

  • Friday, April 29th, 2011

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]


    • Special guest: Big Jim Willig!
    • Top of the show: Jane Krasinski, Mayim Bialik, daddy men vs. sibling men, and dating divorced people.
    • Big Jim joins us to talk about varied musical tastes (ex: Primus, pro or con), and special boxers that absorb fart smells.
    • HICK WATCH: Teacher goes nuts, eats Taco Bell, and takes off clothes. Also: Rick talks about DJs he’s known that went crazy, and a guy who chose the worst DJ name ever, and a woman hires a hooker for her 80-year-old dad.
    • CLOWN WATCH: Man in a clown suit gets arrested after picking up blackmail money.
    • Rick saw Silence of the Lambs again, which gets us all talking about great suspense films.
    • HUMOR ME: COMEDY 101 –The career of Tracey Ullman.

  • Thursday, April 28th, 2011

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]


  • Wednesday, April 27th, 2011

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]


    • Guest: Oregonian columnist Anna Griffin!
    • Top of the show – penis size, South Park, the word “manhole,” and who played Janine in Ghostbusters.
    • Mortal Kombat reboot, playing characters that look like you (or don’t), catching viruses in video games.
    • OBAMA WATCH:  The birth certificate thing, the Donald Trump thing, and how the hell do you get a birth certificate, anyway?
    • A seminar promises to “grab you by the ovaries,” there’s a new Piranha 3D flick, Cheryl has an avatar of Rick on Wii and it can’t played baseball; best and worst Buffy villain, and much, much geeking out about that series.

  • Tuesday, April 26th, 2011

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]


    • Why is there so much clown news? Also: Things you’d stop while channel-surfing to look at, why men go to Hooters, best villains on Buffy, and memories of The Mayor.
    • Dawn has a disturbing dream, and we share a few creepy dad stories. And a man urinates on cough drops at Walgreens.
    • RELIGIOUS NUTCASE WATCH: Man visits Christian radio station and gets all rape-y.
    • GEEK WATCH:  Nintendo announces successor to Wii; Mireille Enos (The Killing) cast in World War Z movie, which is filming in Malta.
    • Rick needs a landline to do interviews, and realizes he has no idea how to get a landline.
    • SNUFF WATCH:  Singer Phoebe Snow
    • Eating at chain restaurants – wing places, Panera Bread, Red Robin and other spots.
    • We call Aaron Duran to tell him a story about a burglar stealing human hair, and a man steals flowers from a store after filling out a job application.

  • Monday, April 25th, 2011

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]


    • First up: Rick talks Yo, Teach, Dawn takes more crap from listeners, and Todd the Corpse teaches both Jesus and science. Also: Dawn takes a picture of Patrick that looks like Rick, leading to a discussion of Dawn’s nose fetish and Rick’s attraction to Jewish chicks.
    • WEEK IN GEEK:  Aaron Duran discusses Constantine going back to DC, the upcoming Wonder Northwest pop-culture convention, and Chitty Chitty Bang Bang (it’s for sale!)
    • Oregonian music editor Ryan White and Rick talk about their appearance at a Portland Art Museum event, plus how Rick learned to drive in an Econoline van, his chat with M. Ward, new music by Fleet Foxes and the Beastie Boys,
    • A retarded guy flirts with Dawn. She decides to count it as a win.
    • HICK WATCH: Huge man soothed by cops with lollipops. And a woman finds an alligator in her house.
    • SNUFF WATCH:  Sony chairman Norio Ohga, credited with developing the compact disc.
    • TOP FIVE: Top five songs Rick had to play with his family’s country-western band.
    • The Killing recap: Still creepy, still a mystery, still insanely good.

  • Friday, April 22nd, 2011

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]


    • Dawn has crazy things in her brain, and Rick gets an unnerving email about
      somebody’s iPhone.
    • Michael Lohan says people don’t understand the necklace thing, and Taco Bell
      believes that they’re owed an apology.
    • TASER WATCH: a GUY IS TASED AT Universal Studios after being generally nuts and
      belligerent.
    • Big Jim Willig tells us about his carpal tunnel, and discusses the perils of
      cheap candy. Plus, he brings us Mexican snack foods, and shares hilarity from
      porn parodies.
    • CLOWN WATCH: Someone steals the Shriners’ clown-shrinking machine.
    • HUMOR ME: COMEDY 101 – Roseanne Barr.

  • Thursday, April 21st, 2011

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]


    • Oh, parody songs, how we love you. We need one for Crazy Thursdays. Is there a song about Thursday?
    • Dawn finishes season tow of The Wire, and Rick plays a terrible, terrible Glenn Frey song.
    • Ryan White of the Oregonian reports on Coachella, talks about Cee Lo Green and Kanye West, dancing to PJ Harvey’s autoharp, and the smell of the festival.
    • Apple – very not-green when it comes to their power. Also: Sarah really, really wants Rick to see Scream 4.
    • CANNIBAL WATCH: Pakistani brothers rob graves and eat people.
    • A half-naked woman drives around with a bird in her car, a man’s killed by a 3,000 pound log, and we boggle over mugshots of a) a man with half a face, and b) a man with a half a head.
    • Justified recap: More deep analysis of hillbilly crime drama.

  • Wednesday, April 20th, 2011

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]


    • First up: Memories of St. Elsewhere, retarded people having sex, Millennium quotes, and terrible, terrible books that we’ve read.
    • Willamette Week screen editor Aaron Mesh reminds us of Riding the Bus With My Sister, and talks about the Eat Mobile food cart event.
    • Dawn asks Rick how he feels about brunch, and finds a job selling basement cheese.
    • DEMOCRACY ON THE MARCH: If you live in Iowa and have brain damage, you may still be able to get a gun!
    • Candles recalled for fire hazard, a pig’s head buried outside a Belgian mosque, an old couple are stung to death by bees, and Colt 45 debuts a fruity, kicky, new malt liquor for spring.

  • Tuesday, April 19th, 2011

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]

    • First up: “Helicopter” penis, Dawn’s wacky sleep cycle, and Rick’s makeup. Also: Seumas sends insight as regards 3rd Rock from the Sun.
    • SNUFF WATCH:  Elizabethe Slader, Doctor Who’s Sarah Jane, dies at 63.
    • Dawn asked Rick to put a new cartridge in the printer. Hilarity ensues. And by “hilarity” we mean “bickering.”
    • Cockfighting lobby seeks to block Alabama state bill, a woman smuggles at 18-pack of beer under her shirt, 81-year-old man clocks robber with frying pan.
    • We talk Game of Thrones, and why sci fi/fantasy is so Eurocentric; also, why some times of fiction appeal to certain types of people, and the perspective of “geeks of color.” Plus, Facebook stuff (as in: why doesn’t it work correctly?)
    • NAZI WATCH: A smoke bomb ruins Hitler’s birthday party.
    • A man spots his stolen car when he stops behind it at a red light.
    • House recap: Amber Tamblyn and a couple of chickens get screen time.
    • GRETEST SONGS EVER MADE:  An honest song about an aching and doomed man, which may not be true … yet is utterly sincere.

  • Monday, April 18th, 2011

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]


    • Rick and Dawn both failed at Stumptown Comics Fest, Lara stayed out all night and Rick didn’t sleep, and Dawn watched Network, so much movie-nerding ensues. Also: Rick saw the movie Rubber, which is so effing French.
    • WEEK IN GEEK: Aaron Duran talks Stumptown, the upcoming Dark Horse Presents signing, and a bacon contest.
    • Rick pimps his Zombie Economics trailer, and brings new lotion into the studio. Plus, we’re both weird about spoons and the texture of cereal.
    • Construction materials are stolen … four times … from the site of a new jail.
    • CLOWN WATCH: Robert Pattinson remembers his tragic first time at the circus.
    • A woman says a man “charged” her bicycle in his electric wheelchair.
    • CLERGY WATCH: Christian school’s volleyball coach thinks he’s sexing up an underage girl online, but – oops! – it’s a cop. Also: How would you protect yourself legally if you were role-playing online?
    • Scottish butcher sells “world’s hottest sausage,’ and Alabama celebrates the semi-clean-up og the Gulf.
    • GEEK WATCH: Man buys fake Aliens guns, customs thinks they’re real guns, court rolls eyes at stupidity.
    • TV RECAP:  Dawn is mostly through season two of The Wire, and we recap The Killing – everyone’s a suspect!
    • TOP FIVE:  The top five songs that Dawn had to listen to when she was growing up.

  • Friday, April 15th, 2011

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]


    • Rick discovers that there’s no Wikipedia entry for “auctioneer.” Also, country music is rife with novelty songs, Dawn brings Rick some Buddy Bars, and then Rick tells of a magical restaurant filled with bouncy toys.
    • Dawn cleans her apartment before the maintenance guys come, and Rick recalls his wife’s cleaning before the cleaners came.
    • Big Jim Willig discusses the Plaid Pantry candy store (“I’ve been gorging my sugar hole”).
    • Obama gives a speech about hoe awesome he is, and lawmakers seem to lack credibility.
    • HICK WATCH: A man’s beloved goat is returned, and he’s just a little too happy.
    • HUMOR ME: COMEDY 101 – Bill Murray.

  • Thursday, April 14th, 2011

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]


    • Rick gets an offer to interview himself, and remember the original MTV VJs. Then we talk about last night’s signing by David Walker and Mike Russell at Bridge City Comics. Also: Rick hates on the caps lock key, and Dawn asks what the point is of LinkedIn.
    • Discovery launches a network for rich guys, and a man attempts suicide by nail gun, and Patrick brings Dawn ViSo when she asks him.
    • GEEK WATCH: White iPhones to be released soon, maybe.
    • Microchips track stolen robes and towels from hotels.
    • A country song brings back horrible childhood memories for Rick. So he plays it, and it is, indeed, horrifying.
    • PENIS WATCH:  A Dubai housekeeper gets choppy on her harassing employer.
    • Justified recap: Dickie’s too uppity, Walton Goggins is amazing, and what’s the attraction to Winona, anyway?

  • Wednesday, April 13th, 2011

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]


    • Dawn can’t sleep, thanks to Russian neighbors who barbecue in the middle of the night and Patrick’s restless legs. Then things get awkward. Very, very awkward.
    • Boy is born with an extra strand of DNA, yet still can’t make people explode with his mind.
    • PENIS WATCH: Iceland museum gets pickled human member. Also: Update on possible serial killer case.
    • The Oregonian’s Anna Griffin talks about showing Raiders of the Lost Ark to her eight-year-old son. Also: The disappointment of Tim Burton, and crap 3-D.
    • Rick’s mom going to Vegas for her 75th birthday, where she’ll swim with sharks. Also, she wants to see a “man show.”
    • Man killed by poisonous pet snake, and a Yale student dies when she gets her hair caught in a lathe.
    • MLS soccer is here! And has great advertising, too.
    • David Walker calls to talk about his signing at Bridge City Comic of Darius Logan: Super Justice Force, and his heroic actions during a post office kerfuffle.
    • We have a mini book club, and talk about what we’re reading right now: The Lexicographer’s Dilemma, Room: A Novel, The Longships, and  Triumph of the City.


  • Tuesday, April 12th, 2011

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]


    • First up: Words that should have apostrophes but don’t, and vice versa. Then Dawn talks about her weird dream, and Rick plays some truly awful audiobook work. Also: Dawn sent an email with typos, and everyone geeks out about language.
    • HICK WATCH: A poll purports that 46% of Mississippi Republicans think interracial marriage should be illegal.
    • SNUFF WATCH: Jerry Lawson, creator of the first cartridge game system, dies.
    • Rick goes to Kinko’s, which is now FedEx Office, and it sucks.
    • TASER WATCH: Alaska game officials have outlawed tasers for hunting, but what about “catch and release” tasing?
    • GEEK WATCH: 1) Commodore 64 is back!  2) the Winklevoss twins will have to take
    • $65 million and like it.
    • House recap: The return of Thirteen, a mostly unmemorable patient-of-the-week, and spud guns.

  • Monday, April 11th, 2011

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]


  • Friday, April 8th, 2011

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]


    • A Christian “Friday” cover, and BarFly Award nominations for Sarah and Fatboy. Plus: Dawn hasn’t seen the Rebecca Black video, which makes her a traitor and a bastard person.
    • Dawn’s not eating healthy, which makes Rick think of Syd Barrett, and Dawn talks about her day off.
    • There’s new Facebook stuff again – why Facebook e-mail, anyway? Also: A man finds a snake in his chair, and Donald Trump is a birther. Or not. Either way, he’s making everyone talk about it.
    • A Japanese man dumps his RealDoll in the woods.
    • CLOWN WATCH:  Another creepy clown like kiddy porn.
    • Cop pepper-sprays baby squirrel, and a government shut-down would probably close parks.
    • PENIS WATCH: New York attorney charged with harassing, groping and and masturbating in front of assistant.
    • Naked man fires AK-47 at SWAT robot.
    • TOP FIVE: The Billboard top five for October 29, 1983.

  • Thursday, April 7th, 2011

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]


  • Wednesday, April 6th, 2011

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]


  • Tuesday, April 5th, 2011

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]


    • Rick reads email from listener Debi, who demands recognition for her birthday!
    • Also, we like Hugh Laurie and Blackadder, Rick asks where “spoilers LOL” comes from, and we go crazy for AMC’s The Killing.
    • Rick shares his chick-lit ideas, many of which are more than publishable.
    • CANNIBAL WATCH: Pakistani brothers make curry. People curry.
    • Charlie Sheen’s porn friend Kacey Jordan is sad that people don’t appreciate his “comedy.”
    • Hatchet fish: The Sleestak of the Sea.
    • CLOWN WATCH: Moscow Circus told to take down giant inflatable clowns.
    • Timothy Geithner says that the U.S. needs to “get real” about the debt ceiling.
    • NAZI WATCH: A 1942 submarine mission, run by doofuses.
    • Rick reads an email about one KPAM listener’s reaction to our shenanigans, a woman is arrested for driving drunk (and naked), and we learn about Super President.

  • Monday, April 4th, 2011

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]


    • Dawn talks about her trip to Bi-Mart that was sidetracked by a visit to Sonic Drive-In, where she has chili-cheese tater tots.
    • The oil rig company whose equipment exploded in the Gulf of Mexico gives their executives bonuses.
    • RELIGIOUS NUTCASE WATCH: Vatican says that exorcisms are on the rise, because the Internet promotes Satanism.
    • Oregonian music editor Ryan White talks about the Soul’d Out Music Festival, session musicians on old blues records, and some of the great live shows that are coming up.
    • Dawn reads a deeply nuts vegan/freegan/hippy/”humyn” ad for roommates from Craigslist.
    • PENIS WATCH: Andrew Lloyd Webber says his penis doesn’t work. Also: Much talk about penis pumps, devices, and porn-store weirdness, plus sensory deprivation tanks, and sleeping great in hotel rooms.
    • Rick rhapsodizes about AMC’s The Killing.

  • Friday, April 1st, 2011

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]


    • Dairy Queen food: Cheeseburgers, Moolates, and Rick driving with his knees while sucking down a Blizzard. Also:  Dawn watches Grey’s Anatomy, in which everyone sings, and Lara watches Army Wives.
    • Cocktail waitresses fired for not looking good in the new uniforms, and TriMet driver gets punched in the face.
    • More talk about Blizzards! And a man creates huge mountain of glass on his lawn.
    • Big Jim Willig arrives, and we talk a lot about sex – toys, preferences, devices, and the weirdness of the human brain.
    • TASER WATCH: Knife-wielding, bed-ridden, tasered granny case goes to court.
    • CORPSE WATCH: Woman has mummified fetus inside her for 30 years.
    • HUMOR ME: COMEDY 101 – We talk about Andy Kaufman (spoiler: one of us likes him, two of us don’t.)

  • Thursday, March 31st, 2011

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]


    • Rick missed Justified, and instead watched West Wing DVD extras, and we discuss cable surfing.
    • Infected IVs infect and kill patients in Alabama, and a man busts down a motel room door to punch out his wife’s date.
    • Oregonian columnist Anna Griffin joins us to discuss her recent trip to California, the quest for good coffee, and being a regular customer who has to stop going somewhere because they start talking to you too much. Also: Portland wants to build a streetcar to Lake Oswego!
    • Movie-theater executives think sales are down because movies aren’t very good.
    • TOP FIVE:  Rick share the top five songs he hears while shopping at Winco.

  • Wednesday, March 30th, 2011

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]


    • Rick and Dawn finish their three-day stint at KPAM, and are giddy with exhaustion. Also, Rick may not be wearing pants the next time you see him.
    • Las Vegas announces mob-related attractions, and Amazon debuts their Cloud Drive music service, leading to a comparison of that versus Napster.
    • CLOWN WATCH:  Dawn has her own personal scary clown.
    • 30th anniversary of Ronald Reagan’s assassination attempt.
    • JOB WATCH: As the economy looks ever so slightly better, people want out of their horrible, terrible jobs.

  • Tuesday, March 29th, 2011

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]


    • We talk radio stuff, plus we’re old and remember our first experiences with “the Internet.” Also: Is Usenet still there?
    • A chicken truck crashes, a bikini-clad woman brawls in Burger King, and a guy in fishnets threatens to “stab folks up.”
    • TASER WATCH:  A murderer is subdued with pepper spray, batons and tasers.
    • Brains are goofy! Dawn’s very tired, and explains that by “cobbler,” she means “vagina.”
    • A campaign finance reform story reminds Rick of the videogame Toobin’.
    • Twitter – “influential” isn’t the same as “most followers.”
    • Mad Men negotiations stalled over product placements, running time, and cast cuts. Plus: A tanker truck explodes and kills the driver.
    • GREATEST SONGS EVER MADE:  Even old guys can record amazing music. See: Leonard Cohen.

  • Monday, March 28th, 2011

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]


  • Friday, March 25th, 2011

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]


    • Comedic musical geniuses Paul and Storm are in studio with their colleague Mike Phirman, sharing their origin story, talking about the first songs they loved, and singing “Enormous Penis” for us. They also agree that most “musical comedians” are terrible, sing “Opening Band” and discuss the appeal of Wil Wheaton and the new world of geek culture. And Mike Phirman – who performs with Paul and Storm at the Aladdin – plays his song “That Was Me.”
    • Then Big Jim Willig joins us – he and Rick went to the KUFO “wake.”
    • A man accidentally shoots himself in the face, and Dawn and Rick will be on KPAM on Monday.
    • PENIS WATCH: There’s a world map of average penis sizes. And Jim tells us about condom sizes and erection pills.
    • HUMOR ME: COMEDY 101 – Steven Wright.

  • Thursday, March 24th, 2011

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]


    • Rick speaks fondly about Shel Silverstein, and Dawn bemoans her dying computer. Also: Rick has issues with mis Mac, and suggests Dawn raise money for a new laptop buy promising flashes of boob.
    • Then, Rick explains that he missed Justified because he’s just so busy, talks about the KUFO “wake” he attended, and worries about his furnace. Plus: The old Solid State Radio/Talker name change, and one of the worst ideas for a station listener-club ever. And a BYU student is fired for swearing.
    • CLOWN WATCH: An Irish man is beaten by baseball-bat wielding clown ninjas.
    • A house for “maternity tourists” is shut down in California.
    • Sammy Hagar says he was contacted by aliens, and Tommy Tutone is at every concert in Portland. Plus: More discussion of the “anti-gay” iPhone app.
    • Rick talks about the most amazing hand-drying experience that he’s ever had.

  • Wednesday, March 23rd, 2011

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]


    • Rick forgets his new exclamation, had a dream about celebrities dying in droves, and Twitter makes him angry.
    • Dawn tried to use an iPhone app to track her period, but it turned out to be temperamental, and Rick comes up with the idea for a “little black book” app.
    • A man loses a chunk of his arm to a shark, and we are nerds who read books.
    • CANNIBAL WATCH: Cannibal killer’s murder site as “like walking into an abattoir.”
    • Joe Squires, proprietor of Squires Electric, makes us all a little smarter by explaining nuclear power, how bombs and power plants work, and the whole Japan-earthquake-reactor connection.
    • Justified recap: Are you watching it yet? Are you?
    • GREATEST SONGS EVER MADE: A song that ought to be hateable – but is, instead, beautiful and memorable.

  • Tuesday, March 22nd, 2011

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]


    • We start the day with talk about Daniel Baldwin, Freakonomics, and getting our James Woods “True (INSERT WORD HERE)” movies straight. And Rick welcomes new listeners!
    • Daniel Baldwin is a rapper! No, really. Plus: Pole dancing for Jesus, and memories of the Pimp Squad.
    • CHENEY WATCH:  HBO and writer from The West Wing gear up for a miniseries about the Dark Lord.
    • It’s time for Juggalo Championship Wrestling on pay-per-view!
    • Rick asks New York theater-goers about the Spider-Man musical, and Dawn’s caught up on Breaking Bad.
    • House recap – worst ending of an episode ever? Also, Shameless? Eh.
    • AND: Paul and Storm will be her this Friday!

  • Monday, March 21st, 2011

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]


    • Dawn survived the week without Rick, just barely; Rick talks about New Jersey and his horrible bargain New York hotel.
    • WEEK IN GEEK:  ThinkGeek makes another April Fool’s gag a real product, Hollywood Theatre to show Dolomite, and Aaron talks about the Beaverton signing of La Brujeria.
    • Dr. Phil tells a guy that aliens are invading, or at least the guy thinks so after smoking synthetic marijuana.
    • Oregonian music editor Ryan White calls to discuss SXSW (and why he didn’t go), how The Decemberists are big everywhere, and that crazy Charlie Sheen lecture tour.
    • GEEK WATCH: New Wonder Woman costume revealed.
    • Dawn knew a girl who made a video with Ron Jeremy, and Rick tells all about eating meat by the pound in New York, and the Trey Parker/Matt Stone Broadway musical The Book of Mormon.

  • Friday, March 18th, 2011

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]


    • The Week Without Rick concludes with Dawn welcoming Willamette Week screen editor Aaron Mesh and Big Jim Willig to talk about sober St. Patrick’s Days, alcoholic parents, and Aaron’s drinking snobbery (he’s a “classy drunk.”)
    • Then Dawn shares her Top Five Songs About Overcoming Adversity, following a brilliant rendition of The Count’s counting song by Dawn, Aaron and Jim.

  • Thursday, March 17th, 2011

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]


    • Rick is still out of town -- and it’s St. Patrick’s Day! So it only makes sense that Dawn would have David Walker in studio to talk about his new young-adult adventure novel, Darius Logan: Super Justice Force.
    • First, Dave explains that he’s publishing it under the name “D.F. Walker,” so parents/potential readers will not be scandalized when the Google him. We also discuss The Quiet Man, David’s haircut, and whether or not teenage boys actually read.
    • Also: Using the brain for more than staring at TV, the need for heroes that are relatable, and the potential for greatness that lies within us all.

  • Wednesday, March 16th, 2011

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]


    • Sarah X, Dylan joins Dawn to talk about the technical problems that kept them from reading the news earlier, listeners being mean,and Rick's ability to make even problems beautiful. Also: Taking pills (Dawn is for, Sarah's against), sleeping weird, and falling down stairs. Then Sarah's Funemployment Radio and Sportlandia co-host Greg Nibler arrives to explain The Vagina Monologues.
    • Rick calls from New York, and Skype miraculously works. He tells us about The Book of Mormon: The Musical on Broadway, how (and why) he ate a massive amount of sausage, and tells tales of his flophouse hotel.
    • Greg talks about practicing with his band, Courage, and then points out that the beer Dawn and Sarah have been drinking contains 9.9 percent alcohol,which may be why they've gotten kind of toasted.
    • Then it's on to another "Best of" episode of The Rick Emerson Show!

  • Tuesday, March 15th, 2011

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]


    A big pile of Best O’ Emerson goodness awaits, including:

    • By request, National Lampoon's "Deteriorata"
    • A discussion of radio fetishists, and their obsessive collecting of airchecks
    • A selection of terrible commercials written and recorded by Rick over the years
    • The Rick Emerson Show interview with Marky Ramone!
    • A classic installment of "How Chicks Think" with Jolie from the Front Desk

  • Monday, March 14th, 2011

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]


    Rick’s out of town, so Dawn  (just barely) takes control for the first hour, teaming up with Big Jim Willig to discuss:

    • Jim’s experience over the weekend at Ron Jeremy’s birthday party, including a white birthday cake and a scary Hustler chick!
    • The Emerson News Network’s fine showing at the Sleep Country Pajama Bowl!
    • How Jim got a customer at the pron store to give back two dollars that he stole from the tip jar!
    • Dawn’s new, overly long pants, and the weird randomness of women’s clothing sizes!
    • A Geek Watch, about Albert Einstein and pi/pie!

    THEN:  We transport you to the past to enjoy a gem from the Rick Emerson Show archives, during which you will enjoy:

    • Bloodrock's "DOA" (by request of many people)
    • The infamous, unintelligible Steven Segal interview
    • Tim Riley talks about cancellation of "Muslim Fun Day" at a theme park
    • Rick and Sarah devolve into total nerddom re: Star Wars and Harry Potter

  • Friday, March 11th, 2011

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]


    • We e-mail listeners to ask about them during earthquakes – because we care! And we discuss bumper-sticker philosophy, and the Sleep Country Pajama Bowl team – we’re number two!
    • Tsunami hits California coast, and woman goes to court with tiny monkey in her bra.
    • CLOWN WATCH:  Clown robs Subway, locks employee in freezer.
    • Big Jim Willig arrives in overalls and a mullet wig. Why? We don’t know.
    • TASER WATCH:  Lawn-mowing neighbor gets a beat-down.
    • “Sour belch” leads to mother-in-law violence.
    • HUMOR ME: COMEDY 101 – Eddie Izzard, genius.
    • 15-year-old tased at school, Jon Cryer admits to being a troll, cops look for guns at Sheen’s house.

    Weekend plans: While we go bowling, Jim will be at Ron Jeremy’s birthday party. Also: Weird porn conflagrations.

  • Thursday, March 10th, 2011

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]


    • Rick once got a tree branch in his eye, and Dawn is still plugging her laptop into the giant TV. Also: The Wire, Breaking Bad and how/why men lie.
    • What Rick will be doing during the break (New York! Big city! Mormon musical!) And a burglar breaks into a house with his four-year-old in tow.
    • CORPSE WATCH:  Phrase of the day – “skin slippage.”
    • Next week Dawn will have to push all the buttons, and is afraid she’ll break the show. Plus, “Snoop” Pearson from The Wire is arrested in a DEA bust, and Rick plucks a nose hair.
    • A wild cow escapes from zoo and terrorizes camels, and Rick explains the Heisenberg Uncertainty Principle. Also, he’s filled with weariness, and doesn’t want to talk about it, until he does.
    • Cookies track your every move on the Internet, and that’s not so bad. Also, Walgreens has a cool prescription app, and we complain about stupid things like traffic and e-mail.
    • An armless woman sues McDonald’s for being insensitive jerks.
    • GEEK WATCH:  16-bit Hobo with a Shotgun game coming to iPhone and iPad.
    • Justified recap:  If you’re not watching this show yet, you really, really need to be.


  • Wednesday, March 9th, 2011

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]


    • Rick is worried about what happened to Rocco’s Pizza, Dawn’s getting over the virus that’s taking everyone out. Also, Dawn recommends Shameless and Bob’s Burgers, and we remember the animated Clerks.
    • Kelly Clarke of Willamette Week taks Cheap Eats – the dining guide is out, and we discuss tasty tofu (really), ice cream, “fishy chips” and strip mall cuisine.
    • CANNIBAL WATCH:  Swedish man sentenced for cutting girlfriend’s head off and eating some of her parts.
    • CLERGY WATCH: Philadelphia archdiocese suspend 29 priests over abuse allegations.
    • McDonald’s co-opts “winning,” which proves that Charlie Sheen’s hotness is fading.
    • PENIS WATCH:  caregivers play fun game involving photos of old folks’ genitals.
    • We wonder what yeast is, exactly; a caller suggests we watch the British Life on Mars. Also, Dawn loses a gel tip from her ear buds, and Rick discovers the joys of Bluetooth. And we talk about how retarded we are when it comes to directions.

  • Tuesday, March 8th, 2011

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]


    • Dawn tries to decide whether to take cold medicine while Rick explains that he had a dickens of a morning. Also, Dawn saw Red Riding Hood and doesn’t want to look like Joe Cocker with breasts.
    • Charlie Sheen looks terrible, and Mubarek doesn’t get to keep the millions he stole. Then we wonder what we’d do if we suddenly had millions of dollars.
    • Listeners Jenny and Ron stop by to talk about Sleep Country Pajama Bowl, plus it’s Jenny’s birthday, so we talk about her immune system.
    • HICK WATCH:  Woman pulls out her teeth and throws them. Also: the creepy Tick-Tock restaurant.
    • PENIS WATCH:  Circus dwarf will not get to do penis tricks at Oxford University.
    • Rick’s going to New York, so he checks out what Expedia says about his hotel. Then he open birthday gifts from Rob – cheese-food product and bungee cords!
    • Jenny’s daughter suggests Rick might enjoy some truck nuts, and Dawn’s horrified to discover what those are.
    • House recap:  Yeah, yea, more of the same. Only with dancing.

  • Monday, March 7th, 2011

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]


    • Dawn has a cold, and expresses her appreciation for fizzy Alka Selzer cold medicine.  Also:  Charlie Sheen’s Ustream feed was kind of boring, and Rick had actor Chris Serrone (the young Henry Hill of Goodfellas) on Outlook Portland, who told him about eating cannolis with Scorsese.
    • WEEK IN GEEK:  Aaron Duran talks about Guillermo del Toro’s direction of H.P. Lovecraft’s At the Mountains of Madness (finally!), a fellow who used all his meth money to buy comics, and the Geek in the City bowling team seeks donations for Sleep Country Pajama Bowl.
    • Oregonian music editor Ryan White stops by to tell us about his beard, kvetch about airport security, and talk music – specifically, a Salem musician who’ll have a song featured on Jersey Shore, and local band The Slants, who can’t get their name trademarked.
    • Northwestern University administrators look into a live demonstration during a human sexuality course.
    • TASER WATCH:  Man says, “You can’t tell me what to do” to cops, tasing follows.
    • Charlie Sheen fired; witches cast spell on him.
    • CORPSE WATCH: Guy goes crazy, cuts off mom’s head and leaves it on porch.
    • TOP FIVE:  Top five songs to which Rick might have been conceived.

  • Friday, March 4th, 2011

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]


    • Rick tells a horrible story about biting his tongue as a child, Dawn meets Michael  Ian Black, it’s time for Sleep Country Pajama Bowl, the soundtrack for Take Me Home Tonight is strange, and we love casseroles. Also: What’s the deal with Eddie Money, and the usual chat about snacks (nachos make Rick angry).
    • Big Jim Willig recounts his recent comedy exploits, talks about how comics get booked, the pain of seeing Dustin Diamond onstage, and how hard it must be to do stand-up after you’re famous.
    • A man is arrested for driving erratically, but explains that he was being pleasured by his passenger.
    • CLERGY WATCH:  A very drunk priest exposes himself to cops, then threatens them with Oprah. Plus: More talk about songs, cartoons and TV shows that it doesn’t seem like anyone else has seen.
    • HUMOR ME: COMEDY 101 – Bob Newhart!
    • TOP FIVE: Rick’s top five songs to get into show mode (finally!)

  • Thursday, March 3rd, 2011

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]


    • Rick woke up to a “big Skype boob.” Also: Finding people/yourself on Twitter, Arbitron and why radio stations hold contests on Thursdays, recursive tweeting, and attractive ladies from the movies.
    • Oregonian columnist Anna Griffin joins us to talk about Netflix, Star Trek and Star Wars, the fact that there’s just too much crap to watch on TV, and Rick’s anger over the re-ordering of The Chronicles of Narnia. Oh, and her actual O stories about the city’s crackdown on house concerts, and the closing of Marshal High School. Plus, she has people leaving prom dresses on her desk.
    • Rick and Dawn explain how they got out of high school.
    • Mazda’s are infested with spiders! Plus: What meat would you choose, leaving half the food for your spouse, and trunk pizza, eating government cheese.
    • CLERGY WATCH: One minister stabs another one in the face.
    • Rick talks about his Leverage audition.

  • Wednesday, March 2nd, 2011

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]


    • Rick will audition again! And hopefully won’t do anything inappropriate. Also: getting a shave from the barber, and the danger in putting yourself in the hands of others. And Charlie Sheen is marvelous, for now, anyway.
    • Willamette Week screen editor Aaron Mesh talks about this week’s cover story, about a church that may have dosed kids with hallucinogenic tea.
    • Porn stars from Portland/Salem, and Tennessee wants to make dogs wear seatbelts.
    • GEEK WATCH:  Hey, kids – the iPad 2 is here.
    • Sirhan Sirhan’s lawyer says he was “hypno-programmed.”
    • It’s the birthday of Cheryl’s mom, Adrienne – and she likes the Ramones!
    • Dawn saw Rango, and we enjoy the bountiful craziness of Charlie Sheen.

  • Tuesday, March 1st, 2011

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]


    • We love Andre Braugher, and discuss what happened to Homicide. Also: Knuckle-cracking and broken little toes. And Charlie Sheen is an embarrassment of crazy riches.
    • Dawn didn’t know there were serial-killer memorabilia auction sites, and Capcha – are they using us to transcribe books?
    • GEEK WATCH:  Star Wars fans raise money to restore the Lars Homestead igloo in Tunisia.
    • Mexico brews the first gay beer, leading us to discover what the “purple hand” means.
    • CLERGY WATCH:  Rev. Grant Storms of Louisiana, self-proclaimed “Christian patriot.” Also a guy who masturbates in his van at a public park. Plus: Discussion of a horseback-riding scene in the TV show Manchester Prep.
    • Charlie Sheen’s on Twitter! And getting, like, 5,000 new followers a minute.
    • A man urinates all over the chicken at a Kroger grocery in Arkansas, and eats a large package of ham.
    • TASER WATCH:  California police chase ends when man exits his car in a bathrobe. And is then tased.
    • House update:  We’re finding it harder all the time to stay interested. And didn’t Cuddy break up with House last week? We’re confused.
    • OMG! Charlie Sheen posted his first tweet! Dear god, we’re idiots.

  • Monday, February 28th, 2011

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]


    • The week begins with talk about armpit stink, “hooker baths,’ and smelly co-workers – because we’re classy.
    • WEEK IN GEEK:  Aaron Duran talks Superman news, Valve news, and news of a super-fast robot cat.
    • Oregonian music editor Ryan White  tells us about his house being broken into, and Rick shares tales of car break-ins.
    • Iowa hen lays enormous egg.
    • TASER WATCH: Man tased after biting his aunt on the face.
    • CORPSE WATCH:  Man is dead in car at Wal-Mart for days.
    • Chat about Oscars, watching TV, and doing business with Comcast.
    • Ryan on music:  Eric Clapton’s in town, there’s a new Lady Gaga album, and songs that only last 90 seconds still sound the same.
    • TOP FIVE:  Dawn’s top five songs for getting into show mode.

  • Friday, February 25th, 2011

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]


    • More tales of Rick’s fridge – in this episode, rotten food; Dawn experiences her fabulous monthly celebration of womanhood, so we talk about how men shouldn’t say anything about menstrual craziness, and discuss folks being fussy about sex.
    • Cool, advanced safety features in cars would just make us take unnecessary chances.
    • Big Jim Willig arrives just in time to talk about why Rick was perusing obituaries online, and tells us that his high school driver’s ed teacher was a one-eyed Vietnam vet.
    • HICK WATCH:  Two families in legal dispute over donkey. Also:  More chat about clown porn!
    • London shop sells breast-milk ice cream. Which is icky, but really shouldn’t be when ou think about drinking cow’s milk.
    • HUMOR ME: COMEDY 101:  The lasting legacy of Lucille Ball.

  • Thursday, February 24th, 2011

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]


    • Dawn had food poisoning; The studio’s still full of stupid because of KGW; Snack talk – Whitman’s Samplers, Moxie and Green River soda.
    • Discovery finally launches! Also: Philo’s scared of snow, and Dawn’s still finishing her ukulele.
    • A student security guard kills his teacher; Reese’s make a fine array of products; Sugary breakfast cereals, pros and cons; More on Rick’s broken fridge.
    • Hey – it’s actually snowing!
    • CORPSE WATCH:  Man lives with dead uncle for a month.
    • How to hide a corpse, Rick’s black T-shirts, cute fat chicks and how men’s clothes are marketed differently.
    • GREATEST SONGS EVER:  The Magnetic Fields make you feel like you’re loved.
    • Arizona may choose an official state gun, and Detroit will get their Robocop statue.

  • Wednesday, February 23rd, 2011

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]


    • Alaska -- Land of danger and hardship; Breaking Bad season two is great; Yes, Dawn’s watching Episodes; and Dawn saw a Farrelly Brothers movie. Also:  Certain kinds of pants and hats look bad on some people.
    • Author/filmmaker Bill Carter (Fools Rush In, Red Summer, Miss Sarajevo) visits and talks about his adventures fishing in Alaska and the Alaska Pebble Mine, a controversial dam/mine project that threatens the Alaskan fishing industry. And yes, he’s dreamy.
    • Indiana restaurant pulls billboards after Jonestown jokes fall flat.
    • CLOWN WATCH:  Food Circus grocery store celebrates 55 years with Evil Clown as mascot/town landmark.
    • Forest Grove thief breaks into a school and a church, but only steals snacks.

  • Tuesday, February 22nd, 2011

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]


    • Rick uses the Internet to read obits of his enemies, and to find out what he’s watching on TV.
    • Designer/Project Runway winner Seth Aaron Henderson visits, and he smells great. Also, he talks about fashion, living in Vancouver, Tuffskins jeans, and the hygiene of Matthew McConaughey.
    • TOP FIVE: Seth Aaron’s top five songs he listens to while designing.
    • We discuss “the hierarchy of pants!”
    • SNUFF WATCH:  Dr. Christian Lambertsen, inventor of the SCUBA system, at 93.
    • Woman attacks roommate over Thin Mint cookies. Also:  Famous Amos cookies are awesome, so it sucks that Safeway stopped selling boxes of them.
    • HICK:  Woman moves into portable toilet, won’t leave.

  • Monday, February 21st, 2011

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]


    • Rick watched Parks & Recreation, and took a giant pill; Listener Richard calls in to share a fetish video with hot chicks using power tools; Rick starts to talk about his replacement fridge and we somehow get onto the subject of avoiding underage sex.
    • WEEK IN GEEK:  Aaron Duran tells us that Spider-man is joining the Fantastic Four (who are undergoing a name change), it’s the 25th anniversary of The Legend of Zelda, and a new device that can absorb lasers from space.
    • Donald Rumsfeld says that we might not have invaded Iraq if we’d known better, and other things to pimp his book.
    • GEEK WATCH:  Teens blog less, use Facebook and Twitter more, while older bloggers are on the rise; Nathan Fillian wants to buy Firefly.
    • Oregonian music editor Ryan White talks about the hateful new trend of concert-goers yelling, “Put a bird on it,” the weekend’s  Decemberists show (it was awesome), Social Distortion’s recent appearances (the show was fun, but Mike Ness seemed bored). Also:  A bull charges the crowd at a rodeo.
    • HICK WATCH:  West Virginia brothers caught with a carload of stolen beef jerky and socket sets.

  • Friday, February 18th, 2011

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]


    • Up for discussion:  Obama’s copters go over the studio, Big Jim Willig’s here all day, we need an intern, Rick gets a box of Kranky, and we talk about the damn post office. Also:  Listener David is home sick (hi, David!), and we decide that Rick will catch up on Fringe, and Dawn will catch up on Breaking Bad.
    • Rick explains why we weren’t on the air yesterday (spoiler: it involves brain fog and international e-mail fail).
    • Big Jim Willig joins us to talk about watching a crappy black-and-white TV, and It’s Your Move with Jason Bateman. And a daycare gives the wrong child to a grandfather.
    • SNUFF WATCH:  Len Lesser (Seinfeld’s Uncle Leo), dead at 88.
    • Connecticut’s governor wants to decriminalize marijuana, and Big Jim will be doing a comedy show at a marijuana dispensary.
    • Rick gives Jim a bag of Kranky! And we still don’t know how they coat individual corn flakes in chocolate.
    • RELIGIOUS NUTCASE WATCH:  High school wrestler refuses to wrestle girl.
    • Dawn tries Hershey’s Drops – no candy coating, but not messy. Science is tasty!
    • HUMOR ME: COMEDY 101 – Gilda Radner.

  • Thursday, February 17th, 2011

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]


    Today, dive headlong into another exciting installment of The Best of The Rick Emerson Show. Also, try not to hate me for this exercise in sloth.

    We return on Friday with a brand-new episode...see you then!



  • Wednesday, February 16th, 2011

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]


    • Rick and Dawn start the day by bouncing from The Erotic Adventures of Zorro to X-rated theaters, donuts, Rick’s Wombstretcha T-shirt, and the phrase “sticky sugar hands.” Also: Rick makes a video call with his pants.
    • $20,000 collected for Robocop statue, nutty Twilight chick lies about bites, and an arrested homeless man is found with a lot of stuff in his butt.
    • CORPSE WATCH:  Dead body – and two very sick people – found in pesticide truck.
    • Janet Jackson is weird; Aaron Mesh of Willamette Week calls to discuss BAM Fest, amd the joys of They Live.
    • Borders closes one-third of its stores, the Heavy Metal movie hasn’t aged well, and Dawn’s never seen The Neverending Story.
    • Week in Geek:  Criterion streams its movies on Hulu Plus, there’s not going to be a Bioshock movie, and Ground Kontrol reopens better than ever.
    • PENIS WATCH:  Kids see teacher’s stuff on borrowed iPad. Also:  What “MSM” means.
    • Sigfried Seeliger discusses the Portland International Film Festival – more tires that make people’s heads explode, less French guys smoking cigarettes.
    •  TASER WATCH:  300-pound man annoys limo driver, needs to be tased three times.

  • Tuesday, February 15th, 2011

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]


    • MAC cosmetics has a weird, uncomfortable Wonder Woman ad campaign, and a guy’s getting a face transplant.
    • CLOWN WATCH:  Christian clown convention in Ohio. *shudder*
    • Benja Barker of the Alter-Egos Society talks about “Project Mayor-Man.”
    • SNUFF WATCH: Character actor Kenneth Mars, 75. And: A man has guns pulled on him for holding cigarette.
    • Rick introduces Dawn to the wonders of the Snickers Peanut Butter bar.
    • TASER WATCH:  400-pound shoplifter tased for taking “fighting stance.”
    • House update:  Easily forgettable, so we don’t remember most of the plot.

  • Monday, February 14th, 2011

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]


    • Dawn's clever closet is jammed shut; Yes, we'll talk to Flavor Flav; People watch the Grammys -- and why do people get so angry about Justin Bieber? And Rick watched A Perfect Getaway.
    • Oregonian music editor Ryan White talks Grammys
    • Why Flavor Flav is problematic, the 20th anniversary of Silence of the Lambs,and Bill Murray wins a PGA tournament.
    • Lady Gaga -- deliberately paying homage to Madonna, unconsciously ripping Madonna, or just too far up her own butt to realize she's stealing?
    • Portland's own Esperanza Spaulding beats out Justin Bieber, and Bieber-lovers bomb her Wikipedia page.
    • GEEK WATCH:  Sony Ericsson announces Playstation phone. Also: Discussion of Verison/Frontier FIOS.
    • Rick watches Toy Story 3! And Pixar is awesome.

  • Friday, February 11th, 2011

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]


    • Dawn has never seen Hell Comes to Frogtown, Rick tries to find a use for the phrase “Ku Klux Klown,” Rick’s trials with his fridge, Dawn goes to OHSU, and Rick has a new nickname.
    • Mom shocked to find Dora the Explorer DVD is really porn, and country music is used to scare away a bear.
    • Rick Outlook Portland editorials as the Paul Stanley rubber duck annoys Cheryl.
    • Big Jim Willig visits to discuss his appearance on Outlook Portland this Sunday, a CLERGY WATCH (and subsequent discussion of Catholic-school horrors), Mayor Bloomberg’s Irish joke, and a sex shop offering trade-ins for guns.
    • HUMOR ME:  COMEDY 101 – Mel Brooks!

  • Thursday, February 10th, 2011

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]


    • We watched Justified! And Cheryl is silly. Also: Dawn wakes up to no wifi and accidentally harasses Srah sexually; Rick (via Lara) shares an awkward optometrist visit; and Rick’s fridge died.
    • Joelle Carter (Ava Crowder) from Justified calls, and we act as dignified as we possibly can.
    • Maine authorities catch the dreaded serial chicken killer.
    • HICK WATCH:  Mississippi considers a license plate honoring Confederate general and ex-Klansman.
    • A texting mistake leads to a guy getting all stabby on his friend, and a Salt Lake City girl slices off her fingers in a shop accident. Oh, and a guy shoots himself in the abdomen with a nail gun.
    • Michelle Bachman calls health care reform “the crown jewel of socialism.”
    • PENIS WATCH:  French woman parades man down street with penis-leash. (Insert 30 minutes of discussion about piercings and tattoos here.)
    • Valentine’s Day gift idea:  Name a cockroach after your sweetheart!
    • CORPSE WATCH:  Woman buys apartment, finds previous owner inside.
    • Rick gets a haircut in Kennewick, why it’s not fun to be in your hometown, and what it’s like to move somewhere new.
    • A quadriplegic sues Disney after getting stuck on “It’s a Small World.”

  • Wednesday, February 9th, 2011

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]


    • Top of the show: Valentine’s Day is kind of awful, and listener e-mails cover New South Wales, Dirty Dancing commentary, and tasing opportunities.
    • Dawn makes a new cookie, there are too many settings on the microwave, there’s a pitbull in a Snuggie, and Rick’s scratching his armpit.
    • Kelly Clarke talks about Willamette Week’s meat bouquet, food safety and eating trunk pizza, punching people who touch her pregnant tummy, successful “Missed Connections” encounter and the meaning of the phrase “hot cat vest.”
    • Rick can’t play trivia games because he’s too competitive and angry. Also, he saw Winter’s Bone and The King’s Speech.
    • Ft. Wayne, Indiana will not be naming a civic center after Harry Baals, but Austin might name their solid waste department after Fred Durst.
    • HICK WATCH:  Woman hits her husband with a frozen steak.
    • People choose their favorite superpowers, and a woman dies after getting an illegal butt procedure.
    • TOP FIVE:  Listener Jerry’s top five make-out songs.

