• Dawn discovers a new grocery store and eats lamb; Rick spent the night cleaning out his hard drive. Also, we make guesses as to the murderer will be in Sunday’s finale of The Killing. Then Dawn changes her guess.
• Big Jim Willig discusses the ensmallening of his Ghostbusters shirt, and we talk about things that don’t make fat people look better.
• CLOWN WATCH:  Hungarian protestors dress as clowns and march on parliament.
• Dawn plays a Father’s Day song from a Warner Brothers cartoon, and we talk about the weirdness of Bugs Bunny and Foghorn Leghorn.
• HUMOR ME: COMEDY 101 – Ed O’Neill

• Dawn keeps secrets, Greg and Sarah interviewed Paul Mooney, Rick solved mysteries, and Dawn found more odd stuff in her new home. Also, Greg and Sarah locked themselves on the roof again, and Rick needs to shave.
• New York legislators hammer out gay-marriage details, a woman is arrested for damaging her boyfriend’s testicles, and experts find that college students like to drink and sleep.
• HICK WATCH: Trailer park man with gun and sword punches mom in face.
• Breaking news:  Metallica teams up with a mystery artist for a new project.
• CORPSE WATCH:  Man stashes grandma in a closet.
• Aaron Cronan, creator or Cognition: The Robot Uprise, talks about his new comic.
• A Japanese man films little girls’ spit, and a sheriff’s deputy shoots himself in the leg.

• We call LulzSec and listen to their message; Dawn eats pub cheese and does laundry, Rick reads Keith Richards’ book, and we talk a whole lot about The Killing.
• GEEK WATCH: New words in the Oxford English Dictionary.
• Woman uses Facebook to catch creepy husband, and a Utah station refuses to air The Playboy Club TV series.
• HICK WATCH:  “Druggy buddies,” a broken windshield wiper, and a baseball bat. Oh, and marijuana.
• Boehner will play golf, a woman steals a lot of meat, and someone takes grandma’s ashes to Goodwill.
• Dawn wats to wear wigs, Gene Simmons and Shannon Tweed seem pissy on Today, and Burger King Japan markets spam burgers to women.
• PENIS WATCH: Woman awarded largest sexual harassment payout ever after being hit in the head with a penis.
• TOP FIVE:  The top five Billboard hits from December 8, 1973.

• Top of the show:  Dawn eats salad, the name “Showpony” is a like a thing that isn’t like another thing, The Killing ruined Rick’s sleep, and Dawn discovers some oss things about her new rental.
• WEEK IN GEEK:  Aaron Duran tells us about an Emmanuelle film showing at the Hollywood, Superman won’t be such a nice guy in the new DC reboot, and the new superhero is a racist construct.
• Rick is menaced by squirrels, we revisit Jurassic Park and Michael Crichton.
• GEEK WATCH: Superman gets a new outfit, and a British county is unprepared for zombies.
• SNUFF WATCH:  Jeanne Bice, of QVC’s “Quacker Factory,” 71.
• The Killing recap:  OMG it’s the guy we were sure it couldn’t be because it was too obvious!

• Someone calls and hangs up, ruining the entire show.  Well, not really, but it does get us to talking about Skype.  Also: Vancouver’s anti-pit bull legislation, and dog DNA tests.
• Pasting your kid’s face on a naked woman’s body is creepy, but not child porn,  says an appeals court.
• TASER WATCH:  A cop uses a taser to get a cow to go back home. Then uses it again. And again.
• Big Jim Willig stops in, and agrees that Wal-mart is a fine place to shop, McDonald’s food tastes good, and the inevitable talk about electrical sex toys and self-pleasuring devices. Plus, memories of MTV programming.
• SNUFF WATCH:  Mietek Pemper, the guy who typed Schindler’s list, 91.
• HUMOR ME: COMEDY 101 – The brilliance of John Candy

• Top of the show:  Richard Dreyfuss reads the Apple terms of service agreement, Dawn moved (and is already annoying the guy downstairs), and dog behavior. Yes, we talk about our dogs. Also: Rick watched the godawful Twilight: Breaking Dawn trailer, and Newt Gingrich’s staff quits.
• Man cuts up ex’s clothes and pees on her computer, a woman goes nuts and buys clothes for random Mexican women.
• CLOWN WATCH:  Woman arrested for robbing a bank while dressed as a clown.
• Women warned about glass staircase in courthouse, and an IT guy rigs ladies’ computers so he can watch them shower.
• Rick shares his (partly nekkid, hippy-trippy) isolation/floatation tank experience.

• Listener Leo writes in about how we almost made him giggle at a funeral. Also:  “Amazing Grace” scares Cheryl’s cat, how to recall/unsend an email, complaints about MS Word, the upcoming Wii U, and Dawn’s still trying to move. Oh, and two people die in a freak bear collision.
• GEEK WATCH:  You can now get a PhD ion manga studies!
• A traveling evangelist is arrested for pepper-spraying a cop, Rep. Weiner may have providing PR help to a porn star, old folks get very lost on their way home from a family gathering, and the German chancellor’s honored, even though they won’t help us in Libya.
• Rick’s reading Keith Richards’ book while listening to Johnny Depd read Keith Richards’ book.
• TASER WATCH:  A suicidal woman drives around very slowly before being tasered and jailed.
• Rick reconsiders the KISS Kruise, and plays some Peter Carlin sound bites.

• Rep. Weiner admits that it was, indeed, his weiner, while journalists prove yet again that they have no shame.
• WEEK IN GEEK:  Aaron Duran tells us about “Halo 2,” DC Comics’ reboot of everything back to Issue 1, the Playstation game giveaway, and Steve Wozniak says that “the robots have already won.”
• RELIGIOUS NUTCASE WATCH:  Man swims to the Statue of Liberty because God told him to.
• Sarah Palin explains Paul Revere, and her followers change Wikipedia to support her version, the head of IMF swears he wasn’t rape-y with that hotel maid, a pant-sless off-duty cop chases a neighbor kid, and a woman grabs a guy’s butt.
• SNUFF WATCH:  Disneyland Golden Horseshoe Revue stars Wally Boag, 90, and Betty Taylor, 91, die within days of each other.
• Bouncy house horror!
• The Killing recap -- Linden’s dumbass kid goes missing.

• Dawn is happy to be Showpony, and we need to call a vacation from being outraged over mispronunciations. Also: We miss cover art, Philo’s still scared of everything, more Blake Lively chat, and Dawn had a cat-poop emergency in the middle of the night.
• Kielan King comes in to talk about his epic musical sci-fi project, The Star Pilot’s Lament.
• CORPSE WATCH:  Woman checks into motel, it smalls “hella bad.” Plus, more Blake Lively boob talk.
• Fox attacks five people, lured with bunny noises.
• MONKEY WATCH:  South African residents burn talking monkey with.
• Kielan talks about whether it matters where a musician is based, and why he likes it in super-white Portland.
• TOP FIVE:  Kielan rhapsodizes about his top five favorite star pilots.

• Taser Monkey! “Code Monkey!” And Blake Lively’s got boobs. Also: Rick wonders where periods go, again.
• Discuss: How long can you be gone from a store and still return to tell them they shortchanged you? Also: New dessert idea – “penis in a cloud.”
• Hotels to install panic button to protect maids from rape-y guests. And Rick is doing the sensory-deprivation thing this weekend. Plus, doing nothing on vacations and Rick is unimpressed by Loch Ness.
• New remix of Coulton’s “Code Monkey.”
• MONKEY WATCH: Monkey escapes Kansas City Zoo. Plus, Glenn Beck gets into the publishing game.
• PENIS WATCH: 1) A lady cuts one off, and 2) A congressman isn’t sure if a photo is of his.

• Rick’s narcissism keeps him from seeing things on Facebook that aren’t about him. Also: Zombie Economics offends a listener’s boss, and Stumptown Coffee may be sold.
• A urinating man falls down, has to be rescued. And Dawn has blue nails, Rick hates the term “sheeple,” and hundreds of people embrace his Twitter comments about restaurant websites that use PDFs of menus.
• Dawn talks about Game of Thrones (at least as much as she understands of it), and a listener tells us he watched The Wire and tried Pub Cheese because of us. Another listener offers us a chance to watch British TV on the sly. Plus, Sarah Palin in the Lady Gaga of politics.
• CORPSE WATCH:  Harold Camping says that on Oct. 21, bodies will be flung from graves. Ick.
• Songs that sound like other songs, and a shoplifter is mowed down by a car after stealing lotion and soap.  Also, Rick has an encounter with a Hawaiian man who wants eight dollars.
• Conversational flow moves us from Mike Ness to Tom Waits to Warren Zevon to Patti Smith’s book Just Kids.
• HICK WATCH:  There’s some stabbin’ in the mud pit at the Redneck Games.
• TASER WATCH:  A fellow wields a sword on Vancouver’s SkyTrain.

• Top of the show:  Egg creams, Zod vs. ZOG, Sex Wax, and Joe Mantagna. Also: Dawn saw I Am Number Four, and thought it was kind of awful.
• WEEK IN GEEK: Aaron Duran calls to tells us about the Superman II midnight movie, Legolas in The Hobbit, and a website hack that claims Tupac and Biggie are living in New Zealand.
• A discussion of Lady Gaga, why more artists don’t copy Madonna, and the weirdness of the song “I Am My Hair.” Also, forgiving people who don’t know that everything is a knock-off of something else, master music vs. non-mastered music, and Rick listens to the soundtrack to L.A. Noire.
• Swine flu vaccines cause narcolepsy, the KKK faces down Westboro Baptist Church.
• PENIS WATCH:  Canadian Tory candidate says “hackers” posted his penis picture to his Twitter account.
• Joe Mantagna hosts Memorial Day concert, and Warren Zevon was nuts, in a lovable way.
• Rick makes several quick observations, and we recap The Killing -- also, we anticipate The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo.

• There’s a new radio station in Portland, and it sounds kind of stupid. Also: Dawn’s stressed, and Oprah did her last episode.
• PENIS WATCH:  North African man burned to death after seducing women with his magical penis.
• TV trays = white trash, but heated floors are awesome. Plus, chat about the Skymall catalog, and stories about staying in fancy hotels.
• GEEK WATCH:  Chinese prisoners are punishing people by making them play World of Warcraft.
• Cloverfield, The Host, Super 8 -- monster movies and viral marketing. Plus: Portal -- is it worth it?
• HICK WATCH:  Trailer park fight features machete vs. cinder blocks.
• Facebook founder Mark Zuckerberg kills his own meat.

• We start with: Season seven of House sucked, AND it was 23 episodes long! Also: Knowing famous people on  Twitter and Facebook, Accidentally inviting everyone in your address book to something, and how to be interesting on Twitter.
• Our good friend Anna Griffin is a fellow! In the journalistic, going-to-Harvard sense.
• Oprah tapes final episodes, and the behaviors of billionaires like Gates and Buffett.
• RELIGIOUS NUTCASE WATCH:  Hasidic Jews firebomb lawyer’s house for not worshiping a local synagogue. Plus: Do you say the “@” in front of a Twitter name?
• DARWIN WATCH:  Doomsday followers off themselves in anticipation of Armageddon.
• machine.
• Couple start shooting inside house, kill washing machine. And a man becomes enraged when he can’t get a chicken leg, exposes himself.
• House recap -- There are some crazy, crazy House fans on the Internet, and the season finale was terrible, terrible, terrible.

• Top of the show: What was that stuff they sprinkled on playground vomit when we were kids? Also: Welcome new listeners, Dawn has itchy feet, Byron Beck has no sense of personal space, and Dawn lost all the music on her iPod.
• Rick talks about Friday’s Roger Clyne show at Dante’s, where he met listeners and the sweatiest man alive.
• WEEK IN GEEK:  New Dark Knight viral marketing includes first look at Bane, Hobo with a Shotgun at the Hollywood Theater, and May of the Dead events -- ‘Zombie Game Day’ on Saturday at Guardian Games, and Zombie Film Festival on Sunday at the Hollywood.
•  
• Dawn’s dog ate a half pound of butter; Rick watched Twilight: Eclipse, and we discuss all the ways the Twilight universe could be better.
• Oregonian music editor Ryan White talks about the ridiculosity of Lady Gaga, and why more artists don’t just go balls out, bat-poop crazy.
• OBAMA WATCH:  You can get an official birth certificate T-shirt!
• SNUFF WATCH:  Joseph Brook, writer of “You Light Up My Life,” 73.
• Ryan has an upcoming piece on Sally Ford in the O.
• The Killing recap:  Most. Disturbing. Ending. Ever.
• Top Five songs that were once embraced unironically, but now make us cringe (inspired by “You Light Up My Life.”)

• We start with jokes that maybe too soon, but remake them anyway. Also, Dawn got a massage and acupuncture, and didn't shave her legs.
• Househusband Dave calls to say he wants chocolate, and Rick enjoyed the days when he was a kept man.
• Rick cleans up his house at the last minute and seeks a place to dump an old toilet seat. And people who talked about Lost sounded like they had Alzheimer's.
• Big Jim Willig drops in, and we talk World of Warcraft, Nell, and the menu at Applebees.
• SNUFF WATCH: 'Macho Man' Randy Savage, 58. Plus: Extra bonus wrasslin' talk! And a guy falls asleep in other people's houses after filling his pockets with Drakkar Noir and sausages.
• HUMOR ME: COMEDY 101--Steve Martin

• We kick off with Sid & Marty Krofft talk, we compare flavors of Laughing Cow
  cheese, Dawn is starting her chocolate business back up, and we bemoan the
  sweet, addictive deliciousness of Trader Joe’s pub cheese.  Also: Oklahoma teens
  are setting themselves on fire for fun.
• HICK WATCH: Two Broward County geniuses steal 30 pounds of chicken nuggets.
• CORPSE WATCH: Crematory owners stacks up extra bodies in the Arizona sun. Plus:
  White House puts kibosh on staged photos.
• CLERGY WATCH:  Catholic Church says that sexual abuse is all because of those
  dirty, dirty hippies.
• The CDC uses zombies to educate the public. Genius! Also: Rick blows his nose,
  and Dawn grosses him out by talking about her sinus infection.
• Rick plays awesome themes from Krofft shows, and a horrible Banana Splits song.

• Seumas calls in with breaking geek news. Also, Todd the Corpse recommends “spill porn” for our niche videos, Dawn gets her new laptop, and she can’t meet Meat Loaf because he’s in New York.
• One guy steals guitars and sells them for too little, another guy steals boots and wear them to work.
• CORPSE WATCH: Man finds corpse, finishes yardwork before calling cops.
• Willamette Week screen editor Aaron Mesh calls in to talk about turning 30, the WW “Devour Guide,” and his hatred of Hobo with a Shotgun.
• Sarah X. Dylan calls in to find out why people are saying she should be licking Xbox controllers.
• Dawn gets Rick’s input on a vexing question from Geek Trivia, and we discuss Kindle formatting

• Big Jim Willig joins us!
• First up: Friday the 13th movies, Dawn’s tired of being made of meat, and Rick gives us an overview of his reading/signing for Zombie Economics.
• Jim talks to us about movies on VHS (Crossroads! Basket Case!) and memories of video stores.
• A woman shoots an intruder nine times, Rick meets a guy with a knife at Plaid Pantry, and Oregon’s speed limit may go to 75.
• CANNIBAL WATCH:  Man answers cannibal’s ad, discovers the guy actually wants to eat people.
• PENIS WATCH:  Circumcision. Infection. Enshortening.
• We read e-mails from listeners, and a story about a theief who “suffers injuries in a fall” after tangling with Marines.
• HUMOR ME: COMEDY 101 – Rodney Dangerfield.

• It’s Thursday, so things go squirrelly right from the start. This is how it always is: Feeling Bieber on Skype, Rick doesn’t like Mountain Dew, and “Space Wind” is a soda and a deodorant! Also: Rick had to compete with a toxic chemical cloud for air time.
• A man leaps to his death from the tallest building in Dubai. Also: A Craigslist ad gets us talking about the Rapture, and Rick tells a sad story about not getting his hamster blessed.
• CLOWN WATCH:  Oklahoma is unfamiliar with Juggalos, apparently. With bonus mugshot goodness.
• Patrick Warburton’s nutcase Christian mom hates Family Guy even though her son’s on the show and she’s never seen it
• NAZI WATCH:  An actual Nazi is convicted for actual Nazi warcrimes. Also, you’ll now know what Mexican Hitler would sound like.
• We try to figure out terminal velocity, because we’re obessed with spatter patterns and dead bodies and creepy, creepy things.
• PENIS WATCH:  Drummer Steven Adler recalls being “devastated” by the massive torpedo that is in Steven Tyler’s pants.

• Ryan White and Aaron Duran are both sick, but Aaron calls anyway. Geeky and phlegmy! Plus: Dawn and Rick would like to avoid the plague, and Dawn saw Thor.
• WEEK IN GEEK:  Germans mistakenly use a Klingon insignia on TV, and a town bans coin-op vodeo games.
• Dawn got a massage, and Rick wants to go in a sensory deprivation tank.
• SNUFF WATCH:  Three deaths – Actresses Dana Wynter and Sada Thompson, and musician John Walker.
• PepsiCo unveils a vending machine/social networking thingie with which you can purchase ‘Random Acts of Refreshment.” No, we’re not making this up.
• The Killing recap:  What the hell is in the freezer?

• Top of the show: Should we add a logger to the show? Digital stuff that looks low-tech, what we love and hate about CG effects, “Old Spice – Smell Like
• Daddy,” and memories of our grandmother’s houses. Also, dreadful perfumes and colognes, and other things that smell good.
• We remember Reader’s Digest, and a guy threatens to jump off the Ross Island Bridge.
• Justified recap:  It was the season finale? Now what do we do on Wednesday nights?

• Rick and Dawn have a tiff, then discuss inappropriate itching and body odor.
• A tanker train catches fire on Highway 30, and there are cheap tacos on Cinco de Mayo!
• Dawn goes to Geek Trivia, and asks Rick some of the night’s questions.
• Talk about T-shirts goes on waaaay too long. And an ex-Playmate is found mummified.
• TASER WATCH: Naked, bloody man found in woman’s house eating raw chicken.
• Should bin Laden death pictures be released? Also, some people are morans. Many of them are on the Internet.
• Rick plays samples from strange, awful KISS albums.

• Special guest:  Oregonian music editor Ryan White!
• Top of the show:  Where is Ocean Shores, Washington? Also, TV shows that make
• you crazy when you have to wait a week, Star Blazers news, second-hand Royal
• Wedding viewing, Dawn goes to pirate trivia and talks to tech support.
• WEEK IN GEEK:  Aaron Duran talks about the guy who tweeted the Osama attack,
• Netflix requests for Navy SEALS explode, robot apocalypse news, and Superman
• renounces his citizenship.
• Terrible fashion trends – pointy shoes, maxi dresses, and more.
• Where are people from Star Search now? OMG – Rick’s never heard Sam Harris sing
• “Over the Rainbow!”
• SNUFF WATCH:  Osama bin Laden’s dead, finally. Also: A dealer sells pot cupcakes
• to high school students.
• Ryan geeks out about Raphael Saadiq, and other fabulous new bits of musical
• awesomeness.
• TASER WATCH: Kid tased for wearing baggy pants.