  • Tuesday, February 8th, 2011

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]


    • What happened to sitcom kids? Also: Rick’s Outlook Portland with Big Jim Willig and Don Frost, Dawn has something in her eye, Rick has an audition as a mattress-buying Family Man, and we discuss both the odd perceptions of other people’s importance, and weird Netflix suggestions. And: Kelso bans sexting at school.
    • GEEK WATCH:  Catholics approve “Confession” iPhone app, and a game called Smuggle Truck: Operation Immigration outrages people who are outraged by such things.
    • Rick doesn’t understand Mardi Gras.
    • PENIS WATCH:  Man dies after injecting opiates into his member.
    • JACKSON WATCH:  The shame of Dr. Conrad Murray will be televised.
    • House recap – why the hell are we still watching this, anyway?

  • Monday, February 7th, 2011

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]


    • This weekend, Rick slept too much and forgot what day it was, while Dawn slept too much and saw a dumb movie; Rick cleaned up the messy office, and made Lara watch Duel.
    • Super Bowl winners (Packers) and losers (ticketholders who didn’t get seats). Also:  A cow washes up in Seattle.
    • WEEK IN GEEK:  Detroit’s Super Bowl ad, parents’ group targets Deadspace 2 commercial, The Hobbit moving forward, designs sought for “Project Mayorman.”
    • Ryan White, Oregonian music editor, visits to discuss his need for a theme song, Rick’s ringtones, upcoming shows (Trombone Shorty, Social Distortion, Ke$ha), and bad national anthems. Also: the “loud, gaudy, bad” Black Eyed Peas half-time show, Slash is a whore, Kanye West is interesting.
    • SNUFF WATCH:  Tura Satana of Faster, Pussycat! Kill! Kill! and the parasailing donkey.
    • Clown auditions are about to begin for Rose Festival. Why?
    • Ryan prepares for the jazz festival. And considers going to musicians’ houses to make them play on demand.
    • CLERGY WATCH:  A nun is a dirty liar, as it turns out.

  • Friday, February 4th, 2011

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]


    • Rick has a bad morning, Dawn gets her foot thing checked out and watches Dirty Dancing in anticipation of watching it tonight. Also: Movies seen in pieces over time, and judging if movies are good, bad, or just not to your taste.
    • Big Jim Willig joins us to talk about scary spiders, spider-clowns, children’s books about spiders, and other things having to do with spiders. Plus: Snake on a train!
    • PENSI WATCH: A sharp blade, a “peeler machine,” and a pelvis collide.
    • MONKEY WATCH: Joe, the monkey, bites a lady and pays the price.
    • Guy falls into pit at WWI museum.
    • CORPSE WATCH: Christians in Nepal plan corpse parade, and Oregon mental hospital houses a “room full of souls.”
    • HUMOR ME: COMEDY 101 – Flip Wilson, who erased racial boundaries to make people laugh.

  • Thursday, February 3rd, 2011

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]


    • Love guns, boobies, the joys of Paul Stanley, and Steven Tyler’s Idol shenanigans. Plus:  We talk about pens again.
    • Dawn reads an e-mail from a reader who’s taking part in the Polar Plunge to raise money for the Special Olympics.
    • HICK WATCH: Portland house fire caused by folks using a smokin’ hole in their living room.
    • Anna Griffin of The Oregonian (now thrice weekly!) joins us to discuss middle school horrors and other adolescent joys and miseries, and her upcoming story about a crusty realtor who’s raising a ruckus.
    • Lindsay Lohan may have shoplifted! Also: plastic surgery, Rick’s hair trevails, and Popeye’s vs. KFC.
    • PENIS WATCH:  Man smuggles cocaine into jail via his foreskin. Plus, a listener e-mails a Penis Watch-related incident.
    • Rick hasn’t seen Toy Story 3, Pixar is awesome, Anna restricts TV watching at home, kids pick up cultural influences even without seeing them on television, having kids so you can introduce them to Star Wars.

  • Wednesday, February 2nd, 2011

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]


    • A listener is getting her elbow replaced, Rick and Dawn do stupid things when playing poker, Willamette Week writes about the woman abused by Neil Goldschmidt, Seumas is freezing, and Dawn watches the Californication season three finale.
    • Kelly Clarke talks about the Goldschmidt story, an “organization expo” and the surprising reasons for choosing her baby’s name. Also: Big, scary bugs!
    • It’s Groundhog Day, and we get educated on the traditions, poetry, myth and magic thereof.
    • PENIS WATCH:  Man takes three tries to expose himself.
    • Rick and Dawn yammer about earbuds, DiGiorno frozen pizza (now with cookie dough!), Catholics and their love of Skippers, and how people don’t know from spicy. Also: Another clue in the EH Vending ‘Name That Snack” contest.

  • Tuesday, February 1st, 2011

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]


    • Dawn is sluggish because of her sleeping medication, Seumas is frozen, it’s Todd the Corpse’s birthday, and it’s almost time for another Sleep Country bowling event. Also:  New South Wales is in Australia, and a caller wants us to wish his girlfriend good luck with … something.
    • David Walker visits, and brings filmmaker Christopher Witherspoon, who talks about his film Rage, the first films that influenced him, his beginnings as an assistant and an editor on horror films, and his memories of Piranha 2: the Spawning. Also: Mr. Walker tells us about his novel, Darius Logan: Super Justice Force.
    • TASER WATCH:  A Minnesota Vikings rookies has a rough weekend, and a naked woman attacks a pastor’s car.
    • SNUFF WATCH:  Don Younger, owner of the Horse Brass Pub, dead at 69.
    • We talk a little Stephen King, and then Aaron Duran gives us the Week in Geek.

  • Monday, January 31st, 2011

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]


    • Rick recounts the time he had his ear un-impacted, and explains why he has no glasses. Also, why don’t you get extra screws from the optometrist, or extra tips for the earbuds?
    • Man foolishly hides drugs between his buttocks. This never works.
    • DEMOCRACY ON THE MARCH:  Georgia representative wants to do away with driver’s licenses.
    • POP CULTURE AUTHORITY:  What’s that monster in the trash compactor on the Death Star, anyway?
    • Dawn unveils the awesome 1978 Kenner Death Star playset!
    • Ryan White, Oregonian music editor, talks about Rodney Crowell’s memoir, plays with Star Wars figures, and rolls his eyes at our silliness.
    • HICK WATCH:  Woman and child are bitten by a fox. Then we discuss the odd projects for which people we know have done voices.
    • Criminals steal diapers, then resell them.
    • Andy the Home-school Man calls to tell a story about riding on the MAX. Plus: We don’t understand jazz, which is all in Norway now, anyway.
    • SNUFF WATCH:  John Barry, composer of the James Bond theme, dead at 77. And: Carrie Fisher is cool.
    • TOP FIVE:  Rick’s top five unintelligible hit songs.

  • Friday, January 28th, 2011

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]


    • Convenience store Pop-Tarts, dollar-store and Grocery Outlet food, and the joys of the Orowheat/Entenman’s store. Plus: Rick doesn’t buy Quaker Oats granola, and wants a watch that measures calories. Oh, and his dog did something disgusting in the bed.
    • Man dives down trash chute to escape police, and loses his underpants.
    • Oscar Robertson is mad that the NBA is using his image, and Ford Motor Co. makes lots of money.
    • Eric D. Snider calls from Sundance one last time, and tells us about Hobo with a Shotgun!
    • TASER WATCH: Man is tased 11 times by cops.
    • Joe Squires of Squires Electric attempts to explain amps, volts, tasers, nuclear submarines and other things way beyond our comprehension. He also knows how to survive with nothing but his boots and a pair of pants.
    • HUMOR ME:  COMEDY 101 – Big Jim Willig talks about the comedy of Drew Carey.
    • Facts of Life actress Geri Jewell – yes, Cousin Geri! – comes out of the closet.
    • SNUFF WATCH:  Milton Levine, inventor of the ant farm, dead at 97.

  • Thursday, January 27th, 2011

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]


    • Dawn hopes for a call from Ralph Johnson, and says she’ll watch Bigger Than Jesus this weekend, leading Rick to reminisce about the gargantuan undertaking that was that production. Also: Elmo is divisive, Rick shares Harry Potter ‘Yo Mama’ jokes, and listener Dan writes of his experiences with The 5,000 Fingers of Dr. T (yay!) and Deadgirl (ew).
    • A woman assaults a cop with Pine-Sol, and teenagers go on a BB-gun rampage. Plus: Mrs. Freshleys, drill teams, and a story about a jouster dying from – seriously – a splinter in his eye.
    • Sarah X. Dylan and Greg Nibler of FunemploymentRadio.com visit, and talk about their exciting new project for Trailblazers.tv, and how being on television makes one self-conscious and goofy.
    • Rick talks about a) the gayest DJ ever, and b) an unexpected setting on the studio’s toaster.
    • CLERGY WATCH:  Ted Haggard is “probably bisexual,” surprising no one.
    • GEEK WATCH:  Oregon Trail and Where in the World is Carmen Sandiego? To become Facebook games.
    • And we really, really miss Douglas Adams.

  • Wednesday, January 26th, 2011

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]


    • A call comes in from Ralph Johnson of St. Petersberg, FLA calls, setting the tone for the day. Also: Jimmy Buffett falls off stage, Dawn hurts her foot, and Stephanie Seymour’s creepy smooch with her son.
    • Willamette Week’s Aaron Mesh joins us to talk about the paper’s new web design, and the drinking guide for Portland boozehounds.
    • Man travels with his collection of sex dolls, leading Dawn and Rick to discover “Teddy Babes,” much to their horror.
    • Huckleberry the dog is found!
    • CLOWN WATCH:  Monkey and clown, on a crime spree.
    • Obama talks to workers in Wisconsin; Couple follows GPS instructions and drive into church.
    • CORPSE WATCH:  Robbers steal Italian game show host’s body.
    • More on Rick’s corruption of his namesake, and we give out another clue in the snack-food contest.

  • Tuesday, January 25th, 2011

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]


    • Dawn hates Mo’Nique, Cheryl once knew a Cylon, L.A. sucks, and Rick reads an e-mail which inspires conflicting feelings. Also: Dawn almost had to deal with her cat’s anal glands.
    • A semi full of pigs overturns in Missouri.
    • CHENEY WATCH:  Cheney may get a new heart! Or not.
    • Class-action lawsuit targets Taco Bell’s so-called “meat.”
    • Eric D. Snider calls from Sundance to discuss the brouhaha over Lucky McKee’s The Woman, and the upcoming Hobo with a Shotgun.
    • JOY OF CHRISTMAS – Lake Oswego fire caused by dry Christmas tree.
    • Rick needs to get rid of his tree, and he’s never been to the dump.
    • Family buys used Nintendo for 6-year-old and gets pornographic surprise. Also:  Dawn fixed her own computer, Rick cried at Bridges of Madison County, and he forced innocent people to listen to the Norm Wooster Singers.
    • TASER WATCH: Taser International presents a “wildlife”version.
    • TOP FIVE:  Rick’s top five posthumous albums.

  • Friday, January 24th, 2011

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]


    • Why are there plain potato chips, anyway? Also:  Bundt cakes and crock pots,
    • Newsweek pretends they know what kids are texting, Rick and Dawn went to poker night at Scott Dally’s house, and Dawn gets some new drugs that made her sleep most of the weekend.
    • WEEK IN GEEK:  Grindhouse movies at NW Film Center, Razzie nominations (including Worst 3D Movie), Wachowskis to do Matrix 4 & 5 in 3D.
    • Eric D. Snider calls from the Sundance Film Festival – he’s seen 13 movies in 4 days, and recommends Silent House.
    • Rick still holds a grudge against Dawn for making him watch Deadgirl, likes movies that are “polarizing,” and made Lara watch Texas Chainsaw Massacre.
    • Alarms that suck; Rick’s weird sleep cycle has him watching Jade at 7 a.m.
    • Also: Dawn has issues with the Green Hornet.
    • SNUFF WATCH: Jack LaLanne, dead at 96.
    • Oak Hills residents are angry that they’re getting a better road.

  • Friday, January 21st, 2011

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]


    • Dawn has never seen Kiss Meets the Phantom of the Park; bands should make more movies; tales of poker. Plus: Dawn sees her doctor and signs a drug contract.
    • Man commits suicide with nail gun, and Rick recalls Phineas Gage and his amazing head. Also, thieves steal formaldehyde and embalming fluid.
    • Big Jim Willig joins us to discuss Dawn’s Aerosmith lottery ticket – and the alternate makeup of lesser KISS members, buying scratcher tickets, and seeing Plaid Pantry employees outside of the store. Then Jim helps us on our quest to find a fetish.
    • PENIS WATCH:  Giant snow penis!
    • HUMOR ME: COMEDY 101 – We love Jon Stewart.
    • TOP FIVE:  Big Jim Willig’s top five songs about drinking.

  • Thursday, January 20th, 2011

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]


    • Rick and Dawn wonders if the Frito Bandito is male, and remember Sambo’s restaurants. Dawn shows Rick a hilarious old photo of Patrick, and it’s questionable if one can wear glasses and rock.
    • Burglars break into house, cook food, watch porn, and then scamper away;  Air Force sentences HIV-positive swinger: It’s snowing in Maui.  Also:  Rick love the new Social Distortion and Decemberists albums.
    • Anna Griffin of the Oregonian visits to discuss Viagra dispensation in the Australian military, and whether the President should be allowed any drugs or dalliances he wants.
    • CLOWN WATCH:  Man sues after clown jumps on his chest.
    • Mormons drink a lot of Diet Coke  , and Salt Lake City is awful. Plus: woman solves own childhood kidnapping, Lifetime movies, General Hospital memories, ghostwritten trash books. And Steven Tyler on American Idol.
    • TOP FIVE:  Rick’s top five bubblegum songs.

  • Wednesday, January 19th, 2011

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]


    • Dawn adjusts her bra and confuses Rick, then she eats more damn snacks from the damn snack box. Also:  Lara wants to make more desserts, Patrick cooked dinner, House did have a patient with scurvy, Dawn gets a letter from Gordon Smith (kind of), and Rick fixed his own car!
    • Kelly Clarke of Willamette Week talks about the premiere of Portlandia and the bacon browning at the Fishwife restaurant.
    • CLOWN WATCH:  Clowns help in vitro patients get pregnant. Plus:  We consider an evil clown as a show mascot, and throw around more ideas about fetish videos.
    • Fish can count, and Howard Stern is still on the radio.
    • PENIS WATCH:  Man exposes himself at Chuck E. Cheese.
    • GEEK WATCH:  Steve Jobs takes medical leave.
    • And … another question in the snack contest!

  • Tuesday, January 18th, 2011

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]


    • Words we all have to use now, like “infuse,” “cloud,” and “4G.” Also: Rick’s hair products, Dan Clarke’s beard, barbers that have flirty stylists, Project Runway’s Seth Aaron, and vanity vs. not caring.
    • FDA to limit acetaminophen in prescription drugs.
    • CLOWN WATCH:  A liquor store is robbed/threatened by a “rodeo clown transvestite.”
    • Oprah talks about being pregnant at 14. Plus, the horrors or “sweaty, rapey books from the South,” and a woman offended by a swearing dog toy.
    • RELIGIOUS NUTCASE:  YouTube theologian says that all the dead birds and animals is a sign of the End of Days.
    • Sarah Palin defends the crosshairs map. And Rick finishes his trunk pizza.
    • SNUFF WATCH:  Producer/songwriter/promoter Don Kirschner, dead at 77.
    • TOP FIVE:  The top five songs that have parts everyone has to sing along with.

  • Monday, January 17th, 2011

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]


    • The day somehow starts with a conversation about candy that you never go out of your way to purchase, then Dawn is mocked for using Pandora, and then she tries to talk about the Golden Globes and destroys the entire opening.
    • WEEK IN GEEK:  Starbucks adds giant drink size, Darren Aronofsky to write superhero comic, and a fan-made Mortal Kombat becomes a web series.
    • Starbucks’ big new size turns out to be for iced drinks, which is actually cool, Rick loves iced tea, and Dawn has amazing hot chocolate at Ruby Jewel.
    • Listener Melissa calls to support Dawn in her decision to cut crap out of her crappy diet.
    • Ryan White, Oregonian music editor, joins in chat about his budding hypochondria about his baby, eating chips from the snack box, and Rick eating pizza out of the trunk of his car.
    • DARWIN WATCH:  Jets fan celebrates by drunkenly sledding into a car.
    • More on the Rex Ryan foot fetish story; new music hits this week.
    • Golden Globes sound bites (Robert Downey Jr. is awesome) and Oprah ate a lot of macaroni and cheese.
    • New rules for “Name That Snack,” you bastards.
    • TOP FIVE: Rick’s top five songs about celebrity crushes.

  • Friday, January 14th, 2011

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]


    • Rick misses a live performance because he can’t find his wife, Dawn eats snack foods for lunch and isn’t ladylike; Also, discussion of disgusting junk-food habits, and Dawn hates that “ranch” has become a flavor.
    • Ben Bailey of Cash Cab is coming to the studio, and Dawn has no chance with him. Rick says that men have no such reality checks where hot women are concerned.
    • Big Jim Willig visits, and for some reason Rick talks about all the crappy pizzas he used to eat, and how he lost weight. Then we all talk about the craft of comedy, and how a stand-up act is created and structured.
    • CLOWN WATCH:  Playboy runs an old picture of Christina Hendricks from 1999 that inexplicably features a scary clown.
    • PENIS WATCH:  An inmate sues because his penis was bitten by a rodent.
    • HUMOR ME: COMEDY 101 – Why you should love Margaret Cho.

  • Thursday, January 13th, 2011

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]


    • A listener thinks that the Godfather Part II theme sounds like “samurai music,” Rick talks about the Dungeons & Dragons cartoon, and we answer the etiquette question, “Do you unfriend a deceased acquaintance on Facebook?”
    • Chat Roulette makes money off naked men, Dawn got an email from a listener who’s a furry, listener Noah calls from New York (thus christening this version of the show) to explain that the Dungeon Master was Venger’s father. Also: Rick tells a story that he said he wasn’t going to tell today, and Dawn tells a story that she swore she’d never tell ever.
    • CORPSE WATCH: Guy tries to rob McDonald’s of food, with shotgun.
    • GREATEST SONGS EVER MADE:  Get ready to shake your rump.
    • Cattle ranchers hog-tie thief, and leave him pantsless in the snow. Plus: Internet etiquette, moderation, responding in anger, hate mail, and getting past trolling.
    • SNUFF WATCH:  David Nelson, dead at 74.
    • Brett Favre’s sister busted for making meth – also, R-rated movies, and we love the movie Jaws a whole lot.
    • TOP FIVE:  Rick’s Top Five Songs About Drinking, in honor of the anniversary of the Volstead Act.

  • Wednesday, January 12th, 2011

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]


    • Rick has been awake for 31 hours at the start of today's program. Listen and find out why.
    • Paul Anka, Tony Randall, Burt Bacharach: Discuss. Also – prohibition was weird, liquor laws suck, and what would you pay for live eels in a vending machine.
    • Dawn’s crazy, but so is Rick. As is Willamette Week’s Aaron Mesh, but in a very different way.
    • GEEK WATCH:  Park Chan-Wook makes movie on the iPhone.
    • A 72-year-old man licks a boy. Also, he looks super-creepy.
    • All about our crazy – rituals that we do to manage the nuttiness.
    • JACKSON WATCH:  Drugs, drugs, drugs.
    • Aaron talks about Portlandia, and Carrie Brownstein, and the BAM Fest.
    • TOP FIVE:  Dawn’s Top Five Songs About Drinking (in honor of the anniversary of Prohibition)

  • Tuesday, January 11th, 2011

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]


    • Rick finds his old instructional films, and catches up on House; Dawn and Rick talk about how Cuddy and House don’t belong together, Dawn remembers a song from Cheers, and somehow it all ends up connected to The Wire.
    • Tech companies support Boy Scouts’ secrecy about their “perversion files.” Why? Lawyers.
    • CLOWN WATCH:  Clown with a gun!
    • WEEK IN GEEK:  No to David E. Kelley’s Wonder Woman TV show, Hobbit casting news, and Geek in the City debuts La Brujeria this week.
    • Dawn and Rick annoy a listener by nerding out about their planners.
    • GEEK WATCH:  Surgeon beats Donkey Kong record, Verizon to offer iPhone.
    • Rick uses a Kindle, and Arizona brings the technically-Constitutional hammer down on the Westboro Baptist Church.
    • Rick interviews James Leung, author of This All-Encompassing Trip, about life on the road with Pearl Jam.

  • Monday, January 10th, 2011

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]


    Rick wishes a happy anniversary to listeners Daisy and Mike, and tells them that it’s okay, husbands figure out the anniversary/birthday thing eventually. Also, Rick has a crazy drive in the snow from Kennewick, and Dawn was depressed all weekend.

    • Oregonian music editor Ryan White wears an Auburn shirt, talks about the BS game, and discusses where fetishes come from. Plus, there are new albums from Social Distortion and the Decemberists, and a documentary about Lemmy Kilmister.
    • CLERGY WATCH:  People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals offers money to the lawsuit-riddled Milwaukee Archdiocese.
    • Rick gets a speeding ticket, and lame jail experiences are discussed. Even though Ryan White’s never been arrested.
    • PENIS WATCH:  An argument, a bottle of gasoline, and a lighter.
    • Another “Name That Snack clue is revealed. And then someone guesses the snack. Yes, already.
    • TOP FIVE:  The top five Billboard hits from November 5, 1988.

  • Friday, January 7th, 2011

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]


    • Dawn has trouble with a Christian bumper sticker, which leads to a long discussion of Jesus. Then, listener Rick calls to explain how he guessed “Name That Snack” on one try.
    • Gitmo releases a guy who doesn’t want to go home; 20 percent of people who get implanyed defibrillators don’t need them; Kids and mom convicted of killing dad and cutting off his head. Also: The best ways to dispose of a corpse.
    • Big Jim Willig joins us to discuss his Facebook doppelganger, and Dawn breaks out the all-edges brownies.
    • HUMOR ME: COMEDY 101: Lewis Black
    • Turns out Hitler had no sense of humor when it came to dogs.

  • Thursday, January 6th, 2011

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]


    Dawn came to work, and Rick wasn’t here – he isn’t dead, though. Also, Patrick made it through his latest procedure just fine, and was stoned on hospital-grade Benedryl. And we announce the first Name That Snack winner.

    • Who eats Fig Newtons? And individual packets of saltines are sad.
    • Rick’s oversleeping makes his neighbor’s day.
    • A labradoodle alerts his owner to a fire. Plus, restaurants that serve embarrassing menu items.
    • GEEK WATCH:  Stan Lee gets a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame.
    • The Oregonian’s Anna Griffin tells us about jackasses feeding wild animals.
    • A crematorium burns down, Alec Baldwin wants to run for office. And a woman’s fired for missing work when her iPhone alarm doesn’t go off.
    • CLERGY WATCH:  Archdiocese of Milwaukee goes bankrupt because of all the molestation lawsuits.
    • We give the first hint in our new Name That Snack giveaway. Also: A robber’s knocked out by a guy with a pickle jar.
    • TOP FIVE:  Rick’s top five songs that were once inescapable, but you’ve probably forgotten.

  • Wednesday, January 5th, 2011

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]


  • Tuesday, January 4th, 2011

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]


    • Dawn and Rick talk Juggalos! Also, texting and emailing vs. phone calls, computer programs that learn from you, the further adventures of Dawn’s big-ass TV, and Rick eats Bugles. Plus: Dawn knows a Juggalo!
    • The Consumer Electronics Show opens this week, and Rick is skeptical that bees are endangered.
    • We have a listener in Scotland!
    • EXTRA-LONG, JUGGALO-PACKED CLOWN WATCH:  A guy dressed as a Juggalo shoots somebody. Plus, TV shows that get subcultures wrong and don’t care.
    • A man is beaten with frozen meat.
    • HICK WATCH:  A woman tries to steal too many things from Wal-Mart.
    • AND:  Jodie Foster is pretty normal, all things considered.

      Clue #01 in the “Name That Snack” contest is revealed!

  • Monday, January 3rd, 2011

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]


    • Dawn and Rick both like Gossip Girl and Hellcats; Dawn gets a giant TV and watches True Grit.
    • GEEK WATCH:  iPhone alarms don’t go off; the Consumer Electronics Show will feature a lot of iPad competitors; Poloaroid to debut a new camera; and Jan. 15 is the La Brujia launch at Bridge City Comics.
    • Rick and Dawn discuss planners, and methods of getting things done.
    • SNUFF WATCH:  Pete Postlethwaite and Anne Francis.
    • Brett Favre is really, truly retiring this time. Also: An NFL coach is married to a foot-fetish model. Also, too:  Dawn discovered that there’s Real Doll porn.
    • We announce a new sponsor, and a contest – Name That Snack!
    • NASA picks the best and worst sci-fi films.
    • PENIS WATCH:  A man, a plan, a penis, a bottle of Tabasco.
    • GREATEST SONG EVER:  It’s not about Joey Ramone.

  • Friday, December 31st, 2010

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]


    • The difficulty (or not) of avoiding swearing in-air, and Rick’s use of the “c-word.” Also: Rick’s grossed out by people at Brookstone.
    • Big Jim Willig visits! A woman dies during plastic surgery, and concert ticket sales are down, leading to discussion of how AC/DC still rocks, and the star quality of Bon Jovi.
    • By listener request,we play Storm Large’s “8 Miles Wide”; a man blames his DUI on Ozzy Osbourne. Also: Things we learned from Mazes & Monsters, and we remember Skippy from Family Ties.
    • SNUFF WATCH: Geraldine Huff Doyle, the face (and arm) of the “We Can Do It!” poster. And then Dawn, Rick and Jim can’t remember who else died in 2010.
    • HUMOR ME: COMEDY 101 – We look at the genius and legacy of George Carlin.
    • A woman is strangled by a neck massager.
    • JOB WATCH: Less people are unemployed, but it’s still a lot.
    • … and there’s a lot of talk about porn. Again.

  • Thursday, December 30th, 2010

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]


    • Rick helps Dawn open her Viso, and talks about Marty Feldman, Young Frankenstein, The Pajama Game, and Dawn’s viewing of the film Dear Mr. Gacy. Also: What to watch on TV, devices like the Roku and the TiVo, and replacing remote controls.
    • Two sisters in prison will get a suspended sentence if one gives the other a kidney.
    • Dawn and Rick talk about the pros and cons of getting a big TV, and Dawn mentions that Mike Russell has one to give away, but he never returned her text.
    • CORPSE WATCH:  A guy steals a Gameboy from a teenager’s casket.
    • Rick calls Mike Russell and asks him what the deal is with the free TV. Everyone feels awkward.
    • Bon Jovi was the biggest concert draw in 2010, U2 was third. Also, meeting famous people is weird.
    • JOY OF CHRISTMAS:  Thief leaves a thank-you note, a baby Jesus is returned, and a church pastor robs a house on Christmas Eve.
    • The Top Gear guys enrage Muslims by wearing burkas.
    • TOP FIVE:  Rick’s top five songs about Superman.

  • Wednesday, December 29th, 2010

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]


    • Dawn and Rick get iPhone accessories from a listener, and talk about the coolness of bottle openers, Zippo lighters, and pocket handkerchiefs. Also: Girls who smoke are easy, and Life cereal’s both mis-quoted and awful.
    • Rick reads an awesome e-mail from a listener who took a nightmarish Greyhound trip over the holidays.
    • Ammunition in checked baggage shoots handler in the foot, and Rick wonders if Dawn would be aroused by sex with a gun to her head. (The answer is no.)
    • Willamette Week’s Kelly Clarke talks about keeping bathroom functions in the bathroom, guesses which 80s celebrity has her own grill, reveals how she spent the holidays, and joins us in our bafflement over people using sex as a marital aid. Also: New Year’s Eve suggestions!
    • TASER WATCH:  Beware old men with canes. Just sayin’.
    • Rick almost bought a statue of a dragon playing the saxophone, and Dawn gets more clown porn, courtesy (of course) of a listener.
    • iPhone news/wankage:  Apple files patents for super-cool 3D technology, and a study finds that iPhones are, indeed, addictive.
    • A dog gets his head stuck in a wall, and a woman hides pills in an alarming place.

  • Tuesday, December 28th, 2010

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]


    • The joy of destroying things via shredder, like junk mail, medical records and automobiles. Also: Rick gets mystery phone messages from “000,” Dawn finishes Sons of Anarchy, and Rick continues with House.
    • Two people are arrested for abusing 9-1-1, Rick and Dawn think GPS is magical, and the holiday diet takes its toll. Plus, an autistic teen is granted the go-ahead for a sex change.
    • There is much discussion about figuring out song lyrics years later, and whether it’s cool to like the Eagles/Cheap Trick/Thin Lizzy yet.
    • JOY OF CHRISTMAS:  A teenager throws a Christmas tree at her parents.
    • HICK WATCH:  An argument in a mobile home park leads, naturally, to a tasing. Also, voodoo priests are being lynched in Haiti, the Golden Girls theory of retirement planning, and Florida's plan to warm up manatees.
    • TOP FIVE:  Rick’s top five perfectly-crafted pop songs that aren’t Cheap Trick's “Surrender”.


  • Monday, December 27th, 2010

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]


    • The wonderful, terrible foods that Rick and Dawn ate over Christmas weekend. Also: Why people drive so stupidly during the holidays, the etiquette of bathroom lines, Max gets spray liver and Rick gets an “OCD Fun Pack.”
    • People are trapped in a huge blizzard on the east coast; A man gets hit by a Disney tour bus; Alanis Morrisette has a baby.
    • WEEK IN GEEK:  Aaron Duran talks about the drunken toast at his wedding, the debut of his comic (Jan. 15 at Bridge City Comics), and upcoming grindhouse films.
    • Ryan White of The Oregonian stops by to talk about old typewriters, his end-of-the-year music round-up, the Kings of Leon’s tour buses catching on fire, a good year for The Roots, and a possible return to music singles. Also, Dawn smells like a hippie.
    • A hugely fat woman wants to be even fatter, and she has a website with videos, and the whole thing is really, really disturbing.
    • SNUFF WATCH:  Teena Marie, dead at 54.
    • Kanye West and Taylor Swift – both better than they probably ought to be, but still very, very talented. Damn them!
    • TASER WATCH:  Another story that involves a crossbow. Seriously.
    • TOP FIVE:  Dawn’s top five songs that she moped to after a break-up.

  • Friday, December 24th, 2010

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]


    • Dawn ruins Rick’s Christmas, and Rick shares his history of airing accidental profanity. Also, Kinects suck, and there’s more iPhone wanking.
    • Obama plans staff changes, and a pilot says TSA overreacted to his videos of lax security.
    • GEEK WATCH:  Big Jim Willig helps us figure out the news that a member of the Fantastic Four is slated to die, how Darth Vader poops, and indulges us in geeky superhero talk.
    • Ho ho ho! A special presentation of Ebenezer? I Barely Knew Her!
    • An adult 3D porn game for Kinect is on the way.
    • HUMOR ME: COMEDY 101 – The faux-drunken brilliance of Foster Brooks.
    • Rick calls Seumas to track down a present. And a listener leaves an awesome pile of gifts, but we don’t know who to thank.

    Plus: Our annual presentation of Santa Claus: Behind the Christmas

    And: Mr. Tim Riley presents A "Magic of Radio" Christmas, available right here.

  • Thursday, December 23rd, 2010

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]


    • Rick and Dawn discuss whether mice have bones in their tails (as well as other taxidermy-related issues), and Christmas music.
    • Listener Andy calls to share his maniacal laugh, and two other listeners e-mail x-rays of a mouse and a dachshund. Also: What the hell is Greenwich Mean Time? And Ben Affleck is better than people think.
    • Mailman Rick calls to talk about delivering mail at Christmas, and what it means to “do a Newman.”
    • The Oregonian’s Anna Griffin stops by to talk about Disney movies, Warner Bros. Cartoons, and various news-related topics.
    • RELIGIOUS NUTCASE WATCH:   A woman sees Jesus in a pistachio. Her co-worker sees Freddy Kruger.
    • The “smell of death is everywhere” in North Carolina. Also: Asking parents about Santa.
    • TASER WATCH:  An unfortunate case of mistaken identity … and, well, resisting arrest.
    • Good and bad community newspapers, and a mouse that tweets like a bird!
    • JOY OF CHRISTMAS:  People shop late at night, an advertising Santa is told to knock it off, and a giant candy cane crushes a car.
    • Dawn and Rick share their Top Five Most Coveted/Appreciated Childhood Christmas Gifts.

  • Wednesday, December 22nd, 2010

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]


    • Rick and Dawn both have weird dreams;  They also eat cookies and gain weight.
    • CIA form the Wikileaks Task Force, aka WTF. Also, Obama repeals Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell.
    • PENIS WATCH:  Swedish man murders a guy and does something unpleasant to his penis.
    • Aaron Mesh of Willamette Week and Sigfried Seeliger visit, and discuss food carts, Silent Night, Deadly Night, Tron, True Grit, and the awfulness of Little Fockers.
    • … and Dawn sharews her Top Five Non-Traditional Christmas Songs.

  • Tuesday, December 21st, 2010

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]


    • Rick’s wife goes Catan on a guy, and Rick kvetches about Left4Dead 2. Also, Dawn tells a really boring story about cookies, and is catching up on Sons of Anarchy.
    • The economic genius of games like Farmville and Smurf’s Village are discussed, and Rick explains that the Smurfs live in a patriarchal theocracy.
    • Rick destroys a writer’s dream, and there’s talk about the things that movies steal from us.
    • Kristen Bowie of Cascadia.fm’s Don’t Panic PDX visits, and Seumas calls to tell her how awesome she is. Much radio reminiscence ensues.
    • A woman with a face transplant meets her donor.
    • Listener Sean stops by to talk about the origins of Rickpig Baby and share his Top Five Non-Traditional Christmas Songs
    • Rick calls Lara to get to the bottom of this Settlers of Catan kerfuffle, and we all learn a little something about “rage quitting.”

  • Monday, December 20th, 2010

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]


    Description coming soon...

  • Friday, December 17th, 2010

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]


    • Rick reads e-mails from listeners, and Dawn gives an update on Patrick’s innards; listener Ryan calls to talk gallbladders.
    • JOY OF CHRISTMAS:  A man sees Baby Jesus in his candy.
    • Discussion topics include The Mist and Fantastic Voyage, hippies, carob and disgusting health food.
    • Big Jim Willig arrives, and talks about working at a porn store on Christmas. Also: Jim and Dawn are excited by an annual showing of Silent Night, Deadly Night.
    • PENIS WATCH:  A fellow uses a fake penis for his drug test because of shyness issues. This leads to much talk about various pills that do questionable things, penis-wise. Also: Possible pyrokinesis in Chile.
    • SNUFF WATCH:  Don Van Vliet, aka Captain Beefheart.
    • HUMOR ME:  COMEDY 101 – Eddie Murphy.
    • TASER WATCH:  Don’t punch the EMT when he’s trying to help you.
    • And Larry King retires, creating a vacuum that no man can fill.

  • Thursday, December 16th, 2010

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]


    • Rick rhapsodizes over the offering of Mexican bakeries;  Dawn dropped her iPhone, and is entranced by Sons of Anarchy. And the Hard Rock Hotel breaks the busted-guitar record.
    • JOY OF CHRISTMAS:  County sheriffs brawl at their department Christmas party.
    • Anton Cox of Sorel’s Vintages visits with affordable gift ideas for – literally – the entire family.
    • Rick breaks open a box of Kranky candy, which is insanely delicious and probably filled with lead.
    • A woman insists that police give her a (well deserved) DUI.
    • DARWIN WATCH:  Man. Foot. Wood chipper.
    • A listener sends a link to a website featuring awkward pregnancy photos;  Rick is confused by the use of Melanie’s “Brand New Key” in a commercial. Also: Rick finally talks about the Dexter season finale.
    • SNUFF WATCH:  Blake Edwards, director of Victor/Victoria and the Pink Panther films, dead at 88.

  • Wednesday, December 15th, 2010

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]


  • Tuesday, December 14th, 2010

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]


  • Monday, December 13th, 2010

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]

    As Rick travels back from lovely Utah, a carefully-assembled collection of classic interviews and show segments fills in; featured in this Best-Of episode are Rick's interviews with Kevin Smith, Peter Criss, and Michael Moore, as well as musical interludes from The Wonderstrucks and Tim Riley's "Oscillating Fan", PLUS: two installments of Pop Culture Authority. Enjoy...and we'll see you back live on Tuesday the 14th.

  • Friday, December 10th, 2010

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]

  • Thursday, December 9th, 2010

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]

    Our good friends Anna Griffin (of the Oregonian) and David Walker join us for a mind-bogglingly varied series of discussions, including a countdown of Anna's Top Five Teenage Moping Songs.

  • Wednesday, December 8th, 2010

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]

    A Brief Note:

    Dawn's husband, Patrick, is undergoing tests to determine the nature of his illness (Dawn calls in during today's show to give us an update). Our thoughts are with both of them; we'll share more details as they emerge.

    Helping to cover the show duties today are Mr.
    Eric D. Snider, who fills in at the news desk*, as well as Sarah X. Dylan and Greg Nibler, of FunemploymentRadio.com.

    Though we didn't plan it this way, Sarah and Greg's appearance on today's show was strangely appropriate, as it was two years ago -December 8th, 2010- that the firing axe began falling with increasing rapidity at CBS Radio. Among the casualties that day: Tim Riley and Cheryl Kanekoa.

    Cheryl, of course, is now the linchpin of The Emerson News Network's daily operations–a role she also holds at Outlook Portland. It is no exagerration to say that she helped (and helps) transform these shows from concept to functioning reality.

    Tim Riley, for his part, is living a prosperous, plugged-in life, working as a media coordinator for various concerns, and remains a good friend to all of us.

    Sarah and Greg share a studio with ENN...the studio from which I am honored to broadcast both Legion of News and The Rick Emerson Show. On those programs, I am accompanied by the genius of Dawn Taylor, which is akin to working with a single-volume compendium of the smartest, funniest things ever written, said, or imagined.

    Helping to steer all of this, and making sure that our juvenile shenanigans don't derail the "business" part of show business, is the incomparable Bruce Agler, the Obi-Wan to my Jar-Jar.

    It is a massive understatement to say that we -all of us- are grateful to you, the listeners, and to our business partners...together, you have made it possible for the shows (Funemployment Radio, The Rick Emerson Show, and Legion of News) to exist beyond the reach of corporate changes and upheavals.


    We love you, we salute you, we thank you.

    -Rick






    *Eric can also be heard Fridays at 11am at Cascadia.FM, where he co-hosts Movie B.S. with Bayer and Snider, and his writings can be found at Film.com and Cinematical.


  • Tuesday, December 7th, 2010

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]

    Dawn Taylor's husband, Patrick, has fallen ill, so today, behold the joy of Rick Emerson hosting a half-live, half-Best-Of show, with highlights including:

    • Our interview with Don Rawitch, co-creator of the Oregon Trail video game
    • Kenny Johnson of The Shield and Sons of Anarchy
    • And a telephone call from listener Jenny, who breaks the news of Elizabeth Edwards' death.

  • Monday, December 6th, 2010

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]

    • Rick talks about attending the swanky Leverage cast party, and whether he appears in the finale; Dawn and Rick discuss their trip to Christmas Mountain Trees.
    • A misspent text message leads to the lockdown of three Colorado high schools.
    • WEEK IN GEEK:  George Lucas buys the image rights to dead celebs, and digitizes all their performances; The Oxford English Dictionary adds geek speak.
    • Oregonian music critic Ryan White talks about parental leave, Lloyd Center kiosk harassment, and why people write their phone numbers on bathroom walls.
    • SNUFF WATCH:  Football great Don Meredith dies.
    • Ryan talks about what he’s been listening to, religious songs for non-religious people, and bad Christmas CDs.
    • CLOWN WATCH:  Dear god, it’s a holiday for Mexican clowns.
    • BBC radio host makes unfortunate flub when saying “Jeremy Hunt, the Culture Secretary.”
    • TOP FIVE:  Rick’s top five songs about a band member leaving the band.

  • Friday, December 3rd, 2010

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]

    • Rick is watching Luther, and Dawn gets a Samuel L. Jackson iPhone app.
    • A teenager is very happy after swallowing a baggie of cocaine; Bon Saget has a new show where he rides with bikers; LeBron James scores 38 points against his old team. Also: Where rich people buy their flannel shirts, and the phenomenon of outlandishly expensive store in Las Vegas hotels.
    • Brian and Lisa Wood of Big-Ass Sandwiches stop by to discuss their first year in business, giant bean-bag chairs, their review on an Xbox Live podcast, and to talk about their anniversary party on Dec. 18th at Ash Street Saloon.
    • ‘Big Jim’ Willig drops in – and again, Rick with the rugulach, already.
    • TASER WATCH:  A jealous husband wires his front door to electrocute anyone who tries to boff his wife.
    • HUMOR ME:  COMEDY 101 – This week, the subject is “Mr. Warmth,” Don Rickles.

  • Thursday, December 2nd, 2010

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]

    • Dawn is unsure of her general knowledge, Rick is unsure of his Top Five. Also, Dawn’s lipstick smells like desperation, and mayonnaise is disgusting.
    • Teacher gives kids inappropriate sex quiz, so Rick and Dawn veer into discussion about people who talk about sex all the damn time.
    • Four Loko is going away, so stockpilers are selling the stuff on Craigslist. Also: Collectible beer cans, booze bottles and Avon decanters.
    • GEEK WATCH:  Canned unicorn meat and bacon plush toys.
    • Legion of News is nominated for a podcast award! In a related story: There are podcast awards.
    • KKK snoman, butter sculpture, and the Ugliest Drug Dealer Ever.
    • CHENEY WATCH:  Nigeria would like to arrest Dick Cheney.
    • Heath Ledger – not in the next Dark Knight film, not even a little bit.
    • A song from Johnny Cash’s new, posthumous album.
    • 13-year-old girl shoots 11-year-old neighbor in the face.
    • TOP FIVE:  Rick brings down the room with his top five songs to which he brooded after breakups.

  • Wednesday, December 1st, 2010

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]

    • It’s the start of the holiday season, and Rick inaugurates it with “O, Holy Night.” Plus: We’ll be giving away Christmas trees!
    • Rick talks about the Sons of Anarchy finale, Dawn’s cat pooped on the bed, and Rick sympathizes.
    • The governor of Washington is peeved at Camel cigarettes, and Rick wonders why people smoke at all.
    • Willamette Week’s Kelly Clarke calls, to talk about the joys of clove cigarettes and coffee, dorky things to do for the holidays (Tuba Christmas!), Rick gets his comeuppance as regards the Peacock Lane Grinch, and if you’re underage and you send sexy pictures on your phone, you could be tried as a sex offender.
    • HICK WATCH:  The most horrible and wonderful story ever. Two words: Fat rolls.
    • Dexter is still awful, Glee has gotten better, and apparently Frank Darabont fired The Walking Dead writing staff.
    • CORPSE WATCH:  Lee Harvey Oswald’s coffin is for sale.
    • TOP FIVE:  The top five David Bowie songs, so now you know why you should love him.

  • Tuesday, November 30th, 2010

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]

    • The European Commission investigates Google, and a British author gets the “Bad Sex Award” (for writing, not for actual sex.)
    • Zack Whedon visits, sits in Dawn’s Goodwill chair, and talks about The Shepherd’s Tale graphic novel, as well as Dr. Horrible’s Sing-Along Blog writing Terminator comics and more. There is much that is geeky.
    • The Oregonian’s Anna Griffin steps in to explain the etymology of the phrase “No whining on the yacht,” and discuss the nutcase almost-bomber fellow.
    • The “real cost” of the 12 Days of Christmas is brought to you by a hateful investment firm;  The Pentagon is told that most soldiers don’t give a damn if anyone’s gay, but say they’re sticking with “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” regardless.
    • Anna indulges out geekiness further by joining in talk about Serenity, Stephen King, watching Battlefield Earth, and how George W. Bush is a little like Draco Malfoy.
    • JOY OF CHRISTMAS:  Amazon offers a service that swaps bad gifts for credit ….before they even get to you.
    • TOP FIVE:  A nightmarish collection of terrible songs from January 7th, 1985.

  • Monday, November 29th, 2010

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]

    • Rick knows he has to go Utah in a few weeks, and is already dreading it; Dawn’s voice is raspy, but not for any fun reasons. Also:  The morning started badly for Rick, when he had a mishap with his electric shaver and his Viso whilst driving.
    • South Korea and North Korea are scrappin', and a man attacks paramedics with his bloody arm.
    • WEEK IN GEEK:  Aaron Duran talks about Zack Whedon’s  upcoming appearances, and shares some news about streaming entertainment via game system.
    • CANNIBAL WATCH:  Homeless guys kill a man, eat part of him, and sell the rest to a kebab shack. This leads, naturally, to a discussion of what Rick and Dawn hope will happen to their bodies after they’re dead (SPOILER:  Not eaten at a kebab shack.)
    • Film critic Eric D. Snider visits to discuss his trip in and out of Salt Lake City airport over Thanksgiving, plus the joys of Utah, Mormons, children, and community theater.
    • SNUFF WATCH:  Leslie Nielsen, dead at 84.
    • JOY OF CHRISTMAS:  Atheists erect snotty billboard at Lincoln Tunnel.
    • Walking Dead recap:  Body disposal, emotional moments, pickaxes and white lights.

  • Friday, November 26th, 2010

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]

    • Dawn sees a sad pig in the rain, leading to talk about furries and plushies. Also: Internet memes that you don’t know about, and Dawn uses the phrase “carbonated vomit” in a sentence.
    • Texas doctors help a baby with a huge, swollen head (with visual aid!)
    • Big Jim Willig stops by to discuss Rick’s eating of mass quantities of rugulach thanks to his damned efficient metabolism, as well as Walgreens shopping and Snuggies.
    • JOY OF CHRISTMAS: First watch of the 2010 holiday season – a turkey fire!
    • HUMOR ME: COMEDY101 looks at the career of Joan Rivers.
    • PENIS WATCH: What sort of a game is “toad in the hole” and what you shouldn’t do with one of the tpy rings.
    • TOP FIVE:  Dawn‘s top five songs for Black Friday.   

  • Thursday, November 25th, 2010

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]

    • Rick announces that Zack Whedon will visit on Tuesday, and Aaron “Geek in the City” Duran discusses comics, Edward James Olmos and pirates. Plus:  The weather is bad everywhere, and kids’ Benedryl has been recalled.
    • PENIS WATCH:  A woman screams at a man who exposes himself on the subway, detains him until police arrive.
    • Big Jim Willig bring rugulach! And David Walker talks about embarrassing himself in front of Meat Loaf, his work on the Missing Reel web series, and self-publishing his book.
    • The dumb TSA quotes are pulled out again, as is Obama talking about eating his food. Then Dawn drops turkey down her shirt.
    • Kristin Bowie calls to say hello before drinking a lot of red wine, just like the pilgrims.
    • TOP FIVE:  The top five “thanking” songs.

  • Wednesday, November 24th, 2010

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]

    • A woman is arrested with 65 pounds of gift-wrapped marijuana; There’s a shark in Arizona.
    • Willamette Week’s Aaron Mesh  talks Four Loko and great burgers.
    • OMG! CNN’s Jim Roope calls, just to say hello!
    • PENIS WATCH:  “Intactivists” aim to ban circumcision in San Francisco.
    • POP CULTURE AUTHORITY:  What’s the name of that kid in Pulp Fiction, anyway?
    • Indian town takes cellphones away from single women, Somalis run sex trade in Minneapolis; School district bans Christmas.
    • Dawn and Rick talk about Rolling Stone, Spin, magazine subscriptions, and Columbia vs. RCA Record Club.
    • GREATEST SONGS EVER MADE:  An unforgettable, outstanding cover that takes the breath away.
    • Man reunited with biological mother, and discovers she’s a famous bearded lady;  Crews clean up huge pudding spill in Iowa.

  • Tuesday, November 23rd, 2010

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]

  • Monday, November 22nd, 2010

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]

    • Dawn and Rick discuss their difficulties keeping up with TV watching, e-mail and voicemail; Dawn suffers a meltdown and misses Lara’s birthday party, while Rick explains his Machiavellian way of getting out of buying a great birthday present.
    • Oh, TSA. There’s so much to say about the groping, and the scanning, and the inconvenience, and whatnot.
    • Netflix starts a move to all-streaming content, and raises their prices, which leads to talk about games and (of course) porn, and downloadable entertainments.
    • SNUFF WATCH:  Apparently, Rick missed the whole “Run, Bambi, Run” thing in the 90’s.
    • Capri Anderson, the porn actress who hid in the bathroom while Charlie Sheen went ballistic, tells her story to George Stephanopoulas. Which is sadder for George Stephanopoulas than for anyone else.
    • GEEK WATCH:  That Microsoft Kinect thing can see you, identify you, and sell you stuff. And possibly steal your soul.
    • Boardwalk Empire recap:  Creepy FBI-guy sex, “mommy’s kissing friend” and the fine acting of Steve Buscemi.

  • Friday, November 19th, 2010

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]

    • Dawn drinks because Rick goads her for sport; Rick is embarrassed when he scans 700 cans of tuna, one at a time, at Safeway. Also:  Dawn sees Tangled, and witnesses the glory of Harry Potter fans camped out for the midnight opening.
    • JOB WATCH:  Hey, there are more unemployed people!
    • An Iranian toy company creates an “Islamic Barbie.”
    • TASER WATCH: Man steals car with child in the back, then hides in “a small tree.”
    • Scientologists have found their new demographic:  Alcoholic Aboriigines.
    • “Big Jim” Willig presents another installment of Humor Me: Comedy 101. This week – the genius of Sam Kinison.
    • STUPID CRIMINAL OF THE WEEK:  A man swallows two rings stolen from his elderly mother. So far, the police have recovered one of them.

  • Thursday, November 18th, 2010

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]

    • Rick and Dawn talk about their uncomfortable relationship with IMing;  Ben the Builder calls, and eats his first McRib on the air, which leads to way too much discussion about food.
    • GEEK WATCH:  Teenager gets rich selling make-your-own-white-iPhone kits.
    • Six reasons why your barista hates you; Man accidentally shoots himself in the the face with a nailgun.
    • Dexter update:  Julia Stiles sucks, Peter Weller looks terrible, and why you shouldn’t dismember a guy in the Holiday Inn.

  • Wednesday, November 17th, 2010

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]

    • Rick and Dawn discuss Animal House and National Lampoon magazine, and it is acknowledged that Dawn has more than a little Belushi-ness going on. Plus, Rick runs down the street to acquire an emergency Viso, and talks about Sons of Anarchy.
    • Lisa Murkowski wins Alaska senate seat, despite being a misspelled write-in candidate.
    • Andy the Formerly Home-schooled Man calls in to discuss the origins of Trans-Siberian Orchestra.
    • Ryan Reynolds is scary well-built, and Warren Buffett is thankful for the U.S. government.
    • HICK WATCH:  A couple steal a motorized cart from Wal-mart, and drive to a strip club.
    • Dawn shares some entries in her “Choose Rick’s Ringtone” contest, and the Texas Lottery mistakenly tells a man that he won Dallas Cowboys season tickets.

  • Tuesday, November 16th, 2010

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]

    • Rick makes Lara use a computer at the studio, because he keeps stealing her laptops; Apple sells Beatles songs on iTunes, because Steve Jobs wants you to appreciate the size of his … catalog.
    • TSA wants to either irradiate you or grope you, and a caller weighs in from Japan on security differences overseas.
    • The Italian Prime Minister’s sex scandal inspires Rick to ask: What the heck is “bunga bunga?”
    • CLOWN WATCH: A clown burglar and an old woman on the toilet. Yes, this story has everything.
    • Bristol Palin still on Dancing with the Stars, and thinks it’s awesome that her mom’s in the audience.
    • GREATEST SONGS EVER MADE: “The most doom-laden holiday song of all time.”
    • Rick and Dawn discuss albums you listen to compulsively; Disney bans employees from texting and driving.
    • TASER WATCH: A doctor hits people with his car, and then gets all belligerent. Naturally, this leads to an anecdote about an incident at a Paul Stanley concert.
    • Boardwalk Empire recap: Quick studies, incest-y relationships, and a whole lot of 1920’s humpin’.

  • Monday, November 15th, 2010

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]

    • Rick can’t remember the details about a TV cartoon that involved aliens playing baseball with humans; Dawn breaks out a can of Four Loko, and drinks it on air for sckience.
    • WEEK IN GEEK:  Facebook is taking over your e-mail, the Swashbucklers’ Ball raises funds for the Portland Pirate Festival, and Xbox Kinect doesn’t like black people.
    • More from Mark Siebenmorgen, the most awesome one-man crime spree ever.
    • New York bans Four Loko – just how much alcohol does it have in it anyway.
    • Casual dining – like Applebee’s and Olive Garden – is on the rise again.
    • Rick plays drunken Scotty J. clips, and discusses Scotty’s legacy.
    • CLERGY WATCH:  Priest spends thousands on porn.
    • Dawn and Rick discuss last night’s episode of The Walking Dead – frogs, hands, and the nature of divided loyalties.
    • Dawn has Cherry Cordial M&Ms; Rick plays audio of Ritchie Bristol vomiting. Then, Greg and Sarah visits to talks about “the Scotty J. problem.”

  • Friday, November 12th, 2010

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]

    • Dawn spends a night alone with the TV and a pizza; Rick vows not to talk too much about iPhones.
    • SNUFF WATCH:  Dino De Laurentiis dies at 91.
    • Women threatens cops with sex toy; Demolition experts do a very bad job of bringing down a tower.
    • “Big Jim” Willig stops by to talk about blow-up dolls, “fleshlights” and comedy – it’s the debut of HUMOR ME: COMEDY 101, Jim’s weekly examination of the world of funny. This week, he explores the work of Bill Cosby.
    • STUPID CRIMINAL OF THE WEEK:  Surprisingly, cops can see you when you jump into the back seat, even if the car’s still moving.
    • The best mugshot in a long time comes our way, courtesy of a fellow who goes on a crazy “crime spree” in Milwaukie.

  • Thursday, November 11th, 2010

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]

    Description coming soon...


  • Wednesday, November 10th, 2010

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]

    Description coming soon...


  • Tuesday, November 9th, 2010

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]

    • The show starts off with hostility, when Dawn throws away Rick’s four-day-old
    • McRib leftovers without asking permission. Also, Rick’s wife sets the kitchen on
    • fire, and Dawn makes an ass of herself in front of Courtney Hameister.
    • GEEK WATCH:   The creator of Space Battleship Yamato is honored with The Order
    • of the Rising Sun; The 75-year-old producer of Space Battleship Yamato dies when
    • he falls off a steamboat.
    • Professor offers college course about Lady Gaga; Keith Olbermann apologizes to
    • fans, but not to NBC.
    • Week in the Geek:  His comic’s coming out! And a town in Japan is naming streets
    • after videogames.
    • Cheryl forwards an e-mail from Walgreens about “discreet” purchases of sensitive
    • personal care items.
    • TASER WATCH:  A man is tased, and pepper sprayed, and beaten, and stuffed under
    • a blanket. Oh, and he has a mouse in his butt.
    • TV Recap:  The season end of Eastbound and Down.
    • Dexter.
    • TOP FIVE:  The top five Billboard chart-toppers for May 14, 1983.

  • Monday, November 8th, 2010

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]

    • Rick joins his wife for a semi-awkward dinner with her close male friend and his date; Dawn buys new bras, and shares a rather obvious Cosmo cover.
    • Nazi art found in Berlin! Degenerate art! Naked ladies!
    • Rick revisits the Cosmo article, leading to extensive talk about how ladies ought to clue guys into how sex works.
    • The Dutch pass out scratch-n-sniff marijuana cards, and a radioactive rabbit os found near Rick’s home town. Plus: Trilby Lundberg gives us the lowdown on gas prices, the governor of Texas riles Medicare recipients and environmentalists, and there’s a pause in the trial of Elizabeth Smart’s kidnapper.
    • PENIS WATCH:  KY Warming Jelly is not hemorrhoid cream. So what is it, exactly? And why do people use it? So many questions …
    • The Monday television recap covers the health risks and impracticalities of covering oneself in zombie viscera, and admiration for kept Irish women and self-flagellating FBI agents.
    • TOP FIVE:  Rick’s top five songs with the word “zombie” in the title.

  • Friday, November 5th, 2010

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]

    • The 100th show kicks off with chat about Dawn needing glasses, snack foods from other lands, and a presentation of the mythic McRib.
    • A fugitive posts his location in his Facebook status.
    • The post office:  Hipsters with earrings, scary warehouses , and leaving stuff on the loading dock.
    • “Big Jim” Willig visits to tell us who the Sklar Brothers are, talks about his upcoming gig at the Bagdad, and ponders whether Portland’s a good town for comedy.
    • A Polish coffin company sells a sexy calendar, because chick in cemeteries are hot.
    • Rick brings out the international snack foods (ham-flavored Ruffles rule!)
    • STUPID CRIMINAL OF THE WEEK:  Teenager dresses as breathalyzer for Halloween, gets arrested for drunk driving.
    • Rick eats a McRib! And calls listener Kielan for McRib advice.
    • PENIS WATCH:  Always remember to bite down hard.
    • TOP FIVE:  Dawn’s top five songs about autumn.

  • Thursday, November 4th, 2010

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]

    • Dawn reads a book on the iPhone; Rick is impressed by her brilliant observation that a guy with an iPad in public is treated the same as a chick with a great rack. Also: Sanrio stores are strange places.
    • Rick and Dawn discuss the nature of international law, then somehow get onto the topic of off-brand food stores and weird, mystery snack foods.
    • GREATEST SONGS EVER:  In which a fabulous goddess of the stage is threatened by a bank teller.
    • CLOWN WATCH:  A TV newsman is pulled from a Halloween float by a marauding clown, lands on his face, and needs reconstructive surgery.
    • BBC apologizes to Bob Geldof for saying that his Band Aid money went for weapons. And what the hell happened to all that Aid stuff, anyway?
    • CHENEY WATCH:  Bush now claims he considered dumping Dick, and was humiliated by Kanye. Meanwhile, Kanye says he now feels bad for W. And he now has diamond teeth, which is weird and difficult to comprehend.
    • Rick shares the horrible thing a co-worker at a convenience store used to do with the beef jerky sticks. Also, there is discussion of dumpster food.

  • Wednesday, November 3rd, 2010

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]
  • Rick has five questions and/or  observations, including one involving Uncle Reamus. Also, a World of Warcraft fan becomes a character.
  • The Oregonian’s Anna Griffin talks about the election madness.
  • Jerry Brown is California’s governor, and Meg Whitman isn’t. Also, she’s a robot.
  • People in superhero outfits get in a fight; A dad shoots his kid with a paintball gun, which reminds Dawn of the time she helped her father kill gophers.
  • The Blue Dog caucus doesn’t do so well, and Rick is surprised there’s a Blue Dog caucus.
  • Rick and Dawn do the beginning of the show in the middle, and talk about Angry Birds, and Rick’s manic last-minute cleaning (Note to Lara: There are empty pizza boxes hidden behind the fridge.)
  • SNUFF WATCH:  The voice of Wheel of Fortune is silenced.
  • Kelly Clarke from Willamette Week joins us to discuss Jeopardy vs. Wheel of Fortune, the eating of pig intestines, and other delightful topics.
  • GEEK WATCH:  More on violent video games, and an amazing Lego construction.
  • Rick plays a Chuck Woolery clip, and remembers “In the butt, Bob” fondly.

  • Tuesday, November 2nd, 2010

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]

    • Dawn is disappointed by Due Date and perplexed by people bumping their phones together; Rick gets ready for Lara’s return, and has no idea what to do with all the garbage.
    • A listener sends info on the “Go Girl” portable pee device.
    • “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” stay extended, for no good reason.
    • GEEK WATCH:  The Supreme Court weighs in on violent video games, with surprising results.
    • Dawn can’t sleep while she’s dirty. This leads to questions.
    • RELIGIOUS NUTCASE WATCH:  A guy dressed like Jesus walks into a bar. No, wait, a church. And then he gets kicked out.
    • TOP FIVE:  Rick’s top five songs about politicians.

  • Monday, November 1st, 2010

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]

    • Rick spends an exciting evening matching his socks and watching Dexter and Dawn finally has an iPhone, which she finds enchanting; a listener approaches Rick in public, and inquires as to the whereabouts of his bitches.
    • WEEK IN GEEK:  Aaron Duran talks geek pub-trivia, and video games.
    • GEEK WATCH:  Soon, you won’t need a TV remote if you have a smartphone.
    • Rick gets no Trick-or-Treaters, no matter how hard he rallies the neighbors. But he’s happy to decorate just for himself.
    • TASER WATCH:  Firefighters expose themselves to each other, and somebody gets tased.
    • CLOWN WATCH:  Stockton, California – a hotbed of balloon-animal animosity.
    • A fun new catch phrase is discovered, courtesy of President Obama: “Where my dinner?”

  • Friday, October 29th, 2010

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]

    • Rick talks about the outstanding Geek-O-Lantern entries;  Dawn is cranky, undercaffeinated and has a headache. So she mainlines vicodin and accepts charity from Brock, a kind listener.
    • SNUFF WATCH:  The original Danno has left us;  A teenager goes berserk over the size of his steak.
    • A couple go to court to keep their dog from losing his balls.
    • STUPID CRIMINAL OF THE WEEK: A trail of candy leads cops to dumb thieves. This leads, of course, to discussion of candy – including a candy-themed pun-off.
    • Aaron “Geek in the City” Duran visits, so Rick dorksm out about Left 4 Dead.
    • RELIGIOUS NUTCASE WATCH:  Oklahoma votes to keep Islamic law out of their courts.
    • TOP FIVE:  Aaron’s top five scariest video games.
    • … and we announce the winners of our Thinkgeek Geek-O-Lantern contest!

  • Thursday, October 28th, 2010

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]

    • Rick has a bad morning, with Viso mishaps, dogs and poop on his shoe; Dawn finally understands why men think strippers and baristas really like them.
    • A woman falls off a horse, breaks her neck … and has to carry her own head to safety.
    • Plastic lanterns from Dollar Tree are, shockingly, a safety hazard.
    • The Oregonian’s Anna Griffin visits, and gamely discusses pizza bagels, Cinnabon and Orange Julius before tackling local elections and why, exactly, voting is important.
    • JOB WATCH:  People would rather join the Army than work for Disney.
    • CORPSE WATCH:  Mom and kids decapitate dad, stuff him in a freezer. And so forth.
    • TOP FIVE:  Rick’s top five songs about Satan … or the devil … or are they the same thing? And does it matter?

  • Wednesday, October 27th, 2010

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]

    • Rick rhapsodizes about Fright Town, and tells the tale of his experience with iffy Mexican maybe-Sudafed.
    • A new comic tells the story of French First Lady Carla Bruni-Sarcozy.
    • CORPSE WATCH:  Russian bears are robbing graves for food.
    • Willamette Week’s Aaron Mesh talks about a staffer’s work as an employee of Fright Town, and the shift in the local music scene out of downtown Portland.
    • PENIS WATCH: “Winkworth “ is a funny name.
    • GEEK WATCH:  Would you pay $250,000 for a Darth Vader costume? Of course you would.
    • Those TSA rules? They’re dumb. Even British Airways thinks so.
    • POP CULTURE AUTHORITY:  “Nature Boy” Ric Flair – where does that name come from, anyway?

  • Tuesday, October 26th, 2010

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]

    • Rick hurts his back doing absolutely nothing, and he loves him some Rowdy Roddy Piper.
    • A caller asks for information on wrestler Ric Flair, and Rick foolishly promises he will find the answer. Also: The deadline is past for Geek-O-Lantern submissions, and the entries are awesome!
    • PENIS WATCH: One botched circumcision, and one angry tattoo artist.
    • POP CULTURE AUTHORITY:  Is there any actual violence in the Psycho shower scene?
    • CLOWN WATCH:  Clown names sound extra creepy when you find out they’re child molesters.
    • Maria Shriver says, “Women be shoppin’!”
    • SNUFF WATCH:  R.I.P., Paul the Psychic Octopus.
    • TOP FIVE:  Dawn’s top five songs about dead teenagers.

  • Monday, October 25th, 2010

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]

    • A recap of the weekend’s TV watching – Eastbound and Down, Boardwalk Empire, Sherlock, and an examination of the horrors of cola on Law and Order: SVU.
    • A woman gets pregnant by watching high-def porn – or does she?
    • Oh, Canada:  A ninja on a bicycle goes on a shotgun spree.
    • Rick and Dawn discuss the possible fire dangers in local nightclubs, and Dawn talks about the Best bacon She’s Ever Eaten. Also:  Listener Andy calls from his sickbed to talk about bacon.
    • GEEK WATCH:  Hobbit fans want the Hobbit movie to be filmed in Hobbit-y New Zealand.
    • ‘Funemployment Radio’ hosts Greg Nibler and Sarah X. Dylan stop by to celebrate the one-year anniversary of the group firings, and there is much discussion about haircuts and eyebrows.

  • Friday, October 22nd, 2010

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]

    • Rick finds that technology is awesome, and that he’s pathetic;  Dawn’s husband pulls a fast one as regards her iPhone and their anniversary.
    • Breaking news – A swimmer gets his leg bitten off by a shark.
    • Comedy Central needs portable toilets for the Stewart/Colbert rally, which leads to Rick’s pondering the nightmare of Port-O-Johns.
    • CORPSE WATCH:  A woman drives around with a dead body in her car. For months. With nothing but a box of baking soda to mask the smell.
    • An Albuquerque porn festival falls victim to zoning issues. This somehow leads to a discussion of Human Centipede and the Saw films.
    • GREATEST SONGS EVER MADE:  A surprising entry from a legendary pop group.
    • The ‘Stupid Criminal of the Week involves a wheelchair, a garbage bag, a kitchen knife, and two very dumb crooks.
    • What drugs will Rick do when he gets old? Discuss. ALSO: Oh, Clarence Thomas. You and your porn!
    • TASER WATCH:  A young man looks for mysterious foes armed with a hammer, and mistreats a police dog. Tasing ensues.
    • TOP FIVE: Songs about serial killers!

  • Thursday, October 21st, 2010

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]

    • Rick and Dawn need a lightbulb, and they discuss their weird dreams. Weird even for them, which is pretty damn weird.
    • A Missouri man is forced to take down his alarmingly racist Hallowwen decorations.
    • GEEK WATCH:  Steve Jobs announces more things that you don’t know you need yet.
    • A caller from Japan makes Rick feel very, very old.
    • SNUFF WATCH:  Bob Guccione dies, so there’s a lot of talk about Penthouse magazine, naked ladies, and pee.
    • A giant fish and a giant cat are both scary, for different reasons, and Greg Nibler tells of his first exposure to Penthouse.
    • DARWIN WATCH:  Safety tip – when de-icing your car on a hill, don’t leave the engine on and the car in gear.

  • Wednesday, October 20th, 2010

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]

    • Rick needs to go to the mall; Dawn and Rick have issues with their dogs.
    • A college mascot sets the homecoming float on fire, and oh, the kerfuffle.
    • Willamette Week's Kelly Clarke talks about the new Restaurant Guide, brings delicious chocolate donuts from Tasty N Sons, and where to get the best cupcakes.
    • Darren Aronofsky is direting Wolverine 2, and Rick remembers Peter Benchley's White Shark.
    • TOP FIVE: The top five Billboard hits for Januray 19, 1980.

  • Tuesday, October 19th, 2010

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]

    • Rick battles traffic, lack of caffeine and an unreliable point-of-purchase register system to get to the show.
    • A rowdy bar customer’s shot by a jazz musician, damaging both the guy’s body and dignity.
    • Corpse Watch and Taser Watch! Plus: breaking-news Snuff Watch!
    • Film critic Eric D. Snider talks about his youthful experiences with Dr. Demento, and discusses the similarities between “screening rats” and “prize pigs.”

  • Monday, October 18th, 2010

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]

    • Rick met a Schwarzenegger (not the one you might think); Dawn seeks a special kind of candy corn.
    • Aaron Duran calls in to talk “The Week in Geek” – there’s a serial-killer board game!
    • Facebook apps are stealing your soul. Well, your information, anyway.
    • Rick’s dogs don’t handle visitors well.
    • SNUFF WATCH:   Benoit Mandelbrot, of the fractals and the Jonathan Coulton song, is dead at 85.

  • Friday, October 15th, 2010


  • Thursday, October 14th, 2010

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]

    • Rick loves crazy Casey Kasem;  Dawn’s excited to talk to Dick Van Dyke because he’s her spirit animal, and humiliates herself in front of Cute Neighbor Dad.
    • The Oregonian’s Anna Griffin calls in, and finds out about Dawn’s thing about Dick Van Dyke. Also:  The President’s coming to town, and ballots go out tomorrow.
    • “Big Jim” Willig visits, and talks about comics stealing jokes. (He’s against it.)
    • OBAMA WATCH:  He’s coming to Portland, trying to close the “enthusiasm gap.”
    • Rick plays cuts of Casey Kasem going bonkers.
    • TOP FIVE:  The top five pre-performance songs that Jim Willig uses to get into the mood for comedy.
    • CHENEY WATCH:  Surprise! That guy who Cheney shot was hurt a lot worse than we were told. Oh, and Cheney never apologized.

  • Wednesday, October 13th, 2010

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]

    • Dawn has bagels, and Rick has an infected finger. Also, Dawn has a huge crush on her neighbor, because her ovaries are twanging.
    • The Chilean miners are being freed. Chi! Le! Chi! Le!
    • Willamette Week's Aaron Mesh visits, inspiring Rick to talk a lot about hair choices.
    • A hairdresser's nose collapses, but they fixed it with a piece of her ear.
    • POP CULTURE AUTHORITY: Is 'Ring Around the Rosie' about the Black Plague?
    • The world's tiniest man turns 18! Oddly, he's "not very mobile."
    • TOP FIVE:  The Top Five Soundtrack Choices by Paul Thomas Anderson or Wes Anderson That Pretty Much Wreck Aaron Mesh Emotionally.


  • Tuesday, October 12th, 2010

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]

    • Rick's heater still isn't fixed; Dawn's dog loves the damn Mr. Bill toy; Rick ate moldy beef jerky.
    • A man beats up two women, using a stripper pole, and a couple buy a human skeleton at a yard sale.
    • Oh, that Carl Paladino! He says the darnedest things.
    • MUSIC:  'Little Bird' by White Stripes
    • GEEK WATCH:  There's now an 'MTV Geek' website, so Dawn and Rick talk, again, about the prevalent geekiness of modern culture. Also: Whiz Kids!
    • TASER WATCH: A naked man in swim goggles fails to submit to authorities.
    • Iceland has the greatest male/female equality, according to a study.
    • GREATEST SONGS EVER MADE:  A little ditty about what ladies do in private.

  • Monday, October 11th, 2010

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]

    It’s Columbus Day! Instead of germ-encrusted blankets, we bring you delightful entertainment!
    • Rick and Dawn geek out over Eastbound and Down; A listener calls to apologize for hanging up (and asks when he’ll get his damn Bugles);  Dawn missed Sarah’s party because she had Cat Flu.
    • Two “vampires” stab a guy to get his blood.
    • Microsoft releases a smartphone, and no one cares.
    • PENIS WATCH:  A woman in Eugene sues her employers for making her play ring-toss on her boss’s penis.
    • Aaron Duran weighs in with The Week in Geek.
    • Rick reminisces about Run of Run D.M.C., and how he spied on him like a girl  at a Kid Rock show.
    • Gubernatorial candidate Carl Paladino is alarmed by homosexuals and their Speedos and their grinding.
    • MAD MEN RECAP:  The season’s penultimate episode offers more Don-and-Peggy goodness, a deeply sad reunion with an old flame, and more dysfunction with little Sally Draper.

  • Friday, October 8th, 2010

    Sarah X. Dylan's 30th-Birthday Spectacular!

  • Thursday, October 7th, 2010

    Description coming soon...

  • Wednesday, October 6th, 2010

    Description coming soon...

  • Tuesday, October 5th, 2010

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]

    There’s almost too much show to effectively detail today. Prepare to be amazed:

    • Rick injures himself on bread! Twice!
    • The Geek O’Lantern Contest is explained – yes, you can carve something other than a pumpkin!
    • The Beaverton School District thinks that being gay is shameful!
    • CLERGY WATCH:  A Welsh pastor says that it was just a banana in his pants!
    • There’s a new drug making the rounds, and we know what it is (even if TV news, high-school principals, and law enforcement officials don’t)!
    • Jamie Lee Curtis talks about her father – from the bottom of a well!
    • TASER WATCH:  Cop tases abusive, wheelchair-bound girl; girl’s sister bashes cop in head; cop accidentally tases EMT!
    • Dawn and Rick geek out about the work (and creepiness) of Stephen King!
    • A listener enjoys our show on a plane during extreme turbulence!
    • Rick schools Dawn on the reading of books on the iPhone!
    • The latest episode of Dexter is outlined, and Rick explains why he may not watch the new season of Californication!
    • Social Distortion’s Mike Ness is a man with a secret passion – for shopping!
    • A news story about Jonathan Franzen leads to a chat about Twitter, HTML code, and other geeky things!
    • TOP FIVE:  Dawn shares her top five scary horror-movie scores!
    • Dogs – they don’t like to wear Halloween costumes!

  • Monday, October 4th, 2010

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]

    • Monday!  A new week begins with a ridiculous amount of news and entertainment!
    • Dawn and Rick both saw The Social Network, and Dawn overheard two very dumb guys in the ticket line:
    • CORPSE WATCH:  A couple finds out that their dead son’s brain has been on display at county morgue.
    • A two-legged pig can walk … on two legs!
    • A very, very, VERY unattractive woman fails to comply with sex-offender registry.
    • GEEK WATCH:  The annual Ig Nobel prizes are awarded for the collection of whale snot, research on microbes on scientists’ beards, and a study of fellatio in fruit bats.
    • Aaron Duran reports on “The Week in Geek.”
    • A man admits that the marijuana jammed in the seat of his pants is his, but denies owning the cocaine.
    • MAD MEN RECAP:  Don’s juggling two dames, Roger’s coming unwound, and Peggy’s getting some. Also, Eastbound and Down remains awesome.
    • CLOWN WATCH:  Brazilian clown wins election in a landslide!


  • Friday, October 1st, 2010

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]

  • Thursday, September 30th, 2010

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]

    • An especially action-packed episode, with guest Anna Griffin, monkeys, and political discourse:
    • Rick talks about the qualifications for a new intern, and wonders what we’d do with the loaner Segway we’ve been offered. Meanwhile, Dawn reveals that she’s mildly obsessed with the iPhone that she doesn’t own yet.
    • SNUFF WATCH:  Tony Curtis is dead, he couldn’t decide between hot dogs and hamburgers, and Rick would totally go back in time to boff Janet Leigh.
    • The Oregonian’s Anna Griffin stops by to discuss the gubernatorial race, why those bike boxes cost so much (she did research!), and the dysfunctional relationship between Sam Adams and the city council.
    • MONKEY WATCH:  Monkeys can recognize themselves in mirrors, which means they’re more self-aware than we thought. Thus, even more dangerous.
    • Rick asks 10 questions designed to get to know Anna Griffin better; We learn about her favorite TV show, her snack food preferences, how she feels about Showgirls, and much, much more.
    • TOP TEN:  Rick’s top ten songs with “monkey” in the title.

  • Wednesday, September 29th, 2010

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]

    • Dawn made tuna casserole that is very tuna-y;  A listener says that Rick’s house
    • showed up in her dreams; Hooking up electronics is complicated, and girls who
    • know how things work are hot.
    • It makes Rick angry that you can use food stamps to buy Red Bull, but not Viso.
    • A man finds a mouse baked into a loaf of bread, and it’s horrifying. (Photo
    • available at www.rickemerson/pictures).
    • SNUFF WATCH: Director Arthur Penn died.
    • Dawn doesn’t like the new Google, dammit.
    • POP CULTURE AUTHORITY:  From whence comes the phrase, “Let the cat out of the
    • bag?”
    • Willamette Week’s Aaron Mesh discusses The Social Network, the remake of Let the
    • Right One In, and not watching TV.
    • In the news: People believe in religion, but don’t k now much about it. Well,
    • except unbelievers. Apparently they know a lot about what they don’t believe in.
    • PENIS WATCH:  Guy cruises school buses, flashing a fake penis.
    • CORPSE WATCH:  Man kills his wife, then hides the body in his house for several
    • days.
    • Dawn saw the first episode of No Ordinary Family and wishes Vic Mackey had been
    • nigh invulnerable.
    • TOP FIVE:  Rick shares the top Billboard songs from October 4, 1969, including
    • one from Dawn’s childhood pop-idol crush.

  • Tuesday, September 28th, 2010

    [The Rick Emerson Show is made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]

    A somewhat rocky start leads to a show full of wisdom and whimsy:

    • Rick wonders about the definition of “savory,” and talks to Dawn about her morning craziness. Also, Dawn’s husband is a big, whiny baby when he’s sick.
    • The proper storage location for household cleaning supplies is discussed. Rick’s wife thinks they should go in the basement, which is clearly nonsense.
    • A robbery at a check cash-cashing place is probably linked to a similar crime on Friday. Plus, there’s a news story about Portland schools, but no one here cares about it very much.
    • SNUFF WATCH:  Film editor Sally Menke and Titanic star Gloria Stuart are both dead, dead, dead.
    • The Grand Ole Opry is re-opening – this somehow leads to Rick talking about the Glore Psychiatric Museum, which then leads to the discovery that St. Joseph, Missouri  is a magical vacation destination.
    • GREATEST SONGS EVER MADE: Rick shares “’74-‘75” by The Connells.
    • CLOWN WATCH:  A Brazilian clown is a favorite to win a seat in congress, but may be disqualified for being illiterate.
    • Dawn shares that her TV boyfriend Josh Holloway’s been cast in Mission Impossible: 4, and Rick’s surprised to hear that Brad Bird’s directing.
    • PENIS WATCH:  A  woman sets her husband’s penis on fire. Because sometimes women are like that.
    • Will Arnett is in another TV show; A mayor is stoned to death and Mexico. These stories are unrelated, as far as we know.
    • Dawn finally watches the season premiere of Eastbound & Down, and much geeky fan-wanking ensues.

  • Monday, September 27th, 2010

    [The Rick Emerson Show is made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]

    • It’s a new week! With a new sponsor! And new things to kvetch about!
    • Rick and Dawn discuss their respective weekends: dawn celebrated her birthday, while Rick started redecorating, took an Ativan, and saw his wife drink beer from a Mason jar.
    • Also, Rick thinks Dawn’s house is tasteful yet creepy, like “Martha Steart meets Morticia Addams.
    • The “Where’s Waldo” bandit is in jail! Yeah, that happened.
    • SNUFF WATCH:  The owner of the Segway company dies from a plunge over a cliff … while riding a Segway.
    • A cop is disciplined for posting a picture of goats on Facebook. The goats were on a roof. How do goats get on a roof?
    • Mad Men recap:  Don’s investigated by the Feds, Joan goes to the clinic, and Pete … well, Pete doesn’t make a whole lot of sense.
    • TASER WATCH: A guy dumps paint on himself, because he thinkis that’ll stop cops from zapping him.
    • Dexter recap:  Meh.

  • Friday, September 24th, 2010

    • Dawn gets an e-mail from a guy who wants to clean for her, naked. With a photo of himself. In a towel.
    • Rick talks about his new voice-recognition app for his iPhone, which is magical.
    • The subject of naked housecleaning arises again, and Rick speculates on the size of Dawn’s husband’s genitalia.
    • JOB WATCH:  A $42 billion bill may create jobs. Or so they say. Also, Nancy Pelosi is scary.
    • The merits of various video games are discussed. Rick found ‘Doom III’ too scary, what with the giant spiders and all.
    • Portland is now “Pornland” and 82nd Avenue is called “the track,” according to ABC’s Nightline. Also, these fellows called “pimps” hang out at parks and lure young girls into
    • working as “hookers.”
    • “Big Jim” Willig talks open-mic comedy, and the funniest beverage names,
    • STUPID CRIMINAL OF THE WEEK:  Guy robs Wal-Mart, hides in dumpster, then gets trapped inside garbage truck.
    • A big box of geeky treasures is opened, full of stuff from Think Geek.

  • Thursday, September 23rd, 2010

    Grab your socks and garters – it’s a Thursday full of arachnids, wizards, and Obama-inspired intemperance:

    • Rick rethinks his gift for Dawn’s upcoming birthday, and Dawn reveals that she’s already gotten one awesome present.
    • A massively huge spider makes Rick’s life miserable, on account of he’s a big girl. Also, because it’s a massively huge spider.
    • The “Where’s Waldo?” bandit turns out to be the brother of a local radio DJ.
    • DEMOCRACY ON THE MARCH:  Sarah Palin keeps her terrifying laser eyes on the White House, and Christine O’Donnell is advised to not talk so much.
    • To help with PDX.FM founder Robert Wagner’s new drinking game, Dawn uses the phrase “President Barack Obama” about 700 times.
    • Rick advises Dawn on whether she should read the rest of the damn Harry Potter books before the last two movies come out.
    • BRITNEY WATCH:  Brit’s cover of “I Love Rock ‘n Roll” is voted the worst cover of all time.
    • TOP FIVE: Dawn shares her Top Five Songs That Use Food As a Creepy Metaphor for Sex.

  • Wednesday, September 22nd, 2010

    • Rick and Dawn talk about Kurt Vonnegut, bad movies they love, and the Australians who came to visit.
    • A sad day:  Rick dropped his iPhone, screamed like a girl, and almost fainted.
    • Dawn went to K-Mart and drove one of those electric carts around, smashing into merchandise.
    • News:  A surveyor finds a skeleton, apparently just lying around, in Sisters.
    • CLERGY WATCH:  The pastor of a mega-church denies coercing two young men into a sexual relationship. The pastor’s name is Eddie Long. His lawyer’s first name is B.J.
    • Bernstein. Sometimes the jokes write themselves.
    • Rick and Dawn spend what feels like three hours discussing something Rick says, Dawn’s reaction, and the very nature of offense in general.
    • CLOWN WATCH:  A clown fails to pay his taxes on money he made being a clown. His clown rep is now “in tatters.”
    • Fright Town is awesome, and Dawn talks about a scary Halloween at her house.
    • Willamette Week’s Kelly Clarke calls and talks about delicious food cart foods, and how Aaron Mesh inadvertently convinced her that that owl movie must be the best thing ever.
    • TOP FIVE:  The sleaziest songs to get mainstream radio airplay.


  • Tuesday, September 21st, 2010

    • No one is cranky today, but things quickly take a turn for the sleazy:
    • Rick says that he was TOTALLY NOT CRANKY YESTERDAY, but gifts Dawn with Chocolate-Peanut Butter Bugles anyway.
    • A bribe is offered for information/video related to a local female newscaster who pronounced it “Hurricane EYE-gor.” Dawn swears she saw this on TV.
    • Rick has 2,000 Facebook friends! Then he doesn’t. Then he does! Then he doesn’t.
    • After perusing the clown porn DVD, Dawn has a few questions about the pornographic arts. Namely, why all the butt sex?
    • MONKEY WATCH:  Jimmy the chimp likes to paint! So do other animals, although Rick thinks Dawn is fibbing when she says that dolphins make art.
    • The porn chat continues, with talk about “pro-am” porn and where they get their locations, weird fetishes, and a final word on that butt sex thing.
    • TOP FIVE:  The top five Billboard hits for November 18, 1978.


  • Monday, September 20th, 2010

    • Time for a new week to begin, with a bucket-load of fun and frivolity:
    • Dawn accuses Rick of being grumpy, and he insists he TOTALLY IS NOT! Besides, Dawn has a cold, and isn’t thinking right.
    • Rick explains how he spent his weekend gorging on Triscuits and cheese, and working on his book.
    • CORPSE WATCH:  A man stashes his 21-year-old daughter’s body in the freezer of his RV in hopes that it would resurrect in seven years.
    • Oregon's minimum wage is going up -- but you still can't afford anything. In a related story, economists say the recession ended over a year ago.
    • GEEK WATCH:  Sir Terry Pratchett can make his own damn sword.
    • A listener calls … from the future!
    • TASER WATCH:  Naked guy gets into a woman’s car at Dutch Bros., leading Rick to wonder what people see in Dutch Bros., anyway.
    • Mad Men recap:  The show’s best season continues with an excellent episode full of great one-liners, hysterical girl-children and rum-soaked French toast.

  • Friday, September 17th, 2010

    • The craziest week in Crazy Town end with a great big swath of crazy:
    • Rick talks about his adventures buying way too many boxes of Triscuits, and how crazy he’s been because of his lack of sleep.
    • CLERGY WATCH: A former pastor fakes a car crash to cover his wife’s murder; he may have killed his first wife, too.
    • Peter Criss is raising money for men’s-breast-cancer research, which is totally not funny in any way.
    • Dan Clark talks about the Portland Pirate Festival and his beard, and then watches clown porn with Dawn and Rick.
    • Yes, there was clown porn. Dawn is scarred for life.
    • STUPID CRIMINAL OF THE WEEK:  A teenager breaks into a pharmacy, guzzles cough medicine, and passes out in the crawlspace.
    • Funemployment Radio's Sarah and Greg stop by for Snack Food Friday. Today's snack: Many crackers, and Trader Joe's pub cheese.

  • Thursday, September 16th, 2010

    Everyone learns a lot in this edu-tainmental episode:

    • Rick and Dawn are both achy all over, for no good reason.
    • Potentially embarrassing items are hidden away from respectable guests.
    • Bike boxes: What are they? Why do they cost so much? We have no idea.
    • PENIS WATCH:  A man pleasures himself with a Sports Illustrated magazine in Wal-mart. In the toy department.
    • Decapitated man was apparently the guy who made the pipe bomb. This is confusing.
    • POP CULTURE AUTHORITY:  Where is Tennessee Williams from?
    • The Oregonian’s Anna Griffin subjects herself to our nonsense again, and discusses the aftermath of the Aaron Campbell shooting, those damn bike boxes, and the proposed alcohol laws.
    • TASER WATCH:  Man tells cops, “I’m a UFC fighter, I can take you.” He was not a UFC fighter, and things went poorly.
    • Dawn isn’t a Lord of the Rings geek, and Rick thinks she ought to be.
    • CLERGY WATCH: The Pope says that the Catholic Church hasn’t been Johnny-on-the-spot about this pedophile priest thing.

  • Wednesday, September 15th, 2010

    Salty foods and a lack of sleep make everyone giddy, and things go sort of sideways:

    • Rick and Dawn talk (and talk and talk) about snack foods. Rick is shocked that Dawn has never tsted flavored Triscuits.)
    • Dawn cures her depression with TV, sausages and tater tots.
    • A teenager is banned from the U.S. for life for calling Obama a “prick.”
    • A woman is paralyzed during a pole-dancing accident.
    • Willamette Week’s Kelly Clarke talks about Portland’s best nachos, and reveals that Triscuits only have salt on one side. Rick is dumbstruck. Plus – all the bees are dying!
    • DEMOCRACY ON THE MARCH:  Delaware candidate Christine O’Donnell’s anti-masturbation ad from the 90’s is hilarious.
    • Dawn saw The Town, and liked it very much. And it’s Ben Affleck, even.
    • Chuck E. Cheese recalls toys because kids are swallowing the batteries.
    • TASER WATCH:  A homeless guy named “Bongo Jesus” gets a bit out of control. Tasering ensues.

  • Tuesday, September 14th, 2010

    • It’s an action-packed day with guests, food talk and more discussion of genitalia:
    • Dawn’s anxious because her home has been marked by gypsies. Or hoboes. Either way, it’s not good.
    • A listener writes in to suggest an appropriate object lesson for the woman who had her face ripped off by a chimp.
    • POP CULTURE AUTHORITY: What do the additional letters on the famed CBGB’s sign mean?
    • Pedobear:  Ironic Internet meme, or terrifying threat to children?
    • Lisa and Brian Wood of Big-Ass Sandwiches visit to discuss food cart culture, Brian’s recent kidney stone adventure, and why his friend has Brian’s vas deferens in a jar on a shelf.
    • PENIS WATCH:  An Indian engineering student inserts a pencil into his penis and, unsurprisingly, ends up in the hospital
    • A Florida man almost loses his remaining hand when he tries to help an alligator.
    • GEEK WATCH:  Two companies fight over their respective iPhone apps that involve “making virtual chocolate milk.”
    • TOP FIVE:  Dawn’s top five worst songs recorded by actors (spoiler alert: Steven Seagal sings!)

  • Monday, September 13th, 2010

    • The week begins with the usual talk about iPhones, genitalia and bodily fluids:
    • Rick wonders what the opposite is of “nocturnal,” spends an inordinate amount of his weekend choosing a planning app for his phone, and decides he’ll start using “toilet” as a verb.
    • In a warm display of mutual affection, Dawn shows Rick the giant penis that someone drew on the sidewalk, and Rick presents Dawn with a loaf of bread shaped like a skull.
    • HICK WATCH:  Man goes on trailer-park killing spree because he’s unhappy with his breakfast. A neighbor says, “He’s always been trouble.”
    • Stuff in the news:  Teenager kills brother, stuffs him the trunk, then goes to girlfriend’s house; Dead animals are found in a school freezer;
    • MAD MEN RECAP: Dawn thinks the latest episode recalled a story by John Cheever, Rick thought that Joan’s dressing down of the douchebag copy editors was awesome.
    • Rick continues his adventures with his new phone by accidentally taking a picture of his most private of areas. He thinks. Maybe.
    • TOP FIVE:  The top five musicians who choked on their own vomit.

  • Friday, September 10th, 2010

    • Fridays seem just a little crazier, and this week is no exception:
    • Dawn finishes The Shield, has a weird dream about it, and then Rick engages her in fan-wanky Shield chat for a good half hour.
    • Oregon’s suicide rate is 35 percent higher than the national average. We rule!
    • A woman kills two co-workers after getting fired from her job at a cookie factory.
    • We interview Kenny Johnson (The Shield, Saving Grace, Sons of Anarchy)
    • We're also joined by Michael Schaub of BookSlut.com.
    • STUPID CRIMINAL OF THE WEEK: Two Missouri men break out of jail to go buy drugs, then are caught breaking back into jail.
    • Funemployment Radio’s Greg Nibler and Sarah X. Dylan join us in the studio to celebrate their 200th episode, and share radio-station stories with Rick. Also, there is beer.

  • Thursday, September 9th, 2010

    • Rick starts to talk about his new phone, but then finds out that General Mills will be giving us chocolate-peanut butter Bugles to give away, so he loses his train of thought. Also, Cheryl texts to let him know that we'll be interviewing Kenny Johnson (from Sons of Anarchy and The Shield), sending that thought-train several miles further down the track, then off the rails and into a ravine.
    • Also, a listener e-mails to call us "retards" and to say that Dawn's a big liar.
    • JOB WATCH:  Toys 'R' Us will open 600 holiday "express" stores, and hiring about 10,000 workers.
    • A woman is stung 500 times by yellow jackets, leading Rick and Dawn to wonder a) whether yellow jackets are wasps, bees, or their own separate insect, and b) how scary flying spiders would be.
    • POP CULTURE AUTHORITY:  Can cops identify cocaine just by tasting it?
    • An apartment complex is beset by raw sewage. So, then, what is un-raw sewage? We do';t know. Because we're retards
    • TOP 5:  Top five songs about cocaine! (Get it? It's a theme.)

  • Wednesday, September 8th, 2010

    • Rick announces his choice in the big "Droid v. iPhone" face-off
    • Pop Culture Authority asks "What's up with the chant at the beginning of Laverne and Shirley?"
    • Willamette Week's Kelly Clarke joins us to discuss MusicFest NW, and the ongoing drama of Menomena
    • A hideous Portland landmark is about to be demolished
    • A glorious Taser watch comes our way

  • Tuesday, September 7th, 2010

    Oh, the fun we had today! Before the entirety of Portland milk-packing district lost power, Rick discussed his unfortunate pants and the way he has to stroke himself to make his zipper lay flat. The ...

    ZZZT.

    Silence.

    But Dawn and Rick returned to the studio in the evening, and created a whole new show for you, the faithful listener offering:

    • A recap of why, exactly, we disappeared from the airwaves after 20 minutes, and how freaked out Rick was about it all.
    • Oregon's Department of Education will let students use a spellchecker on a state writing assessment. WTF?
    • RELIGIOUS NUTCASE WATCH: A Florida church plans to stage a Koran-burning, because that'll show them Muslims a thing or two.
    • A doctor in Finland employs an unusual (and disturbing) diagnostic technique on a patient's breast.
    • GEEK WATCH: Doctor Who fans can play the Doctor Who game on Wii with the Doctor Who sonic screwdriver remote. Because geeks will buy anything.
    • Germany's Communist Party accidentally gives naughty writing implements to children.
    • Sci-fi/fantasy author Terry Brooks talks to Rick about the gazillion books he's written, and his dissatisfaction with George Lucas' dialogue.
    • And a recap of Sunday's Mad Men.