• Special guest: Big Jim Willig!
• Top of the show: Jane Krasinski, Mayim Bialik, daddy men vs. sibling men, and dating divorced people.
• Big Jim joins us to talk about varied musical tastes (ex: Primus, pro or con), and special boxers that absorb fart smells.
• HICK WATCH: Teacher goes nuts, eats Taco Bell, and takes off clothes. Also: Rick talks about DJs he’s known that went crazy, and a guy who chose the worst DJ name ever, and a woman hires a hooker for her 80-year-old dad.
• CLOWN WATCH: Man in a clown suit gets arrested after picking up blackmail money.
• Rick saw Silence of the Lambs again, which gets us all talking about great suspense films.
• HUMOR ME: COMEDY 101 –The career of Tracey Ullman.

• Guest: Oregonian columnist Anna Griffin!
• Top of the show – penis size, South Park, the word “manhole,” and who played Janine in Ghostbusters.
• Mortal Kombat reboot, playing characters that look like you (or don’t), catching viruses in video games.
• OBAMA WATCH:  The birth certificate thing, the Donald Trump thing, and how the hell do you get a birth certificate, anyway?
• A seminar promises to “grab you by the ovaries,” there’s a new Piranha 3D flick, Cheryl has an avatar of Rick on Wii and it can’t played baseball; best and worst Buffy villain, and much, much geeking out about that series.

• Why is there so much clown news? Also: Things you’d stop while channel-surfing to look at, why men go to Hooters, best villains on Buffy, and memories of The Mayor.
• Dawn has a disturbing dream, and we share a few creepy dad stories. And a man urinates on cough drops at Walgreens.
• RELIGIOUS NUTCASE WATCH: Man visits Christian radio station and gets all rape-y.
• GEEK WATCH:  Nintendo announces successor to Wii; Mireille Enos (The Killing) cast in World War Z movie, which is filming in Malta.
• Rick needs a landline to do interviews, and realizes he has no idea how to get a landline.
• SNUFF WATCH:  Singer Phoebe Snow
• Eating at chain restaurants – wing places, Panera Bread, Red Robin and other spots.
• We call Aaron Duran to tell him a story about a burglar stealing human hair, and a man steals flowers from a store after filling out a job application.

• First up: Rick talks Yo, Teach, Dawn takes more crap from listeners, and Todd the Corpse teaches both Jesus and science. Also: Dawn takes a picture of Patrick that looks like Rick, leading to a discussion of Dawn’s nose fetish and Rick’s attraction to Jewish chicks.
• WEEK IN GEEK:  Aaron Duran discusses Constantine going back to DC, the upcoming Wonder Northwest pop-culture convention, and Chitty Chitty Bang Bang (it’s for sale!)
• Oregonian music editor Ryan White and Rick talk about their appearance at a Portland Art Museum event, plus how Rick learned to drive in an Econoline van, his chat with M. Ward, new music by Fleet Foxes and the Beastie Boys,
• A retarded guy flirts with Dawn. She decides to count it as a win.
• HICK WATCH: Huge man soothed by cops with lollipops. And a woman finds an alligator in her house.
• SNUFF WATCH:  Sony chairman Norio Ohga, credited with developing the compact disc.
• TOP FIVE: Top five songs Rick had to play with his family’s country-western band.
• The Killing recap: Still creepy, still a mystery, still insanely good.

• Dawn has crazy things in her brain, and Rick gets an unnerving email about
  somebody’s iPhone.
• Michael Lohan says people don’t understand the necklace thing, and Taco Bell
  believes that they’re owed an apology.
• TASER WATCH: a GUY IS TASED AT Universal Studios after being generally nuts and
  belligerent.
• Big Jim Willig tells us about his carpal tunnel, and discusses the perils of
  cheap candy. Plus, he brings us Mexican snack foods, and shares hilarity from
  porn parodies.
• CLOWN WATCH: Someone steals the Shriners’ clown-shrinking machine.
• HUMOR ME: COMEDY 101 – Roseanne Barr.

• Oh, parody songs, how we love you. We need one for Crazy Thursdays. Is there a song about Thursday?
• Dawn finishes season tow of The Wire, and Rick plays a terrible, terrible Glenn Frey song.
• Ryan White of the Oregonian reports on Coachella, talks about Cee Lo Green and Kanye West, dancing to PJ Harvey’s autoharp, and the smell of the festival.
• Apple – very not-green when it comes to their power. Also: Sarah really, really wants Rick to see Scream 4.
• CANNIBAL WATCH: Pakistani brothers rob graves and eat people.
• A half-naked woman drives around with a bird in her car, a man’s killed by a 3,000 pound log, and we boggle over mugshots of a) a man with half a face, and b) a man with a half a head.
• Justified recap: More deep analysis of hillbilly crime drama.

• First up: Memories of St. Elsewhere, retarded people having sex, Millennium quotes, and terrible, terrible books that we’ve read.
• Willamette Week screen editor Aaron Mesh reminds us of Riding the Bus With My Sister, and talks about the Eat Mobile food cart event.
• Dawn asks Rick how he feels about brunch, and finds a job selling basement cheese.
• DEMOCRACY ON THE MARCH: If you live in Iowa and have brain damage, you may still be able to get a gun!
• Candles recalled for fire hazard, a pig’s head buried outside a Belgian mosque, an old couple are stung to death by bees, and Colt 45 debuts a fruity, kicky, new malt liquor for spring.

• First up: “Helicopter” penis, Dawn’s wacky sleep cycle, and Rick’s makeup. Also: Seumas sends insight as regards 3rd Rock from the Sun.
• SNUFF WATCH:  Elizabethe Slader, Doctor Who’s Sarah Jane, dies at 63.
• Dawn asked Rick to put a new cartridge in the printer. Hilarity ensues. And by “hilarity” we mean “bickering.”
• Cockfighting lobby seeks to block Alabama state bill, a woman smuggles at 18-pack of beer under her shirt, 81-year-old man clocks robber with frying pan.
• We talk Game of Thrones, and why sci fi/fantasy is so Eurocentric; also, why some times of fiction appeal to certain types of people, and the perspective of “geeks of color.” Plus, Facebook stuff (as in: why doesn’t it work correctly?)
• NAZI WATCH: A smoke bomb ruins Hitler’s birthday party.
• A man spots his stolen car when he stops behind it at a red light.
• House recap: Amber Tamblyn and a couple of chickens get screen time.
• GRETEST SONGS EVER MADE:  An honest song about an aching and doomed man, which may not be true … yet is utterly sincere.

• Rick and Dawn both failed at Stumptown Comics Fest, Lara stayed out all night and Rick didn’t sleep, and Dawn watched Network, so much movie-nerding ensues. Also: Rick saw the movie Rubber, which is so effing French.
• WEEK IN GEEK: Aaron Duran talks Stumptown, the upcoming Dark Horse Presents signing, and a bacon contest.
• Rick pimps his Zombie Economics trailer, and brings new lotion into the studio. Plus, we’re both weird about spoons and the texture of cereal.
• Construction materials are stolen … four times … from the site of a new jail.
• CLOWN WATCH: Robert Pattinson remembers his tragic first time at the circus.
• A woman says a man “charged” her bicycle in his electric wheelchair.
• CLERGY WATCH: Christian school’s volleyball coach thinks he’s sexing up an underage girl online, but – oops! – it’s a cop. Also: How would you protect yourself legally if you were role-playing online?
• Scottish butcher sells “world’s hottest sausage,’ and Alabama celebrates the semi-clean-up og the Gulf.
• GEEK WATCH: Man buys fake Aliens guns, customs thinks they’re real guns, court rolls eyes at stupidity.
• TV RECAP:  Dawn is mostly through season two of The Wire, and we recap The Killing – everyone’s a suspect!
• TOP FIVE:  The top five songs that Dawn had to listen to when she was growing up.

• Rick discovers that there’s no Wikipedia entry for “auctioneer.” Also, country music is rife with novelty songs, Dawn brings Rick some Buddy Bars, and then Rick tells of a magical restaurant filled with bouncy toys.
• Dawn cleans her apartment before the maintenance guys come, and Rick recalls his wife’s cleaning before the cleaners came.
• Big Jim Willig discusses the Plaid Pantry candy store (“I’ve been gorging my sugar hole”).
• Obama gives a speech about hoe awesome he is, and lawmakers seem to lack credibility.
• HICK WATCH: A man’s beloved goat is returned, and he’s just a little too happy.
• HUMOR ME: COMEDY 101 – Bill Murray.

• Rick gets an offer to interview himself, and remember the original MTV VJs. Then we talk about last night’s signing by David Walker and Mike Russell at Bridge City Comics. Also: Rick hates on the caps lock key, and Dawn asks what the point is of LinkedIn.
• Discovery launches a network for rich guys, and a man attempts suicide by nail gun, and Patrick brings Dawn ViSo when she asks him.
• GEEK WATCH: White iPhones to be released soon, maybe.
• Microchips track stolen robes and towels from hotels.
• A country song brings back horrible childhood memories for Rick. So he plays it, and it is, indeed, horrifying.
• PENIS WATCH:  A Dubai housekeeper gets choppy on her harassing employer.
• Justified recap: Dickie’s too uppity, Walton Goggins is amazing, and what’s the attraction to Winona, anyway?
  

• Dawn can’t sleep, thanks to Russian neighbors who barbecue in the middle of the night and Patrick’s restless legs. Then things get awkward. Very, very awkward.
• Boy is born with an extra strand of DNA, yet still can’t make people explode with his mind.
• PENIS WATCH: Iceland museum gets pickled human member. Also: Update on possible serial killer case.
• The Oregonian’s Anna Griffin talks about showing Raiders of the Lost Ark to her eight-year-old son. Also: The disappointment of Tim Burton, and crap 3-D.
• Rick’s mom going to Vegas for her 75th birthday, where she’ll swim with sharks. Also, she wants to see a “man show.”
• Man killed by poisonous pet snake, and a Yale student dies when she gets her hair caught in a lathe.
• MLS soccer is here! And has great advertising, too.
• David Walker calls to talk about his signing at Bridge City Comic of Darius Logan: Super Justice Force, and his heroic actions during a post office kerfuffle.
• We have a mini book club, and talk about what we’re reading right now: The Lexicographer’s Dilemma, Room: A Novel, The Longships, and  Triumph of the City.

• First up: Words that should have apostrophes but don’t, and vice versa. Then Dawn talks about her weird dream, and Rick plays some truly awful audiobook work. Also: Dawn sent an email with typos, and everyone geeks out about language.
• HICK WATCH: A poll purports that 46% of Mississippi Republicans think interracial marriage should be illegal.
• SNUFF WATCH: Jerry Lawson, creator of the first cartridge game system, dies.
• Rick goes to Kinko’s, which is now FedEx Office, and it sucks.
• TASER WATCH: Alaska game officials have outlawed tasers for hunting, but what about “catch and release” tasing?
• GEEK WATCH: 1) Commodore 64 is back!  2) the Winklevoss twins will have to take
• $65 million and like it.
• House recap: The return of Thirteen, a mostly unmemorable patient-of-the-week, and spud guns.

• A Christian “Friday” cover, and BarFly Award nominations for Sarah and Fatboy. Plus: Dawn hasn’t seen the Rebecca Black video, which makes her a traitor and a bastard person.
• Dawn’s not eating healthy, which makes Rick think of Syd Barrett, and Dawn talks about her day off.
• There’s new Facebook stuff again – why Facebook e-mail, anyway? Also: A man finds a snake in his chair, and Donald Trump is a birther. Or not. Either way, he’s making everyone talk about it.
• A Japanese man dumps his RealDoll in the woods.
• CLOWN WATCH:  Another creepy clown like kiddy porn.
• Cop pepper-sprays baby squirrel, and a government shut-down would probably close parks.
• PENIS WATCH: New York attorney charged with harassing, groping and and masturbating in front of assistant.
• Naked man fires AK-47 at SWAT robot.
• TOP FIVE: The Billboard top five for October 29, 1983.

• Rick reads email from listener Debi, who demands recognition for her birthday!
• Also, we like Hugh Laurie and Blackadder, Rick asks where “spoilers LOL” comes from, and we go crazy for AMC’s The Killing.
• Rick shares his chick-lit ideas, many of which are more than publishable.
• CANNIBAL WATCH: Pakistani brothers make curry. People curry.
• Charlie Sheen’s porn friend Kacey Jordan is sad that people don’t appreciate his “comedy.”
• Hatchet fish: The Sleestak of the Sea.
• CLOWN WATCH: Moscow Circus told to take down giant inflatable clowns.
• Timothy Geithner says that the U.S. needs to “get real” about the debt ceiling.
• NAZI WATCH: A 1942 submarine mission, run by doofuses.
• Rick reads an email about one KPAM listener’s reaction to our shenanigans, a woman is arrested for driving drunk (and naked), and we learn about Super President.

• Dawn talks about her trip to Bi-Mart that was sidetracked by a visit to Sonic Drive-In, where she has chili-cheese tater tots.
• The oil rig company whose equipment exploded in the Gulf of Mexico gives their executives bonuses.
• RELIGIOUS NUTCASE WATCH: Vatican says that exorcisms are on the rise, because the Internet promotes Satanism.
• Oregonian music editor Ryan White talks about the Soul’d Out Music Festival, session musicians on old blues records, and some of the great live shows that are coming up.
• Dawn reads a deeply nuts vegan/freegan/hippy/”humyn” ad for roommates from Craigslist.
• PENIS WATCH: Andrew Lloyd Webber says his penis doesn’t work. Also: Much talk about penis pumps, devices, and porn-store weirdness, plus sensory deprivation tanks, and sleeping great in hotel rooms.
• Rick rhapsodizes about AMC’s The Killing.

• Dairy Queen food: Cheeseburgers, Moolates, and Rick driving with his knees while sucking down a Blizzard. Also:  Dawn watches Grey’s Anatomy, in which everyone sings, and Lara watches Army Wives.
• Cocktail waitresses fired for not looking good in the new uniforms, and TriMet driver gets punched in the face.
• More talk about Blizzards! And a man creates huge mountain of glass on his lawn.
• Big Jim Willig arrives, and we talk a lot about sex – toys, preferences, devices, and the weirdness of the human brain.
• TASER WATCH: Knife-wielding, bed-ridden, tasered granny case goes to court.
• CORPSE WATCH: Woman has mummified fetus inside her for 30 years.
• HUMOR ME: COMEDY 101 – We talk about Andy Kaufman (spoiler: one of us likes him, two of us don’t.)

• Rick missed Justified, and instead watched West Wing DVD extras, and we discuss cable surfing.
• Infected IVs infect and kill patients in Alabama, and a man busts down a motel room door to punch out his wife’s date.
• Oregonian columnist Anna Griffin joins us to discuss her recent trip to California, the quest for good coffee, and being a regular customer who has to stop going somewhere because they start talking to you too much. Also: Portland wants to build a streetcar to Lake Oswego!
• Movie-theater executives think sales are down because movies aren’t very good.
• TOP FIVE:  Rick share the top five songs he hears while shopping at Winco.

• Rick and Dawn finish their three-day stint at KPAM, and are giddy with exhaustion. Also, Rick may not be wearing pants the next time you see him.
• Las Vegas announces mob-related attractions, and Amazon debuts their Cloud Drive music service, leading to a comparison of that versus Napster.
• CLOWN WATCH:  Dawn has her own personal scary clown.
• 30th anniversary of Ronald Reagan’s assassination attempt.
• JOB WATCH: As the economy looks ever so slightly better, people want out of their horrible, terrible jobs.

• We talk radio stuff, plus we’re old and remember our first experiences with “the Internet.” Also: Is Usenet still there?
• A chicken truck crashes, a bikini-clad woman brawls in Burger King, and a guy in fishnets threatens to “stab folks up.”
• TASER WATCH:  A murderer is subdued with pepper spray, batons and tasers.
• Brains are goofy! Dawn’s very tired, and explains that by “cobbler,” she means “vagina.”
• A campaign finance reform story reminds Rick of the videogame Toobin’.
• Twitter – “influential” isn’t the same as “most followers.”
• Mad Men negotiations stalled over product placements, running time, and cast cuts. Plus: A tanker truck explodes and kills the driver.
• GREATEST SONGS EVER MADE:  Even old guys can record amazing music. See: Leonard Cohen.

• Comedic musical geniuses Paul and Storm are in studio with their colleague Mike Phirman, sharing their origin story, talking about the first songs they loved, and singing “Enormous Penis” for us. They also agree that most “musical comedians” are terrible, sing “Opening Band” and discuss the appeal of Wil Wheaton and the new world of geek culture. And Mike Phirman – who performs with Paul and Storm at the Aladdin – plays his song “That Was Me.”
• Then Big Jim Willig joins us – he and Rick went to the KUFO “wake.”
• A man accidentally shoots himself in the face, and Dawn and Rick will be on KPAM on Monday.
• PENIS WATCH: There’s a world map of average penis sizes. And Jim tells us about condom sizes and erection pills.
• HUMOR ME: COMEDY 101 – Steven Wright.

• Rick speaks fondly about Shel Silverstein, and Dawn bemoans her dying computer. Also: Rick has issues with mis Mac, and suggests Dawn raise money for a new laptop buy promising flashes of boob.
• Then, Rick explains that he missed Justified because he’s just so busy, talks about the KUFO “wake” he attended, and worries about his furnace. Plus: The old Solid State Radio/Talker name change, and one of the worst ideas for a station listener-club ever. And a BYU student is fired for swearing.
• CLOWN WATCH: An Irish man is beaten by baseball-bat wielding clown ninjas.
• A house for “maternity tourists” is shut down in California.
• Sammy Hagar says he was contacted by aliens, and Tommy Tutone is at every concert in Portland. Plus: More discussion of the “anti-gay” iPhone app.
• Rick talks about the most amazing hand-drying experience that he’s ever had.

• Rick forgets his new exclamation, had a dream about celebrities dying in droves, and Twitter makes him angry.
• Dawn tried to use an iPhone app to track her period, but it turned out to be temperamental, and Rick comes up with the idea for a “little black book” app.
• A man loses a chunk of his arm to a shark, and we are nerds who read books.
• CANNIBAL WATCH: Cannibal killer’s murder site as “like walking into an abattoir.”
• Joe Squires, proprietor of Squires Electric, makes us all a little smarter by explaining nuclear power, how bombs and power plants work, and the whole Japan-earthquake-reactor connection.
• Justified recap: Are you watching it yet? Are you?
• GREATEST SONGS EVER MADE: A song that ought to be hateable – but is, instead, beautiful and memorable.

• We start the day with talk about Daniel Baldwin, Freakonomics, and getting our James Woods “True (INSERT WORD HERE)” movies straight. And Rick welcomes new listeners!
• Daniel Baldwin is a rapper! No, really. Plus: Pole dancing for Jesus, and memories of the Pimp Squad.
• CHENEY WATCH:  HBO and writer from The West Wing gear up for a miniseries about the Dark Lord.
• It’s time for Juggalo Championship Wrestling on pay-per-view!
• Rick asks New York theater-goers about the Spider-Man musical, and Dawn’s caught up on Breaking Bad.
• House recap – worst ending of an episode ever? Also, Shameless? Eh.
• AND: Paul and Storm will be her this Friday!

• Dawn survived the week without Rick, just barely; Rick talks about New Jersey and his horrible bargain New York hotel.
• WEEK IN GEEK:  ThinkGeek makes another April Fool’s gag a real product, Hollywood Theatre to show Dolomite, and Aaron talks about the Beaverton signing of La Brujeria.
• Dr. Phil tells a guy that aliens are invading, or at least the guy thinks so after smoking synthetic marijuana.
• Oregonian music editor Ryan White calls to discuss SXSW (and why he didn’t go), how The Decemberists are big everywhere, and that crazy Charlie Sheen lecture tour.
• GEEK WATCH: New Wonder Woman costume revealed.
• Dawn knew a girl who made a video with Ron Jeremy, and Rick tells all about eating meat by the pound in New York, and the Trey Parker/Matt Stone Broadway musical The Book of Mormon.