  • Monday, September 6th, 2010

    It’s Labor Day, so Dawn and Rick work overtime to bring you extra-special holiday cheer:

        •    Rick didn’t watch Mad Men, and Dawn reads a listener’s e-mail.
        •    SNUFF WATCH:   ELO’s cellist is killed by an enormous hay bale, and Howard Stern regular Robert Schimmel is killed in a car accident.
        •    Dawn and Rick are the whitest people on earth, as proven by their discussion of “sizzurp.”
        •    President Obama says something about transportation, blah blah blah, infrastructure, yada yada, jobs.
        •    Rick teaches Dawn all about how hookers operate when they discuss Craigslist’s cancellation of “adult services” section.
        •    CORPSE WATCH:  An Indian woman lives with her mom’s rotting corpse for four months.


  • Friday, September 3rd, 2010

    In this extra-long, value-added Friday edition (three-plus hours long):

    • Rick tries to get out of going to a new restaurant with his wife.
    • An elderly scientist inspires a bomb scare at Miami's airport, inspiring talk about going through security.
    • Cannibal Watch: That cannibal restaurant? Just a stunt by a some damn German vegetarian group.
    • A killjoy "men's rights" douche says Ladies' Nights at bars are unconstitutional.
    • A boy is saved from bees by his puppy; Dawn annoys listeners once again with the buzzing sound when she plays audio.
    • Stupid Criminal of the Week: A man says he has no idea why he was standing by the side of the road naked.
    • People are taking more drugs than ever! And kids take each others' ADHD meds, because kids are stupid.
    • The extended Top Five shares first songs from debut albums -- Dawn and Rick have a lot to say about this, unsurprisingly.

  • Thursday, September 2nd, 2010

    • Dawn horrifies Rick by bringing in a piece of her body that she saved from an operation – the phrase “touch my femur bone!” is now archived for posterity.
    • Snuff Watch:  Portland wrestler Tough Tony Borne, dead at 84.
    • Oregonian columnist Anna Griffin returns, and again proves herself a trooper by putting up with our shenanigans. She also explains to Rick what bond measures and levies are, discusses the TriMet fare increases, and does a passable imitation of an angry monkey.
    • Monkey Watch:  Drunk baboons are wreaking havoc in a wealthy South African suburb.
    • A Portland police officer may be fired over shooting an unarmed man;  Anna Griffin explains the political conundrum facing Mayor Sam Adams.

  • Wednesday, September 1st, 2010

    • Aaron Mesh of Willamette Week has some truly hilarious running commentary for the Top Five.
    • Would you spend $18,000 for a Real Doll who looks like your ex? One man did.
    • Corpse Watch, Geek Watch, Taser Watch
    • Rick spent all night cleaning his house in advance of a friend's three-day visit; he discovered many frightful things lurking in his cupboards.

  • Tuesday, August 31st, 2010

    • Dawn and Rick have a much longer cell-phone discussion, in which she talks about her random Luddite tendencies.
    • The Top Five demonstrates the essentially-horrible nature of 1980s pop.
    • An awkward but enlightening dicussion of bathroom habits leads to a story about a failed attempt to set up a foursome.
    • Penis Watch, Taser Watch, Obama Watch

  • Monday, August 30th, 2010

    • Dawn tells Rick about how she screwed up a flash drive, once again proving that she can’t have nice things.
    • Rick has a garage full of spiders, and finds Dawn’s lunch disgusting.
    • An 88-year-old man rolls down a hill in his wheelchair, crashes through a fence, and dies. Hilarity ensues.
    • Another elderly man assaults a fellow yard-saler with a cornbread pan – why are yard sale people so crazy?
    • Oregonian critic Ryan White visits, and Rick obsesses on whether or not he should buy a damn iPhone.
    • Obama Watch:  POTUS visits New Orleans, says the city’s come a “long way,” and promises that next time those levees will work, dammit.
    • Top 5: Ryan White shares the happiest, most toe-tappingest songs that he owns.

  • Friday, August 27th, 2010

    • The day is made more cheerful with the sounds of Paul Stanley, and of David Lee Roth singing "Yankee Rose" in Spanish.
    • Rick's wife is out of town, so he's been living like a bachelor. A stinky, slothful bachelor.
    • Religious Nutcase Watch: Iran says that people's love for their pets will have "evil outcomes," and bans dogs and cats as unclean.
    • Stupid Criminal of the Week:  Two geniuses shoplift at Fred Meyer while the store is full of police for a "Shop-with-a-Cop" promotion.
    • Job Watch:  People aren't spending money and no one has a job. A guy from Bank of America says that this is bad.
    • Penis Watch: An Australian man accidentally send a photo of his member to a 12-year-old. Alcohol may have been involved.
    • Dawn shares her Top Five songs from musicals, and a listener calls in to expose Dawn as a fraud as regards Buffy the Vampire Slayer lore.

  • Thursday, August 26th, 2010

    • Dawn has a bad day, and starts drinking homemade kahlua in the studio;
    • Rick gets his car fixed, thanks to a listener who actually knows something about automobiles;
    • People are up in arms over Glenn Beck, which just seems silly;
    • Taser Watch:  A man strips off his clothes at church, and shoots it out with another parishoner;
    • An elderly man is attacked by a goat;
    • Cannibal Watch:  A members-ony restaurant proposes that you donate body parts for other members to eat (unsurprisingly, it's in Germany);
    • Rick ponders why he's known so many kinky girls, and admits that he'll put up with a lot if there's a promise of carnal pleasures later.

  • Wednesday, August 25th, 2010

    • Dawn describes her Tuesday evening, which involved being used as a "living mannequin" for use in a carpool lane.
    • Rick discusses his most recent audition, which required him to be "rugged" and "outdoorsy".
    • Aaron Mesh from Willamette Week talks Apple Computers and -for some reason- a resurgence in the homemade yogurt industry.

    PLUS: A truly wonderful installment of "The Greatest Songs Ever Made"
    AND: A Geek Watch, Corpse Watch, and a lengthy discussion of body hair in irritating places.


  • Tuesday, August 24th, 2010

    • Dawn and Rick discuss the latest Emerson audition for a "rugged outdoorsman" role.
    • Rick talks about the saddest bachelor party ever.
    • Corpse Watch: "Aquamation" technique dissolves bodies into "fantastic fertilizer."
    • Religious Nutcase Watch: Saudis want to remove a man's spinal cord as punishment for assault.
    • Rick's latest Pop Culture Authority answers "What was the punchline to John Bender's joke in The Breakfast Club?"

  • Monday, August 23rd, 2010

    • Dawn finally gets to try the Chocolate Peanut Butter-flavored Bugles, and is thus doomed for all eternity.
    • Oregonian music critic Ryan White talks about Snoop Dogg and Lady Gaga, and eats a few Bugles himself.
    • Clown Watch: Visitors to the Iowa State Fair will have to do without Bobo the racist, sexist, angry dunk-tank clown.
    • Rick wonders how, exactly, one can “lose” the Grand Canyon.
    • Dawn and Rick recap Mad Men, during which Rick feels vindicated regarding his loathing of Betty Draper.

  • Friday, August 20th, 2010

    Portland Food Cart Blogger Brett Burmeister joins us for a discussion of our city's finest street food, and leaves Dawn and I openly salivating. Also: Dawn inexplicably turned down some warm blackberry cobbler this morning. This triggers a long discussion about food, food addictions, and mealtime behavior.

    Today's Pop Culture Authority answers the question, "What's up with the phrase 'Balls to the Wall'?"

    PLUS: Obama Watch, a Hick Watch, and the inaugural edition of "Stupid Criminal of the Week", brought to you by MugShotList.com.


  • Thursday, August 19th, 2010 (NOTE: today's program contains explicit language)

    Our good friend Peter Carlin (columnist for The Oregonian) joins us for what turns into a three-plus-hour discussion of KISS, Paula Abdul, sex clubs, KUFO, and his upcoming book on Bruce Spingsteen. I don't think I'm overstating things when I say that it's a standout show by any measure. (Really, it's worth it just to hear his story of interviewing Gene Simmons on a golf course.)

    As you might have seen above, it's also one of the rare programs that contains profanity -- nearly all of it from Peter. Unsurprisingly. Listen accordingly.


  • Wednesday, August 18th, 2010

    The streak of awesome continues today, as Willamette Week Arts & Culture Editor Kelly Clarke joins us for a discussion covering:
    • What is Kombucha? Why do people drink it? Why are there so many goddamned hippies in this town?
    • Also: Rick's wife is a Kombucha drinker; he implies he might bring some to sample on Thursday.
    • Lady GaGa comes to Portland -- we discuss her numerous merits; we also discuss the people who loathe her.

    AND: A glorious story of Starbucks, bagels, a tight-assed customer, and a forcible ejection by the police.

    PLUS: Today's Pop-Culture Authority answers the question: Why aren't porn films prostitution?


  • Tuesday, August 17th, 2010

    Today's episode contains information which is, alone, worth your 32 cents per day: Rick explains how to never again have to take the "puff of air in your eye" test at the eye doctor.

    In addition, it was another great show, filled with such wonderful and/or awkward moments as:

    • Dawn and Rick's Mad Men recap, during which it's discovered that Rick is, again, a jerk.
    • Another installment of "The Greatest Songs Ever Made" -- this time featuring Loretta Lynn.
    • Joeseph Rose, Oregonian Traffic Reporter, fails to arrive for his guest slot. We choose to believe he got held up in traffic.

    PLUS: A Penis Watch, a Geek Watch.....and the revelation that Dawn doesn't know what a Sybian is. And that Rick has a Sybian demonstration video on VHS, which he must now endeavor to find.


  • Monday, August 16th, 2010

    An extra-long, jam-packed, greater-than-great carnival of delights awaits you within today's Rick Emerson Show:

    • Oregonian Music Editor Ryan White joins us for a whole heaping helping of music talk:
    • What band should have died earlier for reasons of legend?
    • Who deserves a comeback that hasn't gotten one?
    • And -- he counts down his Top Five Songs for Brooding (and goddamn, are they depressing)

    MOREOVER: By popular request (really) we revisit the "Gotta Stop the Mosque at Ground Zero" song.

    PLUS: A Corpse Watch, Taser Watch, and a Snuff Watch

    AND: Aaron Duran brings you The Week in Geek.

    ALSO: Tila Tequila vs. The Juggalos


  • Friday, August 13th, 2010

    A thoroughly-fantastic way to end the week; a great show from top to bottom:

    • Zac Efron is covered in crust. Really. Honestly.
    • Our good friend "Big" Jim Willig pays us a visit; he talks about his thwarted attempt to open for Gilbert Gottfried, his career as a porn-store clerk, and how KUFO broke the news of his firing.

    PLUS: Another installment of Pop-Culture Authority. Today, we answer a question from listener Tom: Why are the center holes on 45rpm records larger than those on 33rpm or 78rpm records?

    ALSO: A truly great edition of "It's the Worst Song You've Ever Heard" (Thanks to our good friend Sigfried.)

    AND: Dawn Taylor counts down the Top Five Creepiest Love Songs.

    All in all, a stellar day, if I do say so myself. Have a great weekend; we'll see you Monday.



  • Thursday, August 12th, 2010

    • Listener Andy weighs in on what he should be called now that he's no longer home-schooled.
    • Listener Brock gives his review of Winnebago Man.
    • We count down the Top Five songs from June 25th, 1977 -- most of them terrible.
    • And Rick endeavors to locate some "happy-sounding" music to accompany Dawn's upbeat stories. This mainly involves playing circus themes and joking about how Dawn will be raped and killed by a clown brigade.

  • Wednesday, August 11th, 2010

    Note: there is a five-minute chunk of today's program that was heard live, but which is not included in this archived file. The audio of that section was somehow corrupted while recording, so it was excised from the MP3. It consists of Rick's thoroughly-embarrassing revelation that he sometimes eats large helpings of brown sugar, directly out of the bag, with the aid of a large spoon, while standing over the kitchen sink.

    Today's show also includes Dawn Taylor asking, "Are we having our first fight?", though all ends with sunshine and dasies.

    PLUS: A Corpse Watch which raises more questions than it answers.

    AND: Kelly Clarke from Willamette Week discusses the Portland Adult Soap-Box Derby, Scott Pilgrim, and her upcoming appearance on Funemployment Radio.


  • Tuesday, August 10th, 2010

    Today, for no readily apparent reason, we unveil an ad hoc Nazi Watch; it's really all worth it just for the theme song.

    ALSO: We count down the Top Five Most Absurdly Upbeat Songs Found on Rick's MP3 Player

    PLUS: We interview filmmaker Ben Steinbauer, maker of the film Winnebago Man. [For the uninitiated, Winnebago Man is a documentary which tells the full story behind this legendary footage.]


  • Monday, August 9th, 2010

    With Legion of News's technical problems addressed and abated, The Rick Emerson Show starts off strong: longtime listener Noah -alias EastMan- calls the program to update us on his life and progress. Rick remarks on the passage of time...and how Noah once sent him some rather unexpected photographs.

    PLUS:
    Ryan White of The Oregonian recounts the glories of Pickathon 2010
    We count down Dawn Taylor's Top Five Brooding/Sulking Songs
    We have a Triple Snuff Watch, a Taser Watch, and a Clown Watch

    AND: Aaron Duran brings us the latest Week in Geek



  • Friday, August 6th, 2010

    A fantastic show to round out the week; among the highlights:

    • We count down the Top Five Songs Dawn Uses to Put Herself in a Good Mood
    • We suffer together through the worst movie trailer in the history of the world
    • We roll through fantastic Clown, Taser, and Penis Watches
    • And we receive an altogether-unexpected call from listener Kaleb

  • Thursday, August 5th, 2010

    Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the show where nothing quite worked!*

    Hear! The sound of microphones that, when bumped, sound like falling Redwoods!
    Behold! The ineffectiveness of cotton batting when used as a windscreen!
    Thrill! To Rick's seeming inability to get to the point!
    Witness! The most ill-advisedly-placed buttock discussion ever!



    *Exception which proves the rule: we were joined by Anna Griffin of The Oregonian, who, as always, was smart, funny, and at least moderately amused by the day's events.


  • Wednesday, August 4th, 2010

    • Dan Haneckow from Powell's Books joins us to talk about the best "young adult" fiction that older readers should be reading. [Complete list coming later today. -Rick]
    • A strange penis watch, centered around none other than Brett Favre.
    • Rick and Dawn have a quasi-argument about -of all things- the comedy of Gallagher.
    • Aaron Mesh from Willamette Week says the name "Brian Boitano" 17 times in one phone call.
    • Dawn vents her convenience store rage.

  • Tuesday, August 3rd, 2010

    • Today's installment of "Dawn Taylor's Overshare" features the revelation that she once made out with a close relative. How were they related? Listen...learn...shudder...share.
    • We count down the Top Five Songs from 1985...all of which are terrible.
    • PLUS: Rick unveils a fantastic idea for a non-lethal police weapon
    • AND: a double Snuff Watch
    • ALSO: The entire show fails right out of the gate and has to be restarted. Awesome.

  • Monday, August 2nd, 2010

    The Oregonian's Ryan White joins us as we count down the Top Five Songs Under Two Minutes in Length...PLUS:
    • We recap Sunday night's episode of Mad Men
    • Rick announces his decision to quite watching True Blood
    • Rick describes his compulsory attendance at a weekend baby shower
    • Aaron Duran presents the latest Week in Geek

  • Friday, July 30th, 2010

    Overview: Rick's crankiness from Legion of News seems to have worn off. Dawn, however, has gone a little nutty. Which is awesome.

    Among the items that made up today's display of genius:

    • We count down the Top Five Ballads that Ruined a Band
    • Author Bill Carter tells gripping tales of life in a war zone
    • Pop Culture Authority asks (and answers) the question, "What is a phantom clown?"
    • And...Dawn reveals that she once used -while in the company of a male companion- Close Up Toothpaste as a sexual aid. Wackiness did not ensue. Burning, however, ensued greatly.

  • Thursday, July 29th, 2010

    • Rick recaps his small acting stint on Leverage; Dawn alternates between laughing at Rick's rube-like behavior and openly mocking his rube-like behavior.
    • Dawn shares her Top Five Live Concerts of all Time.
    • And the program begins with a cringe-inducing doctor-visit story.

  • Wednesday, July 28th, 2010

    • Kelly Clarke from Willamette Week talks about her father's bald head...and its six appearances on Leverage.
    • Greg Nibler shares his own thoughts about the Leverage taping experience...and how he cam to be sitting next to John Schneider.
    • The "Is it insulting to compare Cheryl to Peggy on Mad Men" debate continues. And long after Rick apologized, I might add.
    • Does anyone really need a six-blade razor?

  • Tuesday, July 27th, 2010

    Another phenomenal collection of entertainment, including:

    The Top Five Live Concerts of Rick's Life
    Our recap of Mad Men
    An all-new Pop Culture Authority, which asks (and answers) "Why is 'K' the funniest letter of the alphabet?"
    And more awkward/fantastic revelations about Rick and Dawn's respective families.

    PLUS: The best soundbite ever. Seriously.



  • Monday, July 26th, 2010

    A jam-packed show if ever there was one. Just a sampling of the glory that lurks within today's program:

    • Dawn Taylor's startling revelation about Star Trek!
    • Rick's neurotic, OCD preparations for his Leverage taping
    • A Snuff Watch from right here in Portland, Oregon
    • Our latest installment of Aaron Duran's Week in Geek
    • The Oregonian's Ryan White talks Jimmy Buffett, Menomena, and Ween

    All that, plus: A Taser Watch, a Clergy Watch, and more...


  • Friday, July 23rd, 2010

    Rick Emerson Show exclusive: A source close to Tonya Harding says the working-class scrunchie enthusiast is pregnant. You heard it here first...

    Also on today's show:

    A call from proud sponsor Michael Beatty which becomes unbelievably, incredibly tense and awkward....then resolves in glory and hilarity. Truly fascinating stuff.

    Plus: Sarah X. Dylan and Greg Nibler join us for a potato-chip/tortilla-chip tasting. This features (among other things) dill-pickle, cheeseburger, taco, and pesto-flavored chips.

    Tom Lenk of Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Rock of Ages, and his own one-man show, nearly dies in an auto accident while sharing a phone call with us.

    And: Rick begins weirding out about his upcoming Leverage shoot, which happens next Wednesday.


  • Thursday, 22nd, 2010

    Among the slices of entertainment:

    • The Top Five Songs Rick Always Seems to Hear Playing in a WinCo
    • Taser Watch
    • Penis Watch
    • (Yet another) Gore Watch, this one featuring the phrase "I need you to take care of...this."

    Is it possible that Mad Men actually resumes Sunday?



  • Wednesday, July 21st, 2010

    Kelly Clarke from Willamette Week stops by to talk about their annual Best of Portland Issue; highlights include Portland's only therapy Llama, as well as our friends at Big-Ass Sandwiches, who won the coveted "best food cart" award.

    Our Pop Culture Authority for Wednesday revealed the fascinating origins of the name "Cujo", and we had another puzzling/compelling Taser Watch.

    Additional revelations from Wednesday's show: Dawn Taylor: 

    a) has been in rehab, and  
    b) has no gag reflex.



  • Tuesday, July 20th, 2010

    Really, even by our standards, Tuesday's show was geeky and glorious (so much so that it ran for almost three golden hours).

    Among the highlights:

    • A protracted discussion about the relative angles and velocity at which a taser shoots its prongs into a tasee. To wit: how is it possible to hit someone in both the groin and ankle?

    • A great interview with Dave Howell of Avatron Software, who talks about what it's like to work for Steve Jobs, how Apple employees are different than/similar to Microsoft employees, the most useless app he's ever seen, and what computers will look like in ten years. PLUS: Rick works in a reference to the late, great Enter magazine.

    • We count down the Top Five Songs about Computers It was awesome.

    • A montage of classic computer commercials from the 80s.

    • And we try to determine what flavor BBQ potato chips actually are.

  • Monday, July 19th, 2010

    Today was fantastic, if I do say so myself. We were joined by Oregonian music editor Ryan White, whose stuff can be read right here. During that segment, we had a second version of the "Soundtracks Better than their Respective Movies" Top Five, as well as a truly definitive Darwin Watch.

    Monday also marked the return of The Week in Geek, hosted by none other than our good friend Aaron Duran of Geek In the City.

    PLUS: a thrilling (if unsurprisingly fail-filled) recap of my most recent Leverage audition, an ad hoc discussion of the WNBA, and we answer the question, "Where is that 'HeHateMe' guy from the XFL?"



  • Friday, July 16th, 2010

    A show so big, it was done in two sections (now edited together into one convenient file.)

    • The Top Five Soundtracks far Better than the Films from which They Came
    • Dawn's Triple Feature: Films that take place in dreams
    • We interview Rob and Stacy of The Secret Aardvark Trading Company
    • A double Geek Watch
    • Is the Jitterbug really the phone for Dawn? Rick calls the company to find out.
    • Dawn defends the burqa; Rick grumpily lectures her; wackiness ensues.
    • And there's a refrigerator the size of Wyoming in the studio. No one knows why.

    Have a great weekend, and remember: next week, we begin the beta test for The Rick Emerson Show's mobile stream. We may be contacting you to serve as a tester, but if we don't, fear not -- the stream rolls out for everyone in the very near future.


  • Thursday, July 15th, 2010

    It's the most unstable show ever! Highlights:

    • Dawn's OCD prevents her from eating a piece of toast.
    • Alex Ilica of Viso has phone issues, deletes his "appointments" list, misses his interview on the show, calls to apologize, and can't do so...because his new phone isn't working.
    • A Bristol Palin story sends Dawn into inexplicable rage.
    • Even by Corpse Watch standards, today's story is unsettling...largely because of the visual aid.

    Don't forget: The Rick Emerson Show is now available on iTunes, and can be given as a gift subscription. Bam!



  • Wednesday, July 13th, 2010

    Today, Rick's list of "things to accomplish before the cruel hand of cadaverous fate steals away my life" came one step closer to being completed, as The Rick Emerson Show presents a feature interview with the legendary Dr. Demento. A massive influence on decades of broadcasters, the good Doctor recently moved to an online-only format, and discusses that....as well as reflecting on music, his time living in Portland, and a life spent in the service of entertainment. An interview not to be missed.

    Also on today's show:

    • Aaron Mesh of Willamette Week joins us to discuss the best hamburgers in Portland.
    • We count down the Top Five Jim Steinman Songs (Not Performed by Meat Loaf).
    • And a series of callers report sightings of a new, back-in-the-bottle, Viso flavor.

    Reminder: Alex Ilica of Viso will be in the studio on Thursday. Don't miss it!



  • Tuesday, July 13th, 2010

    John Rogers, creator of Leverage, continues his streak as one of the Best Guests Ever, discussing Transformers, Wil Wheaton, and why it's fun to blow things up in Portland. He also talks Dungeons and Dragons, and which other Hollywood types are gamers. (And Rick admirably refrains from discussing his later-in-the-afternoon audition for the role of "Morgue Attendant".)

    Elsewhere, Dawn has passel of fantastic news items, including a Tazer Watch, and a Snuff Watch for the one and only George Steinbrenner.

    PLUS: The now-captured Barefoot Bandit is inadevertently responsible for one of The Worst Songs You've Ever Heard.



  • Monday, July 12th, 2010

    Among the items on today's slam-bang, action-packed installment of The Rick Emerson Show:

    • Rick discusses his most recent audition for Leverage, which isn't at all made awkward by the fact that Leverage creator/head writer John Rogers will be a guest on Tuesday's show.
    • Aaron Duran of GeekInTheCity.com joins us to discuss all that is happening in the work of nerdality and pop-culture happenings.
    • Galen Huckins of Filmusik talks about their latest project, a live re-creation of the classic film Gulliver's Travels.
    • We count down the Top Five Lame Songs About Drugs

    And we glory in the fact that The Rick Emerson Show is now available via iTunes. The revolution continues.

    And don't forget: a major unveiling regarding mobile/handheld listening is on the way...



  • Friday, July 9th, 2010

    We round out the week with a long, minutiae-obsessed discussion of:

    -The man who took Dawn Taylor's virginity
    -Amateur internet porn
    -Trek in the Park
    -What LeBron James should have asked for
    -And the three best "humans as prey" movies you'll ever see


  • Thursday, July 8th, 2010

    Hear! Rick Emerson start the show in an incredibly bad mood! Listen! As he finally (about 20 minutes in) describes the chain of events that led to his grouchy condition! Marvel! As Dawn Taylor patiently indulges Rick's pathetic obsessive-compulsive natterings!

    Plus: The people of Cleveland have created the worst music video in the history of the world. Funemployment Radio's Greg Nibler joins us to talk more about. [See the video by clicking right here.]

    Also: Another installment of The Greatest Songs Ever Made, and today's episode of Pop Culture Authority, which answers the question, "Are Hydrox cookies really a cheap knock-off of Oreos?"


  • Wednesday, July 7th, 2010

    An utterly fantastic show, today was. We begin, right out of the gate, with Dawn's tale of replacing her laptop's power cord -- a story that ends with her nearly making out with a Free Geek employee. Enough said.

    This episode's installment of Pop Culture Authority answers the question, "What is up with tentacle porn?"

    Willamette Week's Aaron Mesh joins us for a discussion of Portland Timbers fans, and how they compare to soccer fans from other parts of the world. It's a truly interesting discussion -- and I don't even like sports.

    At the news desk, we have a Geek Watch, as well as wonderful example of why the Darwin Watch was created.

    Finally, we present a Top Five from listener Jeff in Tualatin: The Top Five Screams in a Rock and Roll Song.

    Don't forget: The Rick Emerson Live Stream is now up and running 24 hours a day, seven days a week -- all made possible by your support. Tech issues are being addressed and smoothed out one by one -- your listening experience is the most important of all factors, and we won't stop until everything is perfected. As always, we thank you.


  • Tuesday, July 6th, 2010

    What does Dawn Taylor mean when she says she's "95% straight?" Find out during today's program.

    Also: By request, today's show kicks off with the trailer for The Erotic Adventures of Zorro -- probably the best trailer ever made, for any kind of film.

    Today's program also features the return of The Greatest Songs Ever Made, as well as The Wonderstrucks' Fromme-loving "Charlie's Girls."

    We also highlight what Dawn refers to as "the mother of all Corpse Watches", a Geek Watch, and the magical question "why would Obi-Wan hand a deadly, maim-inducing weapon to a kid who has no idea how to handle one?"


  • Monday, July 5th, 2010

    Rick, Dawn, David Walker, and our good friend Sigfried Seeliger discuss video stores, Frankenhooker, and the upcoming Grindhouse Trailer Spectacular.

    Also: The most uncomfortable Penis Watch in quite some time, a Corpse Watch, and Nancy Grace asks something that no one, anywhere was wondering about Kyron Horman.

    Plus: Dawn counts down the Top Five Misinterpreted Rock Songs of all Time, we play a little Weird Al, and Pop Culture Authority explains the "33" on the side of Rolling Rock Beer.

  • Friday, July 2nd, 2010

    Rolling into the weekend, The Rick Emerson Show brings you the following moments of unbridled greatness:

    -KATU's Carl Click joins us to discuss waking up at two-thirty in the freaking morning to do his television program.

    -Holding with the TV theme, today's Pop-Culture Authority asks, "What happened to Mike and Carol Brady's former spouses?"

    -We count down Carl Click's take on The Top Five TV Theme Songs of All Time

    PLUS: A Religious Nutcase Watch, a Geek Watch, and more...

    And don't forget, we're live on Monday, July 5th. See you then!


  • Thursday, July 1st, 2010 (missing the "attention broadcasters opening", but is otherwise intact.)

    A truly fantastic show today, if I do say so myself:

    Oregonian Music Editor Ryan White joined us in studio to talk about shaping your child's music taste, and the fear that you might inadvertently raise a Phish fan.
    We counted down the Top Five Worst Songs by a Teen Pop Idol
    Dawn Taylor submitted what she believes to be the single most awful song ever to be a major chart hit
    More than one story emerged concerning a teacher, a student, and 100 instances of sex. ALSO: Truly awful/fantastic sound of television reporters covering said teacher sex stories.

    AND: Pop Culture Authority answers the question: "Why does G.I. Joe have a scar?"


  • Wednesday, June 30th, 2010

    In honor of Larry King's impending retirement, we pore through some of his awkward moments over the years, including his exchange with Anderson Cooper, in which King recounts the night he almost scored with Katie Couric.

    PLUS: Dan Haneckow fromPowell's Books at Cedar Hills Crossing talks about The Passage, Sh*t My Dad Says, and other books that Portlanders are reading this summer. We also count down the Top Five Songs about a Literary Character.

    ALSO: The return of the Clown Watch and Obama Watch, as well as a double Penis Watch...and a musical take on Edward Gorey's Gashleycrumb Tinies.


  • Tuesday, June 29th, 2010

    Today's show starts with an announcement described by Dawn Taylor as "damned fine."

    Rick describes the horrible sight that awaited him upon entering his garage Monday evening; in related news, the long-awaited return of the Tonya Watch finally transpires.

    PLUS: Kristi Turnquist of The Oregonian joins us in-studio for a discussion of Twilight Moms and Twi-Hards. (Twi-Hards?)

    FINALLY: Rick shames himself and everyone with a re-enactment of his recent failed Leverage auditions,

  • Monday, June 28th, 2010

    The cavalcade of awkward Al Gore sound bites continues. Nothing, however, is as awkward as the ending of last night's episode of True Blood.

    Kelly Clarke of Willamette Week gives the lowdown on Portland's best hot dogs -- all the better for celebrating the Fourth of July.


    An all-new installment of Pop-Culture Authority answers the magical question: "Are there any actual words to the closing theme of WKRP in Cincinatti?" PLUS: Thrill to the sounds of a Penis Watch, a Taser Watch, and the best Jamaica story you'll hear all week.

  • Friday, June 25th, 2010

    Sarah X. Dylan and Greg Nibler guest on the show to discuss how they got locked on the roof of the studio; much anticipation abounds for the Funemployment Radio listener party, as well.


    Rick gives a blow-by-blow account of his recent journey through the Dollar Store, which ended with the purchase of the Most Mysterious Toothpaste ever. It says "Do not use this toothpaste for more than four weeks without consulting a doctor."

    The news contains a Penis Watch, Corpse Watch, and a Taser Watch....plus, a recap of Futurama's thrilling return.

     
  • Thursday, June 24th, 2010

    "What happens if you tase a watermelon?" That question triggered a chain of discussion which, in turn, produced still more questions. All we know is: we've got a stun gun, there's a supermarket down the street, and we've got a camera. Stay tuned for details.

    Today's show also featured: Our better-four-days-late-than-never recap of True Blood, a Jackson Watch, and Dawn Taylor making several awkward remarks about the onset of puberty.

  • Wednesday, June 23rd, 2010

    Was the father in Finding Nemo a transsexual? That's just one of many questions asked -and answered- during today's installment of the Rick Emerson Show. Also on the list:

    -If a Utah girl steals three cars (two of them belonging to police), is finally tasered while sprinting through the forest, and does all of the above while nude...does she have a mugshot that guest David Walker and I can leer at?

    -Speaking of David Walker, what's behind his recent, public retirement from the world of film criticism -- and into what endeavors is he channeling his massive creative energy? (One of the answers: completing a trilogy of young-adult adventure novels.)

    PLUS: A Corpse Watch, a truly puzzling Cannibal Watch, and a passel of observations about the disposable nature of the iPhone.

    Remember: all of this made possible by the support of listeners like yourself. You have our deepest thanks.

  • Tuesday, June 22nd, 2010

    Tuesday's Rick Emerson Show sees the return of the Taser Watch, Hick Watch, and Corpse Watch, as well as the second half of the Bigfoot/Drunken Hair Fetishist story from Legion of News.

    Also, Tuesday's edition of Pop Culture Authority answers this question: Was Flowers in the Attic based on a true story?

    Plus: Dawn Taylor explains the myriad empty pill bottles that were littering the studio counterspace this morning, a listener offers to [blank] Rick in exchange for drugs, and the show opens with one of the Worst Songs You've Ever Heard.

  • Monday, June 21st, 2010

    Storming back onto the (figurative) airwaves, The RES v8.0 opens with a classic (and highly-appropriate) Futurama clip...before seguing into a song that you'll find quite familiar. Over the next two hours, we weave in and out of such auditory delights as: The first Penis Watch of the new-show era, the introduction of a brand-new feature entitled "Pop Culture Authority", and a discussion of sawing off one's own arm to escape certain death. In addition, we take listener calls by the dozen, I manage to spill dark purple Viso onto my new pants, and I begin ordering Greg Nibler around out of habit.

Note: while the daily, live broadcast of v8.0 contains unedited musical elements (such as Dream Theater) licensing restrictions require a reduction in the amount of music contained within downloadable programs.


Back to top of page



Daily Episodes of Legion of News

To listen directly from this window: Simply click the date of the show you wish to hear.

To download as an MP3: Right-click (or control-click for Mac), and save to your computer.


Legion of News is also available via iTunes:

iTunes

Back to top of page


FYI: as of now, each day's Legion of News & Rick Emerson Show files are joined together into one MP3; no need to download both shows separately.

  • Friday, December 2nd, 2011

    ...Big Jim Willig fills in for Dawn Taylor, helping to bring you a heaping helping of wonderful, awful, crucial, totally-irrelevant news….

  • Thursday, December 1st, 2011

    ...While there IS a brand-new Rick Emerson Show today, it aired at an earlier time, which pre-empted Legion of News. LoN will return Friday, December 2nd...

  • Wednesday, November 30th, 2011

    ...Todd "The Corpse" Werkhoven continues to lend a hand, filling in for Dawn Taylor; with his assistance, Legion of News delivers to you a distillation of all the news that matters….

  • Tuesday, November 29th, 2011

    ...Todd "The Corpse" Werkhoven continues to lend a hand, filling in for Dawn Taylor; with his assistance, Legion of News delivers to you a distillation of all the news that matters….

  • Monday, November 28th, 2011

    ...Our good friend Todd Werkhoven fills in for Dawn Taylor, as we begin a brand-new week….

  • Friday, November 25th, 2011

    ...Enjoy today's (post-)Thanksgiving encore, and join us Monday, when we return with a brand-new show….

  • Thursday, November 24th, 2011

    ...Enjoy today's Thanksgiving encore, and join us Monday, when we return with a brand-new show….

  • Wednesday, November 23rd, 2011

    ...Three-alarm fire in Forest Grove … Occupy Portland member runs for mayor … FBI arrests Amish beard-cutters … Lots of people traveling on Thanksgiving … The Denver airport is creepy … Man burned in leaf-blowing accident … Giant whale carcass towed … Bachmann unamused by Jimmy Fallon intro song … SCIENCE:  Sex Pistols archeology, turtles and PCBs … Liebermann wants Google to flag blog content … Two more accuser in Sandusky scandal … ENTERTAINMENT:  NBC picks up Grimm, Flynt offers reward, Stuntman killed, Jews angered by vodka billboard … Fisherman catches giant tuna, can’t keep it ….

  • Tuesday, November 22nd, 2011

    Dawn's husband, Patrick, is under the knife today, getting his permanent Sith Lord bio-suit* implanted, and my voice has gone a bit wonky, so we're rolling a best-of today. We should be back tomorrow. Thanks for bearing with us.


    *Dialysis thingy.

  • Monday, November 21st, 2011

    ....Portland police chief apologizes about making stuff up about rape … Michelle Obama booed at NASCAR race … California looks into kangaroo boxing  … Mariners outfielder stabbed to death … Boeing makes deal with Lion Air … SCIENCE:  Smart phone robot, saving silky sharks, CERN scientists rumble with other CERN scientists, whales in the desert … Gingrich tells OWS to take a bath … Supercommittee fails … FBI pursues “lone wolf” … ENTERTAINMENT:  Springsteen to tour without Clemons, weekend overview....

  • Friday, November 18th, 2011

  • Thursday, November 17th, 2011

  • Tuesday, November 15th, 2011

    Cops find 31 pounds of pot in man's luggage ... Occupy Portland wants Adams to apologize, and OWS feels the wrath of the NYPD ... Woman shot in head drives herself to the hospital ... SCIENCE:  People know more than they think, old people have a smaller carbon footprint, Parkinson's linked to solvent ... Cain screws up a question about Libya ... Sandusky said he just "horsed around" with boys ... ENTERTAINMENT:  Jackson's bed removed from auction, Sting debuts free app, Diddy pays tribute to Heavy D, Kat Von D claims Jesse James cheated on her quite a lot ...

  • Monday, November 14th, 2011

    Hunter mistakes friend fsor elk ... Occupy Portland unencamped ... Ramos freed in Venezuela ... Vaccuum cleaner causes nuclear plant fire ... Cain's wife says he respects women ... Norway killer not insane ... SCIENCE: Mosquitoes fly father than you think ... tourists can see lava, black rhino extinct, spiders lure mates with gifts ... PDX gets body scanners ... ENTERTAINMENT: Actors renew vows, Timberlake goes to dance, new Black Sabbath album ... Retail workes want Thanksgiving off ... Senataor doesn't understand layaway

  • Friday, November 11th, 2011

    Occupy Portland told to leave park and fix the damn grass, while Occupy Harvard is only open to students ... Naked man hides in nut orchard ... Victim mugged in pumpkin patch ... Obama will use GOP speeched verbatim ... Cain makes Anita Hill joke ... Amish man cuts off dad's beard ... SCIENCE:  Numerology, polluted brains ... Woman beats bus drive, pulls down pants ... Hunt still on for MLB player ... ENTERTAINMENT:  Broadway Spider-man news, DeGeneneres named AIDS envoy, Handler now single, Some actor has a kid, Billy Crystal to host Oscars, Selena Gomez' puppy ... Cops snag suspects with beer ...


  • Thursday, November 10th, 2011

    City to close Occupy camp ... Man killed in Mexico for social media comments ... Man tricks iPad buyer with bag of potatoes ... GOP crowd boos Cain questions ... SCIENCE:  Giant beavers, speed bumps that recharge batteries, robotic guide dog, giant asteroid doesn't hit earth  ... Penn State students riot ... ENTERTAINMENT:  Michael Jackson's death bed, Grazer to produce Academy Awards, Oscar-host suggestions.

  • Tuesday, November 8th, 2011

    Mayor Adams concerned about Occupy camp, protestors chain themselves in plaza ... Flu shots for dogs ...Bee attack ... Oldest fridge recycled ... SCIENCE:  Ugandan electric car, White House nixes ETs, zoo to separate gay penguins, Mutai breaks marathon record ... Voting to replace Wu ... Dawn soap helps put out fire ... ENTERTAINMENT:  Write Hal Kanter dies, TV couple expecting 20th child, Pitbull vs. Lohan, 14-year-old threatens Bieber ex ... Man falls asleep in dumpster


  • Monday, November 7th, 2011

    A dumpster shows up at Occupy Portland ... Cops investigate death on NE Halsey ... Jesse Ventura is peeved ... Violet Beauregard’s dad dies ... Oklahoma gets ten earthquakes ... New Cain accuser schedules press conference ... SCIENCE:  Jump in global warming, SD card has wireless function, falcons can save vineyards ... Target to close Gateway store ... Ladies do something lascivious in parking lot ... Andy Rooney dies at 92 ... ENTERTAINMENT:  Kardashians mocked on SNL, Lohan serves four hours in jail, Lavigne attacked, Vince Neil guilty, Matthew Fox countersues party-bus driver

  • Thursday, November 3rd, 2011

    .....
    .....Occupy Oakland turns violent, Occupy Portland gets uppity … Cain accuser got $5K payout … Washington rejects liquor bids … Boehner scoffs at Obama … SCIENCE:  Dutch professor faked data, US may test anthrax vaccine on children, dogs walked by men are more aggressive, Google screws up iPhone app … Town bans medical marijuana … PETA disapproves of fish-flinging contest … Chinese teen has tumor removed … Oregon growers ship Christmas trees … ENTERTAINMENT: Clooney gets actor award, Brown and Bow Wow spend $15K at strip club, McFarlane wants to make Star trek show, Boardwalk Empire renewed..........

  • Wednesday, November 2nd, 2011

    ..........


  • Tuesday, November 1st, 2011

    .....Occupy Portland kicked out of Schrunk Plaza, and Michael Moore visits … Man dressed as zombie arrested after protest … Man stabbed by really scary guy in Portland … SCIENCE:  Wall-climbing robot, Facebook’s arctic server farm, “lane assist” on upcoming Fords, scientists track frigging narwhals … BofA drops debit-card charge … Pastor apologizes for inappropriate religious tracts … Meat vending machine … Creepy police-union T-shirt makes reappearance … Baby shampoo loaded with cancer … ENTERTAINMENT:  Vince Neil cops a plea, Oscar producer dies, Kimmel to host White House Correspondents’ Dinner … Trick-or-Treaters hit by cars … Obama isn’t smoking … Angry girl goes nuts on bus.....


  • Monday, October 31st, 2011

    .....25 protestors arrested in Jamison Square … Man hiding from cops drops through ceiling … Herman Cain accused of sexual harassment … Breast-feeding moms stage “nurse-in” … Dam explosion reopens river … GPS tracker app watches children … SCIENCE:  Genetically engineered mosquitoes, Austin creates renewable neighborhood, chimp “gets” language, robot goes to school for girl … Ron Paul wants to get rid of student loans … Man burns roomie’s stuff after guy’s dog eats his bird … Steve Jobs’ final words … ENTERTAINMENT:  Kim K files for divorce, Lohan really takes her probation seriously, Metallica fans riot in India, Rowling wanted to kill Ron Weasley … Lesbian couple crowned homecoming king and queen … Power out all over the northeast.....


  • Friday, October 28th, 2011

    ....Guy attacks people on MAX platform … Gresham man takes ammo to Guam … Giant Lego man to be released … Wall Street Journal to list e-books on bestseller lists … Occupy Portland told to stay away from Pearl park … Man cuts off arm with homemade guillotine … SCIENCE:  Undeserved praise can make you sad, Samsung outsells Apple, seaweed moves south, daily aspirin could help bowel cancer … John Edwards trial coming … Swedish lunch lady pole dances … ENTERTAINMENT:  Mario Cantone marries, Marie Osmond feels ill, Michael Lohan held for observation, David Gilmour’s son on trial, James Brown’s manager sentenced, Redbox raises price, MTV brings back Beavis and Butthead.....


  • Thursday, October 27th, 2011

    ........


  • Wednesday, October 26th, 2011

    ....Man pulls gun on neighbor and dog … Oakland cops clash with protestors, a man develops and “I was arrested” app, and a group suggests Occupy Portland disperse … Planes collide over Newberg … Michael Jackson asked to knocked out … British kids gambling with marbles … ODFW stops turtle sale on Craigslist … SCIENCE:  Spiders can find you, Finland’s sex-ed classes, father of AI dies … Girl’s service dog kicked out of store twice … Obama wants to help student debt … Woman bites off boyfriend’s testicles .. ENTERTAINMENT:  Tyler loses teeth. Bono’s done dancing, Rooney’s in the hospital, Winehouse drankl a lot of booze, Pink Martini to hold Occupy Portland concert, Netflix stock plunges… Drunk dad makes nine-year-old drive....


  • Monday, October 25th, 2011

    ....Cop arrested for domestic violence … Man accidentally shoots wife in head … Occupy Wall Street threatened by drum circles … College student stabbed by stranger … NYC cops smuggle guns, cigarettes and slot machines … Serial rapist targeting ex-sorority members … Pawn shop tracking system … Japan offers all-you-can-eat Whoppers … SCIENCE:  Filthy gas pumps, Army to stop testing nerve gas on monkeys, soda may cause violence, new artificial skin … Rick Parry proposes 20 percent tax … Sewage smell closes high school … Younger buyers less loyal to car brands … Connecticut lawmaker wants to change date of Halloween … Apple TV already in the works … ENTERTAINMENT:  Robin Williams marries, Top Cheff: Just Dessert contestant indicted for child porn,  Michael Lohan arrested again, Obama gets chicken and waffles, Robin Gibb out of hospital....


  • Monday, October 24th, 2011

    ....Dawn performs the theme song a capella … Loaded gun falls from luggage … Man wrassles Gresham gator … Lindsay Graham says Obama mishandled mideast … Turkey quake … Target recalls frog masks … Ron Paul’s tax plan … SCIENCE:  Crashed satellite missing, washing machines pollute the ocean, giant undersea amoebas, world is more peaceful than ever … Netflix to service UK and Ireland … ENTERTAINMENT:  Will Ferrell gets prize, Loretta Lynn in hospital, Snooki at the mall, rundown of weekend celebrity news … Herman Cain and Michele Bachmann say words....


  • Friday, October 21st, 2011

    ....Obama announces Iraq troop withdrawal … Measles cases up in U.S. … Oregon drivers ignore speed limits … Lingerie League wants to start youth league … Perry and Romney hate each other … Speed dial used to scare attacker … Bachmann says Occupy protestors are dirty … Clinton in Pakistan … Woman to get her mom’s uterus … SCIENCE:  Scientists concerned about mercury ban, teens’ IQs change, China wants to own the moon, robot can build itself … Conrad Murray update … Car safety features don’t save women … Ferry captain crashes while talking about Catwoman … Starbucks says coffee supply threatened … ENTERTAINMENT:  Lohan shows up at morgue, gangster tries to block movie, Ti Burton Macy’s balloon, Mickey Rooney’s a bastard....


  • Thursday, October 20th, 2011

    ........


  • Wednesday, October 19th, 2011

    ....Occupy Wall Street supported by New Yorkers, and Portland’s cost to fix the park … Vancouver couple arrested for abusing adopted twins … Cops hunts escaped tigers and lions in Ohio … Machete and rakes figure in brawl … SCIENCE:  Nano laptop coating, Cyclops shark, stroke victim at South Pole, ban on tobacco at World Series … Ron Paul against 9-9-9 tax … Possible lead in Disneyland … Earthquakes at Mt. Rainier … ENTERTAINMENT:  Sister Wives harmed by bigamy probe, TV composer dies, Springsteen collection moved, two people you’ve never heard of get married, Susan Sarandon calls the pope a nazi, Halle Berry and Selena Gomez get stalked … Man sets record for most signed baseballs....


  • Tuesday, October 18th, 2011

    Today...a glorious installment of The Best of Legion of News.


  • Monday, October 17th, 2011

    ........


  • Friday, October 14th, 2011

    ....Pot raid yields 6,800 plants … Occupy Wall Street protestors arrested … Portland school band Halloween costumes … BofA customers close accounts … SCIENCE:  Man gets double hand transplant, NASA books flight with Virgin Galactic, crickets hang around to protect mates, electric car can power home, new Bigfoot sightings … House passes bill limiting abortion coverage … Eel blocks sewage pipe … ENTERTAINMENT:  Harry Potter actor makes a bomb, another Victoria’s Secret fashion show on TV, judge nixes “Lady Goo Goo,” authors support protests, Indonesians buy fake Motley Crue tickets, Girl Scouts warn about reality TV....


  • Thursday, October 13th, 2011

    ....“Moss Man” wanted for missing trial … Plastic bag ban starts Saturday … Police arrest eight Occupy Portland protestors … U.S. not ready for bioterrorism attack … Costco gives $10 million to liquor-privatization initiative … November 5th is “Bank Transfer Day” … SCIENCE:  The nose separates smells, scary realistic 3D face masks, man receives five-organ transplant, DNA could identify Gacy victims, 10-year-olds understand dogs best … Math teacher sets herself on fire … Can says black people are “brainwashed” into voting Democrats … Squirrel causes explosion … BlackBerry services are back, mostly … Man in Philippines makes himself into Superman … Warren Buffett and his taxes … ENTERTAINMENT:  Celebrity-phone hackers says he was “addicted,” McFarlane ready to end Family Guy, Britney hits 10 million Twitter followers … Duck hunters shoot each other....


  • Wednesday, October 12th, 2011

    ....First flu hospitalization of the season … Occupy Portland meet Occupy Vancouver … BlackBerry outages … Topeka repeals domestic battery law … Stroller recall … Wal-mart and Facebook strike deal … SCIENCE:  Shuttle heads for California, otter battle, robot teaches itself, women on pill less satisfied … Family lost in corn maze calls 911 … Woman puts ad on Craigslist looking for pot … ENTERTAINMENT: Chynna Phillips no longer dancing, Jack Osbourne to breed, Spelling continues to breed, Knoxville also keeps breeding, Austin Powers actor kills prison cellmate........

  • Tuesday, October 11th, 2011

    ....Seattle “superhero” arrested … Man throws hot dog at Tiger Woods … NBA lockout affecting other businesses … Occupy Portland continues … SCIENCE:  Zombified spiders, German “forest boy,” possible kraken, Bjork’s science iPad songs … New macho Dr. Pepper soda … Dr. Murray recounts all the drugs he handed out … Steve Job death certificate released … iPhone 4S breaks pre-sale record … ENTERTAINMENT: Cops raid World War Z set, Lil Wayne talks sizzurp, HBO film to start Michael Douglas as Libarace, Resident Evil accident injures zombies ....


  • Monday, October 10th, 2011

    ....Body found in house fire … Occupy Portland is still going on … The GOP says protestors are a “mob” … Thousands turn out of Portland Marathon … Hertz suspends Muslims … No turkeys fall on Arkansas festival … Off-duty cops shoots at burglar … SCIENCE:  U.S. drone infected with virus, maggot therapy, what the Donner Party ate, cloning stem cells, Barbie goes green … Boaters survive 20 hours in ocean … Underwear thief logs 100th arrest … ENTERTAINMENT:  Zsa Zsa in and out of hospital again, Fonzie’s bike for sale, pianist Williams dies, McCartney marries, Hank Williams, Jr. writes snippy song....


  • Friday, October 7th, 2011

    ....Occupy Portland occupies downtown park … Protestors in D.C. and NY … Another mom kicked off Trimet … Obama talks jobs some more … Man passes out at Taco Bell, tries to give taco as ID … Decade-old war in Afghanistan only half done … FCC plans to bring broadband to underserved …. Fake psychic has girl rob parents … SCIENCE: Moon shadow’s waves, law firm’s accident app, dino footprints in Arkansas, Japanese robot washed hair, monkeys typing Shakespeare … Teen girl’s porn addiction leads to robbery … Hussein lookalike almost forced to make porn film … ENTERTAINMENT: Schwarzenegger museum, Sizemore ends probation, Shearer wants a cut of Simpsons, Thornton’s daughter arrested, fetish group wants Grace fart footage, Jobs’ death means an increase in turtleneck sales … Obama Obama Obama....

  • Thursday, October 6th, 2011

    ....Steve Jobs is dead … Occupy Portland may screw up downtown … Palin not running … SCIENCE:  Depp ocean seismic network, real flying carpet, monkey mind control … Amanda Knox at undisclosed loication …  Woman attacked by crow … Missing teen’s body found … 71-year-old “chick” and man arrested for sex in car … Boca Raton nixes Halloween show … Obama calls again for jobs bill … Man attacks cops with sword and electrified door … ENTERTAINMENT:  Lohan not cutting, more Murray trial, Hank Williams, Jr. song off ESPN...


  • Wednesday, October 5th, 2011

    ....Woman killed by son and girlfriend … Burglar leaves car on MAX tracks … Photographer electrocuted during soft-core shoot … Pot grow found near Estacada … Roger Ailes hired Sarah Palin “because she was hot” … Citibank raises fees and minimum balance on checking … Obama gets mad … SCIENCE:  Fat teenas stay up late, new side airbag, India announces cheap tablet for poor … Congress wants NFL to test players already … Man who sold ads on his funeral urns dies … Jobs rally in D.C. … ENTERTAINMENT:  Forensica analyst testifies about Conrad Murray’s phone, Netflix and Hulu bid on Arrested Development, Amazon sells Brooks Blu-rays cheap, Sean Penn in Libya, Playboy Club cancelled and Cibrian injured, Depp apologizes, Pawn Stars guy arrested … Helicopter crash in New York....


  • Tuesday, October 4th, 2011

    ....Knox conviction overturned … Pedestrian killed in hit-and-run … Fire at Texas chemical plant … Sting bamboozles fugitives … Obama promises jobs again … Senator Schumer gets tough with China … Michael Jackson trial app … Yemen bombs own troops … SCIENCE:  African contraceptives faulty, nobody’s going to space, another ozone hole, Nobel Prize update, Paris launches electric car-share … Assault results after Facebook massage miscommunication … Dogs sniff out prison cell phones ... ENTERTAINMENT:  Simmons married, Waltz injured, Cooper saddened, Wilde divorced, theater fined, Bono dances, The Simpsons negotiate, Tyler visits Portland … Man says driving drunk is okay since he didn’t hit anyone....


  • Monday, October 3rd, 2011

    ....TriMet driver kicks mom and crying baby off bus … Wall Street protestors lured onto bridge, arrested … Mexico City considers short-term marriages … Nobel awards prize to dead guy … Man shoves snake poop in girlfriend’s mouth … Taco Bell employees robbed … SCIENCE: New material is blacker than black, forests protect climate, Mercury’s got holes, beetles get busy with beer bottles … Buffett says “Buffett Rule” isn’t what he meant … Hooters accuses rival of stealing secrets … Ladies fight fires … ENTERTAINMENT: Yahoo and ABC join forces … More Conrad Murray stuff …. ENTERTAINMENT: Arrested Development news, Justified talk to Kentucky cops, T.I. and Taylor Swift preform, Tupac sex tape....


  • Friday, September 30th, 2011

    ....Crews search gravel pit for man … Military chaplain to perform same-sex ceremonies … Radical cleric killed in Yemen airstrike … Lettuce recalled … BofA to charge $5 a month for debit cards … Bloomberg pushes immigration reform … Bush-era logging plan may be trashed … SCIENCE:  AlphaDog robot, EPA cut corners on greenhouse reports, Ig Nobel winners, Woman arrested for driving golf cart drunk … Man catches scary-big catfish … Portland bike safety project … ENTERTAINMENT:  Jack Osbourne engaged, Harris auctions Hef’s ring, Steve Martin wins bluegrass award, more Conrad Murray news....


  • Thursday, September 29th, 2011

    ....Cops standoff with man with rifle … Panera Bread discover Portlanders are freeloaders … Girl poisoned after drinking hand sanitizer … It’s National Coffee Day … Onion scares people with tweets … Tainted cantaloupes … SCIENCE:  Kennedy Space Center to be rebuilt, climate change could shrink animals, flies get sexy when they smell food, rat gets artificial cerebellum … Number of suicides increase in Oregon … Man kills his AA sponsor … More on SAT cheating scandal … ENTERTAINMENT:  Eazy-E’s sone wants to play him in movie, Courtney Love memoir, Conrad Murray’s mysterious cream, Artie Lange’s radio show, WB launches show on Facebook … How Portland residents commute....


  • Wednesday, September 28th, 2011

    ....Gang member sentenced for shooting at marshal … Alabama senator apologizes for calling blacks “aborigines”… Portland rated number six best food city … Cold warehouse helps save man’s life … Kids’ took kits recalled … Jersey governor vetoes “Snooki subsidy” … Employee steals watch, then wears it to work … Dr. Conrad Murray trial news … Man dies of spontaneous combustion … SCIENCE:  Satellite falls, coffee may help depression, new cheaper Kindle, big-headed spider … SAT cheating ring … YouTube to launch web-TV channels … Drugs on Mexican border still … ENTERTAINMENT:  Dancing with the Stars update, less gay characters on TV, Moore and Kutcher tweet less, movie set catches fire … Old man throws urine on porch to keep kids away … Boy bitten by rabid bat at school....


  • Tuesday, September 27th, 2011

    ....Missing Cycle Oregon volunteer could be anywhere … Obama at House of Blues … Mystery object smashes car windows … Washington Monument closed … Piranha caught in Texas lake … SCIENCE:  Brown dwarfs, weight of stars, “Earth Overshoot Day,” aquariums make fish angry … Grim Reaper Cheesehead annoys Wisconsinites … Nudists protest in San Francisco … Pit Bull saves woman from ditch … DeGeneres chest-pain scare, Palin’ attorney threatens lawsuit, Leisha Hailey kicked off plane for kissing, Rock and Roll Hall of Fame nominees....


  • Monday, September 26th, 2011

    ....
    ....Firefighters lift truck off a guy … SUV crashes into Christmas store … Europe is destroying everything … Straw poll news … Man assaults girl while dressed as Winnie-the-Pooh … Saudi women to vote … Masked men rob home … SCIENCE:  Japan’s rice is radioactive, Nyad stops swimming because of jellyfish, Germans promise 3D TV without glasses, scientists turn brain activity into movies … Dog survives fall into sewage … Army to cut troops … ENTERTAINMENT:  Pink Floyd pig flies again, Taylor Lautner goes to London, Lady Gaga talks to President, London district mad at Britney … Obama’s comment about Perry makes no sense........

  • Friday, September 23rd, 2011

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]


    ....Woman dies after driving into Willamette … Powell’s fires managers … SCIENCE:  Near-death experience explained, Watson comes in peace … Kittens fell from van … U.N. walks out on speech …  Obama and Rand Paul talk bridges … ENTERTAINMENT:  New manager on The Office,  Travolta visits Gotti widow....


  • Thursday, September 22nd, 2011

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]


    ........

  • Wednesday, September 21st, 2011

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]


    ....American hikers freed in Iran … Escaped mental patient captured … Harry Reid says governemtn may shut down … Palin still playing coy … Couple abduct their eight, identically-named, children  … Headstone left at Goodwill … Book about Obama is unflattering … Man blames Viagra for indecent exposure … MacArthur grants handed out … SCIENCE:  BP oil not degrading, trial against scientists, sea squid are bisexual … Teens don’t mind vulgar slurs … Clinton says we need to take responsibility … ENTERTAINMENT:  Gosling retiring, Pattinson not recording, Gayle King lawsuit, Cowell talks X Factor, Tony Bennett apologizes for 9/11 remarks, Steve Martin advises Eddie Murphy....

  • Tuesday, September 20th, 2011

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]


    ....Man shoots, cremates dad … Don ‘t Ask, Don’t Tell is over … Cycle Oregon volunteer missing … Debt reduction plan, blahblahblah … 800-pound stuffed bear stolen … SCIENCE:  Galaxy smear, suicide by roller coaster, NASA worker build trike … SeaWorld hearings begin … Ausiie airman dies in exploding portable toilet … Portland ends busy filming season … Buzz Aldrin catting around with younger lady … Georgia to hold execution … ENTERTAINMENT:  Kutcher sets record, Sizemore arrested again, Fleischer joins CNN, Lea Michele split, Hope’s widow dies, Sting turns 60....

  • Monday, September 19th, 2011

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]


    ....Woman in wreck with cop … Obama’s tax cut proposal … Netflix to split into two companies … Teen killed while playing with shotgun … Fiberglass giraffe stolen … WWII-era plane crashes at airshow … Crane falls on nursing home … SCIENCE:  Overconfidence is competitive, daily deal sites may not be good for businesses, falling satellite parts, conjoined twins separated, search for “Snoopy,” new dino found …Giant bratwurst made … Five die at biker fest … Palestinians want to join UN … Bomb threat on Alaska flight … Intruders take pics of themselves … Father and daughter burned while “stealing” electricity … ENTERTAINMENT:  Morgan engaged, Frances Bay dies, Artest changes name, Fxc suit dropped, Da Silva guilty of rape, Emmy Awards........

  • Friday, September 16th, 2011

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]


    ....Police make record drug bust … Boehner doesn’t like jobs bill … Giant smail invasion … Faith-healing defense … John Deere recalls tractors … Cat finds way home … SCIENCE:  Fussy baby brains, medieval zombies, NASA discovers planet with two suns, jellyfish are the new shark … Hero dog wins award … ENTERTAINMENT:  Rooney’s son sues, Manilow likes Ron Paul, Cage burglar has Fudgesicle, McCartney to wed, Sheen not mad, Winfrey unveils O’Donnell show … Man smuggles reptiles in pants....

  • Thursday, September 15th, 2011

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]


    ....Man carjacked responding to Craigslist ad … Tacomsing HIV to cure cancer, a teachers defy court order … People see fireball … Postman saves woman … $11K for proof that Bachmann’s wrong … Bad housing news … SCIENCE:  Glowing worms, Dr. Oz is wrong about juice, salmon may all die, Ford’s Internet cars, Petrified Forest adds land … Amish jailed for refusing safety triangles … CDC links Listeria to cantaloupes … ENTERTAINMENT:  Jackson estate to distribute money, Winkler gets honor, Simon sues Pinkberry, rapper won’t wear Back to the Future shoes, Saahil not kidnapped, America’s Got Talent chooses winner, Netflix lowers subscriber forecast...

  • Wednesday, September 14th, 2011

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]


    ....Mental patient posts to Facebook, escapes … Old woman arrested for stealing cookies … Obama’s jobs plan … TSA plan to screen children … Palin’s one-night stand … Metal thieves overload truck … Colleges ranked … Corn maze celebrates Timbers … SCIENCE:  Vicious chicks, diabetes run amok, canaries are crafty, NASA still in the game, why laughing feels good, airships! … Woman wants to keep bobcats … Conjoined twins separated … ENTERTAINMENT:  Johanssen’s nekkid pics, Bruno lawsuit, Paul Michale Glaser plays golf, stiffs kid, reality show suit, Sarah Paulson on  American Horror Story … Perry speaks, and gave a lot of money to Merck … Guy pulled out of grain bin....

  • Tuesday, September 13th, 2011

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]


  • Monday, September 12th, 2011

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]


    ....Off-duty cop arrested for DUI … 9/11 anniversary … Driver survives 2 x 2 through chest … Big rig dumps 40,000 cans of beer … Suspicious item closes airport terminal … Wrong-way driver dies … SCIENCE:  Breast-feeding mothers are hostile, glowing cats created, tiny microscope tophat for mice, Spongebob makes kids slow, HMO to use IBM’s “Watson” … Activists demand freedom for giant croc … Gas proices up again … Southwest flight diverted because man uses bathroom flight … Facebook doubles first-half revenues … Massive gator pulled from lake … Soft drug use up, hard drugs down … ENTERTAINMENT:  Serena Williams outburst, Simpson stalker writes book, “Rowdy”Roddy Piper gets surgery, fire at Nicholson’s house, Spartacus star dies, All My Children star dies … Man shoots at snake and hits himself … Balloon lands in Salem....

  • Friday, September 9th, 2011

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]


    ....Big Jim Willig subs for Rick Emerson.  Worker mistake blacks out San Diego … Man crashes truck into post office … Gynecological room found in Qadaffi lair … County tries to block music festival … Birthday bowling for Kyron … Woman dies after hot beef injection … SCIENCE: Too much exercise can hurt you, Google’s energy consumption, satellite will plummet to earth … Dutch woman calls ex 65,000 times … ENTERTAINMENT:  Bob Dylan art exhibit, Bono is a proud American, Jews don’t want Gibson to make Maccabee movie, Violent J is ripped off, Broadway to honor 9/11....


  • Thursday, September 8th, 2011

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]


  • Wednesday, September 7th, 2011

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]


    ....Shooting in Nevada … Heat advisory for Portland … Weatherman found in hot tub with dead guy … Couple take suspicious pictures … Bike share program … Win a baby on the radio … Cops nail school-zone speeders … SCIENCE:  Venusian ozone, new star, how the brain sees places, bacteria on Mars rover … Naked seating in San Francisco … ENTERTAINMENT:  Murphy to host Oscars, Les Paul monument, Tara Reid is scary, Billy Joe Armstrong kicked off plane....

  • Tuesday, September 6th, 2011

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]


  • Monday, September 5th, 2011

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]


    Enjoy this installment of The Best of Legion of News!

    ....Portland to discourage scented city workers … Hillary Clinton says “there’s no app” for freedom … DUI drivers to be marked with special plates … Two Georgia students fail to “respect the cave” … Earthquakes near Mount St. Helens … Science:  Obama and House clash over science budgets, there may be a new planet, Monarch butterflies doing better … Boeing unveils new plane … Berlosconi on trial for sex with underage prostitutes … Man threatens to cut off girlfriend’s head for Valentine’s Day … 1,700 sturgeon found hiding at Bonneville Dam … Entertainment:  El DeBarge in rehab, Gordon Ramsay says something about something, Jersey Shore jerk charged with a crime, Portlandia is renewed, Elizabeth Taylor in hospital, sucky Spider-Man musical makes money, Jennifer Aniston has a new movie.....

  • Friday, September 2nd, 2011

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]


    ....Car thief tries to buy ride home … Qaddafi says “Let Libya burn” … Oregon beaches full of poo … Obama halts smog regulation … Man in chicken suit attacked … Woman crawls out of swamp … Katia is now a hurricane … Sheriff likes Batman … Girl finds skeleton parts … Man calls cops to complain about hooker … Man uses iPad app to track thieves … SCIENCE:  Yellow eyes get less sleep, Black Death bacteria extinct, space junk, kids need to play, Ned Kelly’s body found … Man drinks 30 beers and crashes car … First-ever gay military magazine published … Scientologists lash out at New Yorker … Prize offered for oldest fridge … ENTERTAINMENT:  Mel B’s baby, March Anthony’s non-affair, Mortensen wants more Jung letters, T.I. back in the pokey already, man says Seagal killed his puppy, Tupac's pals smoked his ashes....

  • Thursday, September 1st, 2011

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]


    ....Tigard residents want to keep beaver dam … Water main breaks … Police horse drops dead in front of tourists … Minorities becoming majority … Authorities want to dose Loughner … Six-foot boa found in Albuquerque … Obama speaks to vets … Seattle drivers suck, says Allstate … Marine can’t get citizenship … SCIENCE:  Increase in celiac disease, dolphin communication, new hurricane brewing, getting rid of cane toads … JC Penney pulls stupid t-shirt … ENTERTAINMENT:  Milano gives birth, Gibson settle with ex, actor claims airline bigotry, Schwimmer defends Chaz Bono....

  • Wednesday, August 31st, 2011

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]


    ....Founder of Zupan’s Markets dies in crash … Mosquitoes with West Nile virus reported … Crops damaged in North Carolina … No more free TriMet rides … Hay truck fire closes freeway … Stupid Osama logging shirt … SCIENCE:  Anti-diarrhea compounds, alert level on Alaska volcano. Dolphins invent eating trick, NASA asteroid practice … Two-headed cow … Gay people love Johnson City … ENTERTAINMENT:  Bieber’s car crash, T.I. out of prison, porn actor found with HIV, Treme actor drowns, Honey Boy Edwards dies, O’Neill’s star, Helms’ stunt double sues....

  • Tuesday, August 30th, 2011

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]


    ....Wildfire on Mt. Hood … Clerk thwarts Subway robbery … Hurrican Irene on way out … Germany stops chasing fugitive cow … Man blows up bee hive … Warren Jeffs in coma … Hood to Coast deemed too big … Man rescued after falling off cliff … Dow up a bit … SCIENCE:  Panda poop key to biofuel, Russia postpones space launch, suitcase fission reactors on Mars, noise pollution makes birds sing higher, lupin-based ice cream … Man on bicycle with sword … Vacationer torn apart by sharks … Worst cop ever shoots and transgendered people … ENTERTAINMENT:  Sebastian Bach loses house to hurricane, Castro has a kid, Daryl Hannah arrested, Chaz Bono and Nancy Grace on Dancing with the Stars, Patti Smith and Kronos Quartet get award, George Clooney out of Man From U.N.C.L.E., new Playboy Club in Chicago....

  • Monday, August 29th, 2011

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]


    ....Lockerbie bomber near death … Man arrested wearing only underwear … Hurricane Irene recovery to begin … Man killed by tree while camping during hurricane … Man stabs a guy on MAX tracks … Colin Powell says Cheney took cheap shots … Six hurt in Salem kerfuffle … Wells Fargo phishing scam … Rabid bat menaces Indianapolis … Rebels reject Qaddafi negotiation … SCIENCE:  Gen Xers like their phones, Neanderthal legs, endangered crocodiles hatched, NASA may have empty space station, human brains hardwired to respond to animals, Al Gore says we should treat climate change naysayers like racists … New creepy Austrian incest case … Indiana soldier arrested night before his homecoming parade … Gas prices not going up from hurricane … ENTERTAINMENT:  Matthew Fox beats up bus driver, Tom Jones cancels concert, MTV Video Award news … Woman and granddaughter injured on log flume ride … Worker’s leg crushed at Pepsi plant … Pantsless man has mop and bucket.....

  • Friday, August 26th, 2011

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]


  • Thursday, August 25th, 2011

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]


    ....Newberg hotel explodes … Portland man uses jujitsu to defend home … Oregon man loses arm in car accident … Starbucks’ CEO withholds political contributions … Woman’s breast implant ruptures during paintball … Memorial service for wing walker … Portland cop accused of road rage … Steve Jobs resigns as Apple CEO … SCIENCE: Fiddler crab claws,  8.74 million species on Earth, German electric car breaks record … Man robs bank, returns money … Illegal BMX track … FEMA readies for hurricane … ENTERTAINMENT:  Esther Gordy dies, Armstrong memorial, Bateman’s second child, Sara Gilbert’s breakup, Redmond O’Neal sentenced, William Petersen twins, Will Smith marriage is okay, Keith Richards sells a million books … Rove says Palin should make up her mind … Man stuff snakes in pants … College asks applicants’ sexual orientation....


  • Wednesday, August 24th, 2011

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]


    ....It's another exciting installment of The Best of Legion of News!...

  • Tuesday, August 23rd, 2011

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]


    ....Police recover stolen goat … Libyan rebels take Gadhafi compound … Judge dismisses Strauss-Kahn charges … American hikers sentenced in Iran … Earthquake on east coast … Hurricane on the way … SCIENCE: Boys mature earlier, Google Street View in the Amazon, pod cars at Heathrow, throwable robots … Huntsman says he’d be VP … Reptiles saved from hoarders … ENTERTAINMENT: Affleck and Garner breed again, Faison engaged, Wahlberg gets underwear contract, no drugs in Winehouse autopsy, Letterman jokes about jihad, Joe Francis in jail again … Dog eats diamonds … Garbage truck catches fire … Man see Jesus in tree....

  • Monday, August 22nd, 2011

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]


    ....Search for Qaddafi … Man falls out of convertible … Teen tries to take cop’s gun
    … Burger King dumps the King … Zach Randolph’s home searched … Hurricane Irene
    on the way … Girls jokingly rob liquor store … SCIENCE:  Humanoid robot,
    vegetative brains, oldest fossil found, PayPal founder’s floating libertarian
    city … Reagan aide calls Rick Perry an idiot … Woman falls off raft and drowns …
    Ford and Toyota talking about hybrid SUVs … ENTERTAINMENT:  Letterman back at
    work, Gallagher brothers’ lawsuit, Kardashian wedding, Estella Warren Dui, Grimm
    filming in Portland, Winslet flees fire at Branson’s house … Man knocked
    unconscious with beer can....


  • Friday, August 19th, 2011

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]


  • Thursday, August 18th, 2011

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]


    ....Portland trucker run over by his own truck … Four men robbed after meeting man on chat line … Russia loses satellite … Bomb squad called to park … Woman attacks husband with basil plant … Fireworks confused for birthday candles … Bachmann staff still shoving reporters … US ambassador carries own bags, charms China … Tobacco companies file suit over gross mandatory images … Man arrested for smuggling bear paws … OSU students not eating enough vegetables … SCIENCE: Drought to continue, transplant pioneer dies, new skin cancer drug, man killed by vampire bat, GOP attack EPA … Soccer played laid out by bobblehead … Couple charged with hoarding 700 cats … ENTERTAINMENT:  Kors married,  Armstrong death ruled suicide, World War Z shooting in Glasgow, O’Donnell walks out on Piers Morgan....


  • Wednesday, August 17th, 2011

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]


    ....Suspect caught with school laptops … Rapper ties up Compton Sheriff’s phone …
    Rafters trash river … Pioneer cemetery discovered … Father punches daughter at
    birthday party … Man arrested fro nude fishing … SCIENCE:  In-car avatar, PSU
    opens block of charging stations, fat dogs are colder … Taco Bell worker
    handcuffs himself to girl … Nursing home workers arrested for greasing up
    patients … ENTERTAINMENT:  Federline procreates again, Depardieu urinates on
    plane, Amazon signs self-help author, Abercrombie & Fitch pays  “The Situation”
    to stop wearing their clothes, 11-year-old honorary mayor renames street after
    Bieber … German boy calls cops over housework … Students pass out pot brownies
    at band camp....


  • Tuesday, August 16th, 2011

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]


    ....Dad drowns saving child … Man decapitates son … YWCA closed due to gas cloud …
    Naked woman arrested in hotel hallway … Karl Rove criticizes Perry’s “treason”
    remark … OSP officer fires gun in house … Fire destroys Milwaukie playground
    equipment … iCarly start postpones zoo concert … Flash mob robs 7-11 … Law
    school students sue alma maters … SCIENCE: LED lights power wifi, white dwarfs,
    NASA probe, SETI reboot … “Collar Bomber” captured … Police recover Rembrandt
    sketch … ENTERTAINMENT:  Jackson promoter boot KISS from concert, Mellencamp
    divorced, Real Housewives husband commits suicide, Jay-Z spends money, Taylor
    Lautner and Gus Van Sant go see Cirque du Soleil.....


  • Monday, August 15th, 2011

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]


    ....Mom hits pedophile in face … Bridge Pedal happens … Michelle Bachmann carries straw poll … Indiana State Fair stage collapses … Bonneville bear put down … Dog missing for a year reunites with owners … Woman wakes up to find blimp in her yard … SCIENCE:  Virtual rats, electronic tattoos, methane concentrations hold steady, teenage receives bionic arm from Mercedes … Crews clean up condemned cat-corpse home … “Bath salt” user gets tased … Warren Buffett says “mega-rich” should pay their share … ENTERTAINMENT: Duff pregnant, Alba and Fey give birth, Behar marries, Locklear engaged, and Lady Gaga is Santa Claus....


  • Friday, August 12th, 2011

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]


    ....Darcelle arrested for pushing OLCC officers … GOP candidates slapfight … Bear spotted at Bonneville hatchery … Man who peed on girl was on U.S. ski team … Two more e. Coli cases …Two bicyclists hit by SUV …  Chimp-ripped woman’s face transplant revealed … Bert and Ernie aren’t gay … SCIENCE: Spermless mosquitoes, cars as Internet nodes, soy drinkers more boy-like, malaria mosquitoes … Casey Anthony “most hated person in America” … ENTERTAINMENT:  Sondheim slams Porgy and Bess, Lohan’s crystals, Kings of Leon firing (or not) singer, Baldwin back with wife....


  • Thursday, August 11th, 2011

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]


    ....UK violence eases … Mitt Romney heckled … Police capture crime-spree siblings … “Trojan T-shirts” change message aimed at right-wing Germans … SCIENCE:  You can help the Large Hadron Collider, Scientists redesign nematode genes, era of PCs coming to an end, new cancer treatment .. West Linn barbecue fire … German etiquette group advises against workplace kissing … ENTERTAINMENT: Jagger sings Sanskrit, a-ha to reunite for Norway, Monkees cancel tour, Amazon skirts iPad rules with Kindle reader....


  • Wednesday, August 10th, 2011

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]


    ....Elderly man dragged from burning mobile home … Woman dies in recycling bin … Doctor in The Dalles accused of sex abuse … Congress picking “super committee” … Back-to-school shopping means people are shopping … Portugal. The Man’s van found, equipment still missing … Oregon Zoo releases turtles … SCIENCE:  Alaskan mystery goo, “living” spinal discs, apnea tied to dementia, ancient insects found … Man picnics in Wal-mart bathroom … ENTERTAINMENT: Paul Stanley’s new child, Baldwin’s mayoral run, Hulk Hogan ready to help London, Kardashian’s novel, Rebecca Black pulled out of public school....


  • Tuesday, August 9th, 2011

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]


    ....Woman swerves to miss possum, hits pole … Couple in hot tub overheated … Man arrested for beating brother-in-law to death … Sex offender arrested dressed as Cookie Monster … E.coli linked to strawberries … Riots spread beyond London … Portland band has equipment stolen … Inmate on suicide watch dies after eating toilet paper … Warren Jeffs sentenced to life in prison … SCIENCE:  Flexible electricity, DNA doesn’t match D.B. Cooper, virus moving from nose to brain, wildlife groups boycott elephant sentence … Alligator wrangled in neighborhood … Spilled oil burns down home … Curfew for teenagers in Philadelphia … Man gets uterus removed … ENTERTAINMENT:  Shaq porn-tape case dropped, Arnie’s cigar, Teen Mom arrested, Snoop pleads guilty … Diana Nyad drops Cuba-Florida swim … Double-amputee to race in world championship … Woman loses three fingers trying to wake boyfriend with fireworks....


  • Monday, August 8th, 2011

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]


    ....Sen. Mark Hatfield dies at 89 … Voodoo Doughnuts sets record … Gang gunfire in NW Portland … Grand Canyon tourist hit by lightning … Obama says “pish tosh” about credit rating … Two dead in salem hot tub … Inmate stabs guard wi9th pencil … Donald Trump offers financial advice … Pittsburgh zoo waiting for elephant semen … Giant sawdust fire in Longview … SCIENCE:  Blue shark found dead in the woods, 20-million-year-old ape skull, Captain Morgan’s ship found, ozone, antibiotics, mouse stem-cell semen, statins reduce risk of second stroke … Victim shoots robbers at Applebee’s … Thieves steal copper valves … Men in panda suits … ENTERTAINMENT: Allman’s illness, Big Boi’s Viagra, Neil’s trial delayed, Lucille Ball’s birthday....


  • Friday, August 5th, 2011

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]


    ........

  • Thursday, August 4th, 2011

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]


    ....36 million pounds of turkey recalled … Wu resigns … Car crashes into TriMet bus … Three bicyclists hit by truck … Two children injured by campsite bear … Possible gunman on Virginia Tech campus … Mike Huckabee’s cartoon … Warren Jeffs on trial … 911 dispatchers prepped for Batman calls … Woman says she’s D.B. Cooper’s uncle … SCIENCE: President approves preventative services, toilet plants, echo plants, water on Mars … No explosives on teen’s collar bomb … Man attacks neighbor with rake … Injured hiker used tip from movie to survive … Sex offender pours boiling water on a guy … Serbian tennis pro sent to wrong state … Justice Department nixes Alabama immigration law … ENTERTAINMENT: Snow White-movie director, Piers Morgan mum on hacking, Faye Dunaway slams “slumlord,” Winfrey to get Oscar....

  • Wednesday, August 3rd, 2011

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]


  • Tuesday, August 2nd, 2011

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]


    ....Protestors arrested at forestry office … Campsite suspect turns himself in … Debt deal signed … Atheists want to remove Trade Center cross … Florida cop saves drowning. Hallucinating man … Sentencing begins for serial killer … Bus idles for five hours with dead driver … SCIENCE: Bacteria in belly buttons, NASA probes asteroid, birds massage each other, Space Needle contest … Protestors heckle Boehner … Coast Guard recovers submarine with $180 million worth of cocaine … Woman dies from fall at casino … ENTERTAINMENT:  Bachelorette picks a guy, Two and a Half Men to premiere with Sheen funeral, Matt Damon likes teachers … Man finds (and returns) $16,000......

  • Monday, August 1st, 2011

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]


    ....Estacada school board chair died from overdose … Boehner still clinging to House bill … Americans less fond of beer … Fire cause $2 million damage at aviation museum … Hitler cat needs a home … Nation’s GDP pretty much the same … Washington may privatize liquor sales … SCIENCE: Republicans want to destroy the environment, Tylenol causes kidney failure, scientist suspended for noticing dead polar bears … Tucson man advertises for child sex … Octomom says she was drugged when she consented to 12 embryos … Twitter to display more ads … ENTERTAINMENT: Record stores annoyed about Jay-Z/Kanye release, Flynt’s offer to Casey Anthony, beating at McGraw concert, Belafonte disappointed in Obama, Andy Dick on trial......

  • Friday, July 29th, 2011

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]


    ....Estacada school board chair died from overdose … Boehner still clinging to House bill … Americans less fond of beer … Fire cause $2 million damage at aviation museum … Hitler cat needs a home … Nation’s GDP pretty much the same … Washington may privatize liquor sales … SCIENCE: Republicans want to destroy the environment, Tylenol causes kidney failure, scientist suspended for noticing dead polar bears … Tucson man advertises for child sex … Octomom says she was drugged when she consented to 12 embryos … Twitter to display more ads … ENTERTAINMENT: Record stores annoyed about Jay-Z/Kanye release, Flynt’s offer to Casey Anthony, beating at McGraw concert, Belafonte disappointed in Obama, Andy Dick on trial......

  • Thursday, July 28th, 2011

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]


    ....Armed man uses child as shield … Teen found with fractured skull … Debt bill up for vote … Man kills guy with car, beats his chest … DSK accuser speaks, sort of … One-handed boxer sues TSA … Man robs cupcake store with syringe … Oregon to issue mussel checks … Ford can’t get dashboards for Focus … Fire pit starts Beaverton house fire … SCIENCE:  Oldest bird no more, lady ants find sperm somehow, weasels store unripe fruit, scientists quiz lab-grown brain … Elderly mayor says she didn’t grow pot … ENTERTAINMENT: Joe Peci suit, angry heavy-metal preacher, Netflix may lost 15 percent......

  • Wednesday, July 27th, 2011

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]


    ....Fight leads to stabbing at Gresham skate park … Postal Service to close 3,700 post offices … School shut down after meth found everywhere … Handcuffed man jumps in river … Breivik had no collaborators, police say … Facebook to expand Oregon data center … Warren Jeffs on trial … Smoking banned in public housing … Woman sues man for giving her herpes … SCIENCE:  Dog has horse virus, time travel not possible, lost 1967 spaceship found on moon, sea lion kill revoked … TSA agent harasses driver … Casey Anthony to be paid obscenely well for interview … 72-year-old ex-Marine runs over robber … ENTERTAINMENT: Blair’s baby, Matarazzo’s wedding, Hefner’s sex habits......

  • Tuesday, July 26th, 2011

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]


    ....Rep. Wu to resign … Masked robber hits Plaid Pantry … NFL lockout is over … Grizzly mauls teenagers … Climber falls from Beacon Rock … Home found for anaconda … L.A. traffic cop fired for being in porn film … Bachmann’s district high in teens suicides … SCIENCE: Stranded gray whales, landmine-eating robot, pork butchers get more cancer, flying car … Feinstein wants to repeal DOMA … Dollywood worker targets guest’s T-shirt … Hillary Clinton’s name is funny … McDonald’s to make Happy Meals “healthier” … Man in drag shoots guy at dice game … ENTERTAINMENT:  Winehouse buried, James and Von D break up, Jackson trial, Meester sues mom, Kardashian sues Old Navy … “Ultimate Fighter” taunts guy at party, gets beaten to death.....

  • Monday, July 25th, 2011

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]


    ....Congressman Wu in trouble again … Norway shooter in court … New rules for Willamette boaters … Home invasion involves zip ties, baseball bats and swords … Amy Winehouse dies … Washington authorities look for coyote with jar on its head … Palin still a factor in GOP race … SCIENCE: Drug prices to drop, scientists invent things we don’t understand, fingerprint drug testing … Zoo apprentice resigns after accidentally killing giraffe … Billboard says hot dogs cause cancer … Whole Foods worker e-mails 2,000-word resignation …  Downtown street closed to traffic … ENTERTAINMENT: Linda Christian does, Sunny co-stars expecting, Chris Evans is insecure, Timberlake’s throat, Kid Rock’s strippers … Man with pellet gun tasered by cops....

  • Friday, July 22nd, 2011

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]


    We're joined by Mr. Todd Werkhoven, holding it down for the absent Dawn Taylor.

  • Thursday, July 21st, 2011

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]


    A truly fantastic show, on which we're joined by Mr. Eric D. Snider, ably filling in for the absent Dawn Taylor.

  • Wednesday, July 20th, 2011

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]


    ....Man gets away with murder because he’s drunk … Bachmann has migraines/ her  thugs beat up a reporter … Heather Mallory husband to get life in prison … Man illegally sells monkey online … House and Senates still arguing over debt ceiling … American Airlines gets new planes … SCIENCE:  Tiny moon found behind Pluto, Atlantis set to land, heat wave grows toxic algae, device cloaks time … L.A. ordinance says dogs that chase people can be put down … NYC to hold lottery for first day of same-sex marriages … New home construction up slightly … Couple steal steaks from Walmart … Columbia student headed for Rikers for drug selling … ENTERTAINMENT:  Betty White not going to Marine ball, Lopez sings at wedding, Pussycat Dolls singer not engaged, R. Kelly’s tonsils, Roku to include ‘Angry Birds’ on new box …Californis ia’ssuing handicapped placards to dead people …Naked man brandishes gun, yells at river....

  • Tuesday, July 19th, 2011

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]


    ....Teenager kills parents, then has party … Marijuana thieves slam into garage … William Shatner kicked off Google+ … Parliament skeptical that Murdoch unaware of hacking … Man may have killed family then set house on fire … Gay conservatives still want to work with Bachmann … Interstate Bridge lift today … Borders bookstores to close … Man pleasure himself in Walmart bathroom … SCIENCE:  Robotic octopus, possums aren’t poisoned by snakes, new flexible display screen, penguins smell dead krill, Atlantis astronauts tortured with Coldplay, extreme heat killing pot crops … Woman arrested at her own wedding … Clinton says Obama should just raise the debt ceiling and make GOP sue him … ENTERTAINMENT:  Tim Robbins releases album, Phillippe dating Lovato, Sheen has new series, promising new FX horror-drama … Japan to ban Fukushima beef … Naked woman found in pipe … Drunk postman hoards mail....

  • Monday, July 18th, 2011

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]


  • Friday, July 15th, 2011

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]


  • Thursday, July 14th, 2011

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]


    ....Daniel Baldwin’s wife arrested … Fred Meyer employees sue over grope-y customer … More on the debt debacle … Wal-Mart to open stores … Number of Hispanic Americans growing … Man encourages kids to pet alligator … Murdoch refuses to testify about hacking, U.S. concerned about American targets … SCIENCE:  Super bees, Michael Stipe, three-legged dogs, and human-yeast gelatin … Florida man randomly shoots gun ... Keizer man guilty of stabbing girlfriend at parade … Tea Party hates manatees … ENTERTAINMENT: Vanilla Ice divorced, Olivia Wilde thinks divorce made her a better actress, Emmy nominations....

  • Wednesday, July 13th, 2011

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]


  • Tuesday, July 12th, 2011

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]


    ....Texting driver slams into pole … Man survives 300-foot fall … Crackdown on sale of high-powered rifles … Woman attacked in hate crime … Tree surgeon almost beheads himself … No peeing where mountain goats are located … CIA staged fake vaccine program to catch Osama … SCIENCE:  Snails eaten by birds survive, last spacewalk, men with untrustworthy faces, “July Effect” at hospitals … Man accidentally shot with live ammo may be permanently maimed … Man poses as chick on Facebook to get boys’ pictures … Burglar leaves dog behind … More on debt-ceiling negotiations … ENTERTAINMENT: Kunis to go on date with Marine, Fogerty’s writing slump, Paisley and Underwood to host CMAs, new movie with Statham and Chiklis....

  • Monday, July 11th, 2011

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]


  • Friday, July 8th, 2011

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]


    ....NASA’s last shuttle takes off … Five hurt in Pamplona bull run … Beaverton dog saves people from fire … Seven killed in Grand Rapids shooting … Snake causes power outage … Woman dies at Rainbow Gathering … TriMet gives $2 million to Portland Spirit cruise ship … Plane crashes into hospital … Teenager injured after he puts fireworks in coffee grinder … SCIENCE: First synthetic organ implanted, massage is better than pills, researchers find caffeine spot in brain, coke users have different gray matter … Baseball fan dies after falling from stands … Nancy Pelosi talks debt … ENTERTAINMENT: Backstreet Boy engaged, Bow Wow’s a dad, Falling Skies renewed, ABC soaps move to web.....


  • Thursday, July 7th, 2011

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]


    ....Ex-students charge they were abused at boarding school … News of the World shuts down … Grizzly kills Yellowstone hiker … Bar has new restrictions … Casey Anthony free next week … Man sentenced for smuggling lizards … Country proposes new library tax … Tiger-suited man sues PGA for being kicked out … Fort Hood shooter faces death penalty … Woman puts antifreeze in man’s smoothie … SCIENCE:  Pollinators make food, happy orangutans live longer, pirates disrupting data collection, male spiders assess hunger of females before mating … Mitt Romney leading GOP fundraising … Horse rescued by crane … DUI suspect licks cop’s keyboard … Verizon drops unlimited data plans … Man douse Wal-mart in lighter fluid because a bunny and Satan told him to … ENTERTAINMENT: Timberlake and Biel back on, Vivid takes back Casey Anthony offer, Anthony Hopkins writes a waltz, Spader on The Office, Elizabeth Smart on ABC News … Woman runs over man fixing her car … Polish man lives in Sao Paulo airport for 18 days.....


  • Wednesday, July 6th, 2011

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]


    ....Man dresses like lady, chats up kids at pool … Casey Anthony found not guilty … News Corp. phone-hacking case … Coney Island hot dog contest … Molalla man shot after being mistaken for cougar … Oregon man arrested for threatening Obama … Shelters getting scared dogs and cats … Man jumps off roof, misses pool … SCIENCE: Massive wombat found, DNA tests on stranded penguins, terrorists putting bombs in people, environment partly responsible for autism … Facebook announces video chat feature … Record donations at Blues Festival … New York store band drunk dog-buying … California passes gay history proposal … Canadian man takes 11 weeks of sick leave because of “scent sensitivity” … ENTERTAINMENT: Top-paid actresses, Gordon-Levitt publishing, Sutherland single, Lady Antebellum singer engaged, Hilton’s stalker, lawsuit over elephant … RCMP officers brawl with Hells Angels....


  • Tuesday, July 5th, 2011

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]


    ....Fourth of July injury round-up … NFL lock-out still on … iPhone app leads to thieves arrest … Hackers report Obama death on Fox News Twitter … Hazmat crews at Taco Bell … Bob Hope Classic drops Hope’s name … Hugo Chavez comes home … SCIENCE:  Japan’s radioactive soil, glaciers melting, plastics can cause diabetes, NASA’s new space plans, bananas are inbred … Elderly gay rights advocate kisses hateful preacher … Tiger Woods’ Japanese commercial … Burglary, sex, pepper spray … ENTERTAINMENT:  Cruise’s birthday, Radcliffe’s drinking, Bow Wow’s child, Cage’s son arrested....


  • Monday, July 4th, 2011

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]


    ....Enjoy this presentation of The Best of Legion of News, and we'll return live on Tuesday, July 5th, friends and neighbors......


  • Friday, July 1st, 2011

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]


    ....Cop fires pellets instead of beanbag … Chavez has tumor removed … NASA wants to touch an asteroid … IMF head may not be rape-y …  Man assaults woman on sidewalk … Scorpion sting airline passenger … SCIENCE:  Panda poo, pens that write circuitry, Japanese sex dolls used in dental schools, the brain likes puns … Minnesota shuts down state government … FEC grants Stephen Colbert’s PAC request … Fast food chains selling booze … Philippine mayor punches sheriff in face .. ENTERTAINMENT:  ‘Macho Man’ death ruled heart disease, Rhys Meyers hospitalized, Duchovny and Leoni separate, Petty tells Bachmann she can’t use his song......


  • Thursday, June 30th, 2011

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]


    ....Chris Hansen caught in sting … Portland American Idol auditions … Glenn Beck
    says he was harassed at the movies … FDA pulls approval of breast cancer drug …
    Portland police to crack down on cell phones … MSNBC analyst suspended for
    calling Obama a “dick” … Conjugal right for gay NY inmates … SCIENCE: Hairs on
    bat wings, light from shrimp sex, wasps that lay eggs inside beetles, kids
    design high-MPG cars … “Rainbow gathering” in national forest … Pentagon says
    goodbye to Gates … ENTERTAINMENT: Lohan released from house arrest, Lady Gaga
    sued, Yeoh deported, Ferrera married, Brand and Wiig are “sexy vegetarians,” 
    Toy Story 4, Affleck to direct movie about Iran hostage crisis.....