• The Week Without Rick concludes with Dawn welcoming Willamette Week screen editor Aaron Mesh and Big Jim Willig to talk about sober St. Patrick’s Days, alcoholic parents, and Aaron’s drinking snobbery (he’s a “classy drunk.”)
• Then Dawn shares her Top Five Songs About Overcoming Adversity, following a brilliant rendition of The Count’s counting song by Dawn, Aaron and Jim.

• Rick is still out of town -- and it’s St. Patrick’s Day! So it only makes sense that Dawn would have David Walker in studio to talk about his new young-adult adventure novel, Darius Logan: Super Justice Force.
• First, Dave explains that he’s publishing it under the name “D.F. Walker,” so parents/potential readers will not be scandalized when the Google him. We also discuss The Quiet Man, David’s haircut, and whether or not teenage boys actually read.
• Also: Using the brain for more than staring at TV, the need for heroes that are relatable, and the potential for greatness that lies within us all.

• Sarah X, Dylan joins Dawn to talk about the technical problems that kept them from reading the news earlier, listeners being mean,and Rick's ability to make even problems beautiful. Also: Taking pills (Dawn is for, Sarah's against), sleeping weird, and falling down stairs. Then Sarah's Funemployment Radio and Sportlandia co-host Greg Nibler arrives to explain The Vagina Monologues.
• Rick calls from New York, and Skype miraculously works. He tells us about The Book of Mormon: The Musical on Broadway, how (and why) he ate a massive amount of sausage, and tells tales of his flophouse hotel.
• Greg talks about practicing with his band, Courage, and then points out that the beer Dawn and Sarah have been drinking contains 9.9 percent alcohol,which may be why they've gotten kind of toasted.
• Then it's on to another "Best of" episode of The Rick Emerson Show!

• By request, National Lampoon's "Deteriorata"
• A discussion of radio fetishists, and their obsessive collecting of airchecks
• A selection of terrible commercials written and recorded by Rick over the years
• The Rick Emerson Show interview with Marky Ramone!
• A classic installment of "How Chicks Think" with Jolie from the Front Desk

• Jim’s experience over the weekend at Ron Jeremy’s birthday party, including a white birthday cake and a scary Hustler chick!
• The Emerson News Network’s fine showing at the Sleep Country Pajama Bowl!
• How Jim got a customer at the pron store to give back two dollars that he stole from the tip jar!
• Dawn’s new, overly long pants, and the weird randomness of women’s clothing sizes!
• A Geek Watch, about Albert Einstein and pi/pie!
  
  

• Bloodrock's "DOA" (by request of many people)
• The infamous, unintelligible Steven Segal interview
• Tim Riley talks about cancellation of "Muslim Fun Day" at a theme park
• Rick and Sarah devolve into total nerddom re: Star Wars and Harry Potter

• We e-mail listeners to ask about them during earthquakes – because we care! And we discuss bumper-sticker philosophy, and the Sleep Country Pajama Bowl team – we’re number two!
• Tsunami hits California coast, and woman goes to court with tiny monkey in her bra.
• CLOWN WATCH:  Clown robs Subway, locks employee in freezer.
• Big Jim Willig arrives in overalls and a mullet wig. Why? We don’t know.
• TASER WATCH:  Lawn-mowing neighbor gets a beat-down.
• “Sour belch” leads to mother-in-law violence.
• HUMOR ME: COMEDY 101 – Eddie Izzard, genius.
• 15-year-old tased at school, Jon Cryer admits to being a troll, cops look for guns at Sheen’s house.

• Rick once got a tree branch in his eye, and Dawn is still plugging her laptop into the giant TV. Also: The Wire, Breaking Bad and how/why men lie.
• What Rick will be doing during the break (New York! Big city! Mormon musical!) And a burglar breaks into a house with his four-year-old in tow.
• CORPSE WATCH:  Phrase of the day – “skin slippage.”
• Next week Dawn will have to push all the buttons, and is afraid she’ll break the show. Plus, “Snoop” Pearson from The Wire is arrested in a DEA bust, and Rick plucks a nose hair.
• A wild cow escapes from zoo and terrorizes camels, and Rick explains the Heisenberg Uncertainty Principle. Also, he’s filled with weariness, and doesn’t want to talk about it, until he does.
• Cookies track your every move on the Internet, and that’s not so bad. Also, Walgreens has a cool prescription app, and we complain about stupid things like traffic and e-mail.
• An armless woman sues McDonald’s for being insensitive jerks.
• GEEK WATCH:  16-bit Hobo with a Shotgun game coming to iPhone and iPad.
• Justified recap:  If you’re not watching this show yet, you really, really need to be.

• Rick is worried about what happened to Rocco’s Pizza, Dawn’s getting over the virus that’s taking everyone out. Also, Dawn recommends Shameless and Bob’s Burgers, and we remember the animated Clerks.
• Kelly Clarke of Willamette Week taks Cheap Eats – the dining guide is out, and we discuss tasty tofu (really), ice cream, “fishy chips” and strip mall cuisine.
• CANNIBAL WATCH:  Swedish man sentenced for cutting girlfriend’s head off and eating some of her parts.
• CLERGY WATCH: Philadelphia archdiocese suspend 29 priests over abuse allegations.
• McDonald’s co-opts “winning,” which proves that Charlie Sheen’s hotness is fading.
• PENIS WATCH:  caregivers play fun game involving photos of old folks’ genitals.
• We wonder what yeast is, exactly; a caller suggests we watch the British Life on Mars. Also, Dawn loses a gel tip from her ear buds, and Rick discovers the joys of Bluetooth. And we talk about how retarded we are when it comes to directions.

• Dawn tries to decide whether to take cold medicine while Rick explains that he had a dickens of a morning. Also, Dawn saw Red Riding Hood and doesn’t want to look like Joe Cocker with breasts.
• Charlie Sheen looks terrible, and Mubarek doesn’t get to keep the millions he stole. Then we wonder what we’d do if we suddenly had millions of dollars.
• Listeners Jenny and Ron stop by to talk about Sleep Country Pajama Bowl, plus it’s Jenny’s birthday, so we talk about her immune system.
• HICK WATCH:  Woman pulls out her teeth and throws them. Also: the creepy Tick-Tock restaurant.
• PENIS WATCH:  Circus dwarf will not get to do penis tricks at Oxford University.
• Rick’s going to New York, so he checks out what Expedia says about his hotel. Then he open birthday gifts from Rob – cheese-food product and bungee cords!
• Jenny’s daughter suggests Rick might enjoy some truck nuts, and Dawn’s horrified to discover what those are.
• House recap:  Yeah, yea, more of the same. Only with dancing.

• Dawn has a cold, and expresses her appreciation for fizzy Alka Selzer cold medicine.  Also:  Charlie Sheen’s Ustream feed was kind of boring, and Rick had actor Chris Serrone (the young Henry Hill of Goodfellas) on Outlook Portland, who told him about eating cannolis with Scorsese.
• WEEK IN GEEK:  Aaron Duran talks about Guillermo del Toro’s direction of H.P. Lovecraft’s At the Mountains of Madness (finally!), a fellow who used all his meth money to buy comics, and the Geek in the City bowling team seeks donations for Sleep Country Pajama Bowl.
• Oregonian music editor Ryan White stops by to tell us about his beard, kvetch about airport security, and talk music – specifically, a Salem musician who’ll have a song featured on Jersey Shore, and local band The Slants, who can’t get their name trademarked.
• Northwestern University administrators look into a live demonstration during a human sexuality course.
• TASER WATCH:  Man says, “You can’t tell me what to do” to cops, tasing follows.
• Charlie Sheen fired; witches cast spell on him.
• CORPSE WATCH: Guy goes crazy, cuts off mom’s head and leaves it on porch.
• TOP FIVE:  Top five songs to which Rick might have been conceived.

• Rick tells a horrible story about biting his tongue as a child, Dawn meets Michael  Ian Black, it’s time for Sleep Country Pajama Bowl, the soundtrack for Take Me Home Tonight is strange, and we love casseroles. Also: What’s the deal with Eddie Money, and the usual chat about snacks (nachos make Rick angry).
• Big Jim Willig recounts his recent comedy exploits, talks about how comics get booked, the pain of seeing Dustin Diamond onstage, and how hard it must be to do stand-up after you’re famous.
• A man is arrested for driving erratically, but explains that he was being pleasured by his passenger.
• CLERGY WATCH:  A very drunk priest exposes himself to cops, then threatens them with Oprah. Plus: More talk about songs, cartoons and TV shows that it doesn’t seem like anyone else has seen.
• HUMOR ME: COMEDY 101 – Bob Newhart!
• TOP FIVE: Rick’s top five songs to get into show mode (finally!)

• Rick woke up to a “big Skype boob.” Also: Finding people/yourself on Twitter, Arbitron and why radio stations hold contests on Thursdays, recursive tweeting, and attractive ladies from the movies.
• Oregonian columnist Anna Griffin joins us to talk about Netflix, Star Trek and Star Wars, the fact that there’s just too much crap to watch on TV, and Rick’s anger over the re-ordering of The Chronicles of Narnia. Oh, and her actual O stories about the city’s crackdown on house concerts, and the closing of Marshal High School. Plus, she has people leaving prom dresses on her desk.
• Rick and Dawn explain how they got out of high school.
• Mazda’s are infested with spiders! Plus: What meat would you choose, leaving half the food for your spouse, and trunk pizza, eating government cheese.
• CLERGY WATCH: One minister stabs another one in the face.
• Rick talks about his Leverage audition.

• Rick will audition again! And hopefully won’t do anything inappropriate. Also: getting a shave from the barber, and the danger in putting yourself in the hands of others. And Charlie Sheen is marvelous, for now, anyway.
• Willamette Week screen editor Aaron Mesh talks about this week’s cover story, about a church that may have dosed kids with hallucinogenic tea.
• Porn stars from Portland/Salem, and Tennessee wants to make dogs wear seatbelts.
• GEEK WATCH:  Hey, kids – the iPad 2 is here.
• Sirhan Sirhan’s lawyer says he was “hypno-programmed.”
• It’s the birthday of Cheryl’s mom, Adrienne – and she likes the Ramones!
• Dawn saw Rango, and we enjoy the bountiful craziness of Charlie Sheen.

• We love Andre Braugher, and discuss what happened to Homicide. Also: Knuckle-cracking and broken little toes. And Charlie Sheen is an embarrassment of crazy riches.
• Dawn didn’t know there were serial-killer memorabilia auction sites, and Capcha – are they using us to transcribe books?
• GEEK WATCH:  Star Wars fans raise money to restore the Lars Homestead igloo in Tunisia.
• Mexico brews the first gay beer, leading us to discover what the “purple hand” means.
• CLERGY WATCH:  Rev. Grant Storms of Louisiana, self-proclaimed “Christian patriot.” Also a guy who masturbates in his van at a public park. Plus: Discussion of a horseback-riding scene in the TV show Manchester Prep.
• Charlie Sheen’s on Twitter! And getting, like, 5,000 new followers a minute.
• A man urinates all over the chicken at a Kroger grocery in Arkansas, and eats a large package of ham.
• TASER WATCH:  California police chase ends when man exits his car in a bathrobe. And is then tased.
• House update:  We’re finding it harder all the time to stay interested. And didn’t Cuddy break up with House last week? We’re confused.
• OMG! Charlie Sheen posted his first tweet! Dear god, we’re idiots.

• The week begins with talk about armpit stink, “hooker baths,’ and smelly co-workers – because we’re classy.
• WEEK IN GEEK:  Aaron Duran talks Superman news, Valve news, and news of a super-fast robot cat.
• Oregonian music editor Ryan White  tells us about his house being broken into, and Rick shares tales of car break-ins.
• Iowa hen lays enormous egg.
• TASER WATCH: Man tased after biting his aunt on the face.
• CORPSE WATCH:  Man is dead in car at Wal-Mart for days.
• Chat about Oscars, watching TV, and doing business with Comcast.
• Ryan on music:  Eric Clapton’s in town, there’s a new Lady Gaga album, and songs that only last 90 seconds still sound the same.
• TOP FIVE:  Dawn’s top five songs for getting into show mode.

• More tales of Rick’s fridge – in this episode, rotten food; Dawn experiences her fabulous monthly celebration of womanhood, so we talk about how men shouldn’t say anything about menstrual craziness, and discuss folks being fussy about sex.
• Cool, advanced safety features in cars would just make us take unnecessary chances.
• Big Jim Willig arrives just in time to talk about why Rick was perusing obituaries online, and tells us that his high school driver’s ed teacher was a one-eyed Vietnam vet.
• HICK WATCH:  Two families in legal dispute over donkey. Also:  More chat about clown porn!
• London shop sells breast-milk ice cream. Which is icky, but really shouldn’t be when ou think about drinking cow’s milk.
• HUMOR ME: COMEDY 101:  The lasting legacy of Lucille Ball.

• Dawn had food poisoning; The studio’s still full of stupid because of KGW; Snack talk – Whitman’s Samplers, Moxie and Green River soda.
• Discovery finally launches! Also: Philo’s scared of snow, and Dawn’s still finishing her ukulele.
• A student security guard kills his teacher; Reese’s make a fine array of products; Sugary breakfast cereals, pros and cons; More on Rick’s broken fridge.
• Hey – it’s actually snowing!
• CORPSE WATCH:  Man lives with dead uncle for a month.
• How to hide a corpse, Rick’s black T-shirts, cute fat chicks and how men’s clothes are marketed differently.
• GREATEST SONGS EVER:  The Magnetic Fields make you feel like you’re loved.
• Arizona may choose an official state gun, and Detroit will get their Robocop statue.

• Alaska -- Land of danger and hardship; Breaking Bad season two is great; Yes, Dawn’s watching Episodes; and Dawn saw a Farrelly Brothers movie. Also:  Certain kinds of pants and hats look bad on some people.
• Author/filmmaker Bill Carter (Fools Rush In, Red Summer, Miss Sarajevo) visits and talks about his adventures fishing in Alaska and the Alaska Pebble Mine, a controversial dam/mine project that threatens the Alaskan fishing industry. And yes, he’s dreamy.
• Indiana restaurant pulls billboards after Jonestown jokes fall flat.
• CLOWN WATCH:  Food Circus grocery store celebrates 55 years with Evil Clown as mascot/town landmark.
• Forest Grove thief breaks into a school and a church, but only steals snacks.

• Rick uses the Internet to read obits of his enemies, and to find out what he’s watching on TV.
• Designer/Project Runway winner Seth Aaron Henderson visits, and he smells great. Also, he talks about fashion, living in Vancouver, Tuffskins jeans, and the hygiene of Matthew McConaughey.
• TOP FIVE: Seth Aaron’s top five songs he listens to while designing.
• We discuss “the hierarchy of pants!”
• SNUFF WATCH:  Dr. Christian Lambertsen, inventor of the SCUBA system, at 93.
• Woman attacks roommate over Thin Mint cookies. Also:  Famous Amos cookies are awesome, so it sucks that Safeway stopped selling boxes of them.
• HICK:  Woman moves into portable toilet, won’t leave.

• Rick watched Parks & Recreation, and took a giant pill; Listener Richard calls in to share a fetish video with hot chicks using power tools; Rick starts to talk about his replacement fridge and we somehow get onto the subject of avoiding underage sex.
• WEEK IN GEEK:  Aaron Duran tells us that Spider-man is joining the Fantastic Four (who are undergoing a name change), it’s the 25th anniversary of The Legend of Zelda, and a new device that can absorb lasers from space.
• Donald Rumsfeld says that we might not have invaded Iraq if we’d known better, and other things to pimp his book.
• GEEK WATCH:  Teens blog less, use Facebook and Twitter more, while older bloggers are on the rise; Nathan Fillian wants to buy Firefly.
• Oregonian music editor Ryan White talks about the hateful new trend of concert-goers yelling, “Put a bird on it,” the weekend’s  Decemberists show (it was awesome), Social Distortion’s recent appearances (the show was fun, but Mike Ness seemed bored). Also:  A bull charges the crowd at a rodeo.
• HICK WATCH:  West Virginia brothers caught with a carload of stolen beef jerky and socket sets.

• Up for discussion:  Obama’s copters go over the studio, Big Jim Willig’s here all day, we need an intern, Rick gets a box of Kranky, and we talk about the damn post office. Also:  Listener David is home sick (hi, David!), and we decide that Rick will catch up on Fringe, and Dawn will catch up on Breaking Bad.
• Rick explains why we weren’t on the air yesterday (spoiler: it involves brain fog and international e-mail fail).
• Big Jim Willig joins us to talk about watching a crappy black-and-white TV, and It’s Your Move with Jason Bateman. And a daycare gives the wrong child to a grandfather.
• SNUFF WATCH:  Len Lesser (Seinfeld’s Uncle Leo), dead at 88.
• Connecticut’s governor wants to decriminalize marijuana, and Big Jim will be doing a comedy show at a marijuana dispensary.
• Rick gives Jim a bag of Kranky! And we still don’t know how they coat individual corn flakes in chocolate.
• RELIGIOUS NUTCASE WATCH:  High school wrestler refuses to wrestle girl.
• Dawn tries Hershey’s Drops – no candy coating, but not messy. Science is tasty!
• HUMOR ME: COMEDY 101 – Gilda Radner.

• Rick and Dawn start the day by bouncing from The Erotic Adventures of Zorro to X-rated theaters, donuts, Rick’s Wombstretcha T-shirt, and the phrase “sticky sugar hands.” Also: Rick makes a video call with his pants.
• $20,000 collected for Robocop statue, nutty Twilight chick lies about bites, and an arrested homeless man is found with a lot of stuff in his butt.
• CORPSE WATCH:  Dead body – and two very sick people – found in pesticide truck.
• Janet Jackson is weird; Aaron Mesh of Willamette Week calls to discuss BAM Fest, amd the joys of They Live.
• Borders closes one-third of its stores, the Heavy Metal movie hasn’t aged well, and Dawn’s never seen The Neverending Story.
• Week in Geek:  Criterion streams its movies on Hulu Plus, there’s not going to be a Bioshock movie, and Ground Kontrol reopens better than ever.
• PENIS WATCH:  Kids see teacher’s stuff on borrowed iPad. Also:  What “MSM” means.
• Sigfried Seeliger discusses the Portland International Film Festival – more tires that make people’s heads explode, less French guys smoking cigarettes.
•  TASER WATCH:  300-pound man annoys limo driver, needs to be tased three times.

• MAC cosmetics has a weird, uncomfortable Wonder Woman ad campaign, and a guy’s getting a face transplant.
• CLOWN WATCH:  Christian clown convention in Ohio. *shudder*
• Benja Barker of the Alter-Egos Society talks about “Project Mayor-Man.”
• SNUFF WATCH: Character actor Kenneth Mars, 75. And: A man has guns pulled on him for holding cigarette.
• Rick introduces Dawn to the wonders of the Snickers Peanut Butter bar.
• TASER WATCH:  400-pound shoplifter tased for taking “fighting stance.”
• House update:  Easily forgettable, so we don’t remember most of the plot.