  • Wednesday, June 29th, 2011

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]


  • Tuesday, June 28th, 2011

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]


  • Monday, June 27th, 2011

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]


    ....Men arrested for beating gay man … Incense causes fire … Michele Bachmann to run
    for President … Twilight high school is gone … Porta-potty guy says he’s not
    crazy … Califirnia court strikes down video game bans … SCIENCE:  Asteroid
    running late, VW announces auto-pilot, lionfish killing smaller fish,
    flesh-eating cocaine … Man at baptism drowns … Anti-cop hangman sign removed …
    ENTERTAINMENT:  Daniel Craig marries Rachel Weisz, Aniston gets tattoo to honor
    dead dog, William Koch buys Billy the Kid tin type. Sheen loses his other
    goddess....


  • Friday, June 24th, 2011

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]


    ....Faith-healing parents get 90 days … Philly Phanatic takes a ball to the head … Sweat lodge guru found guilty … Senators want to talk to Google … Dairy dumps animal waste … Portlandia seeking extras … Town denies shark cover-up … Ron Paul and Barney Frank team up in favor of legal pot … Cop runs from aggressive bear … SCIENCE:  Kids okay after hockey hits, blindness cured, statins could increase diabetes risk, blue light used to treat illness … New York still working on same-sex marriage … Asshat pilot doesn’t realize his mic is on … ENTERTAINMENT:  Sara Ramirez engaged, Glee kid was in rehab, Lohan warned not to be a dumbass, Krasinski and Sorkin do miniseries about Chateau Marmont........

  • Thursday, June 23rd, 2011

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]


    ....Aggressive mosquitoes in Portland … Winklevoss twins drop lawsuit … Reservoir will be covered … FBI arrests mob boss … Apple may make TVs … Man kills roommate with platypus statue … SCIENCE:  Ultrasonic frogs, we need more dead trees, cleaner fish bullies, heat will kill people … Weiner’s undone … Giant bag of vomit …  More on the debt ceiling … County commissioners’ bulletproof desk … Man says dress-wearing fellow stole his money … ENTERTAINMENT:  Glen Campbell has Alzheimer’s, Tobey Maguire sued for poker winnings, Clooney’s single, Dunn died drunk, Octomom dating, FX Powers casting, Harry Potter digital site.......

  • Wednesday, June 22nd, 2011

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]


    ....Homelessness on rise in Portland … Obama expected to pull troops by Afghanistan … Gingrich’s $1 mil line of credit at Tiffany’s … Fake doctor gave advice at OHSU … Spirit Airlines to charge $5 to printing boarding passes … More on the debt ceiling … SCIENCE:  Other planets have one big moon, observations of comet, Icky pictures on cigarette packs, Japanese steak made from poo … Hospital makes patients use tambourine to call nurse … Michelle Obama in South Africa … Boston mayor made about Nike shirts … ENTERTAINMENT:  Cee Lo Green tweets about bad review, John Lasseter talks about Pixar, Terry O’Quinn will be on Hawaii Five-0, Judy Greer engaged, Dawn doesn’t like Katy Perry......

  • Tuesday, June 21st, 2011

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]


    ....Man shoots himself in the groin … Canada to get plastic money, LulzSec steals entire 2011 census … Man accused of buying child … Sex trafficking law … Amish guy lures child to have sex in his buggy … SCIENCE:  Ocean life facing mass extinction, nasty pictures on cigarette packs, hybrid Popemobile … Alcoholic goes on hand sanitizer binge … Man breaks into house after being guided by unknown force … Cheap airfares … Woman hides fur coat in underwear … ENTERTAINMENT:  Actor marries 16-year-old, Peter Fonda marries someone age-appropriate, Bay claims Spielberg made him fire Megan Fox, Hangover II tattoo case resolved, Bam vs. Ebert.....

  • Monday, June 20th, 2011

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]


    ....Thousands ride bikes naked … Supreme Court sides with Wal-Mart … Iowa town sets giant oatmeal record … Esplanade reopens … Indian tribal employees fired for being white … Shoplifting suspect shoots himself in Kmart … Obama impersonator pulled offstage at GOP meeting … SCIENCE:  Birds’ bodies rotate, scientists see eye-rods, Earth is bulging, Senator calls robots wasteful … Obama and Boehner go golfing … Student suspended for wearing dress … More domain names coming … U.N. endorses gay rights … ENTERTAINMENT:  Noel Gallagher marries,  Marilyn Monroe dress sold, Tone Loc arrested, Humphries and Lilly cast in Hobbit, R.I.P. Clarence Clemons....

  • Friday, June 17th, 2011

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]


    .....Kids burn themselves … Sherwood mom pleads not guilty to killing daughter … Nurse caught huffing in parking lot … Power outage caused by falling deer … Helsinki named “most livable city” … New York still working on same-sex marriage … LulzSec and Anonymous go out each other … Bees swarm MAX stop … Anthony Weiner may be back … SCIENCE:  Giant catfish caught, girl gets expandable funny bone replacement, iPhone case smells like jelly beans, human nose cells help grow mouse brains … Details of Vancouver riot photo released … Tualatin school renames mascot after bear … Larry Flynt offers Weiner a job … ENTERTAINMENT:  Rita Wilson to edit HuffPo over-40 site, Broderick back to Broadway, Spelling sells house, Aniston living with boyfriend … Yearbook accidentally prints naughty picture … Parents fined $500 for kids’ lemonade stand......

  • Thursday, June 16th, 2011

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]


    .....Police raid marijuana lounge … Anthony Weiner resigns … Man pees in Mt. Tabor reservoir … Riots in Vancouver after Stanley Cup loss … Man gets rid of finger wart with shotgun … New al-Queda leader … Bof A sends overdue tax notices by mistake … Guy robbed by fellow who leaves behind wig and makeup … SCIENCE:  Radiated whales, spying devices in Hong Kong cars, medical implants may be hackable … Nancy Grace yaps about the Casey Anthony case … Guy says he has drunk sex in car at 85 mph while in the back seat … Gingrich’s buys stuff from himself through his own charity … Guy in baggy pants arrested at airport … Girls use stolen pregnancy test at Rite Aid … Joss Stone menaced, Dakota Fanning smells nice, Timberlake likes pot, Crowe cast at Jor-El, Neeson possibly back in The Dark Knight Rises.....

  • Wednesday, June 15th, 2011

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]


    ....Hefner not getting married....Officer Bird saves baby bird … N.Y. governor introduces gay-marriage bill … Dalai Lama calls Australian PM a man … Gloria Allred jumps into the Weiner business … Stabbed burglar caught … Pandora goes public at $20 a share … SCIENCE:  Ancient man has bad teeth, bike laser, Apple vs. Nokia … Unhappy barber stabs boss with scissors … Morrison Bridge grates to be fixed … Lance Armstrong fights with accuser … ENTERTAINMENT:  Aniston steals boyfriend, Spider-man Turn Off the Dark still (still) sucks.....

  • Tuesday, June 14th, 2011

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]


    ....Forest Grove teen comes to slumber party with shotgun … Ron Paul wants to count our gold … Tea Partiers liked debate … Beer fest oversells tickets … Maries Callender’s shuts down, kicks out customers mid-pie … 19-year-old running for mayor … Herman Cain only against Muslims who are “trying to kill us” … Another lesbian blogger turns out to be a man … SCIENCE:  FDA has new rules about sunscreen, a new artificial heart doesn’t beat, store installs “ass cam” in dressing rooms … White House wants Weiner to resign, but doesn’t actually ask … ENTERTAINMENT:  Tracy Morgan tries to make nice after anti-gay statements, Fran Drescher’s ex-husband is gay, Tori Spelling crashes into a wall, Spider-man: Turn Off the Dark still sucks … The worst story you’ll hear all week....

  • Monday, June 13th, 2011

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]


    ....Bend man steals underwear … Pro-Palin vandals post fake tweets … God smites Harold Camping … Albany chemical fire … Woman dies while talking on phone and crossing street … Dessert burns people … Rose Festival fleet leaves … Plaxico Burress is now against gun violence … Bus company seating passengers in luggage compartment … Face transplant recipient ready to eat pizza … SCIENCE:  Japanese workers overradiated, Chileans warned to stay away from volcano, cloned cow give human-ish milk,Filipino guy is world’s shortest man … French told to take care of hamster … Man fakes brain injury to get diaper changed … Washington court says legal marijuana users can be fired … Ford to make small cars again … ENTERTAINMENT: Book of Mormon wins big at Tonys, Spider-Man producer dies, Lilly Allem pregnant and married, Nic Cage controls men’s minds......

  • Friday, June 10th, 2011

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]


    ....Cat has bubonic plague … Zombies protest Wisconsin governor … Bean sprouts kill people in Germany …  New bottle bill in Oregon … Pearl District Starbucks to sell beer and wine … Jury deliberates in Blagojevich retrial … SCIENCE:  Edge of solar system is bubbly, hotter summers will be the norm, Russian ATMs are lie detectors … Historic Route 66 motel … ENTERTAINMENT:  Dinklage to be a dad, Mel Gibson done with community service, Robin Wright joins Netflix series.....

  • Thursday, June 9th, 2011

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]


    ....Portland’s skid row-on-boats … Weiner pressured to resign … Teen watched Ewok fondle himself … Portland on of the most photographed places …. NATO builds cyber defense force … SCIENCE:  Apple unveils spaceship building, stem cells to make heart repair itself, electric battery runs on goo … Tim Pawlenty speaks … Tennessee bans all disturbing images everywhere … Man declares his crappy zoo a church … ENTERTAINMENT:  Shania Twain promises to nuts, Jason Mraz has world’s most boring breakup, Chris Evans going bald, Kyle Chandler talks Super 8....

  • Wednesday, June 8th, 2011

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]


  • Tuesday, June 7th, 2011

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]


    ....Man finally kills himself after 10 tries … Biker clocked at 127 mph … “Extreme” contest participants found … More Anthony Weiner news … Man beats himself up to fake mugging … Burnside Bridge to close for parade … SCIENCE:  Baby pygmy hippo, smallest engine, rocket to measure sea saltiness …. Woman gets hand stuck in ATM … Karate grandmaster accused to teaching groping to students … Gay teens do risky things … ENTERTAINMENT:  Lady Gaga, Lauryn Hill, Extreme Couponing, and Dakota Fanning.....

  • Monday, June 6th, 2011

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]


    ....Gresham man pretends to be cop … Man uses fire to kill weeds, torched neighbor’s house … Santorum running for President … Shooting victims identified … Poll finds Americans are angry about everything … Antiques Roadshow finds original Rockwell in Eugene … Giant rodents eating children … Obama visits Chrysler plant … SCIENCE: Astronauts grow cucumbers, bees still dying, new cancer treatments, touch-screen steering wheels … Right-wing Christians freaked out by Disney “Gay Day” … Edwards turns down plea bargain … Shaq to retire … ENTERTAINMENT:  Reality show mom arrested for meth, accident at MythBusters shoot, Rihanna’s music video too violent, MTV movie awards.....

  • Friday, June 3rd, 2011

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]


  • Thursday, June 2nd, 2011

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]


    ....Bar fight ends in car crash and gunfire … Mayor proposes sex change benefits for city workers … More talk about the national debt … Palin’s bus vandalized … Wheels of cheese stolen in Bend … Mitt Romney running for President … Horse rescued from creek … Weiner says he didn’t post photo … SCIENCE:  Test starts fire at NASA, nematodes found deep in the earth, scientists grow brain in dish … Tips for protecting yourself from bears … Dogs rescued after being stuck on roof  … “Delightful Deviant” sentenced for sexing teenager … ENTERTAINMENT:  Octo-Mom doctor loses license, Lenny Kravitz’ daughter is in a movie and dating, Sheen and wife reach custody agreement, Blake Lively boobs blah blah blah, Gary Sinise donates school supplies to Haiti......


  • Wednesday, June 1st, 2011

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]


    ....Water level rises on Esplanade … Bear wanders around Tualatin … New Seasons founder running for mayor … Housing market is “in the dumps” … High school prank goes awry … Clinton would like to serve justice on Mubarek … Guy commits suicide by driving off parking garage … Congressman Weiner shows his on Twitter … SCIENCE:  Apple announces iCloud, DARPA offers contest, LulzSec revives Tupac, Google to challenge Groupon … Florida may not give drug addicts welfare … Balloon Boy’s dad selling balloon … Palin has pizza with Trump.....


  • Tuesday, May 31st, 2011

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]


    ....BASE jumper injured … Woman found dead in beauty salon … Missing woman found face down in ant nest … Bear visits Vancouver neighborhood … PBS shows will have ads … Strange man offers children candy … Egyptian general issues “virginity checks” … SCIENCE:  Sports drinks could cause small testes, 1 in 10 toys in China unsafe, tunnel found under temple in Mexico, men have “hotness delusion syndrome,” virtual frog dissection … Brazilian man’s dentures stop bullet … Man injured in summer snowmobile crash … Mayor talks about Memorial Coiliseum renovation … ENTERTAINMENT: Lady Gaga loses money, Andy Dick sued over genital-rubbing....

  • Monday, May 30th, 2011

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]


    ....Portland man attacked by intruder with screwdriver ... ‘Hands Across Hawthorne’ protests hate crimes ... Obama leads memorial Day services ... Palin not invited to veterans’ motorcycle run ... Three girls trapped on carnival ride ... Twitter ordered by court to reveal a user’s name ... TriMet route changes ... Drunk man shoots at grounded airplane ... SCIENCE:  Space shuttle program ending, whale sharks swarming Mexican coastline, plastic playground equipment too safe, Blackbeard’s anchor salvaged .... Germany to close nuclear plants ... Mann survives in swamp on plants and urine ... “Mullet Bandit” robs another bank ... Girl has ants in her ears ... Illinois to allow bikers to run red lights ... ENTERTAINMENT:  Gil Scott-Heron dies, Timberlake’s sponsored car wins Indy 500, Jeff Conaway dead ... Man attacks woman with swim noodle.....

  • Friday, May 27th, 2011

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]


    ....Opening statements begin in faith-healing trial ... Rose Festival starts ... Man with shotgun surrenders ... Cheerleaders suspended for hazing ... Palin starts campaign tour ... Teacher arrested for relationship with student ... Boy drags home gator ... Naked woman sent to police station by spirits ... Graduation at Annapolis ... SCIENCE:  Dual-gender birds, hand sanitizers can make you fail tests, woman gives birth to abdominal pregnancy ... Pawlenty running for president ... Dog with two broken legs comes home after tornado ... Buffalo comes up with dumb city slogan ... ENTERTAINMENT:  Ryan Reynolds not dating, Sheen sells house, Billie Joe Armstrong produces son’s record, Armisen to give commencement speech....

  • Thursday, May 26th, 2011

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]


    .....Woman attacked by stranger at home ...Jared Loughner incompetent to stand trial ... Man takes daughter’s phone, gets shot with arrow .... Disney withdraws application for trademark “SEAL Team 6“ ... Arizona businesses not allowed to hire illegal immigrants  ... Portland cops seek prolific drunk driver ... Divorced man must share Wheel of Fortune winnings ... Man breaks leg after being attacked by goose ... SCIENCE:  Busy hurricane season on the way, new cockroach species discovered, device will let you answer phone on your hand ... Jet-ski thief fatally shot by teenager ... John Edwards may be prosecuted for affair cover-up ... Iowa bar ticketed for illegal mouse racing ... Sofia Coppola married, Christopher Meloni leaves Law & Order: SVU, Olmos to join Dexter, Silverchair breaking up.....


  • Wednesday, May 25th, 2011

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]


  • Tuesday, May 24th, 2011

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]


    ....Man with knife climbs in teen’s window ... Charlie Hales running for mayor ... Supreme Court orders massive cuts to California prison numbers ... Dog walker hit by car ... Flood warning on Columbia River ... Woman tries to sell daughter’s virginity ... New home sales up, new construction still weak ... No smoking in Philadelphia ... SCIENCE: Ford developing heart-monitor car seat, llama poop helped the Incas, robots make up their own language ... Annoying Construction Season begins in Portland ... Semi dumps cows on overpass ... Rapture preacher says it’s now Oct 21 ... ENTERTAINMENT: Hangover II tattoo suit solved, Danny Glover on Psych, Joss Whedon directed last scene of Thor ... Popeyes manager fondles underage employees....

  • Monday, May 23rd, 2011

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]


    ....Tornado kills 89 dead in Missouri ... Harold Camping baffled that world didn’t end ... Obama’s Irish, sort of ... Search on for missing fisherman ... Man fatally crushed in recycling center ... Joey Chestnut eats a lot of cheesesteaks ... SCIENCE: Pope calls space, iPhone 5 may have curved glass, Viagra might make you go deaf ... Haley Barbour won’t run for president, and talks about Newt ... Man breaks into Papa Murphy’s and dsrinks soda ... Utah may make acting sexy illegal ... ENTERTAINMENT: Tree of Life wins top Cannes prize, songwriter commits suicide, Sara Rue gets married and, more importantly, isn’t fat.....

  • Friday, May 20th, 2011

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]


    ....Bicyclist killed by semi ... Obama shares his Middle East plan ... Clam diggers bodies found ... Lance Armstrong accused of doping ... Longview couple arrested for starving children ... SCIENCE: Big brains were developed for smelling ... Woman gives kid marijuana-laced margarine ... Woman settles Disney groping suit ... Guy sells counterfeit electronics ... ENTERTAINMENT: Moss and Armisen divorce, Lady Gaga hits 10 million followers on Twitter....

  • Thursday, May 19th, 2011

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]


    ....Man spends life savings on Doomsday ads ... Teens found dead near Four Loko can (spoiler: they didn’t die from Four Loko) ...  Obama talks to Coast Guard grads ... Man shoots at skateboarders, hits one ... Woman told she’s too fat to fly ... Druggie parents leave kids in woods ... SCIENCE: Extinctions exaggerated, Endeavor hooks up to space station, tarantulas shoot silk from their feet ... IMF head keeps asking for bail ... Boys kicked off bus for farting ... ENTERTAINMENT:  Maxim Hot 100 list,  Jeff Conaway in coma, Leverage...seeks extras, Stephen Fry joins...Hobbit.....

  • Wednesday, May 18th, 2011

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]


    ....Portland levy passes, bond doesn’t ... Gingrich glittered ... Poor people don’t get much medical attention ... Martial arts teacher charged with abuse ... Strawberry harvest late ... IMF head says sex was consensual ... Starbucks sued for firing dwarf ... Iran delays trial of hikers ... Man tries to board train with pony ... SCIENCE: Hawking says there’s no heaven, coffee may help prostate, baby products full of toxins, Netflix means most online content is paid for ... Canaibis-license broker pleads guilty to tax evasion ... Yale bans fraternity for anti-women chants ... 500 illegals packed into tractor-trailers ... Woman tries to trade salad for drugs ... Man dies after dog bite ... ENTERTAINMENT: Zsa Zsa in hospital again, Gossip Girl actresses dating new people, Hellcats is canceled ... Mom runs over daughter in Wal-mart parking lot.....

  • Tuesday, May 17th, 2011

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]


  • Monday, May 16th, 2011

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]


    ....Man dies after 68 days in truck ... IMF chief on trial for sexual assault ... Jewelry store clerk tackles thief ... Naked man throws tennis balls at cars ... Woodburn shooting ... Obama delivers commencement speech ... Man robbed by bearded lady ... Trum not running for president ... Towns ban Lazy Cakes ... SCIENCE: Endeavor launches, horse herpes, squid in space, Mississippi to flood rural areas... Blackwater founder builds secret Arab army ... On-duty cop has sex with prostitute... Vatican offers "child abuse guidelines"... ENTERTAINMENT:  Jon Stewart on O'Reilly, Rick Springfield threatens to kill a cop, Blake Shelton married, Jesse James shouldn't be married. NBC releases new schedule.....

  • Friday, May 13th, 2011

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]


    ....Two men arrested in Lloyd Center shooting … Whale slams into boat … Salem bicycle jerk grabbed by truck … Cougar in Bend neighborhood … Navy SEALs names secret … Washington says to drive fast in the fast lane … Woman gets permission to masturbate at work … SCIENCE:  Sharks dying, Japanese plant leaking, headphone “listener fatigue” explained … Ron Paul running for President … Romney hates health care … Man shoots wall and neighbor’s TV … ENTERTAINMENT:  DiCaprio breaks up with girlfriend, Ferrell gets award, Perry stays sober.....

  • Thursday, May 12th, 2011

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]


    ....Chemical cloud attacks Milwaukie … Lumber mill explodes … Man survives pole through head … Beavers announcer gets drunk, eats napkin, apologizes … Angry man sets dumpster fires  … House Armed Services Committee votes for more war money, less equality … SCIENCE:  Astronauts to try Endeavor again, lung stem cells found, coffee fights cancer … Gator trapper bitten by gator … Woman crashes into tanning salon … Arrestee has pot pipe in his “rear end” … Obama talks budget … ENTERTAINMENT: Mary Tyler Moore has a tumor, Dan Ackroyd has vodka stolen, Olbermann has Ken Burns and Michael Moore, Lehrer has retirement, Will Smith has an enormous trailer.....

  • Wednesday, May 11th, 2011

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]


  • Tuesday, May 10th, 2011

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]


  • Monday, May 9th, 2011

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]


    ....Missing woman survived on trail mix … Pakistan says it didn’t hide bin Laden … Woman shot in head at target range … Portland writer wins Beard award … Kid in Osama’s neighborhood says something was odd … Apple world’s most valuable brand … Man shot while buying gun … Floods coming to Mississippi … Thief found in diner bathroom … SCIENCE: Intolerance to foods is usually bunk, plague case in New Mexico, stranded whales, bad flu season … Thieves butt-dial 911 while planning crime … Goats to clear Oregon levees … Woman blames weirdness on Lyme disease … Iowa dispatcher fired for being creepy … More autism than you thought … ENTERTAINMENT: Paul McCartney engaged, Julie Andrews sad, Pippa Middleton offered porn contract.....


  • Friday, May 6th, 2011

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]


  • Thursday, May 5th, 2011

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]


    ....Train on fire … Obama won’t release corpse photos … Snake in dishwasher … Man
    uses “too much salt” murder defense … GOP redefines rape … SCIENCE:  Wild asses
    becoming extinct, religious fervor tied to high blood pressure, giant ant fossil
    … Alan Shepard honored … Hikers saved in Gorge … Hero dogs in Pakistan … Obama
    visits NYC firehouse … ENTERTAINMENT:  David Spade donation, Jackie Cooper dies,
    Marie Osmond remarries first husband, Hobo with a Shotgun......


  • Wednesday, May 4th, 2011

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]


    ....Naked man walks into Vancouver grocery store … Bin Laden death details may be wrong … Two hikers stranded in Gorge … Bullying teens get probation … Former cop arrested for burglary … Stutters mad at Trump … TriMet driver faces sex charges … Prince Charles speaks … SCIENCE: Eating less salt doesn’t help your heart, tiny robots learn to share … Guys use snake to scam Wal-Mart … Job cuts fall … Spike in suspicious packages … ENTERTAINMENT: Jennifer Love Hewitt splits with boyfriend, Andy Dick arrested, Twilight: Eclispse gets nominations, Manilow and Hagar news.....

  • Tuesday, May 3rd, 2011

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]


    ....Dawn Taylor and Eric D. Snider take the wheel for a day, as Legion of News spins through a panoply of yesteryear's news stories....

  • Monday, May 2nd, 2011

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]


    ....Osama bin Laden is dead … Man and kid separated on MAX … Cops rifle,
    bullet-proof vest stolen from truck … Event honors dog blood donors … Donald
    Trump is a humorless jerk … SCIENCE: Car powered by lasers, massive whale washes
    up on beach, crude oil inked to heart defects, shuttle launch delayed again …
    Guy blames robbery injuries on bear … Timbers beat Salt Lake … Woman assaulted
    and held captive …  Americans eat a lot of sugar … Baby delivered at UI
    checkpoint … ENTERTAINMENT: Lorenzo Lamas married again, Mariska Hargitay’s
    “zen” daughter, Lohan plea deal, Charlie Sheen tours tornado damage, Kid Rock
    accepts NAACP award....


  • Friday, April 29th, 2011

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]


    ....Man injured in barn fire … Homeowner posts angry sign … Obama visits Alabama … California may ban teenage tanning … It’s raining frogs … TriMet may raise fares … Gas prices up … Lawyer sues strip club after spending $19K while drunk … Indian guy beheads girl who won’t date him … Trump talks about running for president … SCIENCE: Endeavor launch delayed, white iPhones are thicker, nanotube TV … Folks on terror watch list can buy guns … Marines trained on how to deal with gay soldiers … Facebook investors want to sell stock … Teen thieves break into van full of soldiers … ENTERTAINMENT NEWS: Royal wedding, January Jones pregnant, Emma Watson wasn’t bullied … Fake cop pulls over woman who’s dad is a real cop....

  • Thursday, April 28th, 2011

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]


  • Wednesday, April 27th, 2011

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]


    ....Elementary girls charged with cyberstalking … Obama releases birth records … Wolverines in Oregon … Driver slams into building … More tornadoes … Starbucks number three restaurant … $8 million of meth smuggled in tourists’ shoes … Man sentenced for motorcycle hit-and-run … “Pregnant” woman has cyst the size of basketball … SCIENCE: Rolling caterpillar robots, teenagers in Canada get squiffy because of Internet, colored poo could tell you what’s wrong with you … Jury acquits man of stealing hot dog … News Corp. trying to sell MySpace … Man wanted by FBI caught at Starbucks … ENTERTAINMENT: Olbermann coming back to TV, Ian Ziering’s a dad again, William Forsyth to join Boardwalk Empire....

  • Tuesday, April 26th, 2011

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]


    ....Naked woman rescued from Sandy River … Rep. Giffords will watch husband take off in Endeavor … Palace guard relieved of duties for Facebook slurs … Nurse wears bad disguise to steal drugs … Americans more dependent of federal aid than ever before … Facebook wants in on Groupon action … SCIENCE: Record month for tornadoes, UFO museum on hold, Higgs boson maybe discovered after all … Men steal DVDs at Target … Consumer confidence slightly better … Man stabs himself, attends AA meeting … Two bodies found in Seaside … ENTERTAINMENT: Law & Order to do Giffords storyline, Levi Johnston writes book, Kevin James has a weird-named kid … Police watch man cut off leg with saw....

  • Monday, April 25th, 2011

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]


    ....Fire kills six in Vancouver … Debt about to hit ceiling … Oregon may ban shark-fin soup … Oklahoma folks spot mountain lion in tree … Big Wheel derby in San Francisco … Sea lion cameras at Bonneville … Michael Bloomberg says GOP needs to get off Ohio man says he should be allowed to bark at police dogs … Church officials want Republican official to quit after racist emails … Man arrested in G-string with scrunchie on his privates … SCIENCE: Neanderthals buried with ceremony, world’s oldest champagne to be auctioned, happy places have high suicide rates … Termites eat millions of rupees … President Carter in Asia … Police called to investigate vibrator noise … Attorneys general miffed about Colt 45 Blast … ENTERTAINMENT: Pattinson finds “Where’s Robert?” app terrifying, Flavor Flav to shut down chicken restaurant....

  • Friday, April 22nd, 2011

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]


    ....Tualatin men throw teenager into river … TriMet gets shot … Unemployment dept.
    phones tied up … Couple charged with hundreds of sex crimes … Office workers
    using Internet … Eliot Spitzer thinks there’s no point in investigating gas
    prices … Android also tracks your location … Guys win Powerball … Texas governor
    urges citizens to pray for rain … SCIENCE: Pope to call space, gonorrhea
    becoming ‘superbug,’ studying arctic soot, lots of planets with life …
    Washington teen fakes pregnancy for school project … Australian sewage full of
    speed and ecstasy … “Birther bill” has nothing to with Obama, nothing at all …
    ENTERTAINMENT: Mel Gibson doesn’t care if he acts anymore, Leeza Gibbons
    marries, Amy Smart engaged, Jim Carrey to do The Office … Denny’s patron thrown
    utensil at cellphone guy … Vatican to show abuse files … Liquor in vending
    machines....


  • Thursday, April 21st, 2011

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]


    ....Missing Bend woman found in box in backyard … Obama says he understands everyone’s frustration … Woman survives tornado in bathtub … firefighters deliver baby … BP sues Halliburton … iPhone’s watching you … Scalpers selling marked-up Yosemite permits … SCIENCE: Virtual reality scents, pesticide exposure in womb equals low baby IQ … Tiger Mother lady is on Time’s 100 most influential people list … Sex-toy party ends in Aussie brawl … Fugitive squirrel’s hijinks come to an end … ENTERTAINMENT: Demi Lovato talks bipolar and anorexia stuff, TV on the Radio bassist dies, Ethan Hawke’s a dad again, almost.......

  • Wednesday, April 20th, 2011

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]


    ....Kindergartner accidentallt shoots classmates … BP oil-spill anniversary … Sammie the Salmon tweets … First Lady’s jet in peril …. Paint Recycling Day on Friday … Mississippi town thwarts Westboro Baptist … Woman stabbed in head with pen on subway … Michelle Bachmann = President? … SCIENCE: Scientists teleport light, new Alzheimer’s guidelines, 40 fish species could vanish … NY woman hides in closet with knife, duct tape … McDonalds hire day inspires fist fight … ENTERTAINMENT: Brian Grazer engaged, Boardwalk Empire actress gets restraining order, Helen Mirren swears......

  • Tuesday, April 19th, 2011

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]


    ....14-year-old boy shot at Lloyd Center … Man wrestles with bees at midnight … 16th anniversary of Oklahoma City bombing … Woman taken in by Facebook scammer … Mall cops think umbrella is rifle … Match.com to screen for sex offenders … Facebook, kids, safety, blah blah blah … McDonalds offers 50,000 jobs at one day promotion … Gay teens less likely to attempt suicide when not surrounded by conservatives … SCIENCE: 100 sets of skeletons found, ducks’ bills give clues to STDs, Branson to create lemur island … Vancouver man leaves hospital, runs into traffic … Gas prices almost $4 per gallon … Woman ignores cops, goes to McDonalds … Japan nuclear plants start pumping radioactive water … ENTERTAINMENT: Elton John signs for three years in Vegas, Sheen’s ex in rehab as he starts $100 million lawsuit, Rachel Evan Wood likes ladies, Nicolas Cage is back at work … Obama says rich people should pay taxes.....

  • Monday, April 18th, 2011

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]


    ....Driver chased by police while huffing nitrous … Storms in south … Man shot in head by brother-in-law … Man stabs himself to death during Bend open-mic night … Donald Trump has more money than you … Conservatives think the government should do more about porn … 6-year-old takes car, crashes … New rules for air traffic controllers include “no napping” … SCIENCE: Swearing can help relieve pain, inability to detect sarcasm a sign of senility,  aliens may communicate with neutrinos … Man dressed as mannequin to spy in ladies’ bathroom … Gas prices are higher! … Japan talks about plan to clean up nuclear mess … ENTERTAINMENT: Patrick Stewart wants to die, Nicolas Cage gets drunk and arrested, Playboy Mansion hot tub makes people sick, the end of the line for soap operas....

  • Friday, April 15th, 2011

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]


    ....Beaverton woman arrested for Bosnian war crimes … New stamp shows wrong Statue of Liberty … Obama addresses “birther” issue … Timbers win first MLS home game … “Pooping Mailman” strikes in SE Portland … Fukushima plant to compensate victims … Obama says the dream is still alive .. Riussian stabs friend over Mike Tyson … Anti-BP protestors gather in London … SCIENCE: Reusable Olympics’ buildings, U.S. meat full of staph bacteria, experts say Japanese nuclear workers should bank blood … Molalla man arrested for selling heroin to teens … Another sleeping air-traffic controller … 15-year-old gets prosthetic hand for prom … Man threatens and berates Wal-Mart greeter …   ENTERTAINMENT: Arthur Marx dies, Demi Lovato praises Zeta-Jones, Cox and Arquette talk to Stern, Whoopi talks to Piers Morgan … School official in trouble over calling young ladies “bad.”....


  • Thursday, April 14th, 2011

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]


    ....Timbers to play first MLS home game … Man ‘engulfed in flames’ at porn store … Police still looking for Long Island serial killer … FAA official resigns over sleeping controllers … Vancouver couple kept autistic kids in cage … Oregon Zoo rhino gets a special lady-friend … States seek to bar exposes of animal farm practices … More about the nation’s budget … Dumped cooking oil makes town smell like fries … Teacher reprimanded for Civil War lesson … SCIENCE: Asian unicorns get preserve, schizo brain cells grown in lab, smartphone app predicts traffic problems … McDonalds managers selling fake IDs … Barry Bonds convicted, a little bit … ENTERTAINMENT: Kobe Bryant fined, ABC cancels soaps, Zata-Jones is bipolar, Jeff Foxworthy to star min comedy....


  • Wednesday, April 13th, 2011

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]


    ....Molalla teen hit with discuss … Oregon legislators are lame … Budget cuts slice human services … Sternwheeler aground … Donald Trump leads GOP nominees … Blood plasma truck overturns … Congress removes wolf from engendered list … SCIENCE: Limb regrowth may be possible, Roswell files … Man hots himself in head over government shutdown … Two killed on radio tower … Teen kicked out of school over T-shirt …ENTERTAINMENT: Scarlett Johansson’s not pregnant, Stephen Tyler’s memoir, Emma Roberts’ boobs … Robber says car-door opener is bomb....


  • Tuesday, April 12th, 2011

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]


    ....Man stole money from laundry machines … NASA announces shuttle destinations …
    Airbus clips plane at JFK … Two dead in love triangle shooting … Concerns over
    debt-ceiling vote … Ninth set of bones found in serial-killer investigation …
    Germans don’t want to stuff Knut … Puppets stolen in Hawaii … SCIENCE:  Japan
    nuclear crisis at Chernobyl level, teens still using drugs, indoor farming,
    Google trivia game, poisoned Chinese milk … Cops find guns in car … Dairy fined
    for dumping waste … Man gives money away to spite ex … Florida town doesn’t want
    reality show … ENTERTAINMENT: Nic Cage’s stolen comic book found, Phil Spector
    may go back to court, Ashley Judd hates black people, Benicio Del Toro is
    fertile, Hugh Hefner is awesome....


  • Monday, April 11th, 2011

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]


  • Friday, April 8th, 2011

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]


    ....Teen goes to court for killing girlfriend … Students go to hospital after sharing pills … Oil prices up again … Government budget still hung up as Republicans fight Planned Parenthood and ETA funding … Portland water and sewer to get overhaul … Disney to build park in China … SCIENCE:  Penguins going bald, Boy Scouts’ robotics badge, women wouldn’t give anything to be thin … Market owner accused of food-stamp fraud … Some countries trying to control Internet … ENTERTAINMENT: Betty White calls Sheen and Lohan “ungrateful,” Danny McBride to be a dad, David Arquette’s still sober, Matt Lauer leaving Today … Woman accused for home circumcision out of jail … Lost boy says his name is Spider-Man … NATO says it’s hard to tell who to bomb … New book contains unpublished Dr. Seuss stories....

  • Thursday, April 7th, 2011

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]


  • Wednesday, April 6th, 2011

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]

    ....Man robs Salem while talking on phone … Man kicked off plane for being tall … Tweet for beer at Mariners games … Less white children being born … SCIENCE Archeologists dig up Mona Lisa, breast milk from cows, Branson builds flying sub … 9/11 terrorists to be tried at Guantanamo Bay … Man stuffs chicken down pants … Obama should be doing more about the budget … Elderly woman stuck on toilet for days … ENTERTAINMENT: Vince Neil charged with battery, Sham-Wow guy wanted assistant to be sex slave, Sean Hayes cast as Larry in Three Stooges movie, Dark Knight Rises to shoot in Pittsburgh, Charlie Sheen to trademark phrases … Dunkin’ Donuts makes royal wedding donuts....


  • Tuesday, April 5th, 2011

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]


    ....Woman drives car into bank building … FAA to inspect planes … Driver notices house fire … House votes to warn against feeding wildlife … Judge says pedophile’s victim seduced him … Japan starts dumping radioactive water … Theft of e-mail addresses … SCIENCE: Google science fair, ozone layer deteriorating faster, ancient Post-It note, vaccine for cat allergies … More stuff about government budgets … Moussa Koussa gets his money back … Policeman fired for using funds to buy Uggs … Woman attacks painting … ENTERTAINMENT:  Kirstie Alley falls down, Michael Buble’s home robbed, Charlie Sheen does slightly better in Chicago....

  • Monday, April 4th, 2011

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]


    ....Salem men kidnap teen girl … Obama launches re-election campaign … Japan to dump 11,000 tons of radioactive water … Orlando hosts giant pillow fight … Cracks found on Southwest Airlines planes … Man tries to sell Staten Island Ferry … Men fall out of bus on way home from brewery … Oil prices ip again … SCIENCE: Siberian tiger gets surgery, ‘Fukushima 50’ realizes they’ll probably die, fear of death inspires belief n God, sacred turtle captured and treated by vets … Memorial planned for K-9 killed on duty … Soccer stadium gets Michael Jackson statue … ENTERTAINMENT: ACM Awards, 5 Browns dad sentenced, Jackie Chan raises money … Baby giraffe born at Cincinnati Zoo....

  • Friday, April 1st, 2011

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]


    ....Missing Portland girl murdered in boyfriend’s bed … Storro pleads guilty … Per-mile tax for electric cars … April 1 redesigns for websites … FDA not big on ADHD-food dye labels … Bronx Zoo cobra found … Obama talk clean air … SCIENCE: Knut drowned, man plans recycled island, novel restless leg syndrome cure … Molalla hit-and-run victim dies … Cops find pot in inmate’s butt … Military people to get paychecks … ENTERTAINMENT:  Mad Men deal signed, Charlie Sheen & Snoop Dogg, Portlanders in line forX Factor auditions, Betty White prank show.... 

  • Thursday, March 31st, 2011

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]


    Man sets fire in Woodburn Wal-Mart … PETA wants San Francisco to rename the Tenderloin District … Raccoon meat removed from store … Killer whale back at Sea World … Audit finds Portland water Bureau using tax money for non-water things … Space heater causes fire … SCIENCE:  Monkey chews cud, hermaphrodite bulldog, America exports low self-esteem … Man invents device to censor your TV … Forger brings fake doctor’s note to court … Man dies after being stuck in chair for two years … ENTERTAINMENT:  David Boreanaz settles harassment suit, Bryan Cranston cast in Total Recall remake.

  • Wednesday, March 30th, 2011

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]


    Kitzhaber thanks FEMA … Man kills wife, stuffs her in barrel … New Seasons announces two locations … Federal budget deadline is looming … Bill in the works to sell marijuana in Oregon stores … Worker skips lottery, doesn’t win $16 million … Spirit Airlines hikes luggage costs … Bullet hole in airplane … Man caught hiding in doghouse … FDA official charged with insider trading … Laptop with BP oil spill info lost …. SCIENCE:  New plastic made from fruit, batteries charged by human movement, lap dogs in ancient France … Teen hospitalized after push-ups … Class-action Wal-Mart suit … Giant ray jumps on woman in boat … ENTERTAINMENT:  Bieber’s hair on tour, Charlie Sheen not actually selling out tickets, No Mad Men until 2012, auditions for Aflac duck, Justified renewed.


  • Tuesday, March 29th, 2011

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]


    ....Leaking barge to be dismantled … Supreme Court still ponderoing Wal-Mart lawsuit
    … Pedestrian dies on SE 82nd … Suspect arrested for MAX stabbing … McMinnville
    K-9 catches burglar … Obama talks Libya … Mubarek can’t travel … Nuclear crisis
    in Japan may get worse … Tortoise stolen from zoo … Body scanners are pretty
    safe … SCIENCE: Artificial leaf could power a house, pain of rejection actually
    hurts … GOP not thrilled with Obama speech … Tombstone found outside Wal-Mart …
    Hinckley may be getting better, shrinks say … Activists urge immediate end to
    Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell....


  • Monday, March 28th, 2011

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]


  • Friday, March 25th, 2011

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]


    ....State reps try to solve penis problem … Nato takes over Libya operations … Japan extends evacuation zones … Longview gas thieves … Mayor Adams in Germany … Local radio announcer dies in car accident … Gadhafi had plastic surgery … SCIENCE:  Dinosaur drawning is really just a stain, Radiation in Japan’s food, Sabre-toothed turtle dog … ENTERTAINMENT: Liz Taylor late to own funeral, Michael Shannon cast in Superman film, Futurama renewed, Helen Mirren gets footprints … One is six Americans is Hispanic....

  • Thursday, March 24th, 2011

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]


    ....Three killed in van-train collision … Man tries to run down cop on bike … FAA suspends air traffic controller … Oregon law could target cigarette butts … SCIENCE: Forty-five Australian species threatened, movie theaters don’t want to list calorie counts, Apple drops “anti-gay” app … Cell phone save man’s life … Box fans recalled … ENTERTAINMENT: Howard Stern sues Sirius for bonus, One Boardwalk Empire actress hired for Fringe and another is arrested....

  • Wednesday, March 23rd, 2011

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]


    ....Injured man found in street … Gadhafi “will not surrender,” which isn’t what Obama hoped for … Missing man okay, just drove off … Man stabbed at downtown MAX station … Wine kiosks at Walmart … SCIENCE: Car seats for older kids, Animal leaders better with age … Squirrel attacks neighbors … Rose Festival 2012 will start with rock n’ roll marathon … ENTERTAINMENT: Elizabeth Taylor dies at 79....

  • Tuesday, March 22nd, 2011

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]


    ....Female jogger grabbed and groped … World leaders at odds over Libya … Wu doesn’t answer question about car accident … Castro secretly quit … Taco Bell customer brandishes gun over burrito prices … SCIENCE:  Cats are top bird-killers, First successful face transplant, Japan reconnects reactors … Woman gives up 50 bags of heroin during cavity search … Oregon man takes 13-year-old “girlfriend” to Maui … Obama talks about Gadhafi … ENTERTAINMENT: Michael Lohan arrested, Forrest Whitaker owes taxes, Chris Brown destroys dressing room, Eddie Murphy to get award, Stephen King may write for The Walking Dead....

  • Monday, March 21st, 2011

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]


    Polar bear Knut dies … Four injured in Portland shooting … Man falls off roller coaster at carnival … Fifth anniversary of Twitter … Urine-drinking guy sent to jail … Portland protests Iraq war anniversary … Bombing in Libya … SCIENCE: Diet makes you angry, X-ray blocking underpants, lab-grown urethras, walking and talking dangerous for old folks … Emu eggs stolen … AT&T buys T-Mobile … Power plant inspections … ‘Cat Island’ survives quake … ENTERTAINMENT:  GLAAD awards, Batman actor dies, Wyclef Jean shot in hand, The Hobbit starts shooting … Patient arrested for using pot as bribe at clinic.


  • Friday, March 18th, 2011

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]


    ....With guests Aaron Mesh and Robert Wagner! Speeding violation leads to meth bust … Man robs tanning salon in Vancouver … Boy makes manly scented candles … Woman impaled on toilet paper holder … Panda bites zookeeper … Mudslide in California … Kid put in cage for poor behavior … SCIENCE:  Mercury’s secrets revealed, Robonaut2 is on Twitter, Moon will be really big … Bread sculpture made out of bread … Guy stomps on sandwich-stealing ibis … Japan’s leaking nuclear plant might be buried … Local gold-and-silver company turns out to be a fraud … Man twirls penis like helicopter … ENTERTAINMENT:  James Taylor breaks leg, Michael Madsen in contempt of court, Liam Neesen in another Taken movie, LaBute and Aronofsky news … Man has his testicles bitten off....

  • Thursday, March 17th, 2011

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]


  • Wednesday, March 16th, 2011

    D'oh. Not so much with the show and the happening today. Back Thursday.


  • Tuesday, March 15th, 2011

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]


    ....With special guest Fatboy Roberts – Tourist bus crashes in New York … PGE Park renamed … KUFO becomes KXL-A talk radio … Glen Beck beats Pat Robertson to blaming Japan’s earthquake on God … SCIENCE: Dolphin onto deck of boat, Japan evacuates their space shuttle center, Russia’s raising prices for rocket rides … 90-year-old man saves girl from rampaging horse … Man has shed full of skulls … ENTERTAINMENT:  Steven Soderbergh to retire, Gottfried fired as Aflac duck, Tyra Banks goes to business school....

  • Monday, March 14th, 2011

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]


    ....Earthquake in Japan, possible nuclear meltdown … Democrats keep labor alive in Wisconsin … India cracks down on fake pilots’ licenses … Al Qaida releases glossy ladies’ magazine … SCIENCE: Man and other primates age at same rate, Mercury visible this weekend … ENTERTAINMENT: Celebrities sell gewgaws for Japan relief, Richard Hatch going back to prison, Gallagher in hospital, Mel Gibson unsurprisingly charged with domestic violence … “Hipster traps” set in New York … Denny’s customer fires gun after slow service....

  • Friday, March 11th, 2011

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]


    ....Earthquake and tsunami in Japan … Wisconsin passes anti-union bill …. Teenager jumps off Golden Gate Bridge … Feds raid Charlie Sheen’s house … Protestors say no to Portland/FBI task force … Children’s-book author accused of molestation … SCIENCE: Kansas has the most big tornadoes, what e-mail domain says about you … Words from a man working at Japanese nuclear plant in Japan … Man uses sword to rob pharmacy … Obama says we might tap Strategic Petroleum Reserve … Vegetarian couple barred from adopting … ENTERTAINMENT:  Tony Danza divorces, Annette Fiunicello’s house burms down, Lindsay Lohan in court, Charlie Sheen’s lawsuit....

  • Thursday, March 10th, 2011

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]


    ....Bus driver fired over Confederate flag … Rep. Peter King sees no problem with supporting IRA … Jared Loughner in court … Obama hosts bullying conference … Wisconsin passes anti-union bill … Clark County makes guns legal in parks … Evergreen Aviation Museum eyes shuttle … Former porn star quits high school job … Illinois bans death penalty … Disney World gets rid of Grad Night … SCIENCE:  Two-headed turtle, Black Death and collecting guitars, typing with your brain, counting great white sharks … Skippy peanut butter recalled because of salmonella … New Zealand hookers see lots of business post-quake … Bank robber leaves urine behind … ENTERTAINMENT: Charlie Sheen looks for intern, Mel Gibson makes a plea deal, Guillermo del Toro announces yet another project, Julianne Moore to play Palin....

  • Wednesday, March 9th, 2011

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]


    ....Thousands of dead fish in California … Gadhafi says Libyans will fight back against no-fly enforcement … Police chase ends with car in flames … Man with service snake lobbies Washington state … U.S. championship cheese contest … NPR president steps down … Road rage guy shoots driver in legs … SCIENCE: New microwave, Chimps have spiny members, Discovery lands … Blagojevich asks judge to cancel retrial … Muslims speak out against house hearings … Bill Gates no longer richest man … Woman smuggles $170,000 in underwear … Stolen cell phone rings while cops in house … ENTERTAINMENT: Alice in Chains bassist dies, Mary Stuart Masterson pregnant, Scorsese and Pacino owe taxes, Robbie Robertson to write memoirs … Standardized test scores examined … Obama nominates ambassador to China … Robber chased away by old ladies....

  • Tuesday, March 8th, 2011

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]


    ...Man breaks into house, showers, and calls 911 … Subway beats out McDonald’s for biggest chain … Sad Kelso man shot by cops … Obama considers Libya a priority … Man steal dead woman’s ashes … Oregon lawmakers propose new DUII legislation … SCIENCE:  Elephants are smart, suit possible for US syphilis tests, soft robot skin from nanotubes … Middle school kid brings gun to school … Baby sloth born in captivity … Dentist steals credit card … International Women’s Day … ENTERTAINMENT:  Spider-Man musical may dump Taymor, Watson takes break for Harry Potter, Jeremy London was really kidnapped....

  • Monday, March 7th, 2011

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]


    ....Two cops shot in SE Portland … Democrats in Wisconsin and Indiana still hiding … Nasty smell in Seattle credited to a ship full of fish … Supreme Court scorns “birther” lawsuit … SCIENCE:  NASA scientist skeptical of NASA scientist’s alien claim, Discovery takes off, Thai girl sets record as world’s hairiest child, delusion is the key to a happy relationship … Rep. Wu apologizes for his behavior … Burgerville closes Vancouver location … Congressional hearings on radical Islamics may contribute to hostility … Traile park party ends in deadly fire … ENTERTAINMENT:  Phil Collins retires, Michael Bay admits Transformers 2 was cdrap, David Arquette has a car accident, FOX may drop Glenn Beck … One-legged man easy to arrest … Vancouver man crashes test-drive bike into tree....

  • Friday, March 4th, 2011

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]


    ....Woman arrested for bringing dog poo on a TriMet bus … Man with bullet wound found near burning mobile home … Measles kid went to church group … Unemployment drops … Huffington tells unpaid bloggers to go ahead and strike … NBC filming new show in Portland … SCIENCE:  Finnish men have lower sperm count, human-shaped phone has skin-like feel, NASA launches spacecraft that crashes into sea … Australia brews space beer … ENTERTAINMENT:  Courtney Love settles Twitter suit, Sondheim to get award, Sheen calls Philly radio station, Eric Clapton auctions guitars....

  • Thursday, March 3rd, 2011

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]


    ....Airbag thefts on rise in Portland … Gas prices could hit $4 … Newt Gingrich to consider presidential run … Clark County gets second measles case … Obama talks Libya … WikiLeaks soldier faces 22 new counts … Burglar found sleeping in house … SCIENCE: Hockey may cause football-style brain damage, Amelia Earhart clue found in poo, study says kids are having less sex … Longview students mistake big knife for gun … Mayor Adams reassigns city bureaus … Louisiana governor getting corporate money through wife’s charity … NFL players and union on deadline … ENTERTAINMENT:  Justin Bieber flips off paparazzi, Charlie Sheen’s still angry, Jesse James and Kat von D headed for reality show, plus Billy Bob Thornton/Cameron Crowe/Robocop news....

  • Wednesday, March 2nd, 2011

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]


    ....Slides threaten homes after rain … Man makes 18,000 prank 911 calls … “Bottle bomb” explodes in middle-school bathroom … Drunk driver crashes into sober-living home … Acid-attack chick makes plea deal … House and Senate approve bill to keep the government afloat … SCIENCE:  Feds declare eastern cougar extinct, panel finds unethical medical studies are still likely … Gresham detective arraigned for drunk driving … Inmate attacks guard with ballpoint pen … Fetuses to testify in court … Scott Walker defends his budget plan … Pizzeria owner plants live mice in competitors’ restaurants … Florida has more shady pain clinics than McDonalds and Burger Kings … ENTERTAINMENT:  Christina Aguilera arrested and released, Katie Holmes sues the Star, Melissa Gilbert and Bruce Boxleitner split, Liz Vassey on Castle, Charlie Sheen’s kids are taken away … SUV crashes into house after tongue piercing....

  • Tuesday, March 1st, 2011

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]


    ....Man arrested for peeping at Sherwood YMCA … Hammer-wielding fellow shot dead by cops … IHOP gives away pancakes today … Manslaughter trial begins for sweat-lodge guru … Teens arrested for Craigslist-related robbery … Seattle is “most miserable sports city” … SCIENCE: 40 million-year-old mites caught in sex act, Google accidentally deletes 150,000 Gmail accounts, Del Monte packages individual bananas in cellophane, landfills used as land for solar panels … Manufacturing in U.S. down, says Norbert Ore … Three men injured after accidental shooting at gun show … Passengers smoke pot during DUI checkpoint stop … ENTERTAINMENT:  Charlie Sheen’s publicist quits, Zach Galifianakis to host SNL, Bob Dylan’s ex-girlfriend is dead, Anna Hathaway paid $750k to wear jewelry....

  • Monday, February 28th, 2011

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]


    ....Winds cause power outages … Wu admits being hospitalized in 2008 … Obama encourages governors to “win the future” … Last WWI doughboy dies … Bernie Madoff says government is “a Ponzi scheme” … SCIENCE:  Astronauts take spacewalk, Iceland plans clean energy, wolves know where you’re looking, robot marathon … Doctors say kids shouldn’t tan … GOP budget cuts could kill 700,000 jobs … ENTERTAINMENT:  Paul Stanley fathers another child, Oscars ahoy, director Gary Winick dies, John Galliano fired by Christian Dior for anti-semitic rants....

  • Friday, February 25th, 2011

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]


    ....Vancouver teenager charged with murder … Columbia County wins excessive-force suit … Dye pack explodes on robber … Britain told they can extradite Julian Assange … Fox News boss told employee to lie to feds … Wisconsin assembly votes to take away union rights … Ferry full of Americans stranded in Libya … Aussie court give teen girl right to sex reassignment … SCIENCE:  Google asks Swiss to stop banning Street View, cellphones affect brain metabolism, three orangutans released in Malaysian experiment … Banned pig tattooist moves to China … Moammar Gadhafi wants everyone to dance … South Park jihadist sentenced to 25 years … Charlie Sheen is nutty....

  • Thursday, February 24th, 2011

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]


    ....Former Portland police cadet arrested in huge meth bust … Qaddafi blames uprising on drugs and Bin Laden … Libya unrest to have effect on oil prices … Trooper look for Wisconsin democrats … Russia decides beer is alcohol …. The king doesn’t pay for cigarettes! … City Council postpones talks about terror task force … SCIENCE: Young people may have priority for organs, testicle color is important, Kanye West can trigger seizures, iPhone app for wheelchair access … New-home sales down … UK deputy prime minister forgot he was charge … ENTERTAINMENT: Lindsay Lohan faces more jail time, Martin Sheen says Charlie’s problem is “like cancer,” George Clooney’s too cool for politics, Amazon Prime members get free movies, Randy Quaid can stay in Canada....

  • Wednesday, February 23rd, 2011

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]


    ....TriMet driver busted for speeding and reckless driving … Gadhafi says he won’t leave Libya … Snake owner billed for losing boa on train … Obama tells Justice Dept. to stop enforcing Defense of Marriage … David Wu says he’s gotten some medical help … SCIENCE:  Alarming number of dead dolphins found, humans smell really bad, world’s smallest computer created … Indiana D.A. advocated deadly force against protesters … Supreme Court sides with vaccine companies … ENTERTAINMENT:  New cut of Justin Bieber set to suck more money from fans’ pockets, Alyssa Milano’s pregnant, Aaron Sorkin wrote A Few Good Men on napkins, Lindsay Lohan back in court....

  • Tuesday, February 22nd, 2011

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]


    ....Hundreds protest Planned Parenthood cuts … Deadly earthquake in New Zealand … Latvian man shot for chewing popcorn to loudly … Koch brothers funding Wisconsin counter-protests, more protests in Midwest, senator shouldn’t sad “fiscal crisis” … Science:  “Visual” part of brain not just for things you see, dogs feel sorry for us, scientists make new skin on printers … Runaway bulldozer plows through homes … Gas prices up again … Seattle couple killed by pirates … Entertainment: Danny Boyle directs Frankenstein on stage, Jay-Z battles British chef, Palin tell-all leaked online, Jerry Springer opera protested … Wisconsin doctors write fake sick notes for protest....

  • Monday, February 21st, 2011

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]


    ....Snowboarder rescued on Mt. Hood … Protests in Wisconsin … Texas may allow concealed weapons on campuses … David Wu may be crazy … Rich people from Seattle nabbed by pirates … Science:  Discovery may launch Thursday, felt boots blamed for “rock snot,” bottom of the Gulf of Mexico still oily … Attempted kidnap in Scappoose … California dog found in Tacoma … Doctors remove knife from man’s head … Bouncy castle blows kid onto neighbor’s roof … Moammar Gadhafi staring up genocide … Angry mourners attack news crew at IHOP … Entertainment:  NASCAR kicks off today, David Archuleta dropped from label, Rufus Wainwright’s a dad....

  • Friday, February 18th, 2011

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]


    ....Obama visits Intel … Facebook adds “civil union” to relationship status … Chemical spill closes OHSU building … New (sort of) rules for farmer’s markets … GOP says they’ll pass the spending cuts no matter what … Beaverton teacher sought by Interpol … GM unveils in-car entertainment thingie … Protests in Wisconsin ….Hospital puts kidney in wrong patient … Science:  Humanoid robots in space, hibernating bears, and cups made out of skulls …Earthquakes in Arkansas … Teenage burglar kills goldfish witnesses … Entertainment:  Vince Neil begins jail sentence, Frankie Muniz says he didn’t pull a gun on himself or his girlfriend, Michael Vick won’t appear on Oprah, Banksy does stuff....

  • Thursday, February 17th, 2011

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]


    ....Today's broadcast features The Best of Legion of News, and remember: the stories aren't dated, they're classic. We'll return Friday at noon with a brand-new episode...


  • Wednesday, February 16th, 2011

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]


    Hillsboro man exposes himself to teen … Obama gives out Medals of freedom … Pit bull narcs out owner to cops … Amanda Knox’s parents indicted for libel … Chicago is shrinking …. 300 turkeys spill onto road … Science:  Human DNA shows up in gonorrhea bacteria, computer kicks butt on Jeopardy, Apple discovers disturbing practices, activists force postpone of whale hunt, Coke’s secret formula revealed … Entertainment: Bruno Mars gets probation, Letterman duped into thinking Lohan booked, Mickey Rooney takes out restraining order, Lance Armstrong retires again.

  • Tuesday, February 15th, 2011

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]


    ....Portland to discourage scented city workers … Hillary Clinton says “there’s no app” for freedom … DUI drivers to be marked with special plates … Two Georgia students fail to “respect the cave” … Earthquakes near Mount St. Helens … Science:  Obama and House clash over science budgets, there may be a new planet, Monarch butterflies doing better … Boeing unveils new plane … Berlosconi on trial for sex with underage prostitutes … Man threatens to cut off girlfriend’s head for Valentine’s Day … 1,700 sturgeon found hiding at Bonneville Dam … Entertainment:  El DeBarge in rehab, Gordon Ramsay says something about something, Jersey Shore jerk charged with a crime, Portlandia is renewed, Elizabeth Taylor in hospital, sucky Spider-Man musical makes money, Jennifer Aniston has a new movie....

  • Monday, February 14th, 2011

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]


    ....Domestic violence sweep ... Thai couples break kissing record ... Obama submits budget ... Grocery CEO busted in child sex sting ... Middle East protests ... Oregon bill would guarantee civility at funerals ... Science:  Oregon doesn't need European input on  wolves, Russia hits phase two in fake Mars trip ... Ron Paul is conservative ... 7-foot man arrested for Morrison Bridge stabbing, Charges filed against polite robber ... The Grammys were last night!....

  • Friday, February 11th, 2011

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]


    ....Pipeline explosion in Ohio … Mubarek steps down, says the military will be in charge … OSP detective leaves his gun in public bathroom … Clark County may ban glass pipes … Lighthouse-shooter shows up at police station drunk … “Dark horse” presidential candidate Herman Cain speaks … Grocery worker hands out icky yogurt sample … Portland ranks number one in mass transit … Science:  DNA tests could expose incest, hospitals won’t hire smokers, giraffes ride in a boat, Nokia teams with Microsoft … Woman jumps from burning apartment … Obama unveils new mortgage plan … Entertainment:  Lohan wants plea bargain, Bob Dylan to sing with Avett Brothers and Brits Mumford ay Grammys, Scarlett Johansson isn’t dating Sean Penn, new Dallas series … Robber surprises cop when his arm comes off....

  • Thursday, February 10th, 2011

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]


    ....Mubarek may (or may not) be stepping down … A boozy fight in a mobile home ends in a stabbing … Falling beer kegs kill a man … Congressman resigns after a shirtless Craigslist photo hits Gawker … Man hurt in hospital parking lot denied treatment until an ambulance comes … Taco Bell is giving away tacos … Science: Non-profit wants to buy satellite to provide free Internet, Verizon iPhones are here, diet soda linked to stroke … Men paint a dog pink for no apparent reason … A Georgia county wants to outlaw huffing … L.A. wants to make porn actors wear condoms....

  • Wednesday, February 9th, 2011

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]


    ....Giffords regaining speech, asks for toast … Powell’s announces layoffs … Detroit offers cheap foreclosed houses to cops … Russia cancels daylight savings … Tacoma is for lovers … Bikini-barista shop owner convicted of indecent exposure … Tea Party votes no on Patriot Act extension … Science:  Prince Charles huffs about climate-change skeptics, dropped tool may have damaged Discovery, Apple iPad 2 in production, bats make friends … Rich guy sues Burnside McDonald’s … Obama has lunch … Entertainment:  Lindsay Lohan charged with grand theft, Mad Men creator gets French award, Sanjaya in musical....

  • Tuesday, February 8th, 2011

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]


    ....14-year-old boy to be tried as adult for murder … Van crashes into Tualatin gas station … Gas prices rising again … Polite robber arrested … New York TV exec found guilty of beheading wife … Students team with zoo to educate about polar bears (“ a major animal”) … Comments by Egypt’s vice president “unhelpful” … Woman bites off another woman’s lip in bar fight … Crashes and DUIs for Super Bowl weekend …  Science:  Whales unbeach themselves, gas stations are toxic, and a child gets oxygen treatment after his nose is bitten off … Man killed by armed bird at cockfight … Something about the NFL … Amtrak train derails in New York … Entertainment:  Tony Hawk’s divorce, Michael Moore’s lawsuit, Michael Jackson’s doctor, Christie Brinkley’s lack of talent … Angry man arrested for attacking his own car....

  • Monday, February 7th, 2011

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]


    ....One dead, two injured in NE Portland crash … Egypt gives government workers a raise … Shooting at fraternity in Ohio … Portland needs clowns! … Trooper and cop crash … Packers win Super Bowl … Oregon may ban plastic bags … Green River Killer charged with new murder … Kid actor a hit as lil’ Darth Vader … Science:  Scientists may have vaccine for all flu types, stone age fertility object found, study finds men want babies and women want independence, shrinking brains mean we’re smarter …  Obama talks to Chamber of commerce … Craigslist ad for 216 found underpants … Entertainment:  Aguilera flubs national anthem, Shia LeBeouf arrested, Simon Cowell’s X Factor prize....

  • Friday, February 4th, 2011

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]


    ....Still yet more protests in Egypt … Dogs and cats up for adoption … Man exposes himself at Salem mall … Unemployment down on paper, but there are still more people out of work and less jobs … Bad weather in Super Bowl town … Science: Giffords’ husband would be happy to command Endeavour, UFO over Jerusalem, Yellowstone holds off on bison slaughter, People are fatter everywhere … Obama prays for Egypt … We finally finish reading the Donut Hole story … Entertainment: Maria Schneider dead, James Marsters married, Peter Jackson recovering, Colin Hanks breeding, and Kristen Stewart is Snow White … Kenneth Cole angers Twitter users … Guy in Breathalyzer costume sentenced for DUI....

  • Thursday, February 3rd, 2011

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]


    ....Health care repeal fails … Four guys, five stolen cars, and a meth lab … GOP asks Dems not to shut down government, please … Yet more violence in Cairo … Oregon Zoo hedgehop predicts spring, but not really …  Comcast to pay millions back in ill-gotten late fees … Science:  Spacecraft discovers new planets, Oysters disappearing, Murdoch launches iPad newspaper … Player’s leg snaps during basketball game … Entertainment:  Superman producer missing, Lindsay Lohan accused of shoplifting....

  • Wednesday, February 2nd, 2011

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]


    ....Violence in Egypt … Two sisters missing in Gorge … Man admits he was texting when he hit a guy with his car … Big cat is not a cheetah … Barn at dairy burns down … Republicans want to spend less money … Science:  Gas leak closes space center, Groundhog Day!, monogamous animals often have to settle … Two men dead in Vancouver … Father uses son to sell pot … Burglar gets trapped during robbery … Survey finds people steal wi-fi … Anti-abortion group stings Planned Parenthood  … Three women attempt to steal hair extensions … Entertainment: GLAAD annoyed at SNL, Ricky Gervais says no to Globes, Tyler Perry replaces Idris Elba....

  • Tuesday, February 1st, 2011

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]


    ....Over a million protesters in Egypt, airports closed … Man dies in Gresham shooting … Hiker and dogs saved near Troutdale … Portland police want your opinion on tasers … Bush daughter is pro-gay marriage … Federal judge rules Obama health plan unconstitutional … Science:  World’s largest bear identified, There’s more dust now than before, Space shuttle fixed …Cosmopolis pulp mill back in business ... Government creates new job program … Entertainment:  Charlie Sheen bought a big suitcase of cocaine, and has no teeth....

  • Monday, January 31st, 2011

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]


    ....Protestors target billionaire Koch brothers … Search for Kyron Horman continues … Protest in Egypt, Sudan … Mubarek swears in new cabinet … Little girl urges Mubarek to let people vote … Rancher killed by cow … Earthquakes at Mt. St. Helens … Mayor Bloomberg wants stricter gun control … Oregon City boy accidentally shot in head … New government dietary guidelines for idiots … Science:  Carbon tax on meat, Wikipedia is written by guys, and the Super Bowl could give you a heart attack … Barge leaking toxic chemicals … Entertainment:  Peter Jackson doing well after surgery, David Arquette ourtof rehab, Henry Cavill is Superman, and Aaron Sorkin gets go-ahead for new HBO show … Vending machine robberies on the rise....

  • Friday, January 28th, 2011

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]


    ....Tips leads SWAT team to Waldport home … Lompoc Brewing gets new silo … Hilary Clinton disapproves of violence in Egypt … Stolen food cart reopens … Science: Tiger gets new hip, 25th anniversary of Challenger explosion, Great Pyramid made have hidden rooms … Mexican gangs use catapult to hurl pot over border … New Jersey mayor crashes car and blames show … Clackamas school bus driver convicted for child porn … Craigslist sale turns into theft … Lane County settles with kid who was bullied into false confession … Entertainment:  Charlie Sheen released from hospital, Scarlett Johansson says she’s not dating Justin Long, Chips star gets probation for securities fraud, Javier Bardem to star as gunslinger in Dark Tower movie....

  • Thursday, January 27th, 2011

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]


    ....Huckleberry the dog is found … Air stagnation  alert ... Rabies found on coast … Everyone’s weather is crazy … OLCC announce record-breaking sales … Reptile Man sentenced for having 40 illegal snakes … Rand Paul talks about the Tea Party … White House to address gun control … McCain aide author of Obama novel … Trimet passengers pin crazed rider … Science:  More crows in Montreal, Kraft kiosk recommends foods based on profiling … Homeland Security changes up the terror system … Entertainment:  No adoption for Jennifer Aniston, McG may direct Wonder Woman pilot, Vince Neil pleads guilty to DUI....

  • Wednesday, January 26th, 2011

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]


    ...Jesse Ventura sues TSA over groping … Obama states the union … Washington bill would sell marijuana in liquor stores … Woman runs over friend with car … Microsoft isn’t calling you to fix your computer … Obama mentions local businessman I speech … Dr. Conrad Murray charged with Michael Jackson’s death … Science:  Malaysia releases mutant mosquitoes, robots learn to walk and evolve, Cuban frogs arrived floating on debris … Hacker posts on Zuckerberg’s Facebook page … Will.i.am hired by Intel … Entertainment:  Jimmy Buffett falls off stage, Macauley Culkin not dating porn actress, Anthrax joins with Slayer, Megadeth and Metallica to play concert....

  • Tuesday, January 25th, 2011

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]


    ....Fire at Tillamook Cheese Factory … Manhunt continues on Oregon coast … Oregon City tobacco store targeted by cops … Seattle cop’s opinion piece stirs controversy … Illinois to rule whether Rahm Emmanuel can run for mayor … Arsonist leaves fingertip at scene … Boehner looking forward to Obama speech … Facebook revolt shuts down Cairo … Nestle creating freakish superfoods to make you feel fuller … Science:  Whale rescued from ropes, Chopin may have had epilepsy, U.S. students suck at science … Lincoln City candlelight vigil … Mozilla and Google promise to add “do not track’ options … Entertainment:  Oscar nominations, Bret Michaels has a hole in his heart, and James Cameron is making more Avatars....

  • Monday, January 24th, 2011

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]


    One person killed, two injured in shooting … Over 300 people killed in explosion at Moscow airport … Lincoln City cop wounded … Joe Lieberman won’t seek re-election … Screaming man impaled on fence … Undercover cops sleeping with anarchists … Boy frighten wolves with Megadeth … Science:  The kilogram may have to be adjusted, sleep may reinforce memory, Apple hits  1 billion downloads … Teenager stabs fellow because her feet are stinky … Barack Obama intends “zero tolerance” for homelessness … Entertainment:  Flavor Flav opens chicken restaurant, Zsa Zsa out of hospital, Oprah meets her secret sister … Old woman fights off burglar … Man makes bombs to clear snow.

  • Friday, January 21st, 2011

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]


    ....People stabbed at Dream on Saloon ... Shirts in MLK bomber backpack local …. Sherwood barber has to go back to school … Obama visits GE plant … Hubert Blackman, 22-yesr-old supergenius, sues Las Vegas hooker for illegally servicing him … Portland commute 23rd worst in nation … WikiLeaks source mistreated in prison … Portland PD cleared in shooting of homeless man … Science:  90-year-old tortoise gets new lady friends, chess experts have different brains, birds show dominance by lining nestys with plastic … Sandy River re-routed … White House to eliminate “dumb” laws … British people bet on Prince William’s wedding … Entertainment:  Jesse James and Kat Von D engages, George Clooney recovers from malaria, Sacha Baron Cohen to make Saddam Hussein movie, Taco Bell are prudes....

  • Thursday, January 20th, 2011

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]


    ....Cat revived after fire … SUV slams into ambulance … Pigeon smuggles drugs into jail … Ford building plant in Missouri assembly plant … Obama encouraged by meetings with Hu … Rep. Giffords moved to rehab hospital … Store owner cited for goats … Science:  Metallic glass is stronger than steel, 2010 one of warmest on record … Jared Laughner indicted … Ricky Gervais thanks those who supported him, Florence Henderson writing memoir, Anna Hathaway to play Catwoman … Federal agency says it’ll deal with fisheries killing sea lions....
  • Wednesday, January 19th, 2011

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]


    ....Bomb found on MLK parade route … Hose begins health-care repeal process … McMenamins to open downtown hotel … Lions Club helps elephants to see … Woman sells breast milk on Craigslist … Obama taking meetings in China … Women arrested for selling Four Loko … Science:  People ate dogs 10,000 years ago, Betegeuse will explode and give us a second sun, and Sega makes Japanese toilet games … Oldest U.S. elephant dies … Inflatable sex toys are not flotation devices … Palin’s unfavorability at all-time high … Sargent Shriver dies … Entertainment: Orlando Bloom fathers a child, Melissa Etheridge heads to Broadway, Sting doesn’t want to eat dolphins, and Christina Hendricks looses a $850,000 bracelet....

  • Tuesday, January 18th, 2011

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]


    ....Thieves steal food cart … Canby car burglar tackled … Boston lacrosse team offers mascot lap-dances during halftime … Guy gets arrested for riding his mule drunk … Half of Americans have pre-existing conditions … Pirate kidnappings at record high … Brett Favre retires! No, really … Science: College students learn nothing, Four Loko recycled for fuel, men may be allergic to their own sperm … Flooding in Sandy … Fake valet steal pregnant woman’s car at hospital … Huge cocaine bust in Spain … Entertainment: Rehis Philbin retiring, Martha Stewart head-butted by her dog....

  • Monday, January 17th, 2011

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]


    ....Storms bring floods to Northwest … Burlingame Fred Meyer to close for a few months. And it sucks … Republicans attend Hispanic Leadership Conference … Portland cracks down on giant signs … Willamette River is filled with poop … Rep. Giffords is doing better after having her eye socket repaired … Science:  BlackBerry agrees to filter porn in Indonesia, NASA astronaut hurt in bicycle, Billion-dollar yacht designed to look like Monaco … Baby Doc Duvalier returns to Haiti … Elephant crushes trainer.…

  • Friday, January 14th, 2011

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]


    ....Milwaukie Jamba Juice is robbed … Suspects arraigned for stealing giant mascot head … Guns sell like hotcakes in Arizona … 600 pot plants nabbed in Vancouver raid …  Pope John Paul II makes a move towards sainthood … Science:  The Japanese say they’ll clone a woolly mammoth soon, supercomputer to play Jeopardy champs,  Japanese kids don’t like sex … Purse mistaken for bomb, and blown up … 78 rabbits removed from home … 93-year-old gangster sent to prison … Entertainment: A.J. McLean is back in rehab, Colin Firth gets star on Walk of Fame, video games still selling, Spider-man musical pushed back to March....

  • Thursday, January 13th, 2011

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]


    ....Broadway Bridee to close, and streetcar to shut down … Timbers pick in MLS draft … Obama says that we should avoid partisan bickering … Science: Penguins harmed by banding, ‘Poo-Gloo’ digests sewage, Lasers beat pirates .. Atlanta gets snow … Australia floods, and that means sharks! … Man found pantsless and sleeping, with meth, at cemetery … Entertainment: Paula Abdul still sounds stoned, and Peter Fonda finds a dead guy....

  • Wednesday, January 12th, 2011

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]


    ....It snowed like crazy! Oh, wait. It didn’t … Washington nudists battle gun range … Panera opens pay-what-you-can location … Old man licks child … Trimet driver was hysterical … Science:  FDA helps with execution drugs, crying women turn off women, state files lawsuit against Johnson & Johnson … Jared Loughner rambled crazily on game forums … Giffords getting better … Entertainment:  Edward Furlong arrested, Matt Damon is boring, a remake of Total Remake will suck....

  • Tuesday, January 11th, 2011

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]


    ....Gladstone Pizza Hut robbed at gunpoint … Seattle superhero gets his nose broken …Auburn bests Oregon in BCS game … Man pays for stolen car with meth … WikiLeaks founder heads to London … Mental evaluation ordered for acid-attack chick … Science:  Hubble telescope looks at green glob, Germans recall pigs, Romanian birds drank themselves to death, and Google creates language translator for Android … Arizona shootings may impact Palin’s presidential ambitions (or not) … Entertainment: Owen Wilson breeds, Peter Yates dies, The Wire actor releases a jazz album … Japanese guys get caught smuggling turtles....

  • Monday, January 10th, 2011

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]


    ....Gov. Kitzhaber begins third term today … Arizona shootings, and the flat-out crazy guy responsible … Weather here, and elsewhere, is getting snowy … Cal State L.A. accidentally disqualifies 500 students … Science: Mass animal deaths tracked by Google maps , Tampa airport moves runways because of magnetic shift, and music makes you happy … Man has 100 cats in a motor home … Entertainment: Denise Richards and Nikki Sixx not dating, Tim Burton’s kidney stones, the Kardashians’ lawsuit....

  • Friday, January 7th, 2011

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]


    ....Four Loko being sold again in Washington … Cops find 54 pounds of marijuana during traffic stop … we disappear from the airwaves briefly … Man sells teenage girl for $300 … Starbucks unveils a new logo … Oregon woman sentenced for having sex with dogs … Science:  Bacteria eat oil-spill methane, vulture arrested for spying, science journal to publish ESP paper … Americans split on health care repeal … Still unsure of why birds are falling from the sky … Entertainment: Jaime Pressly gets a DUI, Michael Jackson’s kids saw him unconscious....

  • Thursday, January 6th, 2011

    Rick Emerson's WakeFail results in a total lack of Legion of News for today; Rick Emerson regrets the error. And being born.


  • Wednesday, January 5th, 2011

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]


  • Tuesday, January 4th, 2011

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]


    ....Head of TriMet union nailed for DUI … Anti-Police protestors damage building … Birds still dropping from sky … Woman sues Disney over Donald Duck groping … Science:  Being disgusted is good, astronauts could be fired, organic material found on Mars, and a panda cow is born … Man saved from suicide by trash pile … Fire at Universal Studios … Massage therapists sue Brett Favre … Entertainment:  Kevin James is boring, Sebastian Bach, John Mellancamp, and Mila Kunis are all on the market....

  • Monday, January 3rd, 2011

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]


    ....Cops kill man with a knife … Navy investigates dumb, tasteless videos … Community-service work crew saves woman from knife-wielding transient … Democratic National Committee confident that Obama will be 2012 candidate … Man crushed by 6,000-pound granite slab … Science: Oil companies impatient with drilling permit process, 5,000 birds drop from the sky in Arkansas, Chinese to be most popular Internet language, and new diabetes tests for pregnant women … New red-light cameras in Beaverton … Entertainment:  Chuck Berry performs while sick, Valerie Bertinelli gets married, David Arquette in rehab, Swedish actor feared dead, and Hugh Grant grimaces … Idiot brings cocaine into jail with him....

  • Friday, December 31st, 2010

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]

    ....34,000 lbs. of ground beef recalled … Senate head wants to put kibosh on immigrant bill … Grand jury clears cop of shooting death … Oregon Aquarium rescues sea otter … Fake interview leads to Bieber boycott … Wired accused of protecting WikiLeaks founder … Science: We still have the same medical problems as 100 years ago, FDA warns against “sexual enhancement” drinks, tornado hits Arkansas … Minimum wage goes up in January … Porn producers offer to help out Octomom … Ryan Seacrest isn’t engaged....


  • Thursday, December 30th, 2010

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]


    ...Man shot in (believe it or not) Gresham … 100 birds seized in cockfighting bust … New York works to clean up after blizzard … Former president of Israel convicted of rape … FBI investigates Christine O’Donnell … Science: Cheetah cubs born, icky anti-smoking campaign blocked, botanists catalog all the species of plants … Food bank joins with marijuana dispensary for food drive … 30 Rock called the most “unethical” show on TV … Bulls escape in Pennsylvania … Insanely drun k woman manages to drive car … Rupert Everett slags on Jennifer Aniston, John Leguizamo to return to Broadway....

  • Wednesday, December 29th, 2010

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]


    ....Rock slide shuts down 99E … Man places Craigslist add, is robbed of iPhones .. Doge gets head stuck in wall … Virginia textbooks full of errors … WikiLeaks founder signs book deal … Sex game turns into real shooting … It’s raining in California … Science: Keep your phone warm … Man goes nuts with tomahawk … Kelsey Grammer is engaged, Reese Witherspoon is engaged, Brett Favre is fined, Spider-Man loses an actress … Woman fakes own kidnapping to test husband … Ski lift snaps; people scream....

  • Tuesday, December 28th, 2010

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]


    ....Man with machete shot in Portland … People still stranded in northeast storms … Middle school boys and girls to be separated … Five teenagers die in Florida hotel room … Hawaii’s governor to put slap-down on birthers … Science: Solar-powered charging stations, death by fried fish, Kindles sell like crazy, reindeer like ‘shrooms … Disney builds scary command center … Man charged with felony for reading wife’s e-mail … Elton John’s a dad, Natalie Portman’s pregnant, LeAnn Rimes is engaged … Man passes out in cab with portable meth lab....

  • Monday, December 27th, 2010

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]


    ....Giant storm strands thousands … Train full of birthday gifts for Kim Jong Un derails … Navy tests may harm whales … 12-car crash on I-5 … Man steals police car, gets shot, runs off without shoe … India’s space program is iffy, and the size your amygdale indicates how social you are … Amazon patents method for returning gifts before you get them … Octomom gets evicted … New Jersey woman wants to be the world’s fattest lady....

  • Friday, December 24rd, 2010

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]


    ....Man shoots self at traffic stop, dies … Republicans want iPads … Folks be shopping … Kenyucky to help bankroll creationist theme park … Possible Green River victim found … Science: Flower sharing bad for bees, giant rats detect tuberculosis … Police pepper spray shoppers rioting for Nikes … Scientists invent 3D food printer … Ryan Reynolds and Scarlett Johansson file for divorce, Stephen Baldwin sues Kevin Costner, Spider-Man performance doesn’t maim anyone....

  • Thursday, December 23rd, 2010

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]


    ....Obama heads to Hawaii .. Woman crashes car into Staples … People wait in line to buy $175 Nikes … task force and safety measures in place after Spider-Man accidents … Santa mugged in Forest Grove … Shots fired in dog-grooming shop … Couple sues over botched vasectomy … Oklahoma man posts video of himself speeding on YouTube … Science:  8-year-olds publish study of bees, and the Japanese make mice that tweet like birds … Father and son sentenced to death for bombing … Jim Morrison’s bandmates would prefer an apology … Robbers drink 50 Cent's wine … Chloe Sevigny is creepy … Skype goes down....


  • Wednesday, December 22nd, 2010

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]


    Obama repeals Don’t Ask Don’t Tell … Cops seize 500 pot plants … Albany man burns wife’s house down … New York mayor pushes for health care for 9/11 responders’ … Longview man arrested for getting his mail naked … Science: Dinosaur beaks and poop-powered Christmas lights … A quarter of Army applicants are too stupid to pass the test … Robber identified by his dropped phone … Diane Sawyer tells White House security adviser about a terror alert … Abbey Road becomes a heritage site, and Call of Duty: Black Ops makes a fortune.

  • Tuesday, December 21st, 2010

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]


    ....Portland police seize four pounds of heroin … Animal euthanasia drug used in human execution … Man kills himself, his bride and best man at wedding … The UN assembly building is stinky … School district settles lawsuit … Teenagers are too intense for email … Health care hates your freedom … Science:  Raccoon to
    Description coming soon...

  • Monday, December 20th, 2010

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]


    Description coming soon...

  • Friday, December 17th, 2010

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]


    ....Police shoot a man during a neighborly dispute … Christmas Ship catches fire … Madoff payout grows by $7 billion … Gun found in pre-schooler’s backpack … Town bans student-teacher Facebook friendships … Scientists worry about theft on bio-weapons,  a magnetic bra hits the market, and kids are drinking a lot of caffeine … 40-Year-Old Virgin actor sentenced to life in prison … Julia Stiles says she’s not bonking Michael C. Hall …. Kelly Osborne gets foot surgery....

  • Thursday, December 16th, 2010

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]


    ....East Portland has stinky water … Pedestrian is killed by a car … Student is hot by a falling backboard … Kidnapped prostitute stabs her kidnapper … Julian Assange is freed on bail … Oprah’s in Australia … Guy finds a box of skulls … Google gauges relative intelligence of websites … Scientists figure out how salvia gets you high, why female squirrels are so slutty, and the origins of Mexican wolf-dogs … Facebook ton use facial recognition … Aretha’s going home, Justin Bieber isn’t going to jail, and Mel Gibson has a talking beaver puppet....

  • Wednesday, December 15th, 2010

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]


  • Tuesday, December 14th, 2010

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]


  • Monday December 13th, 2010: We're in best-of mode today, and will return tomorrow with a brand-new show...see you then!

  • Friday, December 10th, 2010

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]


  • Thursday, December 9th, 2010

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]


    Dawn Taylor returns from her hospital sojourn for a thrill-packed episode of Legion of News, during which we talk about...well....who can remember? We were just glad to have her back.

  • Wednesday, December 8th, 2010

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]


    Note: Eric D. Snider once again fills in for Dawn Taylor–Eric can also be heard Fridays at 11am at Cascadia.FM, where he co-hosts Movie B.S. with Bayer and Snider, and his writings can be found at Film.com and Cinematical.

  • Tuesday, December 7th, 2010

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]


    Note: Dawn Taylor's husband, Patrick, has fallen ill, so as she deals with things on the doctor's office front, our good friend Eric D. Snider fills in at the news desk. Eric can also be heard Fridays at 11am at Cascadia.FM, where he co-hosts Movie B.S. with Bayer and Snider, and his writings can be found at Film.com and Cinematical.

  • Monday, December 6th, 2010

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]


    Among the stories on Today's Legion of News...

    ....Injured whale in Puget Sound … Ducks win Civil War … Ninth suspicious fire in Albany … Wikileaks shares “vital” government targets … Tourist in Egypt eaten by shark … NASA delays Discovery launch again …  Man in hospital after Droid explodes in his ear … Football legend Don Meredith dies … Steven Tyler calls woman with Lou Gehrig’s disease … Johnny Cash jumpsuit sells at auction … Winfrey picks Dickens for book club … Danny Bonaduce gets married....

  • Friday, December 3rd, 2010

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]


    Among the stories on Today's Legion of News...

    ....Man is killed in Toronto library with crossbow … First murder effort at Disney’s perfect, manufactured community … Obama visits Afghanistan … Store offers beer and cigarettes for $1 … Fairview, Oregon to get gigantic aircraft carrier for its very own … Scientists invent “super rubber,” discuss arsenic-loving bacteria, and think there are 300 sextillion stars … High school football player penalized for pointing at God after touchdown … Simply Red frontman says he had sex with over 1,000 groupies … Jeremy Irons to appear on Law and Order: SVU....

  • Thursday, December 2nd, 2010

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]


    Among the stories on Today's Legion of News...

    ....When is a kid a candy store? …. Alien life forms found! … Qatar beats U.S. to host World Cup … New MAX stop makes Gresham even classier … Mystery emu found … Science offers free trips to space, predicts a hard winter for Europe, and explains why teenage sharks are weak biters … Man found murdered in SE Portland … City council approve gun restrictions … John Boehner calls the extension of tax cuts for  wealthy “chicken crap” … Prayer vigil held for Aretha Franklin....

  • Wednesday, December 1st, 2010

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]


    Among the stories on Today's Legion of News...

    ....Police standoff ends peacefully …. Multnomah parole officer charged with leaving scene of accident … It’s World AIDS Day! … Smithsonian pulls “Ant-Covered Jesus” … Comcast is raising rates … Eating disorders among kids on the rise … Wikileaks founder wanted by Interpol … Scientists find alien life (maybe), NYC sends “organ preservation units” to 911 calls, and mice snot helps us understand the sense of smell … Dutch Bros. barista won’t face charges …. Spokane crosswalk sign give pedestrians the finger …. Disney employees strike, and Brian Blessed goes crazy when someone calls Flash Gordon “crap."....

  • Tuesday, November 30th, 2010

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]


    Among the stories on Today's Legion of News...

    ....Portland bomb suspect pleads guilty … 15-year-old holds classmates hostage … Obama meets with GOP … Snowball fight turns violent … Florida man killed in crash involving alligator … Man dies from fall at Soldier Stadium … Astronauts should eat more fish, government may disable cellphones in cars, the Chevy Volt rolls out, and Obama reviews medical experiments on humans … Couple’s roof is removed by mistake … Portland to see security changes after bomb threat … Stevie Wonder talks to Larry King, Johnny Depp says Disney hated Jack Sparrow, and Independent Spirit Awards are announced … American hikers are confused as to why they’re still detained in Iran....

  • Monday, November 29th, 2010

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]


    Among the stories on Today's Legion of News...

    ....Guy attempts to detonate fake bomb at Christmas-tree lighting ceremony … Someone sets fire to Islamic center … Oregon number-one in nation in prescription drug abuse among young people! … Best Buy president says that people are buying shiny, expensive gadgets … Decomposed body found on beach … 51 drivers cited in Woodburn on Black Friday … Wikileaks makes everyone angry, including Hillary … Oregon to stop issuing exotic-pet permits … Scientists says polar bears are wussies, reverse age in mice, say that cleaning products may kill you, and save sea turtles … Woman sentenced for sex with teenagers … James Bond gun sells for $431,000 … Leslie Nielsen dies, and Willie Nelson is still smoking pot....

  • Friday, November 26th, 2010

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]


    Among the stories on Today's Legion of News...

    ....Dutch Bros. barista shoots robber … Folks are out shoppin’ … Two Portland chicken coops catch fire … President Obama says we should count our blessings … Toys ‘R’ Us is selling stuff today … Man gets arrested after calling parents from lobby of police station … Obama not up-to-date on protecting endangered species … Teenage boys found drifting in South Pacific … Black-Eyed Peas to perform at half-time show; Three Broadway plays close early due to poor sales … German man threatens to repossess his ex’s breast implants … Basset hound saves little girl … Homeland Security to drop color codes....

  • Thursday, November 25th, 2010

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]


    Among the stories on Today's Legion of News...

    ....Woman shoots husband, gets 20 years … Jury convicts Tom DeLay, and his family hates him … Passengers offer brilliant opinions on TSA pat-downs … Butterball says to cook your bird safely … Scary movie music sounds like screaming, people shop because of ingrained psychology, and lakes are getting warmer … Girl arrested for burning Koran and posting pics to Facebook … President Obama plans to eat some food … Use phone apps to track holiday shopping deals … Driver gets DUI in electric Barbie car … Billy Joel has new hips, and Tiger Woods is still sorry....

  • Wednesday, November 24th, 2010

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]


    Among the stories on Today's Legion of News...

    ....Man shoots stepson and cop … North Korea is peeved because Obama doesn’t return their phone calls … Natalee Holloway is still missing; A man named “Taco Stein” tells us about it … It’s TSA Don’t Grope My Junk Day! … Tiltes heads are hot, and an Apple 1 motherboard sells big at auction … Man dies from hypothermia on waterfront … Oh, no! No smelt! … The pope says condoms are fine for hookers and transsexuals … Robber steals pizza dough instead of cash … Blizzards! … U.S. corporations are making lots of money, thank god … Charlie Sheen totally didn’t offer hush money to the porn actress, says his lawyer … Bruce Willis pimps a Russian bank, and Jennifer Grey wins Dancing with the Stars....

  • Tuesday, November 23rd, 2010

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]


    Among the stories on Today's Legion of News...

  • Monday, November 22nd, 2010

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]


    Among the stories on Today's Legion of News...

    ....OLCC bans alcohol-caffeine drinks … Anniversary of JFK assassination … Eugene teacher charged with assaulting women at U of O … Beekeeper shoots himself with bear booby-trap … People are still spending money for Christmas … Fire marshal says fry your turkeys safely … Girl’s hand is grafted to her leg … Conjoined twins can hear each other’s thoughts … Men are aroused by pumpkin pie … Pilots lock themselves put of cockpit … Rupert Murdoch launches iPad-only “newspaper” … Justin Bieber wins AMA awards … Dance troupe in camouflage freaks Lincoln Tunnel commuters....

  • Friday, November 19th, 2010

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]


    Among the stories on Today's Legion of News...

    ....North Korea has a nuclear reactor … Mt. Hood’s ski area opens … Harry Reid says the Democrats are still doing things … Police heard about Gert Boyle kidnapping before it happened, sort of … Fee proposed to help pay for Sellwood Bridge … $50,000 violin missing from Corvallis mobile home … Elephants: What’s up with that? … Roger Ailes apologizes for calling National Public Radio “the left wing of Nazism” … Scientists theorize invisibility cloak, find ancient noodles, and make the Philadelphia Eagles’ stadium green …  Thousands of fetuses found in Thai temple … Man in a van tries something at a bus stop … Batman comic sells for thousands … Wayne Newton to turn his house into a tourist attraction....

  • Thursday, November 18th, 2010

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]


    Among the stories on Today's Legion of News...

    ....The Barefoot Bandit pleads guilty … Palin says she’s probably running for President … Portland Tribune lists most dangerous intersections … Nudists support TSA regulations … Scientists say people really are psychic, stem cells work, and Nazis built flying saucers … Latin America baseball farms are like sporty prison camps … Rangel is wacky … Kings of Leon are still around … Couple find boa constrictor in their car....

  • Wednesday, November 17th, 2010

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]


    Among the stories on Today's Legion of News...

    ....Salem woman arrested in murder-for-hire plot … Four Loko to drop caffeine … New quarter features Mt. Hood … 1,500 gallons of sewage spills into Willamette … Florida governor wants to pardon Jim Morrison … Kid suspended for bringing gun-shaped lighter to school … $10 raffle could win you trip to space … TSA says religion is no excuse for escaping groping … Man shoots TV over Bristol Pain’s dancing … Ryan Reynolds: Sexiest Man Alive … Pink’s pregnant … Bill Nye the Science Guy reboots....

  • Tuesday, November 16th, 2010

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]


    Among the stories on Today's Legion of News...

    ....Students’ father sexes up her classmate on the Facebook … Mom stages fake funeral for not-dead daughter … George W. Talks about taking eyes off balls … Stolen meerkat found at Petco … Flying will be – wait for it – expensive during the holidays … Volt is the Car of the Year! … Spain does leg transplants! … New glowing squid is discovered! … Pee on your phone to find out of you have an STD … Middle schoolers OD on oxycontin … Oh, and the Beatles are on iTunes....

  • Monday, November 15th, 2010

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]


    Among the stories on Today's Legion of News...

    ....Hooligans steal a disabled man’s tricycle in Gresham … The Italian Prime Minister may resign over a “bunga bunga” sex scandal … Man says no to TSA groping … Teenagers get into liquor cabinet and gun safe … Dive teams look for Kyron off Sauvie Island … Texas man killed by pet deer … Awesome “crime spree” criminal Mark Siebenmorgen gets his day in court … Obama says he still supports tax cuts … Stranded dolphins may be deaf … Whales are getting unburned … Harry Potter is sad … Bono cares deeply about stuff....

  • Friday, November 12th, 2010

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]


    Among the stories on Today's Legion of News...