• Dawn's clever closet is jammed shut; Yes, we'll talk to Flavor Flav; People watch the Grammys -- and why do people get so angry about Justin Bieber? And Rick watched A Perfect Getaway.
• Oregonian music editor Ryan White talks Grammys
• Why Flavor Flav is problematic, the 20th anniversary of Silence of the Lambs,and Bill Murray wins a PGA tournament.
• Lady Gaga -- deliberately paying homage to Madonna, unconsciously ripping Madonna, or just too far up her own butt to realize she's stealing?
• Portland's own Esperanza Spaulding beats out Justin Bieber, and Bieber-lovers bomb her Wikipedia page.
• GEEK WATCH:  Sony Ericsson announces Playstation phone. Also: Discussion of Verison/Frontier FIOS.
• Rick watches Toy Story 3! And Pixar is awesome.

• Dawn has never seen Hell Comes to Frogtown, Rick tries to find a use for the phrase “Ku Klux Klown,” Rick’s trials with his fridge, Dawn goes to OHSU, and Rick has a new nickname.
• Mom shocked to find Dora the Explorer DVD is really porn, and country music is used to scare away a bear.
• Rick Outlook Portland editorials as the Paul Stanley rubber duck annoys Cheryl.
• Big Jim Willig visits to discuss his appearance on Outlook Portland this Sunday, a CLERGY WATCH (and subsequent discussion of Catholic-school horrors), Mayor Bloomberg’s Irish joke, and a sex shop offering trade-ins for guns.
• HUMOR ME:  COMEDY 101 – Mel Brooks!

• We watched Justified! And Cheryl is silly. Also: Dawn wakes up to no wifi and accidentally harasses Srah sexually; Rick (via Lara) shares an awkward optometrist visit; and Rick’s fridge died.
• Joelle Carter (Ava Crowder) from Justified calls, and we act as dignified as we possibly can.
• Maine authorities catch the dreaded serial chicken killer.
• HICK WATCH:  Mississippi considers a license plate honoring Confederate general and ex-Klansman.
• A texting mistake leads to a guy getting all stabby on his friend, and a Salt Lake City girl slices off her fingers in a shop accident. Oh, and a guy shoots himself in the abdomen with a nail gun.
• Michelle Bachman calls health care reform “the crown jewel of socialism.”
• PENIS WATCH:  French woman parades man down street with penis-leash. (Insert 30 minutes of discussion about piercings and tattoos here.)
• Valentine’s Day gift idea:  Name a cockroach after your sweetheart!
• CORPSE WATCH:  Woman buys apartment, finds previous owner inside.
• Rick gets a haircut in Kennewick, why it’s not fun to be in your hometown, and what it’s like to move somewhere new.
• A quadriplegic sues Disney after getting stuck on “It’s a Small World.”

• Top of the show: Valentine’s Day is kind of awful, and listener e-mails cover New South Wales, Dirty Dancing commentary, and tasing opportunities.
• Dawn makes a new cookie, there are too many settings on the microwave, there’s a pitbull in a Snuggie, and Rick’s scratching his armpit.
• Kelly Clarke talks about Willamette Week’s meat bouquet, food safety and eating trunk pizza, punching people who touch her pregnant tummy, successful “Missed Connections” encounter and the meaning of the phrase “hot cat vest.”
• Rick can’t play trivia games because he’s too competitive and angry. Also, he saw Winter’s Bone and The King’s Speech.
• Ft. Wayne, Indiana will not be naming a civic center after Harry Baals, but Austin might name their solid waste department after Fred Durst.
• HICK WATCH:  Woman hits her husband with a frozen steak.
• People choose their favorite superpowers, and a woman dies after getting an illegal butt procedure.
• TOP FIVE:  Listener Jerry’s top five make-out songs.

• What happened to sitcom kids? Also: Rick’s Outlook Portland with Big Jim Willig and Don Frost, Dawn has something in her eye, Rick has an audition as a mattress-buying Family Man, and we discuss both the odd perceptions of other people’s importance, and weird Netflix suggestions. And: Kelso bans sexting at school.
• GEEK WATCH:  Catholics approve “Confession” iPhone app, and a game called Smuggle Truck: Operation Immigration outrages people who are outraged by such things.
• Rick doesn’t understand Mardi Gras.
• PENIS WATCH:  Man dies after injecting opiates into his member.
• JACKSON WATCH:  The shame of Dr. Conrad Murray will be televised.
• House recap – why the hell are we still watching this, anyway?

• This weekend, Rick slept too much and forgot what day it was, while Dawn slept too much and saw a dumb movie; Rick cleaned up the messy office, and made Lara watch Duel.
• Super Bowl winners (Packers) and losers (ticketholders who didn’t get seats). Also:  A cow washes up in Seattle.
• WEEK IN GEEK:  Detroit’s Super Bowl ad, parents’ group targets Deadspace 2 commercial, The Hobbit moving forward, designs sought for “Project Mayorman.”
• Ryan White, Oregonian music editor, visits to discuss his need for a theme song, Rick’s ringtones, upcoming shows (Trombone Shorty, Social Distortion, Ke$ha), and bad national anthems. Also: the “loud, gaudy, bad” Black Eyed Peas half-time show, Slash is a whore, Kanye West is interesting.
• SNUFF WATCH:  Tura Satana of Faster, Pussycat! Kill! Kill! and the parasailing donkey.
• Clown auditions are about to begin for Rose Festival. Why?
• Ryan prepares for the jazz festival. And considers going to musicians’ houses to make them play on demand.
• CLERGY WATCH:  A nun is a dirty liar, as it turns out.

• Rick has a bad morning, Dawn gets her foot thing checked out and watches Dirty Dancing in anticipation of watching it tonight. Also: Movies seen in pieces over time, and judging if movies are good, bad, or just not to your taste.
• Big Jim Willig joins us to talk about scary spiders, spider-clowns, children’s books about spiders, and other things having to do with spiders. Plus: Snake on a train!
• PENSI WATCH: A sharp blade, a “peeler machine,” and a pelvis collide.
• MONKEY WATCH: Joe, the monkey, bites a lady and pays the price.
• Guy falls into pit at WWI museum.
• CORPSE WATCH: Christians in Nepal plan corpse parade, and Oregon mental hospital houses a “room full of souls.”
• HUMOR ME: COMEDY 101 – Flip Wilson, who erased racial boundaries to make people laugh.

• Love guns, boobies, the joys of Paul Stanley, and Steven Tyler’s Idol shenanigans. Plus:  We talk about pens again.
• Dawn reads an e-mail from a reader who’s taking part in the Polar Plunge to raise money for the Special Olympics.
• HICK WATCH: Portland house fire caused by folks using a smokin’ hole in their living room.
• Anna Griffin of The Oregonian (now thrice weekly!) joins us to discuss middle school horrors and other adolescent joys and miseries, and her upcoming story about a crusty realtor who’s raising a ruckus.
• Lindsay Lohan may have shoplifted! Also: plastic surgery, Rick’s hair trevails, and Popeye’s vs. KFC.
• PENIS WATCH:  Man smuggles cocaine into jail via his foreskin. Plus, a listener e-mails a Penis Watch-related incident.
• Rick hasn’t seen Toy Story 3, Pixar is awesome, Anna restricts TV watching at home, kids pick up cultural influences even without seeing them on television, having kids so you can introduce them to Star Wars.

• A listener is getting her elbow replaced, Rick and Dawn do stupid things when playing poker, Willamette Week writes about the woman abused by Neil Goldschmidt, Seumas is freezing, and Dawn watches the Californication season three finale.
• Kelly Clarke talks about the Goldschmidt story, an “organization expo” and the surprising reasons for choosing her baby’s name. Also: Big, scary bugs!
• It’s Groundhog Day, and we get educated on the traditions, poetry, myth and magic thereof.
• PENIS WATCH:  Man takes three tries to expose himself.
• Rick and Dawn yammer about earbuds, DiGiorno frozen pizza (now with cookie dough!), Catholics and their love of Skippers, and how people don’t know from spicy. Also: Another clue in the EH Vending ‘Name That Snack” contest.

• Dawn is sluggish because of her sleeping medication, Seumas is frozen, it’s Todd the Corpse’s birthday, and it’s almost time for another Sleep Country bowling event. Also:  New South Wales is in Australia, and a caller wants us to wish his girlfriend good luck with … something.
• David Walker visits, and brings filmmaker Christopher Witherspoon, who talks about his film Rage, the first films that influenced him, his beginnings as an assistant and an editor on horror films, and his memories of Piranha 2: the Spawning. Also: Mr. Walker tells us about his novel, Darius Logan: Super Justice Force.
• TASER WATCH:  A Minnesota Vikings rookies has a rough weekend, and a naked woman attacks a pastor’s car.
• SNUFF WATCH:  Don Younger, owner of the Horse Brass Pub, dead at 69.
• We talk a little Stephen King, and then Aaron Duran gives us the Week in Geek.

• Rick recounts the time he had his ear un-impacted, and explains why he has no glasses. Also, why don’t you get extra screws from the optometrist, or extra tips for the earbuds?
• Man foolishly hides drugs between his buttocks. This never works.
• DEMOCRACY ON THE MARCH:  Georgia representative wants to do away with driver’s licenses.
• POP CULTURE AUTHORITY:  What’s that monster in the trash compactor on the Death Star, anyway?
• Dawn unveils the awesome 1978 Kenner Death Star playset!
• Ryan White, Oregonian music editor, talks about Rodney Crowell’s memoir, plays with Star Wars figures, and rolls his eyes at our silliness.
• HICK WATCH:  Woman and child are bitten by a fox. Then we discuss the odd projects for which people we know have done voices.
• Criminals steal diapers, then resell them.
• Andy the Home-school Man calls to tell a story about riding on the MAX. Plus: We don’t understand jazz, which is all in Norway now, anyway.
• SNUFF WATCH:  John Barry, composer of the James Bond theme, dead at 77. And: Carrie Fisher is cool.
• TOP FIVE:  Rick’s top five unintelligible hit songs.

• Convenience store Pop-Tarts, dollar-store and Grocery Outlet food, and the joys of the Orowheat/Entenman’s store. Plus: Rick doesn’t buy Quaker Oats granola, and wants a watch that measures calories. Oh, and his dog did something disgusting in the bed.
• Man dives down trash chute to escape police, and loses his underpants.
• Oscar Robertson is mad that the NBA is using his image, and Ford Motor Co. makes lots of money.
• Eric D. Snider calls from Sundance one last time, and tells us about Hobo with a Shotgun!
• TASER WATCH: Man is tased 11 times by cops.
• Joe Squires of Squires Electric attempts to explain amps, volts, tasers, nuclear submarines and other things way beyond our comprehension. He also knows how to survive with nothing but his boots and a pair of pants.
• HUMOR ME:  COMEDY 101 – Big Jim Willig talks about the comedy of Drew Carey.
• Facts of Life actress Geri Jewell – yes, Cousin Geri! – comes out of the closet.
• SNUFF WATCH:  Milton Levine, inventor of the ant farm, dead at 97.

• Dawn hopes for a call from Ralph Johnson, and says she’ll watch Bigger Than Jesus this weekend, leading Rick to reminisce about the gargantuan undertaking that was that production. Also: Elmo is divisive, Rick shares Harry Potter ‘Yo Mama’ jokes, and listener Dan writes of his experiences with The 5,000 Fingers of Dr. T (yay!) and Deadgirl (ew).
• A woman assaults a cop with Pine-Sol, and teenagers go on a BB-gun rampage. Plus: Mrs. Freshleys, drill teams, and a story about a jouster dying from – seriously – a splinter in his eye.
• Sarah X. Dylan and Greg Nibler of FunemploymentRadio.com visit, and talk about their exciting new project for Trailblazers.tv, and how being on television makes one self-conscious and goofy.
• Rick talks about a) the gayest DJ ever, and b) an unexpected setting on the studio’s toaster.
• CLERGY WATCH:  Ted Haggard is “probably bisexual,” surprising no one.
• GEEK WATCH:  Oregon Trail and Where in the World is Carmen Sandiego? To become Facebook games.
• And we really, really miss Douglas Adams.

• A call comes in from Ralph Johnson of St. Petersberg, FLA calls, setting the tone for the day. Also: Jimmy Buffett falls off stage, Dawn hurts her foot, and Stephanie Seymour’s creepy smooch with her son.
• Willamette Week’s Aaron Mesh joins us to talk about the paper’s new web design, and the drinking guide for Portland boozehounds.
• Man travels with his collection of sex dolls, leading Dawn and Rick to discover “Teddy Babes,” much to their horror.
• Huckleberry the dog is found!
• CLOWN WATCH:  Monkey and clown, on a crime spree.
• Obama talks to workers in Wisconsin; Couple follows GPS instructions and drive into church.
• CORPSE WATCH:  Robbers steal Italian game show host’s body.
• More on Rick’s corruption of his namesake, and we give out another clue in the snack-food contest.

• Dawn hates Mo’Nique, Cheryl once knew a Cylon, L.A. sucks, and Rick reads an e-mail which inspires conflicting feelings. Also: Dawn almost had to deal with her cat’s anal glands.
• A semi full of pigs overturns in Missouri.
• CHENEY WATCH:  Cheney may get a new heart! Or not.
• Class-action lawsuit targets Taco Bell’s so-called “meat.”
• Eric D. Snider calls from Sundance to discuss the brouhaha over Lucky McKee’s The Woman, and the upcoming Hobo with a Shotgun.
• JOY OF CHRISTMAS – Lake Oswego fire caused by dry Christmas tree.
• Rick needs to get rid of his tree, and he’s never been to the dump.
• Family buys used Nintendo for 6-year-old and gets pornographic surprise. Also:  Dawn fixed her own computer, Rick cried at Bridges of Madison County, and he forced innocent people to listen to the Norm Wooster Singers.
• TASER WATCH: Taser International presents a “wildlife”version.
• TOP FIVE:  Rick’s top five posthumous albums.

• Why are there plain potato chips, anyway? Also:  Bundt cakes and crock pots,
• Newsweek pretends they know what kids are texting, Rick and Dawn went to poker night at Scott Dally’s house, and Dawn gets some new drugs that made her sleep most of the weekend.
• WEEK IN GEEK:  Grindhouse movies at NW Film Center, Razzie nominations (including Worst 3D Movie), Wachowskis to do Matrix 4 & 5 in 3D.
• Eric D. Snider calls from the Sundance Film Festival – he’s seen 13 movies in 4 days, and recommends Silent House.
• Rick still holds a grudge against Dawn for making him watch Deadgirl, likes movies that are “polarizing,” and made Lara watch Texas Chainsaw Massacre.
• Alarms that suck; Rick’s weird sleep cycle has him watching Jade at 7 a.m.
• Also: Dawn has issues with the Green Hornet.
• SNUFF WATCH: Jack LaLanne, dead at 96.
• Oak Hills residents are angry that they’re getting a better road.

• Dawn has never seen Kiss Meets the Phantom of the Park; bands should make more movies; tales of poker. Plus: Dawn sees her doctor and signs a drug contract.
• Man commits suicide with nail gun, and Rick recalls Phineas Gage and his amazing head. Also, thieves steal formaldehyde and embalming fluid.
• Big Jim Willig joins us to discuss Dawn’s Aerosmith lottery ticket – and the alternate makeup of lesser KISS members, buying scratcher tickets, and seeing Plaid Pantry employees outside of the store. Then Jim helps us on our quest to find a fetish.
• PENIS WATCH:  Giant snow penis!
• HUMOR ME: COMEDY 101 – We love Jon Stewart.
• TOP FIVE:  Big Jim Willig’s top five songs about drinking.

• Rick and Dawn wonders if the Frito Bandito is male, and remember Sambo’s restaurants. Dawn shows Rick a hilarious old photo of Patrick, and it’s questionable if one can wear glasses and rock.
• Burglars break into house, cook food, watch porn, and then scamper away;  Air Force sentences HIV-positive swinger: It’s snowing in Maui.  Also:  Rick love the new Social Distortion and Decemberists albums.
• Anna Griffin of the Oregonian visits to discuss Viagra dispensation in the Australian military, and whether the President should be allowed any drugs or dalliances he wants.
• CLOWN WATCH:  Man sues after clown jumps on his chest.
• Mormons drink a lot of Diet Coke  , and Salt Lake City is awful. Plus: woman solves own childhood kidnapping, Lifetime movies, General Hospital memories, ghostwritten trash books. And Steven Tyler on American Idol.
• TOP FIVE:  Rick’s top five bubblegum songs.

• Dawn adjusts her bra and confuses Rick, then she eats more damn snacks from the damn snack box. Also:  Lara wants to make more desserts, Patrick cooked dinner, House did have a patient with scurvy, Dawn gets a letter from Gordon Smith (kind of), and Rick fixed his own car!
• Kelly Clarke of Willamette Week talks about the premiere of Portlandia and the bacon browning at the Fishwife restaurant.
• CLOWN WATCH:  Clowns help in vitro patients get pregnant. Plus:  We consider an evil clown as a show mascot, and throw around more ideas about fetish videos.
• Fish can count, and Howard Stern is still on the radio.
• PENIS WATCH:  Man exposes himself at Chuck E. Cheese.
• GEEK WATCH:  Steve Jobs takes medical leave.
• And … another question in the snack contest!

• Words we all have to use now, like “infuse,” “cloud,” and “4G.” Also: Rick’s hair products, Dan Clarke’s beard, barbers that have flirty stylists, Project Runway’s Seth Aaron, and vanity vs. not caring.
• FDA to limit acetaminophen in prescription drugs.
• CLOWN WATCH:  A liquor store is robbed/threatened by a “rodeo clown transvestite.”
• Oprah talks about being pregnant at 14. Plus, the horrors or “sweaty, rapey books from the South,” and a woman offended by a swearing dog toy.
• RELIGIOUS NUTCASE:  YouTube theologian says that all the dead birds and animals is a sign of the End of Days.
• Sarah Palin defends the crosshairs map. And Rick finishes his trunk pizza.
• SNUFF WATCH:  Producer/songwriter/promoter Don Kirschner, dead at 77.
• TOP FIVE:  The top five songs that have parts everyone has to sing along with.

• The day somehow starts with a conversation about candy that you never go out of your way to purchase, then Dawn is mocked for using Pandora, and then she tries to talk about the Golden Globes and destroys the entire opening.
• WEEK IN GEEK:  Starbucks adds giant drink size, Darren Aronofsky to write superhero comic, and a fan-made Mortal Kombat becomes a web series.
• Starbucks’ big new size turns out to be for iced drinks, which is actually cool, Rick loves iced tea, and Dawn has amazing hot chocolate at Ruby Jewel.
• Listener Melissa calls to support Dawn in her decision to cut crap out of her crappy diet.
• Ryan White, Oregonian music editor, joins in chat about his budding hypochondria about his baby, eating chips from the snack box, and Rick eating pizza out of the trunk of his car.
• DARWIN WATCH:  Jets fan celebrates by drunkenly sledding into a car.
• More on the Rex Ryan foot fetish story; new music hits this week.
• Golden Globes sound bites (Robert Downey Jr. is awesome) and Oprah ate a lot of macaroni and cheese.
• New rules for “Name That Snack,” you bastards.
• TOP FIVE: Rick’s top five songs about celebrity crushes.

• Rick misses a live performance because he can’t find his wife, Dawn eats snack foods for lunch and isn’t ladylike; Also, discussion of disgusting junk-food habits, and Dawn hates that “ranch” has become a flavor.
• Ben Bailey of Cash Cab is coming to the studio, and Dawn has no chance with him. Rick says that men have no such reality checks where hot women are concerned.
• Big Jim Willig visits, and for some reason Rick talks about all the crappy pizzas he used to eat, and how he lost weight. Then we all talk about the craft of comedy, and how a stand-up act is created and structured.
• CLOWN WATCH:  Playboy runs an old picture of Christina Hendricks from 1999 that inexplicably features a scary clown.
• PENIS WATCH:  An inmate sues because his penis was bitten by a rodent.
• HUMOR ME: COMEDY 101 – Why you should love Margaret Cho.

• A listener thinks that the Godfather Part II theme sounds like “samurai music,” Rick talks about the Dungeons & Dragons cartoon, and we answer the etiquette question, “Do you unfriend a deceased acquaintance on Facebook?”
• Chat Roulette makes money off naked men, Dawn got an email from a listener who’s a furry, listener Noah calls from New York (thus christening this version of the show) to explain that the Dungeon Master was Venger’s father. Also: Rick tells a story that he said he wasn’t going to tell today, and Dawn tells a story that she swore she’d never tell ever.
• CORPSE WATCH: Guy tries to rob McDonald’s of food, with shotgun.
• GREATEST SONGS EVER MADE:  Get ready to shake your rump.
• Cattle ranchers hog-tie thief, and leave him pantsless in the snow. Plus: Internet etiquette, moderation, responding in anger, hate mail, and getting past trolling.
• SNUFF WATCH:  David Nelson, dead at 74.
• Brett Favre’s sister busted for making meth – also, R-rated movies, and we love the movie Jaws a whole lot.
• TOP FIVE:  Rick’s Top Five Songs About Drinking, in honor of the anniversary of the Volstead Act.

• Rick has been awake for 31 hours at the start of today's program. Listen and find out why.
  
• Paul Anka, Tony Randall, Burt Bacharach: Discuss. Also – prohibition was weird, liquor laws suck, and what would you pay for live eels in a vending machine.
• Dawn’s crazy, but so is Rick. As is Willamette Week’s Aaron Mesh, but in a very different way.
• GEEK WATCH:  Park Chan-Wook makes movie on the iPhone.
• A 72-year-old man licks a boy. Also, he looks super-creepy.
• All about our crazy – rituals that we do to manage the nuttiness.
• JACKSON WATCH:  Drugs, drugs, drugs.
• Aaron talks about Portlandia, and Carrie Brownstein, and the BAM Fest.
• TOP FIVE:  Dawn’s Top Five Songs About Drinking (in honor of the anniversary of Prohibition)
  

• Rick finds his old instructional films, and catches up on House; Dawn and Rick talk about how Cuddy and House don’t belong together, Dawn remembers a song from Cheers, and somehow it all ends up connected to The Wire.
• Tech companies support Boy Scouts’ secrecy about their “perversion files.” Why? Lawyers.
• CLOWN WATCH:  Clown with a gun!
• WEEK IN GEEK:  No to David E. Kelley’s Wonder Woman TV show, Hobbit casting news, and Geek in the City debuts La Brujeria this week.
• Dawn and Rick annoy a listener by nerding out about their planners.
• GEEK WATCH:  Surgeon beats Donkey Kong record, Verizon to offer iPhone.
• Rick uses a Kindle, and Arizona brings the technically-Constitutional hammer down on the Westboro Baptist Church.
• Rick interviews James Leung, author of This All-Encompassing Trip, about life on the road with Pearl Jam.

• Oregonian music editor Ryan White wears an Auburn shirt, talks about the BS game, and discusses where fetishes come from. Plus, there are new albums from Social Distortion and the Decemberists, and a documentary about Lemmy Kilmister.
• CLERGY WATCH:  People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals offers money to the lawsuit-riddled Milwaukee Archdiocese.
• Rick gets a speeding ticket, and lame jail experiences are discussed. Even though Ryan White’s never been arrested.
• PENIS WATCH:  An argument, a bottle of gasoline, and a lighter.
• Another “Name That Snack clue is revealed. And then someone guesses the snack. Yes, already.
• TOP FIVE:  The top five Billboard hits from November 5, 1988.

• Dawn has trouble with a Christian bumper sticker, which leads to a long discussion of Jesus. Then, listener Rick calls to explain how he guessed “Name That Snack” on one try.
• Gitmo releases a guy who doesn’t want to go home; 20 percent of people who get implanyed defibrillators don’t need them; Kids and mom convicted of killing dad and cutting off his head. Also: The best ways to dispose of a corpse.
• Big Jim Willig joins us to discuss his Facebook doppelganger, and Dawn breaks out the all-edges brownies.
• HUMOR ME: COMEDY 101: Lewis Black
• Turns out Hitler had no sense of humor when it came to dogs.

• Who eats Fig Newtons? And individual packets of saltines are sad.
• Rick’s oversleeping makes his neighbor’s day.
• A labradoodle alerts his owner to a fire. Plus, restaurants that serve embarrassing menu items.
• GEEK WATCH:  Stan Lee gets a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame.
• The Oregonian’s Anna Griffin tells us about jackasses feeding wild animals.
• A crematorium burns down, Alec Baldwin wants to run for office. And a woman’s fired for missing work when her iPhone alarm doesn’t go off.
• CLERGY WATCH:  Archdiocese of Milwaukee goes bankrupt because of all the molestation lawsuits.
• We give the first hint in our new Name That Snack giveaway. Also: A robber’s knocked out by a guy with a pickle jar.
• TOP FIVE:  Rick’s top five songs that were once inescapable, but you’ve probably forgotten.

• Dawn and Rick talk Juggalos! Also, texting and emailing vs. phone calls, computer programs that learn from you, the further adventures of Dawn’s big-ass TV, and Rick eats Bugles. Plus: Dawn knows a Juggalo!
• The Consumer Electronics Show opens this week, and Rick is skeptical that bees are endangered.
• We have a listener in Scotland!
• EXTRA-LONG, JUGGALO-PACKED CLOWN WATCH:  A guy dressed as a Juggalo shoots somebody. Plus, TV shows that get subcultures wrong and don’t care.
• A man is beaten with frozen meat.
• HICK WATCH:  A woman tries to steal too many things from Wal-Mart.
• AND:  Jodie Foster is pretty normal, all things considered.
  
  Clue #01 in the “Name That Snack” contest is revealed!
  

• Dawn and Rick both like Gossip Girl and Hellcats; Dawn gets a giant TV and watches True Grit.
• GEEK WATCH:  iPhone alarms don’t go off; the Consumer Electronics Show will feature a lot of iPad competitors; Poloaroid to debut a new camera; and Jan. 15 is the La Brujia launch at Bridge City Comics.
• Rick and Dawn discuss planners, and methods of getting things done.
• SNUFF WATCH:  Pete Postlethwaite and Anne Francis.
• Brett Favre is really, truly retiring this time. Also: An NFL coach is married to a foot-fetish model. Also, too:  Dawn discovered that there’s Real Doll porn.
• We announce a new sponsor, and a contest – Name That Snack!
• NASA picks the best and worst sci-fi films.
• PENIS WATCH:  A man, a plan, a penis, a bottle of Tabasco.
• GREATEST SONG EVER:  It’s not about Joey Ramone.

• The difficulty (or not) of avoiding swearing in-air, and Rick’s use of the “c-word.” Also: Rick’s grossed out by people at Brookstone.
• Big Jim Willig visits! A woman dies during plastic surgery, and concert ticket sales are down, leading to discussion of how AC/DC still rocks, and the star quality of Bon Jovi.
• By listener request,we play Storm Large’s “8 Miles Wide”; a man blames his DUI on Ozzy Osbourne. Also: Things we learned from Mazes & Monsters, and we remember Skippy from Family Ties.
• SNUFF WATCH: Geraldine Huff Doyle, the face (and arm) of the “We Can Do It!” poster. And then Dawn, Rick and Jim can’t remember who else died in 2010.
• HUMOR ME: COMEDY 101 – We look at the genius and legacy of George Carlin.
• A woman is strangled by a neck massager.
• JOB WATCH: Less people are unemployed, but it’s still a lot.
• … and there’s a lot of talk about porn. Again.

• Rick helps Dawn open her Viso, and talks about Marty Feldman, Young Frankenstein, The Pajama Game, and Dawn’s viewing of the film Dear Mr. Gacy. Also: What to watch on TV, devices like the Roku and the TiVo, and replacing remote controls.
• Two sisters in prison will get a suspended sentence if one gives the other a kidney.
• Dawn and Rick talk about the pros and cons of getting a big TV, and Dawn mentions that Mike Russell has one to give away, but he never returned her text.
• CORPSE WATCH:  A guy steals a Gameboy from a teenager’s casket.
• Rick calls Mike Russell and asks him what the deal is with the free TV. Everyone feels awkward.
• Bon Jovi was the biggest concert draw in 2010, U2 was third. Also, meeting famous people is weird.
• JOY OF CHRISTMAS:  Thief leaves a thank-you note, a baby Jesus is returned, and a church pastor robs a house on Christmas Eve.
• The Top Gear guys enrage Muslims by wearing burkas.
• TOP FIVE:  Rick’s top five songs about Superman.

• Dawn and Rick get iPhone accessories from a listener, and talk about the coolness of bottle openers, Zippo lighters, and pocket handkerchiefs. Also: Girls who smoke are easy, and Life cereal’s both mis-quoted and awful.
• Rick reads an awesome e-mail from a listener who took a nightmarish Greyhound trip over the holidays.
• Ammunition in checked baggage shoots handler in the foot, and Rick wonders if Dawn would be aroused by sex with a gun to her head. (The answer is no.)
• Willamette Week’s Kelly Clarke talks about keeping bathroom functions in the bathroom, guesses which 80s celebrity has her own grill, reveals how she spent the holidays, and joins us in our bafflement over people using sex as a marital aid. Also: New Year’s Eve suggestions!
• TASER WATCH:  Beware old men with canes. Just sayin’.
• Rick almost bought a statue of a dragon playing the saxophone, and Dawn gets more clown porn, courtesy (of course) of a listener.
• iPhone news/wankage:  Apple files patents for super-cool 3D technology, and a study finds that iPhones are, indeed, addictive.
• A dog gets his head stuck in a wall, and a woman hides pills in an alarming place.

• The joy of destroying things via shredder, like junk mail, medical records and automobiles. Also: Rick gets mystery phone messages from “000,” Dawn finishes Sons of Anarchy, and Rick continues with House.
• Two people are arrested for abusing 9-1-1, Rick and Dawn think GPS is magical, and the holiday diet takes its toll. Plus, an autistic teen is granted the go-ahead for a sex change.
• There is much discussion about figuring out song lyrics years later, and whether it’s cool to like the Eagles/Cheap Trick/Thin Lizzy yet.
• JOY OF CHRISTMAS:  A teenager throws a Christmas tree at her parents.
• HICK WATCH:  An argument in a mobile home park leads, naturally, to a tasing. Also, voodoo priests are being lynched in Haiti, the Golden Girls theory of retirement planning, and Florida's plan to warm up manatees.
• TOP FIVE:  Rick’s top five perfectly-crafted pop songs that aren’t Cheap Trick's “Surrender”.

• The wonderful, terrible foods that Rick and Dawn ate over Christmas weekend. Also: Why people drive so stupidly during the holidays, the etiquette of bathroom lines, Max gets spray liver and Rick gets an “OCD Fun Pack.”
• People are trapped in a huge blizzard on the east coast; A man gets hit by a Disney tour bus; Alanis Morrisette has a baby.
• WEEK IN GEEK:  Aaron Duran talks about the drunken toast at his wedding, the debut of his comic (Jan. 15 at Bridge City Comics), and upcoming grindhouse films.
• Ryan White of The Oregonian stops by to talk about old typewriters, his end-of-the-year music round-up, the Kings of Leon’s tour buses catching on fire, a good year for The Roots, and a possible return to music singles. Also, Dawn smells like a hippie.
• A hugely fat woman wants to be even fatter, and she has a website with videos, and the whole thing is really, really disturbing.
• SNUFF WATCH:  Teena Marie, dead at 54.
• Kanye West and Taylor Swift – both better than they probably ought to be, but still very, very talented. Damn them!
• TASER WATCH:  Another story that involves a crossbow. Seriously.
• TOP FIVE:  Dawn’s top five songs that she moped to after a break-up.

• Dawn ruins Rick’s Christmas, and Rick shares his history of airing accidental profanity. Also, Kinects suck, and there’s more iPhone wanking.
• Obama plans staff changes, and a pilot says TSA overreacted to his videos of lax security.
• GEEK WATCH:  Big Jim Willig helps us figure out the news that a member of the Fantastic Four is slated to die, how Darth Vader poops, and indulges us in geeky superhero talk.
• Ho ho ho! A special presentation of Ebenezer? I Barely Knew Her!
• An adult 3D porn game for Kinect is on the way.
• HUMOR ME: COMEDY 101 – The faux-drunken brilliance of Foster Brooks.
• Rick calls Seumas to track down a present. And a listener leaves an awesome pile of gifts, but we don’t know who to thank.

• Rick and Dawn discuss whether mice have bones in their tails (as well as other taxidermy-related issues), and Christmas music.
• Listener Andy calls to share his maniacal laugh, and two other listeners e-mail x-rays of a mouse and a dachshund. Also: What the hell is Greenwich Mean Time? And Ben Affleck is better than people think.
• Mailman Rick calls to talk about delivering mail at Christmas, and what it means to “do a Newman.”
• The Oregonian’s Anna Griffin stops by to talk about Disney movies, Warner Bros. Cartoons, and various news-related topics.
• RELIGIOUS NUTCASE WATCH:   A woman sees Jesus in a pistachio. Her co-worker sees Freddy Kruger.
• The “smell of death is everywhere” in North Carolina. Also: Asking parents about Santa.
• TASER WATCH:  An unfortunate case of mistaken identity … and, well, resisting arrest.
• Good and bad community newspapers, and a mouse that tweets like a bird!
• JOY OF CHRISTMAS:  People shop late at night, an advertising Santa is told to knock it off, and a giant candy cane crushes a car.
• Dawn and Rick share their Top Five Most Coveted/Appreciated Childhood Christmas Gifts.

• Rick and Dawn both have weird dreams;  They also eat cookies and gain weight.
• CIA form the Wikileaks Task Force, aka WTF. Also, Obama repeals Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell.
• PENIS WATCH:  Swedish man murders a guy and does something unpleasant to his penis.
• Aaron Mesh of Willamette Week and Sigfried Seeliger visit, and discuss food carts, Silent Night, Deadly Night, Tron, True Grit, and the awfulness of Little Fockers.
• … and Dawn sharews her Top Five Non-Traditional Christmas Songs.

• Rick’s wife goes Catan on a guy, and Rick kvetches about Left4Dead 2. Also, Dawn tells a really boring story about cookies, and is catching up on Sons of Anarchy.
• The economic genius of games like Farmville and Smurf’s Village are discussed, and Rick explains that the Smurfs live in a patriarchal theocracy.
• Rick destroys a writer’s dream, and there’s talk about the things that movies steal from us.
• Kristen Bowie of Cascadia.fm’s Don’t Panic PDX visits, and Seumas calls to tell her how awesome she is. Much radio reminiscence ensues.
• A woman with a face transplant meets her donor.
• Listener Sean stops by to talk about the origins of Rickpig Baby and share his Top Five Non-Traditional Christmas Songs
  
• Rick calls Lara to get to the bottom of this Settlers of Catan kerfuffle, and we all learn a little something about “rage quitting.”

• Rick reads e-mails from listeners, and Dawn gives an update on Patrick’s innards; listener Ryan calls to talk gallbladders.
• JOY OF CHRISTMAS:  A man sees Baby Jesus in his candy.
• Discussion topics include The Mist and Fantastic Voyage, hippies, carob and disgusting health food.
• Big Jim Willig arrives, and talks about working at a porn store on Christmas. Also: Jim and Dawn are excited by an annual showing of Silent Night, Deadly Night.
• PENIS WATCH:  A fellow uses a fake penis for his drug test because of shyness issues. This leads to much talk about various pills that do questionable things, penis-wise. Also: Possible pyrokinesis in Chile.
• SNUFF WATCH:  Don Van Vliet, aka Captain Beefheart.
• HUMOR ME:  COMEDY 101 – Eddie Murphy.
• TASER WATCH:  Don’t punch the EMT when he’s trying to help you.
• And Larry King retires, creating a vacuum that no man can fill.

• Rick rhapsodizes over the offering of Mexican bakeries;  Dawn dropped her iPhone, and is entranced by Sons of Anarchy. And the Hard Rock Hotel breaks the busted-guitar record.
• JOY OF CHRISTMAS:  County sheriffs brawl at their department Christmas party.
• Anton Cox of Sorel’s Vintages visits with affordable gift ideas for – literally – the entire family.
• Rick breaks open a box of Kranky candy, which is insanely delicious and probably filled with lead.
• A woman insists that police give her a (well deserved) DUI.
• DARWIN WATCH:  Man. Foot. Wood chipper.
• A listener sends a link to a website featuring awkward pregnancy photos;  Rick is confused by the use of Melanie’s “Brand New Key” in a commercial. Also: Rick finally talks about the Dexter season finale.
• SNUFF WATCH:  Blake Edwards, director of Victor/Victoria and the Pink Panther films, dead at 88.

• Our interview with Don Rawitch, co-creator of the Oregon Trail video game
• Kenny Johnson of The Shield and Sons of Anarchy
• And a telephone call from listener Jenny, who breaks the news of Elizabeth Edwards' death.

• Rick talks about attending the swanky Leverage cast party, and whether he appears in the finale; Dawn and Rick discuss their trip to Christmas Mountain Trees.
• A misspent text message leads to the lockdown of three Colorado high schools.
• WEEK IN GEEK:  George Lucas buys the image rights to dead celebs, and digitizes all their performances; The Oxford English Dictionary adds geek speak.
• Oregonian music critic Ryan White talks about parental leave, Lloyd Center kiosk harassment, and why people write their phone numbers on bathroom walls.
• SNUFF WATCH:  Football great Don Meredith dies.
• Ryan talks about what he’s been listening to, religious songs for non-religious people, and bad Christmas CDs.
• CLOWN WATCH:  Dear god, it’s a holiday for Mexican clowns.
• BBC radio host makes unfortunate flub when saying “Jeremy Hunt, the Culture Secretary.”
• TOP FIVE:  Rick’s top five songs about a band member leaving the band.

• Rick is watching Luther, and Dawn gets a Samuel L. Jackson iPhone app.
• A teenager is very happy after swallowing a baggie of cocaine; Bon Saget has a new show where he rides with bikers; LeBron James scores 38 points against his old team. Also: Where rich people buy their flannel shirts, and the phenomenon of outlandishly expensive store in Las Vegas hotels.
• Brian and Lisa Wood of Big-Ass Sandwiches stop by to discuss their first year in business, giant bean-bag chairs, their review on an Xbox Live podcast, and to talk about their anniversary party on Dec. 18th at Ash Street Saloon.
• ‘Big Jim’ Willig drops in – and again, Rick with the rugulach, already.
• TASER WATCH:  A jealous husband wires his front door to electrocute anyone who tries to boff his wife.
• HUMOR ME:  COMEDY 101 – This week, the subject is “Mr. Warmth,” Don Rickles.