    ....Arsonist sets Elks Lodge on fire … Super-creepy man goes on freaky crime spree … John McCain’s wife advocates repealing Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell … College kids stock up on Four Loko … DNA evidence proves a Texas man was wrongly executed … G20 uses goldfish to test water … Mummified dogs found in Peru … Intestinal worms – good for what ails you … Facebook to launch e-mail program, maybe … E. Coli-filled cheese is recalled …  Missouri lottery winner tries to sell her grandchild for cash....

  • Thursday, November 11th, 2010

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]


    Among the stories on Today's Legion of News...

  • Wednesday, November 10th, 2010

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]


    Among the stories on Today's Legion of News...

  • Tuesday, November 9th, 2010

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]


    Among the stories on Today's Legion of News...

    ....Cop cars vandalized … Students petition to carry guns … Sex offenders hard to
    track when they take off their trackers … Kids who test too much are
    “hyper-texters” say people who make up new words … VP Biden says the U.S. and
    Israel are partners in bondage … Tailgating canceled at Duke … Sea lions are
    sick, the insecure turn to God, and birds are showing up with deformed beaks …
    Taylor Swift: Pop tart or marketing genius? … Gretchen Moll’s pregnant, and AMC
    renews Walking Dead … Cops catch car thief after he leaves his wallet and phone
    on stolen car....

  • Monday, November 8th, 2010

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]


    Among the stories on Today's Legion of News...

    ....President Obama visits India, and some folks don’t like it … Woman and her dog tangle with black bear … Climbers saved after misjudging length of their ropes … Monopoly celebrates 75th anniversary … Facebook post leads to arrest of underage drinkers … Missouri residents thwart Westboro Baptist Church … Fast food restaurants sell crap food to kids; Yale researcher seems surprised … Only children aren’t any more screwed up than other people … Frogs with extra legs found in New Mexixo … Dommsday Vault gets rice … Washington is chock-full of child prostitutes … Conan back on TV tonight … Rand Paul doesn’t know what “generality” means....


  • Friday, November 5th, 2010

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]


    Among the stories on Today's Legion of News...

    ....False alarm cause NASA lockdown … Nicaragua raids Costa Rica because of Google maps … Keith Olbermann donated to Democrats … Traffic changes in the Pearl … Chilean miner runs marathon … Space shuttle delayed again, etc. … Happy News: Service dog reunited with owner … Gay Spanish folks plan “queer kissing flashmob” to irritate the Pope … Twilight execs threaten action against fake Twilight exec … Megamind opens, but we have no idea what it’s about....

  • Thursday, November 4th, 2010

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]


    Among the stories on Today's Legion of News...

    ....Kitzhaber defeats Dudley … Three condors from Oregon Zoo released into the wild … Baby attacked by raccoons … Hu’s the most powerful man in the world? … Man shoots wife while cleaning pistol … Emu runs through traffic … Deer crashes into classroom … Neanderthals were promiscuous, according to their fingers … Space shuttle once again scheduled … Newspaper adds four states to Union … Republicans vow to bring down health care reform … Guy in stolen car hits donut truck … First transgender athlete to play in NCAA … David Cassidy charged with DUI … Fans are happy that Ricky Martin’s gay....[Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]

  • Wednesday, November 3rd, 2010

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]


    Among the stories on Today's Legion of News...

    ....Republicans take House, Dems keep the Senate … Oregon voters nix pot and casinos … Governor’s race still too close to call .. TriMet buses show wrong time … Space shuttle delayed again … Kids see stuff differently … Man stages fake fall in convenience store … San Francisco bans Happy Meals… Google app sends voters to wrong polls … Miley Cyrus’ mom slept with Bret Michaels … Leo DiCaprio to star in adaptation of Erik Larsen’s Devil in the White City … Film academy honors Godard … Cirque du Soleil/Michael Jackson crossover planned … Harry is not just Dracula!....

  • Tuesday, November 2nd, 2010

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]


    Among the stories on Today's Legion of News...

    ....It’s election day, and Obama hits the talk-show circuit … Vancouver mom steals terminally ill kid’s pain meds … Baseball, World Series, Giants, etc. … McMinnville hillbillies vieotapoe their kids a-fightin’ … Guy kidnaps girls from haunted house at deaf school … Bees are smart! … The military wants to make people dumb! … Europe oversleeps, thanks to the iPhone … “Governor Schwarzenegger” is still a funny thing to say … Cameras in Barbie dolls could be used for naughty purposes … Christine O’Donnell is not a powerful speaker … Charlie Sheen files for divorce, Slash doesn’t … Oprah gets ready to launch her OWN network....

  • Monday, November 1st, 2010

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]


    Among the stories on Today's Legion of News...

    Trail Blazers legend Maurice Lucas dies … Obama gives out Halloween candy … Streets in the Pearl District go back to being the normal level of annoying and impassable … Man shoots wife in shoulder, is surprised and angry when police respond … China hires 6 million census workers to count 1 billion people … JFK speechwriter and adviser Theodore Sorenson dies … Even Brett Favre can’t believe he’s still playing football … Chupacabras are just mangy coyotes … Scientists rewire mice so they can “smell” light … Owner of illegal daycare found passed out drunk in van with two kids … Alcohol is more damaging to society, study says, because more people drink … Ted Nugent is awesome, even when he’s on stage with Sarah Palin …  Director George Hickenlooper dies.


  • Friday, October 29th, 2010

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]

    Among the stories on Today's Legion of News...

    ....A college student disappears on her way to school … Halliburton used shoddy cement on the Deepwater Horizon well … Obama hits the campaign trail to support Democratic candidates … Man is hot by train … Kids report mom’s murder, but it turns out to be a wacky prank … Armed man robs a Washougal market … Suspicious packages investigated by feds … NASA plans one-way trips to Mars … Don’t worry about the deadly monkey virus! … Man dies from caffeine overdose/stupidity … School board guy resigns for being a homophobic dumbass … HBO renews Eastbound and Down … Randy Quaid seeks refugee status in Canada … Saw 3D hits theaters.... this weekend.


  • Thursday, October 28th, 2010

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]

    Among the stories on Today's Legion of News...

    ....Mom kills baby for interrupting her Farmville game … The World Series in underway … The missing headstone is found! … President Obama visits with John Stewart … Storms go crazy throughout the middle of the country … Pet frogs give kids salmonella … Robots get grippier … Japanese parents use creepy tech to watch their kids … Woman shoots fiancé while hunting … Comcast operators allow woman to bleed to death … Miley’s folks split … Writer sues Oprah … Mariska Hargitay speaks boringly about domestic violence … Justin Timberlake is a scoundrel, and Olivia Munn is hot … Obama sex-ed plans annoys everyone....


  • Wednesday, October 27th, 2010

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]

    Among the stories on Today's Legion of News...

    ....The state of Arizona uses non-FDA approved drug in execution … Mushroom picker Dodie Throssel found dead … Disgruntled air-waiter talks to Larry King … New snub-nosed monkey discovered, and it looks like Michael Jackson … Spray-on DNA mist used for theft prevention … Family dog found in stolen car … Headstone stolen from cemetery … James Cameron just won’t stop with the damn Avatar … Charlie Sheen, blah blah blah … Hobbit movies will be made in New Zealand after all … Dog eats 31 roofing nails....


  • Tuesday, October 26th, 2010

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]

    Among the stories on Today's Legion of News...

    ....Home circumcision of infant goes bad … Man arrested with 20 pounds of pot … Woman gets stomped at Rand Paul debate … College students overdose on Four Loko … Report finds most “green products” are lying … There are taste buds in your lungs … Some men can’t take no for an answer … Charlie Sheen is crazy … South Park creators apologize for stealing from CollegeHumor.com....


  • Monday, October 25th, 2010

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]

    Among the stories on Today's Legion of News...

    An Oregon woman shoots a guy in the face … Alligator eats 50 lb. dog … Saudi Arabia is a “tough neighborhood,” so we sell them some weapons … A body is found in an apartment, along with jars of mysterious fungus … A local man is convicted of murder, and his mugshot is awesome … New TSA scanners at JFK – and yes, they can see you naked! … A college grad gets to live in the Chicago Museum of Science and Industry for a month … A lot of women lose interest in sex, but most of the them don’t really care … A three-legged cat is named Cat of the Year …


  • Friday, October 22nd, 2010

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]

    Among the stories on Today's Legion of News...

    ....A Tigard man deals with a dead snake in his furnace and a cat stuck in the fireplace … Man sets fire to himself and walks into the hospital … A crazy guy sets fire to a shopping mall … Plane crash is credited to escaped crocodile … They’re washing the Vista Ridge tunnel … Obama chats with Seattle neighbors … We have no idea what’s in placebos … Celery recalled because of poop … High-school student smuggles a chicken … Lindsay Lohan, back in rehab … Glee girls in GQ (sexy!)....


  • Thursday, October 21st, 2010

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]

    Among the stories on Today's Legion of News...

    ...President Obama visits Portland … An old woman wanders off while picking mushrooms … Clinton lost the nuclear codes for several months … A woman kills her romantic rival by sabotaging a parachute … Brett Favre has nothing to say about his penis … California may make marijuana legal, or not … Smart kids grow up to be drunks … 1968’s Playmate of the Year shoots her boyfriend … ‘Penthouse’ founder dies … John  Lennon: Still Dead … Nicolas Cage speaks to the U.N. … Pro-America group protests Obama at Italian sausage shop...


  • Wednesday, October 20th, 2010

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]

    Among the stories on Today's Legion of News...

    ....Three teenagers hit by a car ... Obama's in UR town, tyin up UR traffic ... A pilot refuses to be x-rayed ... Unemployment in oregon stays the same ... Teachers are using Facebook inappropriately ... Jean-Claude Van Damme has a heart attack ... The Simpsons are/aren't Catholic ... Donny and Marie head for Broadway....

  • Tuesday, October 19th, 2010

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]

    Among the stories on Today's Legion of News...

    ...A federal judge will rule on delaying the “don’t ask, don’t tell” order … Visitors to Australia asked to declare their illegal porn … Man found dead at Tillamook Cheese Factory … NATO thinks they know where Osama bin Laden is hiding, maybe, sort of … Portland ranked third best city for trick-or-treating … The Mayan apocalypse calendar thing is all wrong, according to actual scientists … Bad acupuncture klills people … Astoria woman arrested in fake-surrogacy scam … College bans Four Loco...


  • Monday, October 18th, 2010

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]

    Among the stories on Today's Legion of News...

    ....Hiker killed by angry goat … Kyron’s parents raise funds in a pumpkin patch … Obama’s coming to town … Ladies get randy during ovulation … Blood test can detect concussion … POTUS to appear on Mythbusters … Tiny woman plays roulette with uterus … Celine Dion in the hospital ….

  • Friday, October 15th, 2010


  • Thursday, October 14th, 2010

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]

    Among the stories on Today's Legion of News...

    ....Folks in La Pine are warned after a cougar kills two goats ... All teh Chilean miners are freed (including one guy with a wife and a mistress waiting) ... Sharks don't have such a great sense of smell after all ... The word "sexting" is stupid ... Scirntists teach a robot to punch people ... The rapper T.I talks a guy down from a ledge ... Gavin Rossdale slept with a dude ... A kid has his bike stolen by two gorillas and a chicken....


  • Wednesday, October 13th, 2010

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]

    Among the stories on Wednesday's Legion of News...

    ....Drunk guy drives on MAX tracks and stalls morning traffic ... The Chilean miners are finally coming out of their pit of despair ... A mosque is vandalized with bacon ... TriMet drivers still on the job ... Hip-hop band shuts down L.A. freeway ... A federal judge orders military to stop enforcing "don't ask, don't tell" ... Pigeons like to gamble! ... Robot census! ... Squeezable cellphones! ... Mexican invenstigator's head tiurns up in a suitcase ... David Arquette tells Howard Stern that he had sex with a waitress ... Andy Richter to return as Conan's sidekick....


  • Tuesday, October 12th, 2010

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]

    Among the stories on Tuesday's Legion of News...

    ...Vancouver's city council opposes new liquor initiatives ... Obama tries to whip up enthusiasm among young Democrats ... Portland installs a special traffic signal for bikes ... Larry King talks to Harmid Karzai ... Beaverton residents get uppity about lingerie modeling businesses ... A new mongoose-ish animal is found in Madagascar ... Malaysia uses lab mosquitoes to fight dengie fever ... Students drink more when they study abroad ... Christina Aguilera splits with her husband ... 'Transformers' car crashes into police car ... Child watches as his pet turtle is eaten by crocodile....

  • Monday, October 11th, 2010

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]

    Among the stories on Monday's Legion of News...

    A cardboard sign points to dead body ... Gas prices rise again ... 12 students are drugged at a Washington party ... One Congressional candidate accuses another of mob connections ... Whales go after krill, get hit by ships ... Watching TV and playing video games is, still, again, bad for children ... Food affects brain chemistry like drugs ... Killer whale gives birth ... More talk about Brett Favre's penis ... Justin Bieber sells nail polish ... No 3-D for next 'Harry Potter' ...  'The Social Network still number-one ...George Michael is free to drink and drive...

  • Friday, October 8th, 2010


  • Thursday, October 7th, 2010


  • Wednesday, October 6th, 2010


  • Tuesday, October 5th, 2010

    [Made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]

    Among the stories on Tuesday's Legion of News...

    ....Man hit by five vehicles when he walks across I-5 … A station wagon smashes through the front of a store … A homeowner shoots and intruder in the leg … A restaurant employee sets his boss’s car on fire … Rutgers University holds a vigil for Tyler Clementi … Armed men duct tape a teenager and pour boiling butter on his mom … Physicists win Nobel for carbon “wonder material” … Scientists develop non-sticky chewing gum …Ozzy covers John Lennon … Betty White likes sex … Albanians mourn British comic … Hindus protest Pakistani reality-show contestants....

  • Monday, October 4th, 2010

    [Sponsored by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]

    Among the stories on Monday's Legion of News...

    ....Searchers scour Sauvie Island for Kyron Horman clues … Public meeting tonight on new Sellwood Bridge … Kangaroo gets tail damaged in zoo-train accident … Travel alert issued for Europe … A man is stabbed after a five-person fight at Lloyd Center MAX station … The “father of invitro fertization” get Nobel Prize … Verizon admits overcharging 15 million customers … Scientists explain “toasted skin syndrome” … New survey on sex finds that people like doin’ it … Craigslist ad offers free child … ‘Die Hard’ director gets one year in prison for lying during Pellicano investigation … Jenny McCarthy is really, really stupid....

  • Friday, October 1st, 2010

    [Legion of News is made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]

    Among the stories on Tuesday's Legion of News...

    ....The Hawthorne Bridge will be closed briefly for repair … Obama gives speech
    criticizing Republicans for “strategic inaction” … A man’s body is found in a
    burnt mobile home … Oregon hunter gets a arrow in the head … Man is angry after
    bikini-wearing cops give him crap about his beverage … The ‘Where’s Waldo’
    robber left behind a book with his name in the front …


  • Thursday, September 30th, 2010

    [Legion of News is made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]

    Among the stories on Thursday's Legion of News...

    ....Portland woman gives birth to identical triplets … Ex-cop cleared of molestation charge after 20 years … World War I is finally over! … Actor Tony Curtis, dead at 85 … UFOs may have disarmed nuclear weapons. Or not. … There’s another planet that’s “just right” for human life … Meg Whitman says that claims she hired an illegal nanny are damned, dirty lies … Student jumps off bridge after roommate videotapes him having sex … Boxes of Chad Ochocinco’s cereal offer the number of a sex hotline … Fisher-Price recalls 10 million tricycles that could cause “genital bleeding.”....


  • Wednesday, September 29th, 2010

    [Legion of News is made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]

    Among the stories on Wednesday's Legion of News...

    … Bullies are throwing peanuts at kids with food allergies … The
    acid-in-the-face woman pleads no-contest to theft for talking donations … Online
    sleazeball nabbed after arranging to meet FBI agents he thought were kids … LL
    Cool J hasn’t released a record in a while … A sculpture of Kevin Bacon made
    from bacon is on eBay … Jeffrey Jones gets probation after not updating his
    sex-offender status … ‘Hells Kitchen’ contestant kills himself … Lawyer files
    suit when boss insists he go to clothing-optional mens' retreat...


  • Tuesday, September 28th, 2010

    [Legion of News is made possible by our friends at Squires Electric, the full service electrical contractor for all your residential and commercial needs. Contact them at  503.252.1609, or at www.squireselectric.com.]

    Among the stories on Tuesday's Legion of News...

    ....Driver on cell phone hits cop on I-205 … L.A. hits a record high of 113 … A tree-trimmer is decapitated when a rope around is neck is sucked into a wood chipper … A man’s arrested for taking pictures under women’s skirts at Wal-mart … Killer whales attack humpback off Oregon Coast … An armed man surrenders after a stand-off in Sherwood …  A body found in the Willamette is identified … David Simon, creator of The Wire, gets a MacArthur Fellowship grant … Jay Leno calls the Irish prime minister a “drunken moron”....



  • Monday, September 27th, 2010

    Among the stories on Monday's Legion of News...

    ....Clerk pistol-whips check-cashing employee … Trial starts for murder of guy who trained Eddie Vedder’s dog … Guy dressed as Elmo gets in fight at Guitar store … Transgendered high-school student is denied title of homecoming king … Fatal crash may have been caused by driver taking Ativan … Peruvian mayor is blackmailed by rivals who steal his dead father’s skull … A whole lot of shooting in Portland at 2 a.m. may have been gang related … UN to appoint astrophysicist “take me to your leader person” for contact with aliens … The Facebook movie is on the way....


  • Friday, September 24th, 2010

    Among the stories on Friday's Legion of News...

    School bus driver is arrested on child pornography charges … A Virginia woman is executed for murder … Woman fights off bear with a zucchini … Bank overdraft rules still changing, somehow … Woman attacked by man she met at 7-11 … Cities help make people stronger, immunity-wise … Scientists provide prisons with “pain ray” to keep inmates in line … Students denied rainbow-colored equality cupcakes Lindsay Lohan fails her drug test, goes back to jail again … Comic does Guinness-record-breaking stand-up gig for 40 hours … Stephen Colbert speaks to Congress … Ray Charles Memorial Library opens.


  • Thursday, September 23rd, 2010

    Among the stories on Thursday's Legion of News...

    ....Tri-Met driver fired over Kindle reading … A man covered with blood is arrested for robbery … Virginia to execute the first woman in almost a century … A woman flips off, then flashes, Sherwood cops before leading them on a “slow-speed chase” … 50 pilot whales stranded on New Zealand beach … Kids are learning to swear earlier … Grab a bottle and a bucket:  Obama gives a speech on Mideast peace to the U.N. … Fall is here! … 1,500 pills a month doesn’t mean Anna Nicole was an addict … Creepy Madonna fan arrested with spray-paint and ice pick … Sesame Street drops Katy Perry appearance … New ‘American Idol’ judges announced....

  • Wednesday, September 22nd, 2010

    Among the stories on Wednesday's Legion of News...

    ....‘Where’s Waldo’ robs a bank … ‘Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell’ still in effect … Canada wants Washington state to pay customs expenses … Folks are disillusioned by Obama … Craigslist, prostitution – in Ashland? What? … Utility works find million-year-old animal fossils … Scientists figure out how to see through stuff … Lantern is lit by methane from dog poop … A man asks for help transferring data to his new iPhone – including his kiddy porn collection … Texas college asks Lindsay Lohan to stop wearing their school’s shirt … the Hoff is kicked off ‘Dancing with the Stars’ …


  • Tuesday, September 21st, 2010

    Among the stories on Tuesday's Legion of News....

    ....Man is stabbed with steak knife at Hospitality Inn … Elderly mushroom picker goes missing … W. Oregon loses power thanks to suicidal squirrel … Doctors use laser to kill patient’s eyeball worm … Genetically altered salmon are on the way … Acid-attack woman charged with fraud … Randy Quaid and his wife are arrested for squatting in their old house … Ex-KOIN news director sentenced … Pub to open in funeral home....

  • Monday, September 20th, 2010

    Among the stories on Monday's Legion of News....

    ....12-year-old kids steal a van … Acid-Face Chick’s parents say they’re sorry she’s a big liar … Bill Maher says he’ll play Christine O’Donnell clips every day until she comes back on his show … Nuns feud! Rumble imminent! … A panda gives birth to her eighth cub … PETA recognizes firefighters for saving camel … Gulf oil well is dead, but the ocean’s still screwed … Vancouver city councilwoman becomes laughingstock on YouTube … Kelly McGillis marries her girlfriend … Russell Brand defends Katy Perry’s honor at airport.

  • Friday, September, 17th, 2010

    Among the stories on Friday's Legion of News....

    ....Woman confesses to throwing acid in the own face … Tri-Met driver nailed for reading Kindle on I-5 … It’s National Parking Day! … Crab meat projects recalled … Absent dads responsible for early puberty in girls … Hole to save Chilean miners gets bigger … Guy steals roofing tiles, crashes into electrical transformers … Republican “civil war” over-stated … Winfrey choose Franzen for book club … Bob Barker collapses at shooting range....


  • Thursday, September 16th, 2010

    Among the stories on Thursday's Legion of News....

    ....The Mill City fire was set on purpose … Don’t go in the Willamette! Even more than before! … A child is injured when he dangles from IKEA’s escalator … The ‘Made iin Oregon’ sign is ours now … Boeing offers space-taxi rides … There’s still oil in the ocean (thanks, BP!) … The Republicans don’t like the Democrats …  Hey, the poverty level’s up! … A car falls into Crater Lake....

  • Wednesday, September 15th, 2010

    Among the stories on Wednesday's Legion of News....

    ....A Clark County deputy’s child shoots himself … GOP candidates win a number of primaries … Firefighters save a camel … A truckload of squid causes traffic problems … A decapitated body is found after a pipe bomb explodes … Man wants to secede from neighborhood … Researchers have mapped the chocolate genome … Walruses are all over the place … Dawn and Rick get off track, and talk about balloon fetishes … A man hits his brother with a hammer … Hootie & the Blowfish get a memorial … Josh Brolin hasn’t cheated on his wife.


  • Tuesday, September 14th, 2010

    Nurse reunites with heart-attacked football player on the “Today” show … A team of criminals get nabbed for stealing information from doctors’ and lawyers’ offices … The EPA is investigating whether blowing up underground formations to reach natural gas deposits might be somewhat dangerous to population centers … Video games are good for you! … A boy is bitten by a snake hiding in the wall … Somebody’s  shot in SE Portland again … The most recent Trifecta of Dead Actors is revealed.

  • Monday, September 13th, 2010

    Among the stories on Monday's Legion of News....

    ....A body’s found in a creek “where transients are known to drink” … A loyal pitbull chases off home invaders and protects family … Lady Gaga wins a lot of Video Music Awards, makes Cher hold her meat purse … Barack Obama nixes solar panels on White House roof … Robots get even scarier, with skin that “feels” and programs that allow them to be sneaky … It’s National Chlamydia Day! (In Sweden.)....


  • Friday, September 10th, 2010

    Among the stories on Friday's Legion of News...

    ....A Vancouver man shoots a guy in the face … A nurse secretly videotapes people in a hospital bathroom … Crazy asshat talks about burning books; political analyst David Gergen calls him a “jerk” … Austrailian students invent a tractor beam … Stephen Hawking doesn’t think God is necessary … A convicted killer complains that his death sentence is overly harsh … Flaming drinks ignite a college apartment … 13-year-old sends her phone number to “Justin Bieber” on Facebook; Shockingly, it’s not really him....

  • Thursday, September 9th, 2010

    Among the stories on Thursday's Legion of News...

    ....Grafitti vandals target new Mormon church ... The White House calls the burning of the Quran "a monumentally terrible idea" ... Corvallis cops look for a man who groped a woman's buttocks ... taffic deaths are down, because no one can afford to go anywhere ... Adults are eating less vegeatables -- and when they do, they eat potatoes ... Google makes searching for porn even quicker ... A badger escapes from the zoo....

  • Wednesday, September 8th, 2010

    Among the stories on Wednesday's Legion of News...

    ...Asteroids are headed towards Earth! ... Your kids' booster seats may not be safe... BP takes some responsibilty for the oil spill, sort of .... Hillary Clinton says that burning the Quran isn't a good idea....

  • Tuesday, September 7th, 2010

    Among the stories on Tuesday's Legion of News...

    ....John Lennon's killer is denied parole yet again ... Someone steals the idea of flinging acid in a stranger's face ... NASA says not to give the trapped Chilean miners booze and cigarettes ... The zoo opens a new orangutan exhibit ... Magic mushrooms make having cancer more fun ... A guy ex[poses himself to kids at Barnes & Noble ... The MDA telethonm earns $59 million, and Jerry Lewis is old and creepy....

  • Monday, September 6th, 2010

    Among the stories on Monday's Legion of News...

    ....Trooper runs red light and crashes into cars … 16-year-old “very remorseful” after spray-painting racial slurs and threatening to burn down a family’s home … Portland gamer seeks to beat Missile Command record … Man falls off top of Butte Creek Falls, dies … SCIENCE NEWS: Self-healing plastics and dogs with bad hips … Seattle sign hacked to read “Eat My Shorts” … Old pilot crashed plane into house....

  • Friday, September 3rd, 2010

    Among the stories on Friday's Legion of News...

    ....Police release sketch of acid-throwing woman ... Cops say don't drink and drive ... Famous Tasmanian Devil succumbs to face cancer ... Paul "Crocodile Dundee" Hogan stuck in Australia for tax reasons ... Brooks & Dunn end their 20-year career....

  • Thursday, September 2nd, 2010

    Among the stories on Thursday's Legion of News...

    ....TriMet driver accused of texting while behind the wheel … A bear is killed after causing property damage … Guy steals ambulance with paramedic still in the back … The FDA may make it hard for you to buy cough medicine … Apple unveils Apple TV … A stranded whale is euthanized via explosives....

  • Wednesday, September 1st, 2010

    Among the stories on Wednesday's Legion of News...

    ....Joe Biden still exists, despite the fact that we keep forgetting about him....Female news soundbite may be most annoying sound ever....What the hell is "bio-mass"?....AMC continues its perfect batting average for original series....


  • Tuesday, August 31st, 2010

    Among the stories on Tuesday's Legion of News...

    ....Breaking Bad continues to clean up at Emmys...Reese Witherspoon has a detente with paparazzi....The home-buying market continues to suck wind....Economy passes something called "The Hindenberg Point"....

  • Monday, August 30th, 2010

    Among the stories on Monday's Legion of News...

    ....Teens advertise a broken iPad for sale, then mug the guy who answers the ad … A fake torpedo is found at a construction site … NASA says that a sun storm is due that’ll knock out “the entire [planet’s power grid” … They’re growing corneas in laboratories! … A local 13-year-old dies in a crash at Indianapolis Motor Speedway … St. Helens teens dress as KKK members … Why do we call them “little people," anyway?....


  • Friday, August 27th, 2010

    Among the stories on Friday's Legion of News...

    ....Owner of Mt. Hood Skibowl convicted of hit-and-run ... Glenn Beck's rally is "nonpartisan," he says ... Science News: Dry water and cave bears ... Can cops put a tracking device on your car without a warrant? ... Harry Connick, Jr. says New Orleans has bounced back ... Julio Iglesias gets married ... A plane full of people are accidentally told they're about to crash....


  • Thursday, August 26th, 2010

    Among the stories on Thursday's Legion of News...

    ....Two men are arrested in connection with a "hate crime attack" ... An SUV crashes into a semi at a rest stop ... The camera falls off a police chopper and smashes a car ... Thousands are cited for violating cell phone laws ... Surprise! Teenagers still smoke cigarettes!....


  • Wednesday, August 25th, 2010

    Among the stories on Wednesday's Legion of News...

    ....Upskirt photo suspect detained, beaten, beaten some more....Chilean miners in for worst Thanksgiving ever....Remains of foolish climber to be retrieved from Mt. Hood....Lindsay Lohan is a "changed person" says mouthpiece....


  • Tuesday, August 24th, 2010

    Among the stories on Tuesday's Legion of News...

    ...Corvallis police arrest naked OSU football player ... A greeter at Walmart turns 100 ... Hand sanitizer may help workers stay healthier ... Sea World is fined for OSHA violations ... A woman on bike a collides with a garbage truck...

  • Monday, August 23rd, 2010

    Among the stories on Monday's Legion of News...

    ...A bride is arrested for DUII on her wedding day … Texting is, for teens, “just like heroin … Yellowstone bears might eat you if you aren’t careful … Headless bodies are dangled from Mexico City bridge … A man commits suicide at a Swell Season concert …The Islamic Republic unveil the “Ambassador of Death” aircraft...


  • Friday, August 20th, 2010

    Among the stories on Friday's Legion of News...

    ....A Portland man is shot in the face … Seven local football players are taken to the hospital after a decidedly not homoerotic workout incident … The moon is shrinking … A Florida woman runs down a man she mistakenly believes is her rapist … President Obama isn’t a Muslim, dammit … Dozens of (possibly evil) whales are stranded on a New Zealand beach ... Jennifer Aniston uses the word "retard"....

  • Thursday, August 19th, 2010

    Among the stories on Thursday's Legion of News...

    ....You mess with the bull, you get the horns -- literally....Gordon Ramsey apparently has fifteen television programs....It seems that claims about Gulf oil suddenly "disappearing" might be, you know-- lies....Chimps even smarter/more dangerous than we thought....

  • Wednesday, August 18th, 2010

    Among the stories on Wednesday's Legion of News...


    ....Rod Blagojevich will be re-tried....Dr. Laura finds new ways to offend; be melodramatic....Ladies: Marilyn Manson now single....Courtney Love now has enough money to buy her own drugs....

  • Tuesday, August 17th, 2010

    Among the stories on Tuesday's Legion of News...

    ...."Mosque" shaping up to be most-used word during 2012 election....Guy jumps off cliff to avoid being seen by police; is seen by coroner instead....Michael Douglas battles throat cancer....Gulf seafood is either safe or lethal, depending on whom you ask....

  • Monday, August 16th, 2010

    Among the stories on Monday's Legion of News...

    ....Mosque controversy continues to annoy all the right people....Adorable bear gets adorable jat stuck on his adorable head....James Cameron spends his birthday on a fantastical journey beneath the waves....This just in: bacteria can smell....They're cloning steaks from dead cows. Tasty, tasty steaks....

  • Friday, August 13th, 2010

    Among the stories on Friday's Legion of News...

    ....More non-news continues to emanate from the Kyron Horman info-factory....Sylvester Stallone slowly morphing into Brando, but only vocally....Scott Pilgrim promises to be equal parts great and irritating....Dawn Taylor makes no secret of her thoughts on breast-feeding....

  • Thursday, August 12th, 2010

    Among the stories on Thursday's Legion of News....

    ....Court tells anti-gay-marriage folks to suck it -- again....Stabbing enthusiast arrested, jailed, will now become shivving enthusiast....Jessica Alba is incredibly dull....Sir Mix-a-Lot is 47; Kid Sensation is timeless....BP claims that it's paying a "hefty" fine, and "learning its lesson"....


  • Wednesday, August 11th, 2010

    Among the items on Wednesday's Legion of News....

    ....Hillary Clinton may or may not be preparing to invade Russia....Lindsey Lohan continues to be the least-interesting celebrity criminal ever....Ernest Borgnine may or may not be connected with Kyron Horman's disappearance....


  • Tuesday, August 10th, 2010

    Among the items on Tuesday's Legion of News....

    ....Sen. Ted Stevens perishes in a plane crash....Laurence Fishburne's daughter to become porn star....Jet Blue flight attendant goes awesomely off-the-reservation....Nature takes out the trash in Idaho....Glow-in-the-dark shrimp pose no threat, supposedly....


  • Monday, August 9th, 2010

    Among the items on Monday's Legion of News....

    ....Microphones will stop working, suddenly and unexpectedly -- and often right as you're beginning a broadcast....Dawn Taylor vamps while Rick traces down the technical glitch....News of the inane and puzzling continues unabated....Legion of News eventually triumphs over technological demons....


  • Friday, August 6th, 2010

    Among the items on Friday's Legion of News....

    ....The moral is: don't try to tow one lawnmower with another....The summer's ogligatory "kid's lemonade stand shut down by The Man" story arrives....BP says something or other about the oil spill....Obama mouths some sort of platitude about restoring jobs....Sandra Bullock gets restraining order against stalker....


  • Thursday, August 5th, 2010

    Among the items on Thursday's Legion of News....

    ....Five-year old (now found) went missing for quite some time....The Bike-Riding Butt Grabber strikes again....Thad Allen says "we're not done yet."....Bats threatened by strange fungus....Gresham man arrested for stealing luggage....

  • Wednesday, August 4th, 2010

    Among the items on Wednesday's Legion of News....

    ....Max riders taunt fellow passengers; fellow passengers turn out to be cops; hilarity ensues....NASA unveils the unimaginatively-named "space robot"....Bristol Palin once again single....Tea Party finds minority member to claim it's not a racist organization....

  • Tuesday, August 3rd, 2010

    Among the items on Tuesday's Legion of News....

    ....American workers continue to go nuts in the office....Man killed in gyrocopter crash....Breeding is changing dogs' brains....Billy Cosby is alive; and wishes that would be made clear....Woman stabs boyfriend's groin....

  • Monday, August 2nd, 2010

    Among the items on Monday's Legion of News....

    ....700 planets discovered -- what?....Iraq timetable stays the same; in other news, there's an Iraq timetable....Coast Guard reports excessive chemicals in the Gulf; no, not those chemicals, other ones....


  • Friday, July 30th, 2010

    Among the stories on Friday's Legion of News...

    ....Rick is cranky, but denies it....100 Portlanders protest Arizona law -- from the safety of home....Animal abuser will eventually get what's coming to them....Sara Gilbert = full-on gay....Dwarf porn star takes cop off his beat....


  • Thursday, July 29th, 2010

    Among the stories on Thursday's Legion of News...

    ....Barack Obama guests on The View....Rick & Dawn have a grammatical slap-fight....Bad things keep happening to the space station....How big is the space station, anyway?....Upskirt filmer caught; has bad hair/bad face day....

  • Wednesday, July 28th, 2010

    Among the stories on Wednesday's Legion of News...

    ....Creepy polygamist guy released to have more creepy polygamist sex....Portland streets will continue to be clogged and impassable for quite some time....First wheelchair-specific vehicle created and released....

  • Tuesday, July 27th, 2010

    Among the stories on Tuesday's Legion of News...

    ....Dawn's computer is possessed by gremlins....BP has a new chief....BP's former chief sent to Russia....An all-new Cupcake Wars premieres tonight....Seriously, what the hell is wrong with Dawn's computer?....Wikileaks continues to confirm what we all kind of knew....


  • Monday, July 26th, 2010

    Among the stories on Monday's Legion of News:

    ....Summer is truly here: first drowning-filled weekend arrives....Area rivers are either deceptively wide or deceptively narrow -- one of the two....France says it's a good idea to use correct airplane parts; also to install them properly....Wikileaks breaks the news that our wars might not be going as splendidly as the government claims....


  • Friday, July 23rd, 2010

    Among the stories on Friday's Legion of News:

    ....Porn-store robberies committed by threesome....Penguin group suicide?....Rick still unsure about what "Climate Change" means....Owls are coming for all of us....


  • Thursday, July 22, 2010

    Among the stories on Thursday's Legion of News:

    ....Two more women claim Al Gore wanted "something" "handled"....Hillary Clinton visits Myanmar, which is also, for some reason, Burma....Nancy Pelosi is unintelligible and drunk-sounding....Thousands more apply for unemployment....

  • Wednesday, July 21st, 2010

    Among the stories on Wednesday's Legion of News:

    ....NAACP story turns out to be far less interesting than originally thought....Sarah Palin keeps making up words....Lindsey Lohan won't get to keep her fake hair in jail....Maimings and arrests keep the Portland police department busy, amused....


  • Tuesday, July 20th, 2010

    Among the stories on Tuesday's Legion of News:

    ....Man sees squirrel; aims; fires; is killed by severed tree branch. Circle of life completes.....World's most generic soundclip is played during story about hybrid vehicles....Lindsey's Lohan's prison time begins....Bobcat vs. chicken coop, or: outskirts of Portland vs. 21st century....


  • Monday, July 19th, 2010

    Among the stories on Monday's Legion of News:

    ...What happens when four men attempt to fire a "homemade cannon-type device"?....BP oil cap is leaking "something"....GOP prepares for bitter -and likely entertaining- campaign....RuPaul continues to be fabulous....


  • Friday, July 16th, 2010

    Among the stories on Friday's Legion of News...

    ....Apple still insists you're holding it wrong, but gives you new accessory with which to do so....Oil leak is stopped, or slowed, or not affected at all, depending on who's talking....Woman impaled on fence; has long 90 minutes in which to ponder her mistakes....Ancient wooden ship found underneath WTC....

  • Thursday, July 15th, 2010

    Among the stories on Thursday's Legion of News...

    ....Al Gore's masseuse seems to have -wait for it- failed her polygraph....Kelly Osbourne dumps her douchebag fiance....When did "illegal" become "undocumented"?....VH1 airing a show devoted to curing OCD....Americans may be working until they're 90 years old....Heather has two uteruses....


    Wednesday, July 14th, 2010

    Among the stories on Wednesday's Legion of News...

    ....Joe Biden mumbles something about the economy; no one listens....Bristol Palin's child to be a bastard no longer....You need not be an Oregon resident to fill your marijuana prescription....Dawn tries to explain rudimentary physics/oil-drilling logistics to Rick....Multiple shows about flesh-eating organisms hit the airwaves tonight....


  • Tuesday, July 13th, 2010

    Among the stories on Tuesday's Legion of News...

    ....George Steinbrenner is giving heart attacks in heaven....The saga of Kyron Horman gets weirder....Al Gore, his tongue, and bit of alleged "shoving"....A great mugshot accompanies a truly off-putting story....Man loses hand to alligator, calls 911....


  • Monday, July 12th, 2010

    Among the stories on Monday's Legion of News...


    ....If you can escape from a squad car while drunk, you're either: a) not that drunk, or  b) in a squad car which isn't built all that well....Mel Gibson = LifeFail....Christopher Nolan will not feature The Joker in his the next Batman film....Where do marijuana dispensaries get their pot?....Roman Polanski goes free, again....

  • Friday, July 9th, 2010

    Among the stories on Friday's Legion of News...

    ....What does it mean to pass a polygraph with "flying colors"?....You never know exactly who might be plotting your death....What do LeBron James and the D.C. snipers have in common?....Why are the tops of old gas stations always covered with rocks?....

  • Thursday, July 8th, 2010

    Among the stories on Thursday's Legion of News...

    ...Extending unemployment benefits will either ruin or fix the economy, and will either create more or fewer jobs....Emmy nominations are released; True Blood pulls Jedi mind trick on selecting committee....Pimping ain't easy, or, as one man learns, legal....Oil and water don't mix, but they will be co-existing for quite some time...


  • Wednesday, July 7th, 2010

    Among the stories on Wednesday's Legion of News...

    ....If you were Lindsay Lohan, what's the worst thing you could have painted on one of your fingernails?....The Kyron Horman family continues to devolve into the world's most unpleasant reality show....Squid -and their tentacled bretheren- are coming for all of us....Are kids biting each other as part of the world's lamest high school trend?....

  • Tuesday, July 6th, 2010

    Among the stories on Tuesday's Legion of News...

    ....Which one of the Manson Girls is up for parole?....What happens when you're making your own fireworks in an unventilated garage during the summer months?....Where will Lindsay Lohan be spending the next three months?....What would you do if you were fishing, and reeled in a bag of bones?....What's the craziest thing they could possibly plug the BP oil spill with?

  • Monday, July 5th, 2010

    Among the stories on Monday's Legion of News...

    ...Who (allegedly) tries to hire a landscaper as a hitman?....Melissa Etheridge's now-ex Twitters about the breakup in haiku form...The first nailgun story of the summer arrives....Get ready for more traffic, as the Broadway Bridge prepares to close....Scientists take pictures of the Big Bang, again....


  • Friday, July 2nd, 2010

    Among the stories on today's Legion of News:

    ....Mel Gibson goes crazy(er)....Our Friday edition of Science on the March explains why one bad moment can ruin your whole day....The new star of Spider-Man is officially cast....The weather never, ever makes a good story....Legion of News
    will be live on Monday the 5th...

  • Thursday, July 1st, 2010

    Among the stories on today’s Legion of News:

    ....Just in time for summer, a woodchipper accident makes the news....A massive sea monster with 15-inch teeth is found in the desert....Dawn Taylor receives a horrible photo from the audience....The Portland Police shoot at someone who was, quite literally, asking for it....Futurama airs its second new episode tonight....


  • Wednesday, June 30th, 2010

    Among the stories on today’s Legion of News:

    ....Larry King's retirement announced; elipses fans saddened and shocked....Elizabeth Edwards still in the news for some reason....TV reporter sounds way too excited about a creepy story involving porn....Rube loses hands while creating M-80s with "stuff [he] found on the Internet"....


  • Tuesday, June 29th, 2010

    On Tuesday's Legion of News:

    ....The eventual development of a Skynet/Feline hybrid came one terrible step closer today....Exactly how do they clean sewage, anyway?....We're sure it's just a coincidence when a missing child's stepmother is singled out by many of the authorities' questions....That girl from Airheads gets busted for drunk driving....That guy from Motley Crue gets busted for drunk driving....


  • Monday, June 28th, 2010

    Among the stories on today’s Legion of News:

    ...What kind of strange, stilted language is the Gore-accusing masseuse using in her statement to police?...Does "Al Gore's Inescapable Embrace" sound like a new kind of men's cologne?...Robert Byrd was still alive, despite what we all thought; now, of course, he's dead...What happens when you taunt an animal that happens to be armed with razor-sharp horns?...
  • Friday, June 25th, 2010

    Among the stories on today’s Legion of News:

    ...The strange case of Al Gore vs. The Portland Masseuse continues...Lake Oswego couple continues to recover from an unexpected landslide; also, they continue to have names that inspire fits of giggles in Dawn Taylor...Twilight actor Rob Pattinson is apparently related to Vlad the Imapler...Man builds nuclear reactor in a spare shed...

  • Thursday, June 24th, 2010

    Among the stories on today’s Legion of News:

    …Al Gore referred to as a "sex poodle" by Portland masseuse -- yes, that Al Gore….LaToya Jackson has tearful reunion with Bubbles the Chimp….Futurama poised to return to television tonight….Fantastic idea for new hometown sports leagues proposed....New tasing statistics raise more questions than they answer...

  • Wednesday, June 23rd, 2010

    Among the stories on today's Legion of News:

    ...Assisted-suicide center opens in Sellwood, offers catering....Hell-raising 14-year old girl steals the family van, thwarts three different apprehension attempts, finally sets the van on fire, then punches her grandfather in the face....Top American military leader enters the White House for discussion with President Obama, but (no foolin') never comes back out again....Val Kilmer appears to be a jackass of enormous proportions....

  • Tuesday, June 22nd, 2010

    Today's Legion of News answers (or at least raises) the magical question: Which is more dangerous...fifteen coyotes or one Sasquatch? The autopsy report for Slipknot bassist Paul Gray leads to the query: Which is more lethal...real morphine or synthetic morphine? And a stabbing/shooting combo prompts the puzzle: Does crime make you stupid...or do stupid people gravitate toward crime?

  • Monday, June 21st, 2010

    Our inaugural episode begins as many of our later episodes undoubtedly will -- with a trainwreck of such enormous proportions that we have no choice but to just stop and begin everything from the top. Also: the introduction of You Are What You Tweet...truly one of the worst-named show segments ever. This hour of Legion of News features the first half of the "sawing off your own limb to save your life" discussion that was continued on The Rick Emerson Show. [Pay special attention to the voiceover work for Legion of News; that's our good friend Kaebel Hashitani.]

Back to top of page

A.Z.: The Complete Series + Retrospective

A.Z.

A.Z. - Episode 01
A.Z. - Episode 02
A.Z. - Episode 03
A.Z. - Episode 04
A.Z. - Episode 05
A.Z. - Episode 06
A.Z. - Episode 07

A.Z. - A Look Back (A retrospective, featuring recollections from A.Z. creators Aaron Duran and Jayesunn Krump.)


Video

The people of Cleveland demean themselves in an attempt to keep LeBron James from leaving. See their shame in this video, a terrible knock-off of "We Are the World."

Creepy/Hilarious/Creepy Al Gore Massage "Re-creation" Video.
Listener Party 11 "Emerson's Eleven" Intro Video
Listener Party 11 - The Lisa Video
Rick Emerson Show Listener Party IX Intro Video
Storm Large & Jairus Minsky perform "If I Close My Eyes Forever" at Listener Party IX

?Horns Across the Hawthorne
The Final Countdown - Official annoucement of the Rick Emerson Show v5.0



Rick, Salesguy Paul Halama, and Fairly Honest Don (of Fairly Honest Don's Machine Gun Parlor) get down with some serious destruction.

Fairly Honest Don demonstrates the subtle nuances of the M-60 for us - MPEG
I take my turn at the trigger - MPEG
Salesguy Paul Halama on the gun. That's a big swamp in the Tillamook Burn that we're shooting into, by the way ... and it's about three degress outside. - MPEG




Audio


Rick & Dawn guest-hosting The Bob Miller Show

Monday, March 28th, 2011
Tuesday, March 29th, 2011
Wednesday, March 30th, 2011


First Annual Rick Emerson Dungeons & Dragons Invitational


Pepper and ginger as a weapon
Jewish dwarf
?Loincloth and pantyhose
?Can I go invisible?
Sing us a song, you're the Dungeon Master...
Morning wood


Show clips

"What a Geek Believes" - MP3
Impromptu speech on Why I Love Portland - MP3


"Watch" themes

By overwhelming demand:

The Clown Watch theme
The Darwin Watch theme
The Taser Watch theme



Interviews

Kenny Johnson of The Shield and Sons of Anarchy
Dave Mustaine of Megadeth
Sci-Fi/Fantasy author Terry Brooks
Kevin Smith
Dr. Demento
Rick's interview with living legend Tony Bennett.
Rick Emerson'
s unedited, full-length interview with Peter Criss of KISS.
Brian O'Halloran & Jeff Anderson from Clerks & Clerks II - MP3 ?
Marky Ramone - MP3 ?
Don Rickles - MP3 ?
Steven Seagal - MP3
Ron Fugelseth and Patrick Radcliff, makers of the film "The Goonies Vacation"



Back to top of page

 


Facebook | Twitter | Blog | Contact

© 2010 Rick Emerson