• Dawn is unsure of her general knowledge, Rick is unsure of his Top Five. Also, Dawn’s lipstick smells like desperation, and mayonnaise is disgusting.
• Teacher gives kids inappropriate sex quiz, so Rick and Dawn veer into discussion about people who talk about sex all the damn time.
• Four Loko is going away, so stockpilers are selling the stuff on Craigslist. Also: Collectible beer cans, booze bottles and Avon decanters.
• GEEK WATCH:  Canned unicorn meat and bacon plush toys.
• Legion of News is nominated for a podcast award! In a related story: There are podcast awards.
• KKK snoman, butter sculpture, and the Ugliest Drug Dealer Ever.
• CHENEY WATCH:  Nigeria would like to arrest Dick Cheney.
• Heath Ledger – not in the next Dark Knight film, not even a little bit.
• A song from Johnny Cash’s new, posthumous album.
• 13-year-old girl shoots 11-year-old neighbor in the face.
• TOP FIVE:  Rick brings down the room with his top five songs to which he brooded after breakups.

• It’s the start of the holiday season, and Rick inaugurates it with “O, Holy Night.” Plus: We’ll be giving away Christmas trees!
• Rick talks about the Sons of Anarchy finale, Dawn’s cat pooped on the bed, and Rick sympathizes.
• The governor of Washington is peeved at Camel cigarettes, and Rick wonders why people smoke at all.
• Willamette Week’s Kelly Clarke calls, to talk about the joys of clove cigarettes and coffee, dorky things to do for the holidays (Tuba Christmas!), Rick gets his comeuppance as regards the Peacock Lane Grinch, and if you’re underage and you send sexy pictures on your phone, you could be tried as a sex offender.
• HICK WATCH:  The most horrible and wonderful story ever. Two words: Fat rolls.
• Dexter is still awful, Glee has gotten better, and apparently Frank Darabont fired The Walking Dead writing staff.
• CORPSE WATCH:  Lee Harvey Oswald’s coffin is for sale.
• TOP FIVE:  The top five David Bowie songs, so now you know why you should love him.

• The European Commission investigates Google, and a British author gets the “Bad Sex Award” (for writing, not for actual sex.)
• Zack Whedon visits, sits in Dawn’s Goodwill chair, and talks about The Shepherd’s Tale graphic novel, as well as Dr. Horrible’s Sing-Along Blog writing Terminator comics and more. There is much that is geeky.
• The Oregonian’s Anna Griffin steps in to explain the etymology of the phrase “No whining on the yacht,” and discuss the nutcase almost-bomber fellow.
• The “real cost” of the 12 Days of Christmas is brought to you by a hateful investment firm;  The Pentagon is told that most soldiers don’t give a damn if anyone’s gay, but say they’re sticking with “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” regardless.
• Anna indulges out geekiness further by joining in talk about Serenity, Stephen King, watching Battlefield Earth, and how George W. Bush is a little like Draco Malfoy.
• JOY OF CHRISTMAS:  Amazon offers a service that swaps bad gifts for credit ….before they even get to you.
• TOP FIVE:  A nightmarish collection of terrible songs from January 7th, 1985.

• Rick knows he has to go Utah in a few weeks, and is already dreading it; Dawn’s voice is raspy, but not for any fun reasons. Also:  The morning started badly for Rick, when he had a mishap with his electric shaver and his Viso whilst driving.
• South Korea and North Korea are scrappin', and a man attacks paramedics with his bloody arm.
• WEEK IN GEEK:  Aaron Duran talks about Zack Whedon’s  upcoming appearances, and shares some news about streaming entertainment via game system.
• CANNIBAL WATCH:  Homeless guys kill a man, eat part of him, and sell the rest to a kebab shack. This leads, naturally, to a discussion of what Rick and Dawn hope will happen to their bodies after they’re dead (SPOILER:  Not eaten at a kebab shack.)
• Film critic Eric D. Snider visits to discuss his trip in and out of Salt Lake City airport over Thanksgiving, plus the joys of Utah, Mormons, children, and community theater.
• SNUFF WATCH:  Leslie Nielsen, dead at 84.
• JOY OF CHRISTMAS:  Atheists erect snotty billboard at Lincoln Tunnel.
• Walking Dead recap:  Body disposal, emotional moments, pickaxes and white lights.

• Dawn sees a sad pig in the rain, leading to talk about furries and plushies. Also: Internet memes that you don’t know about, and Dawn uses the phrase “carbonated vomit” in a sentence.
• Texas doctors help a baby with a huge, swollen head (with visual aid!)
• Big Jim Willig stops by to discuss Rick’s eating of mass quantities of rugulach thanks to his damned efficient metabolism, as well as Walgreens shopping and Snuggies.
• JOY OF CHRISTMAS: First watch of the 2010 holiday season – a turkey fire!
• HUMOR ME: COMEDY101 looks at the career of Joan Rivers.
• PENIS WATCH: What sort of a game is “toad in the hole” and what you shouldn’t do with one of the tpy rings.
• TOP FIVE:  Dawn‘s top five songs for Black Friday.   

• Rick announces that Zack Whedon will visit on Tuesday, and Aaron “Geek in the City” Duran discusses comics, Edward James Olmos and pirates. Plus:  The weather is bad everywhere, and kids’ Benedryl has been recalled.
• PENIS WATCH:  A woman screams at a man who exposes himself on the subway, detains him until police arrive.
• Big Jim Willig bring rugulach! And David Walker talks about embarrassing himself in front of Meat Loaf, his work on the Missing Reel web series, and self-publishing his book.
• The dumb TSA quotes are pulled out again, as is Obama talking about eating his food. Then Dawn drops turkey down her shirt.
• Kristin Bowie calls to say hello before drinking a lot of red wine, just like the pilgrims.
• TOP FIVE:  The top five “thanking” songs.

• A woman is arrested with 65 pounds of gift-wrapped marijuana; There’s a shark in Arizona.
• Willamette Week’s Aaron Mesh  talks Four Loko and great burgers.
• OMG! CNN’s Jim Roope calls, just to say hello!
• PENIS WATCH:  “Intactivists” aim to ban circumcision in San Francisco.
• POP CULTURE AUTHORITY:  What’s the name of that kid in Pulp Fiction, anyway?
• Indian town takes cellphones away from single women, Somalis run sex trade in Minneapolis; School district bans Christmas.
• Dawn and Rick talk about Rolling Stone, Spin, magazine subscriptions, and Columbia vs. RCA Record Club.
• GREATEST SONGS EVER MADE:  An unforgettable, outstanding cover that takes the breath away.
• Man reunited with biological mother, and discovers she’s a famous bearded lady;  Crews clean up huge pudding spill in Iowa.

• Dawn and Rick discuss their difficulties keeping up with TV watching, e-mail and voicemail; Dawn suffers a meltdown and misses Lara’s birthday party, while Rick explains his Machiavellian way of getting out of buying a great birthday present.
• Oh, TSA. There’s so much to say about the groping, and the scanning, and the inconvenience, and whatnot.
• Netflix starts a move to all-streaming content, and raises their prices, which leads to talk about games and (of course) porn, and downloadable entertainments.
• SNUFF WATCH:  Apparently, Rick missed the whole “Run, Bambi, Run” thing in the 90’s.
• Capri Anderson, the porn actress who hid in the bathroom while Charlie Sheen went ballistic, tells her story to George Stephanopoulas. Which is sadder for George Stephanopoulas than for anyone else.
• GEEK WATCH:  That Microsoft Kinect thing can see you, identify you, and sell you stuff. And possibly steal your soul.
• Boardwalk Empire recap:  Creepy FBI-guy sex, “mommy’s kissing friend” and the fine acting of Steve Buscemi.

• Dawn drinks because Rick goads her for sport; Rick is embarrassed when he scans 700 cans of tuna, one at a time, at Safeway. Also:  Dawn sees Tangled, and witnesses the glory of Harry Potter fans camped out for the midnight opening.
• JOB WATCH:  Hey, there are more unemployed people!
• An Iranian toy company creates an “Islamic Barbie.”
• TASER WATCH: Man steals car with child in the back, then hides in “a small tree.”
• Scientologists have found their new demographic:  Alcoholic Aboriigines.
• “Big Jim” Willig presents another installment of Humor Me: Comedy 101. This week – the genius of Sam Kinison.
• STUPID CRIMINAL OF THE WEEK:  A man swallows two rings stolen from his elderly mother. So far, the police have recovered one of them.

• Rick and Dawn talk about their uncomfortable relationship with IMing;  Ben the Builder calls, and eats his first McRib on the air, which leads to way too much discussion about food.
• GEEK WATCH:  Teenager gets rich selling make-your-own-white-iPhone kits.
• Six reasons why your barista hates you; Man accidentally shoots himself in the the face with a nailgun.
• Dexter update:  Julia Stiles sucks, Peter Weller looks terrible, and why you shouldn’t dismember a guy in the Holiday Inn.

• Rick and Dawn discuss Animal House and National Lampoon magazine, and it is acknowledged that Dawn has more than a little Belushi-ness going on. Plus, Rick runs down the street to acquire an emergency Viso, and talks about Sons of Anarchy.
• Lisa Murkowski wins Alaska senate seat, despite being a misspelled write-in candidate.
• Andy the Formerly Home-schooled Man calls in to discuss the origins of Trans-Siberian Orchestra.
• Ryan Reynolds is scary well-built, and Warren Buffett is thankful for the U.S. government.
• HICK WATCH:  A couple steal a motorized cart from Wal-mart, and drive to a strip club.
• Dawn shares some entries in her “Choose Rick’s Ringtone” contest, and the Texas Lottery mistakenly tells a man that he won Dallas Cowboys season tickets.

• Rick makes Lara use a computer at the studio, because he keeps stealing her laptops; Apple sells Beatles songs on iTunes, because Steve Jobs wants you to appreciate the size of his … catalog.
• TSA wants to either irradiate you or grope you, and a caller weighs in from Japan on security differences overseas.
• The Italian Prime Minister’s sex scandal inspires Rick to ask: What the heck is “bunga bunga?”
• CLOWN WATCH: A clown burglar and an old woman on the toilet. Yes, this story has everything.
• Bristol Palin still on Dancing with the Stars, and thinks it’s awesome that her mom’s in the audience.
• GREATEST SONGS EVER MADE: “The most doom-laden holiday song of all time.”
• Rick and Dawn discuss albums you listen to compulsively; Disney bans employees from texting and driving.
• TASER WATCH: A doctor hits people with his car, and then gets all belligerent. Naturally, this leads to an anecdote about an incident at a Paul Stanley concert.
• Boardwalk Empire recap: Quick studies, incest-y relationships, and a whole lot of 1920’s humpin’.

• Rick can’t remember the details about a TV cartoon that involved aliens playing baseball with humans; Dawn breaks out a can of Four Loko, and drinks it on air for sckience.
• WEEK IN GEEK:  Facebook is taking over your e-mail, the Swashbucklers’ Ball raises funds for the Portland Pirate Festival, and Xbox Kinect doesn’t like black people.
• More from Mark Siebenmorgen, the most awesome one-man crime spree ever.
• New York bans Four Loko – just how much alcohol does it have in it anyway.
• Casual dining – like Applebee’s and Olive Garden – is on the rise again.
• Rick plays drunken Scotty J. clips, and discusses Scotty’s legacy.
• CLERGY WATCH:  Priest spends thousands on porn.
• Dawn and Rick discuss last night’s episode of The Walking Dead – frogs, hands, and the nature of divided loyalties.
• Dawn has Cherry Cordial M&Ms; Rick plays audio of Ritchie Bristol vomiting. Then, Greg and Sarah visits to talks about “the Scotty J. problem.”

• Dawn spends a night alone with the TV and a pizza; Rick vows not to talk too much about iPhones.
• SNUFF WATCH:  Dino De Laurentiis dies at 91.
• Women threatens cops with sex toy; Demolition experts do a very bad job of bringing down a tower.
• “Big Jim” Willig stops by to talk about blow-up dolls, “fleshlights” and comedy – it’s the debut of HUMOR ME: COMEDY 101, Jim’s weekly examination of the world of funny. This week, he explores the work of Bill Cosby.
• STUPID CRIMINAL OF THE WEEK:  Surprisingly, cops can see you when you jump into the back seat, even if the car’s still moving.
• The best mugshot in a long time comes our way, courtesy of a fellow who goes on a crazy “crime spree” in Milwaukie.

• The show starts off with hostility, when Dawn throws away Rick’s four-day-old
• McRib leftovers without asking permission. Also, Rick’s wife sets the kitchen on
• fire, and Dawn makes an ass of herself in front of Courtney Hameister.
• GEEK WATCH:   The creator of Space Battleship Yamato is honored with The Order
• of the Rising Sun; The 75-year-old producer of Space Battleship Yamato dies when
• he falls off a steamboat.
• Professor offers college course about Lady Gaga; Keith Olbermann apologizes to
• fans, but not to NBC.
• Week in the Geek:  His comic’s coming out! And a town in Japan is naming streets
• after videogames.
• Cheryl forwards an e-mail from Walgreens about “discreet” purchases of sensitive
• personal care items.
• TASER WATCH:  A man is tased, and pepper sprayed, and beaten, and stuffed under
• a blanket. Oh, and he has a mouse in his butt.
• TV Recap:  The season end of Eastbound and Down.
• Dexter.
• TOP FIVE:  The top five Billboard chart-toppers for May 14, 1983.

• Rick joins his wife for a semi-awkward dinner with her close male friend and his date; Dawn buys new bras, and shares a rather obvious Cosmo cover.
• Nazi art found in Berlin! Degenerate art! Naked ladies!
• Rick revisits the Cosmo article, leading to extensive talk about how ladies ought to clue guys into how sex works.
• The Dutch pass out scratch-n-sniff marijuana cards, and a radioactive rabbit os found near Rick’s home town. Plus: Trilby Lundberg gives us the lowdown on gas prices, the governor of Texas riles Medicare recipients and environmentalists, and there’s a pause in the trial of Elizabeth Smart’s kidnapper.
• PENIS WATCH:  KY Warming Jelly is not hemorrhoid cream. So what is it, exactly? And why do people use it? So many questions …
• The Monday television recap covers the health risks and impracticalities of covering oneself in zombie viscera, and admiration for kept Irish women and self-flagellating FBI agents.
• TOP FIVE:  Rick’s top five songs with the word “zombie” in the title.

• The 100th show kicks off with chat about Dawn needing glasses, snack foods from other lands, and a presentation of the mythic McRib.
• A fugitive posts his location in his Facebook status.
• The post office:  Hipsters with earrings, scary warehouses , and leaving stuff on the loading dock.
• “Big Jim” Willig visits to tell us who the Sklar Brothers are, talks about his upcoming gig at the Bagdad, and ponders whether Portland’s a good town for comedy.
• A Polish coffin company sells a sexy calendar, because chick in cemeteries are hot.
• Rick brings out the international snack foods (ham-flavored Ruffles rule!)
• STUPID CRIMINAL OF THE WEEK:  Teenager dresses as breathalyzer for Halloween, gets arrested for drunk driving.
• Rick eats a McRib! And calls listener Kielan for McRib advice.
• PENIS WATCH:  Always remember to bite down hard.
• TOP FIVE:  Dawn’s top five songs about autumn.

• Dawn reads a book on the iPhone; Rick is impressed by her brilliant observation that a guy with an iPad in public is treated the same as a chick with a great rack. Also: Sanrio stores are strange places.
• Rick and Dawn discuss the nature of international law, then somehow get onto the topic of off-brand food stores and weird, mystery snack foods.
• GREATEST SONGS EVER:  In which a fabulous goddess of the stage is threatened by a bank teller.
• CLOWN WATCH:  A TV newsman is pulled from a Halloween float by a marauding clown, lands on his face, and needs reconstructive surgery.
• BBC apologizes to Bob Geldof for saying that his Band Aid money went for weapons. And what the hell happened to all that Aid stuff, anyway?
• CHENEY WATCH:  Bush now claims he considered dumping Dick, and was humiliated by Kanye. Meanwhile, Kanye says he now feels bad for W. And he now has diamond teeth, which is weird and difficult to comprehend.
• Rick shares the horrible thing a co-worker at a convenience store used to do with the beef jerky sticks. Also, there is discussion of dumpster food.

• Dawn is disappointed by Due Date and perplexed by people bumping their phones together; Rick gets ready for Lara’s return, and has no idea what to do with all the garbage.
• A listener sends info on the “Go Girl” portable pee device.
• “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” stay extended, for no good reason.
• GEEK WATCH:  The Supreme Court weighs in on violent video games, with surprising results.
• Dawn can’t sleep while she’s dirty. This leads to questions.
• RELIGIOUS NUTCASE WATCH:  A guy dressed like Jesus walks into a bar. No, wait, a church. And then he gets kicked out.
• TOP FIVE:  Rick’s top five songs about politicians.

• Rick spends an exciting evening matching his socks and watching Dexter and Dawn finally has an iPhone, which she finds enchanting; a listener approaches Rick in public, and inquires as to the whereabouts of his bitches.
• WEEK IN GEEK:  Aaron Duran talks geek pub-trivia, and video games.
• GEEK WATCH:  Soon, you won’t need a TV remote if you have a smartphone.
• Rick gets no Trick-or-Treaters, no matter how hard he rallies the neighbors. But he’s happy to decorate just for himself.
• TASER WATCH:  Firefighters expose themselves to each other, and somebody gets tased.
• CLOWN WATCH:  Stockton, California – a hotbed of balloon-animal animosity.
• A fun new catch phrase is discovered, courtesy of President Obama: “Where my dinner?”

• Rick talks about the outstanding Geek-O-Lantern entries;  Dawn is cranky, undercaffeinated and has a headache. So she mainlines vicodin and accepts charity from Brock, a kind listener.
• SNUFF WATCH:  The original Danno has left us;  A teenager goes berserk over the size of his steak.
• A couple go to court to keep their dog from losing his balls.
• STUPID CRIMINAL OF THE WEEK: A trail of candy leads cops to dumb thieves. This leads, of course, to discussion of candy – including a candy-themed pun-off.
• Aaron “Geek in the City” Duran visits, so Rick dorksm out about Left 4 Dead.
• RELIGIOUS NUTCASE WATCH:  Oklahoma votes to keep Islamic law out of their courts.
• TOP FIVE:  Aaron’s top five scariest video games.
• … and we announce the winners of our Thinkgeek Geek-O-Lantern contest!

• Rick has a bad morning, with Viso mishaps, dogs and poop on his shoe; Dawn finally understands why men think strippers and baristas really like them.
• A woman falls off a horse, breaks her neck … and has to carry her own head to safety.
• Plastic lanterns from Dollar Tree are, shockingly, a safety hazard.
• The Oregonian’s Anna Griffin visits, and gamely discusses pizza bagels, Cinnabon and Orange Julius before tackling local elections and why, exactly, voting is important.
• JOB WATCH:  People would rather join the Army than work for Disney.
• CORPSE WATCH:  Mom and kids decapitate dad, stuff him in a freezer. And so forth.
• TOP FIVE:  Rick’s top five songs about Satan … or the devil … or are they the same thing? And does it matter?

• Rick rhapsodizes about Fright Town, and tells the tale of his experience with iffy Mexican maybe-Sudafed.
• A new comic tells the story of French First Lady Carla Bruni-Sarcozy.
• CORPSE WATCH:  Russian bears are robbing graves for food.
• Willamette Week’s Aaron Mesh talks about a staffer’s work as an employee of Fright Town, and the shift in the local music scene out of downtown Portland.
• PENIS WATCH: “Winkworth “ is a funny name.
• GEEK WATCH:  Would you pay $250,000 for a Darth Vader costume? Of course you would.
• Those TSA rules? They’re dumb. Even British Airways thinks so.
• POP CULTURE AUTHORITY:  “Nature Boy” Ric Flair – where does that name come from, anyway?

• Rick hurts his back doing absolutely nothing, and he loves him some Rowdy Roddy Piper.
• A caller asks for information on wrestler Ric Flair, and Rick foolishly promises he will find the answer. Also: The deadline is past for Geek-O-Lantern submissions, and the entries are awesome!
• PENIS WATCH: One botched circumcision, and one angry tattoo artist.
• POP CULTURE AUTHORITY:  Is there any actual violence in the Psycho shower scene?
• CLOWN WATCH:  Clown names sound extra creepy when you find out they’re child molesters.
• Maria Shriver says, “Women be shoppin’!”
• SNUFF WATCH:  R.I.P., Paul the Psychic Octopus.
• TOP FIVE:  Dawn’s top five songs about dead teenagers.

• A recap of the weekend’s TV watching – Eastbound and Down, Boardwalk Empire, Sherlock, and an examination of the horrors of cola on Law and Order: SVU.
• A woman gets pregnant by watching high-def porn – or does she?
• Oh, Canada:  A ninja on a bicycle goes on a shotgun spree.
• Rick and Dawn discuss the possible fire dangers in local nightclubs, and Dawn talks about the Best bacon She’s Ever Eaten. Also:  Listener Andy calls from his sickbed to talk about bacon.
• GEEK WATCH:  Hobbit fans want the Hobbit movie to be filmed in Hobbit-y New Zealand.
• ‘Funemployment Radio’ hosts Greg Nibler and Sarah X. Dylan stop by to celebrate the one-year anniversary of the group firings, and there is much discussion about haircuts and eyebrows.

• Rick finds that technology is awesome, and that he’s pathetic;  Dawn’s husband pulls a fast one as regards her iPhone and their anniversary.
• Breaking news – A swimmer gets his leg bitten off by a shark.
• Comedy Central needs portable toilets for the Stewart/Colbert rally, which leads to Rick’s pondering the nightmare of Port-O-Johns.
• CORPSE WATCH:  A woman drives around with a dead body in her car. For months. With nothing but a box of baking soda to mask the smell.
• An Albuquerque porn festival falls victim to zoning issues. This somehow leads to a discussion of Human Centipede and the Saw films.
• GREATEST SONGS EVER MADE:  A surprising entry from a legendary pop group.
• The ‘Stupid Criminal of the Week involves a wheelchair, a garbage bag, a kitchen knife, and two very dumb crooks.
• What drugs will Rick do when he gets old? Discuss. ALSO: Oh, Clarence Thomas. You and your porn!
• TASER WATCH:  A young man looks for mysterious foes armed with a hammer, and mistreats a police dog. Tasing ensues.
• TOP FIVE: Songs about serial killers!

• Rick and Dawn need a lightbulb, and they discuss their weird dreams. Weird even for them, which is pretty damn weird.
• A Missouri man is forced to take down his alarmingly racist Hallowwen decorations.
• GEEK WATCH:  Steve Jobs announces more things that you don’t know you need yet.
• A caller from Japan makes Rick feel very, very old.
• SNUFF WATCH:  Bob Guccione dies, so there’s a lot of talk about Penthouse magazine, naked ladies, and pee.
• A giant fish and a giant cat are both scary, for different reasons, and Greg Nibler tells of his first exposure to Penthouse.
• DARWIN WATCH:  Safety tip – when de-icing your car on a hill, don’t leave the engine on and the car in gear.

• Rick needs to go to the mall; Dawn and Rick have issues with their dogs.
• A college mascot sets the homecoming float on fire, and oh, the kerfuffle.
• Willamette Week's Kelly Clarke talks about the new Restaurant Guide, brings delicious chocolate donuts from Tasty N Sons, and where to get the best cupcakes.
• Darren Aronofsky is direting Wolverine 2, and Rick remembers Peter Benchley's White Shark.
• TOP FIVE: The top five Billboard hits for Januray 19, 1980.

• Rick battles traffic, lack of caffeine and an unreliable point-of-purchase register system to get to the show.
• A rowdy bar customer’s shot by a jazz musician, damaging both the guy’s body and dignity.
• Corpse Watch and Taser Watch! Plus: breaking-news Snuff Watch!
• Film critic Eric D. Snider talks about his youthful experiences with Dr. Demento, and discusses the similarities between “screening rats” and “prize pigs.”

• Rick met a Schwarzenegger (not the one you might think); Dawn seeks a special kind of candy corn.
• Aaron Duran calls in to talk “The Week in Geek” – there’s a serial-killer board game!
• Facebook apps are stealing your soul. Well, your information, anyway.
• Rick’s dogs don’t handle visitors well.
• SNUFF WATCH:   Benoit Mandelbrot, of the fractals and the Jonathan Coulton song, is dead at 85.

• Rick loves crazy Casey Kasem;  Dawn’s excited to talk to Dick Van Dyke because he’s her spirit animal, and humiliates herself in front of Cute Neighbor Dad.
• The Oregonian’s Anna Griffin calls in, and finds out about Dawn’s thing about Dick Van Dyke. Also:  The President’s coming to town, and ballots go out tomorrow.
• “Big Jim” Willig visits, and talks about comics stealing jokes. (He’s against it.)
• OBAMA WATCH:  He’s coming to Portland, trying to close the “enthusiasm gap.”
• Rick plays cuts of Casey Kasem going bonkers.
• TOP FIVE:  The top five pre-performance songs that Jim Willig uses to get into the mood for comedy.
• CHENEY WATCH:  Surprise! That guy who Cheney shot was hurt a lot worse than we were told. Oh, and Cheney never apologized.

• Dawn has bagels, and Rick has an infected finger. Also, Dawn has a huge crush on her neighbor, because her ovaries are twanging.
• The Chilean miners are being freed. Chi! Le! Chi! Le!
• Willamette Week's Aaron Mesh visits, inspiring Rick to talk a lot about hair choices.
• A hairdresser's nose collapses, but they fixed it with a piece of her ear.
• POP CULTURE AUTHORITY: Is 'Ring Around the Rosie' about the Black Plague?
• The world's tiniest man turns 18! Oddly, he's "not very mobile."
• TOP FIVE:  The Top Five Soundtrack Choices by Paul Thomas Anderson or Wes Anderson That Pretty Much Wreck Aaron Mesh Emotionally.

• Rick's heater still isn't fixed; Dawn's dog loves the damn Mr. Bill toy; Rick ate moldy beef jerky.
• A man beats up two women, using a stripper pole, and a couple buy a human skeleton at a yard sale.
• Oh, that Carl Paladino! He says the darnedest things.
• MUSIC:  'Little Bird' by White Stripes
• GEEK WATCH:  There's now an 'MTV Geek' website, so Dawn and Rick talk, again, about the prevalent geekiness of modern culture. Also: Whiz Kids!
• TASER WATCH: A naked man in swim goggles fails to submit to authorities.
• Iceland has the greatest male/female equality, according to a study.
• GREATEST SONGS EVER MADE:  A little ditty about what ladies do in private.

• Rick and Dawn geek out over Eastbound and Down; A listener calls to apologize for hanging up (and asks when he’ll get his damn Bugles);  Dawn missed Sarah’s party because she had Cat Flu.
• Two “vampires” stab a guy to get his blood.
• Microsoft releases a smartphone, and no one cares.
• PENIS WATCH:  A woman in Eugene sues her employers for making her play ring-toss on her boss’s penis.
• Aaron Duran weighs in with The Week in Geek.
• Rick reminisces about Run of Run D.M.C., and how he spied on him like a girl  at a Kid Rock show.
• Gubernatorial candidate Carl Paladino is alarmed by homosexuals and their Speedos and their grinding.
• MAD MEN RECAP:  The season’s penultimate episode offers more Don-and-Peggy goodness, a deeply sad reunion with an old flame, and more dysfunction with little Sally Draper.

• Rick injures himself on bread! Twice!
• The Geek O’Lantern Contest is explained – yes, you can carve something other than a pumpkin!
• The Beaverton School District thinks that being gay is shameful!
• CLERGY WATCH:  A Welsh pastor says that it was just a banana in his pants!
• There’s a new drug making the rounds, and we know what it is (even if TV news, high-school principals, and law enforcement officials don’t)!
• Jamie Lee Curtis talks about her father – from the bottom of a well!
• TASER WATCH:  Cop tases abusive, wheelchair-bound girl; girl’s sister bashes cop in head; cop accidentally tases EMT!
• Dawn and Rick geek out about the work (and creepiness) of Stephen King!
• A listener enjoys our show on a plane during extreme turbulence!
• Rick schools Dawn on the reading of books on the iPhone!
• The latest episode of Dexter is outlined, and Rick explains why he may not watch the new season of Californication!
• Social Distortion’s Mike Ness is a man with a secret passion – for shopping!
• A news story about Jonathan Franzen leads to a chat about Twitter, HTML code, and other geeky things!
• TOP FIVE:  Dawn shares her top five scary horror-movie scores!
• Dogs – they don’t like to wear Halloween costumes!

• Monday!  A new week begins with a ridiculous amount of news and entertainment!
• Dawn and Rick both saw The Social Network, and Dawn overheard two very dumb guys in the ticket line:
• CORPSE WATCH:  A couple finds out that their dead son’s brain has been on display at county morgue.
• A two-legged pig can walk … on two legs!
• A very, very, VERY unattractive woman fails to comply with sex-offender registry.
• GEEK WATCH:  The annual Ig Nobel prizes are awarded for the collection of whale snot, research on microbes on scientists’ beards, and a study of fellatio in fruit bats.
• Aaron Duran reports on “The Week in Geek.”
• A man admits that the marijuana jammed in the seat of his pants is his, but denies owning the cocaine.
• MAD MEN RECAP:  Don’s juggling two dames, Roger’s coming unwound, and Peggy’s getting some. Also, Eastbound and Down remains awesome.
• CLOWN WATCH:  Brazilian clown wins election in a landslide!

• An especially action-packed episode, with guest Anna Griffin, monkeys, and political discourse:
• Rick talks about the qualifications for a new intern, and wonders what we’d do with the loaner Segway we’ve been offered. Meanwhile, Dawn reveals that she’s mildly obsessed with the iPhone that she doesn’t own yet.
• SNUFF WATCH:  Tony Curtis is dead, he couldn’t decide between hot dogs and hamburgers, and Rick would totally go back in time to boff Janet Leigh.
• The Oregonian’s Anna Griffin stops by to discuss the gubernatorial race, why those bike boxes cost so much (she did research!), and the dysfunctional relationship between Sam Adams and the city council.
• MONKEY WATCH:  Monkeys can recognize themselves in mirrors, which means they’re more self-aware than we thought. Thus, even more dangerous.
• Rick asks 10 questions designed to get to know Anna Griffin better; We learn about her favorite TV show, her snack food preferences, how she feels about Showgirls, and much, much more.
• TOP TEN:  Rick’s top ten songs with “monkey” in the title.

• Dawn made tuna casserole that is very tuna-y;  A listener says that Rick’s house
• showed up in her dreams; Hooking up electronics is complicated, and girls who
• know how things work are hot.
• It makes Rick angry that you can use food stamps to buy Red Bull, but not Viso.
• A man finds a mouse baked into a loaf of bread, and it’s horrifying. (Photo
• available at www.rickemerson/pictures).
• SNUFF WATCH: Director Arthur Penn died.
• Dawn doesn’t like the new Google, dammit.
• POP CULTURE AUTHORITY:  From whence comes the phrase, “Let the cat out of the
• bag?”
• Willamette Week’s Aaron Mesh discusses The Social Network, the remake of Let the
• Right One In, and not watching TV.
• In the news: People believe in religion, but don’t k now much about it. Well,
• except unbelievers. Apparently they know a lot about what they don’t believe in.
• PENIS WATCH:  Guy cruises school buses, flashing a fake penis.
• CORPSE WATCH:  Man kills his wife, then hides the body in his house for several
• days.
• Dawn saw the first episode of No Ordinary Family and wishes Vic Mackey had been
• nigh invulnerable.
• TOP FIVE:  Rick shares the top Billboard songs from October 4, 1969, including
• one from Dawn’s childhood pop-idol crush.

• Rick wonders about the definition of “savory,” and talks to Dawn about her morning craziness. Also, Dawn’s husband is a big, whiny baby when he’s sick.
• The proper storage location for household cleaning supplies is discussed. Rick’s wife thinks they should go in the basement, which is clearly nonsense.
• A robbery at a check cash-cashing place is probably linked to a similar crime on Friday. Plus, there’s a news story about Portland schools, but no one here cares about it very much.
• SNUFF WATCH:  Film editor Sally Menke and Titanic star Gloria Stuart are both dead, dead, dead.
• The Grand Ole Opry is re-opening – this somehow leads to Rick talking about the Glore Psychiatric Museum, which then leads to the discovery that St. Joseph, Missouri  is a magical vacation destination.
• GREATEST SONGS EVER MADE: Rick shares “’74-‘75” by The Connells.
• CLOWN WATCH:  A Brazilian clown is a favorite to win a seat in congress, but may be disqualified for being illiterate.
• Dawn shares that her TV boyfriend Josh Holloway’s been cast in Mission Impossible: 4, and Rick’s surprised to hear that Brad Bird’s directing.
• PENIS WATCH:  A  woman sets her husband’s penis on fire. Because sometimes women are like that.
• Will Arnett is in another TV show; A mayor is stoned to death and Mexico. These stories are unrelated, as far as we know.
• Dawn finally watches the season premiere of Eastbound & Down, and much geeky fan-wanking ensues.

• It’s a new week! With a new sponsor! And new things to kvetch about!
• Rick and Dawn discuss their respective weekends: dawn celebrated her birthday, while Rick started redecorating, took an Ativan, and saw his wife drink beer from a Mason jar.
• Also, Rick thinks Dawn’s house is tasteful yet creepy, like “Martha Steart meets Morticia Addams.
• The “Where’s Waldo” bandit is in jail! Yeah, that happened.
• SNUFF WATCH:  The owner of the Segway company dies from a plunge over a cliff … while riding a Segway.
• A cop is disciplined for posting a picture of goats on Facebook. The goats were on a roof. How do goats get on a roof?
• Mad Men recap:  Don’s investigated by the Feds, Joan goes to the clinic, and Pete … well, Pete doesn’t make a whole lot of sense.
• TASER WATCH: A guy dumps paint on himself, because he thinkis that’ll stop cops from zapping him.
• Dexter recap:  Meh.

• Dawn gets an e-mail from a guy who wants to clean for her, naked. With a photo of himself. In a towel.
• Rick talks about his new voice-recognition app for his iPhone, which is magical.
• The subject of naked housecleaning arises again, and Rick speculates on the size of Dawn’s husband’s genitalia.
• JOB WATCH:  A $42 billion bill may create jobs. Or so they say. Also, Nancy Pelosi is scary.
• The merits of various video games are discussed. Rick found ‘Doom III’ too scary, what with the giant spiders and all.
• Portland is now “Pornland” and 82nd Avenue is called “the track,” according to ABC’s Nightline. Also, these fellows called “pimps” hang out at parks and lure young girls into
• working as “hookers.”
• “Big Jim” Willig talks open-mic comedy, and the funniest beverage names,
• STUPID CRIMINAL OF THE WEEK:  Guy robs Wal-Mart, hides in dumpster, then gets trapped inside garbage truck.
• A big box of geeky treasures is opened, full of stuff from Think Geek.

• Rick rethinks his gift for Dawn’s upcoming birthday, and Dawn reveals that she’s already gotten one awesome present.
• A massively huge spider makes Rick’s life miserable, on account of he’s a big girl. Also, because it’s a massively huge spider.
• The “Where’s Waldo?” bandit turns out to be the brother of a local radio DJ.
• DEMOCRACY ON THE MARCH:  Sarah Palin keeps her terrifying laser eyes on the White House, and Christine O’Donnell is advised to not talk so much.
• To help with PDX.FM founder Robert Wagner’s new drinking game, Dawn uses the phrase “President Barack Obama” about 700 times.
• Rick advises Dawn on whether she should read the rest of the damn Harry Potter books before the last two movies come out.
• BRITNEY WATCH:  Brit’s cover of “I Love Rock ‘n Roll” is voted the worst cover of all time.
• TOP FIVE: Dawn shares her Top Five Songs That Use Food As a Creepy Metaphor for Sex.

• Rick and Dawn talk about Kurt Vonnegut, bad movies they love, and the Australians who came to visit.
• A sad day:  Rick dropped his iPhone, screamed like a girl, and almost fainted.
• Dawn went to K-Mart and drove one of those electric carts around, smashing into merchandise.
• News:  A surveyor finds a skeleton, apparently just lying around, in Sisters.
• CLERGY WATCH:  The pastor of a mega-church denies coercing two young men into a sexual relationship. The pastor’s name is Eddie Long. His lawyer’s first name is B.J.
• Bernstein. Sometimes the jokes write themselves.
• Rick and Dawn spend what feels like three hours discussing something Rick says, Dawn’s reaction, and the very nature of offense in general.
• CLOWN WATCH:  A clown fails to pay his taxes on money he made being a clown. His clown rep is now “in tatters.”
• Fright Town is awesome, and Dawn talks about a scary Halloween at her house.
• Willamette Week’s Kelly Clarke calls and talks about delicious food cart foods, and how Aaron Mesh inadvertently convinced her that that owl movie must be the best thing ever.
• TOP FIVE:  The sleaziest songs to get mainstream radio airplay.

• No one is cranky today, but things quickly take a turn for the sleazy:
• Rick says that he was TOTALLY NOT CRANKY YESTERDAY, but gifts Dawn with Chocolate-Peanut Butter Bugles anyway.
• A bribe is offered for information/video related to a local female newscaster who pronounced it “Hurricane EYE-gor.” Dawn swears she saw this on TV.
• Rick has 2,000 Facebook friends! Then he doesn’t. Then he does! Then he doesn’t.
• After perusing the clown porn DVD, Dawn has a few questions about the pornographic arts. Namely, why all the butt sex?
• MONKEY WATCH:  Jimmy the chimp likes to paint! So do other animals, although Rick thinks Dawn is fibbing when she says that dolphins make art.
• The porn chat continues, with talk about “pro-am” porn and where they get their locations, weird fetishes, and a final word on that butt sex thing.
• TOP FIVE:  The top five Billboard hits for November 18, 1978.

• Time for a new week to begin, with a bucket-load of fun and frivolity:
• Dawn accuses Rick of being grumpy, and he insists he TOTALLY IS NOT! Besides, Dawn has a cold, and isn’t thinking right.
• Rick explains how he spent his weekend gorging on Triscuits and cheese, and working on his book.
• CORPSE WATCH:  A man stashes his 21-year-old daughter’s body in the freezer of his RV in hopes that it would resurrect in seven years.
• Oregon's minimum wage is going up -- but you still can't afford anything. In a related story, economists say the recession ended over a year ago.
• GEEK WATCH:  Sir Terry Pratchett can make his own damn sword.
• A listener calls … from the future!
• TASER WATCH:  Naked guy gets into a woman’s car at Dutch Bros., leading Rick to wonder what people see in Dutch Bros., anyway.
• Mad Men recap:  The show’s best season continues with an excellent episode full of great one-liners, hysterical girl-children and rum-soaked French toast.

• The craziest week in Crazy Town end with a great big swath of crazy:
• Rick talks about his adventures buying way too many boxes of Triscuits, and how crazy he’s been because of his lack of sleep.
• CLERGY WATCH: A former pastor fakes a car crash to cover his wife’s murder; he may have killed his first wife, too.
• Peter Criss is raising money for men’s-breast-cancer research, which is totally not funny in any way.
• Dan Clark talks about the Portland Pirate Festival and his beard, and then watches clown porn with Dawn and Rick.
• Yes, there was clown porn. Dawn is scarred for life.
• STUPID CRIMINAL OF THE WEEK:  A teenager breaks into a pharmacy, guzzles cough medicine, and passes out in the crawlspace.
• Funemployment Radio's Sarah and Greg stop by for Snack Food Friday. Today's snack: Many crackers, and Trader Joe's pub cheese.

• Rick and Dawn are both achy all over, for no good reason.
• Potentially embarrassing items are hidden away from respectable guests.
• Bike boxes: What are they? Why do they cost so much? We have no idea.
• PENIS WATCH:  A man pleasures himself with a Sports Illustrated magazine in Wal-mart. In the toy department.
• Decapitated man was apparently the guy who made the pipe bomb. This is confusing.
• POP CULTURE AUTHORITY:  Where is Tennessee Williams from?
• The Oregonian’s Anna Griffin subjects herself to our nonsense again, and discusses the aftermath of the Aaron Campbell shooting, those damn bike boxes, and the proposed alcohol laws.
• TASER WATCH:  Man tells cops, “I’m a UFC fighter, I can take you.” He was not a UFC fighter, and things went poorly.
• Dawn isn’t a Lord of the Rings geek, and Rick thinks she ought to be.
• CLERGY WATCH: The Pope says that the Catholic Church hasn’t been Johnny-on-the-spot about this pedophile priest thing.

• Rick and Dawn talk (and talk and talk) about snack foods. Rick is shocked that Dawn has never tsted flavored Triscuits.)
• Dawn cures her depression with TV, sausages and tater tots.
• A teenager is banned from the U.S. for life for calling Obama a “prick.”
• A woman is paralyzed during a pole-dancing accident.
• Willamette Week’s Kelly Clarke talks about Portland’s best nachos, and reveals that Triscuits only have salt on one side. Rick is dumbstruck. Plus – all the bees are dying!
• DEMOCRACY ON THE MARCH:  Delaware candidate Christine O’Donnell’s anti-masturbation ad from the 90’s is hilarious.
• Dawn saw The Town, and liked it very much. And it’s Ben Affleck, even.
• Chuck E. Cheese recalls toys because kids are swallowing the batteries.
• TASER WATCH:  A homeless guy named “Bongo Jesus” gets a bit out of control. Tasering ensues.

• It’s an action-packed day with guests, food talk and more discussion of genitalia:
• Dawn’s anxious because her home has been marked by gypsies. Or hoboes. Either way, it’s not good.
• A listener writes in to suggest an appropriate object lesson for the woman who had her face ripped off by a chimp.
• POP CULTURE AUTHORITY: What do the additional letters on the famed CBGB’s sign mean?
• Pedobear:  Ironic Internet meme, or terrifying threat to children?
• Lisa and Brian Wood of Big-Ass Sandwiches visit to discuss food cart culture, Brian’s recent kidney stone adventure, and why his friend has Brian’s vas deferens in a jar on a shelf.
• PENIS WATCH:  An Indian engineering student inserts a pencil into his penis and, unsurprisingly, ends up in the hospital
• A Florida man almost loses his remaining hand when he tries to help an alligator.
• GEEK WATCH:  Two companies fight over their respective iPhone apps that involve “making virtual chocolate milk.”
• TOP FIVE:  Dawn’s top five worst songs recorded by actors (spoiler alert: Steven Seagal sings!)

• The week begins with the usual talk about iPhones, genitalia and bodily fluids:
• Rick wonders what the opposite is of “nocturnal,” spends an inordinate amount of his weekend choosing a planning app for his phone, and decides he’ll start using “toilet” as a verb.
• In a warm display of mutual affection, Dawn shows Rick the giant penis that someone drew on the sidewalk, and Rick presents Dawn with a loaf of bread shaped like a skull.
• HICK WATCH:  Man goes on trailer-park killing spree because he’s unhappy with his breakfast. A neighbor says, “He’s always been trouble.”
• Stuff in the news:  Teenager kills brother, stuffs him the trunk, then goes to girlfriend’s house; Dead animals are found in a school freezer;
• MAD MEN RECAP: Dawn thinks the latest episode recalled a story by John Cheever, Rick thought that Joan’s dressing down of the douchebag copy editors was awesome.
• Rick continues his adventures with his new phone by accidentally taking a picture of his most private of areas. He thinks. Maybe.
• TOP FIVE:  The top five musicians who choked on their own vomit.

• Fridays seem just a little crazier, and this week is no exception:
• Dawn finishes The Shield, has a weird dream about it, and then Rick engages her in fan-wanky Shield chat for a good half hour.
• Oregon’s suicide rate is 35 percent higher than the national average. We rule!
• A woman kills two co-workers after getting fired from her job at a cookie factory.
• We interview Kenny Johnson (The Shield, Saving Grace, Sons of Anarchy)
• We're also joined by Michael Schaub of BookSlut.com.
  
• STUPID CRIMINAL OF THE WEEK: Two Missouri men break out of jail to go buy drugs, then are caught breaking back into jail.
• Funemployment Radio’s Greg Nibler and Sarah X. Dylan join us in the studio to celebrate their 200th episode, and share radio-station stories with Rick. Also, there is beer.

• Rick starts to talk about his new phone, but then finds out that General Mills will be giving us chocolate-peanut butter Bugles to give away, so he loses his train of thought. Also, Cheryl texts to let him know that we'll be interviewing Kenny Johnson (from Sons of Anarchy and The Shield), sending that thought-train several miles further down the track, then off the rails and into a ravine.
• Also, a listener e-mails to call us "retards" and to say that Dawn's a big liar.
• JOB WATCH:  Toys 'R' Us will open 600 holiday "express" stores, and hiring about 10,000 workers.
• A woman is stung 500 times by yellow jackets, leading Rick and Dawn to wonder a) whether yellow jackets are wasps, bees, or their own separate insect, and b) how scary flying spiders would be.
• POP CULTURE AUTHORITY:  Can cops identify cocaine just by tasting it?
• An apartment complex is beset by raw sewage. So, then, what is un-raw sewage? We do';t know. Because we're retards
• TOP 5:  Top five songs about cocaine! (Get it? It's a theme.)

• Rick announces his choice in the big "Droid v. iPhone" face-off
• Pop Culture Authority asks "What's up with the chant at the beginning of Laverne and Shirley?"
• Willamette Week's Kelly Clarke joins us to discuss MusicFest NW, and the ongoing drama of Menomena
• A hideous Portland landmark is about to be demolished
• A glorious Taser watch comes our way

• A recap of why, exactly, we disappeared from the airwaves after 20 minutes, and how freaked out Rick was about it all.
• Oregon's Department of Education will let students use a spellchecker on a state writing assessment. WTF?
• RELIGIOUS NUTCASE WATCH: A Florida church plans to stage a Koran-burning, because that'll show them Muslims a thing or two.
• A doctor in Finland employs an unusual (and disturbing) diagnostic technique on a patient's breast.
• GEEK WATCH: Doctor Who fans can play the Doctor Who game on Wii with the Doctor Who sonic screwdriver remote. Because geeks will buy anything.
• Germany's Communist Party accidentally gives naughty writing implements to children.
• Sci-fi/fantasy author Terry Brooks talks to Rick about the gazillion books he's written, and his dissatisfaction with George Lucas' dialogue.
• And a recap of Sunday's Mad Men.
  

• Rick tries to get out of going to a new restaurant with his wife.
• An elderly scientist inspires a bomb scare at Miami's airport, inspiring talk about going through security.
• Cannibal Watch: That cannibal restaurant? Just a stunt by a some damn German vegetarian group.
• A killjoy "men's rights" douche says Ladies' Nights at bars are unconstitutional.
• A boy is saved from bees by his puppy; Dawn annoys listeners once again with the buzzing sound when she plays audio.
• Stupid Criminal of the Week: A man says he has no idea why he was standing by the side of the road naked.
• People are taking more drugs than ever! And kids take each others' ADHD meds, because kids are stupid.
• The extended Top Five shares first songs from debut albums -- Dawn and Rick have a lot to say about this, unsurprisingly.

• Dawn horrifies Rick by bringing in a piece of her body that she saved from an operation – the phrase “touch my femur bone!” is now archived for posterity.
• Snuff Watch:  Portland wrestler Tough Tony Borne, dead at 84.
• Oregonian columnist Anna Griffin returns, and again proves herself a trooper by putting up with our shenanigans. She also explains to Rick what bond measures and levies are, discusses the TriMet fare increases, and does a passable imitation of an angry monkey.
• Monkey Watch:  Drunk baboons are wreaking havoc in a wealthy South African suburb.
• A Portland police officer may be fired over shooting an unarmed man;  Anna Griffin explains the political conundrum facing Mayor Sam Adams.

• Aaron Mesh of Willamette Week has some truly hilarious running commentary for the Top Five.
• Would you spend $18,000 for a Real Doll who looks like your ex? One man did.
• Corpse Watch, Geek Watch, Taser Watch
• Rick spent all night cleaning his house in advance of a friend's three-day visit; he discovered many frightful things lurking in his cupboards.

• Dawn and Rick have a much longer cell-phone discussion, in which she talks about her random Luddite tendencies.
• The Top Five demonstrates the essentially-horrible nature of 1980s pop.
• An awkward but enlightening dicussion of bathroom habits leads to a story about a failed attempt to set up a foursome.
• Penis Watch, Taser Watch, Obama Watch

• Dawn tells Rick about how she screwed up a flash drive, once again proving that she can’t have nice things.
• Rick has a garage full of spiders, and finds Dawn’s lunch disgusting.
• An 88-year-old man rolls down a hill in his wheelchair, crashes through a fence, and dies. Hilarity ensues.
• Another elderly man assaults a fellow yard-saler with a cornbread pan – why are yard sale people so crazy?
• Oregonian critic Ryan White visits, and Rick obsesses on whether or not he should buy a damn iPhone.
• Obama Watch:  POTUS visits New Orleans, says the city’s come a “long way,” and promises that next time those levees will work, dammit.
• Top 5: Ryan White shares the happiest, most toe-tappingest songs that he owns.

• The day is made more cheerful with the sounds of Paul Stanley, and of David Lee Roth singing "Yankee Rose" in Spanish.
• Rick's wife is out of town, so he's been living like a bachelor. A stinky, slothful bachelor.
• Religious Nutcase Watch: Iran says that people's love for their pets will have "evil outcomes," and bans dogs and cats as unclean.
• Stupid Criminal of the Week:  Two geniuses shoplift at Fred Meyer while the store is full of police for a "Shop-with-a-Cop" promotion.
• Job Watch:  People aren't spending money and no one has a job. A guy from Bank of America says that this is bad.
• Penis Watch: An Australian man accidentally send a photo of his member to a 12-year-old. Alcohol may have been involved.
• Dawn shares her Top Five songs from musicals, and a listener calls in to expose Dawn as a fraud as regards Buffy the Vampire Slayer lore.

• Dawn has a bad day, and starts drinking homemade kahlua in the studio;
• Rick gets his car fixed, thanks to a listener who actually knows something about automobiles;
• People are up in arms over Glenn Beck, which just seems silly;
• Taser Watch:  A man strips off his clothes at church, and shoots it out with another parishoner;
• An elderly man is attacked by a goat;
• Cannibal Watch:  A members-ony restaurant proposes that you donate body parts for other members to eat (unsurprisingly, it's in Germany);
• Rick ponders why he's known so many kinky girls, and admits that he'll put up with a lot if there's a promise of carnal pleasures later.

• Dawn describes her Tuesday evening, which involved being used as a "living mannequin" for use in a carpool lane.
• Rick discusses his most recent audition, which required him to be "rugged" and "outdoorsy".
• Aaron Mesh from Willamette Week talks Apple Computers and -for some reason- a resurgence in the homemade yogurt industry.

• Dawn and Rick discuss the latest Emerson audition for a "rugged outdoorsman" role.
• Rick talks about the saddest bachelor party ever.
• Corpse Watch: "Aquamation" technique dissolves bodies into "fantastic fertilizer."
• Religious Nutcase Watch: Saudis want to remove a man's spinal cord as punishment for assault.
• Rick's latest Pop Culture Authority answers "What was the punchline to John Bender's joke in The Breakfast Club?"

• Dawn finally gets to try the Chocolate Peanut Butter-flavored Bugles, and is thus doomed for all eternity.
• Oregonian music critic Ryan White talks about Snoop Dogg and Lady Gaga, and eats a few Bugles himself.
• Clown Watch: Visitors to the Iowa State Fair will have to do without Bobo the racist, sexist, angry dunk-tank clown.
• Rick wonders how, exactly, one can “lose” the Grand Canyon.
• Dawn and Rick recap Mad Men, during which Rick feels vindicated regarding his loathing of Betty Draper.

• What is Kombucha? Why do people drink it? Why are there so many goddamned hippies in this town?
• Also: Rick's wife is a Kombucha drinker; he implies he might bring some to sample on Thursday.
• Lady GaGa comes to Portland -- we discuss her numerous merits; we also discuss the people who loathe her.

• Dawn and Rick's Mad Men recap, during which it's discovered that Rick is, again, a jerk.
• Another installment of "The Greatest Songs Ever Made" -- this time featuring Loretta Lynn.
• Joeseph Rose, Oregonian Traffic Reporter, fails to arrive for his guest slot. We choose to believe he got held up in traffic.

• Oregonian Music Editor Ryan White joins us for a whole heaping helping of music talk:
• What band should have died earlier for reasons of legend?
• Who deserves a comeback that hasn't gotten one?
• And -- he counts down his Top Five Songs for Brooding (and goddamn, are they depressing)

• Zac Efron is covered in crust. Really. Honestly.
• Our good friend "Big" Jim Willig pays us a visit; he talks about his thwarted attempt to open for Gilbert Gottfried, his career as a porn-store clerk, and how KUFO broke the news of his firing.

• Listener Andy weighs in on what he should be called now that he's no longer home-schooled.
• Listener Brock gives his review of Winnebago Man.
• We count down the Top Five songs from June 25th, 1977 -- most of them terrible.
• And Rick endeavors to locate some "happy-sounding" music to accompany Dawn's upbeat stories. This mainly involves playing circus themes and joking about how Dawn will be raped and killed by a clown brigade.

• We count down the Top Five Songs Dawn Uses to Put Herself in a Good Mood
• We suffer together through the worst movie trailer in the history of the world
• We roll through fantastic Clown, Taser, and Penis Watches
• And we receive an altogether-unexpected call from listener Kaleb

• Dan Haneckow from Powell's Books joins us to talk about the best "young adult" fiction that older readers should be reading. [Complete list coming later today. -Rick]
• A strange penis watch, centered around none other than Brett Favre.
• Rick and Dawn have a quasi-argument about -of all things- the comedy of Gallagher.
• Aaron Mesh from Willamette Week says the name "Brian Boitano" 17 times in one phone call.
• Dawn vents her convenience store rage.

• Today's installment of "Dawn Taylor's Overshare" features the revelation that she once made out with a close relative. How were they related? Listen...learn...shudder...share.
• We count down the Top Five Songs from 1985...all of which are terrible.
• PLUS: Rick unveils a fantastic idea for a non-lethal police weapon
• AND: a double Snuff Watch
• ALSO: The entire show fails right out of the gate and has to be restarted. Awesome.

• We recap Sunday night's episode of Mad Men
• Rick announces his decision to quite watching True Blood
• Rick describes his compulsory attendance at a weekend baby shower
• Aaron Duran presents the latest Week in Geek

• We count down the Top Five Ballads that Ruined a Band
• Author Bill Carter tells gripping tales of life in a war zone
• Pop Culture Authority asks (and answers) the question, "What is a phantom clown?"
• And...Dawn reveals that she once used -while in the company of a male companion- Close Up Toothpaste as a sexual aid. Wackiness did not ensue. Burning, however, ensued greatly.

• Rick recaps his small acting stint on Leverage; Dawn alternates between laughing at Rick's rube-like behavior and openly mocking his rube-like behavior.
• Dawn shares her Top Five Live Concerts of all Time.
• And the program begins with a cringe-inducing doctor-visit story.

• Kelly Clarke from Willamette Week talks about her father's bald head...and its six appearances on Leverage.
• Greg Nibler shares his own thoughts about the Leverage taping experience...and how he cam to be sitting next to John Schneider.
• The "Is it insulting to compare Cheryl to Peggy on Mad Men" debate continues. And long after Rick apologized, I might add.
• Does anyone really need a six-blade razor?

• Dawn Taylor's startling revelation about Star Trek!
• Rick's neurotic, OCD preparations for his Leverage taping
• A Snuff Watch from right here in Portland, Oregon
• Our latest installment of Aaron Duran's Week in Geek
• The Oregonian's Ryan White talks Jimmy Buffett, Menomena, and Ween

• The Top Five Songs Rick Always Seems to Hear Playing in a WinCo
• Taser Watch
• Penis Watch
• (Yet another) Gore Watch, this one featuring the phrase "I need you to take care of...this."

• A protracted discussion about the relative angles and velocity at which a taser shoots its prongs into a tasee. To wit: how is it possible to hit someone in both the groin and ankle?
  
  
• A great interview with Dave Howell of Avatron Software, who talks about what it's like to work for Steve Jobs, how Apple employees are different than/similar to Microsoft employees, the most useless app he's ever seen, and what computers will look like in ten years. PLUS: Rick works in a reference to the late, great Enter magazine.
  
  
• We count down the Top Five Songs about Computers It was awesome.
  
  
• A montage of classic computer commercials from the 80s.
  
  
• And we try to determine what flavor BBQ potato chips actually are.
  
  

• The Top Five Soundtracks far Better than the Films from which They Came
• Dawn's Triple Feature: Films that take place in dreams
• We interview Rob and Stacy of The Secret Aardvark Trading Company
• A double Geek Watch
• Is the Jitterbug really the phone for Dawn? Rick calls the company to find out.
• Dawn defends the burqa; Rick grumpily lectures her; wackiness ensues.
• And there's a refrigerator the size of Wyoming in the studio. No one knows why.
  

• Dawn's OCD prevents her from eating a piece of toast.
• Alex Ilica of Viso has phone issues, deletes his "appointments" list, misses his interview on the show, calls to apologize, and can't do so...because his new phone isn't working.
• A Bristol Palin story sends Dawn into inexplicable rage.
• Even by Corpse Watch standards, today's story is unsettling...largely because of the visual aid.

• Aaron Mesh of Willamette Week joins us to discuss the best hamburgers in Portland.
• We count down the Top Five Jim Steinman Songs (Not Performed by Meat Loaf).
• And a series of callers report sightings of a new, back-in-the-bottle, Viso flavor.

• Rick discusses his most recent audition for Leverage, which isn't at all made awkward by the fact that Leverage creator/head writer John Rogers will be a guest on Tuesday's show.
• Aaron Duran of GeekInTheCity.com joins us to discuss all that is happening in the work of nerdality and pop-culture happenings.
• Galen Huckins of Filmusik talks about their latest project, a live re-creation of the classic film Gulliver's Travels.
• We count down the Top Five Lame Songs About Drugs

....34,000 lbs. of ground beef recalled … Senate head wants to put kibosh on immigrant bill … Grand jury clears cop of shooting death … Oregon Aquarium rescues sea otter … Fake interview leads to Bieber boycott … Wired accused of protecting WikiLeaks founder … Science: We still have the same medical problems as 100 years ago, FDA warns against “sexual enhancement” drinks, tornado hits Arkansas … Minimum wage goes up in January … Porn producers offer to help out Octomom … Ryan Seacrest isn’t engaged....